Kate was uncomfortable despite being sprawled out in her bed, the only place she had full privacy and was really able to get comfortable at this stage of her pregnancy. The baby was now at her 39th week in utero and Kate was in disbelief that she could arrive any time. The lack of knowing exactly when her waters would break was driving her mad; she was anxious to hold her daughter in her arms and more than a little scared about how she'd make it through labor, wanting to project confidence so Caroline didn't regret taking this leap with her.
Caroline had been manufacturing all kinds of excuses to work from home all week to make sure Kate wasn't alone as she wanted to be there when Kate's waters broke. She, too, was anxious about watching her wife go through the pain of labor but at the same time was equally excited about finally getting to hold their daughter. If Kate were honest, Caroline's constant hovering over her the past few days was also making her crazy.
Caroline's eyes popped open when she felt the mattress move as Kate tried to get a little more comfortable. Without a concern about what hour of the day it was, she rolled over and looked into her wife's soulful brown eyes; she recognized the exhaustion and pain in them. "Did you get any sleep?"
"A little," she responded as she tried to put on a brave smile for Caroline's benefit.
"Back pain again?" Caroline curled into Kate and began leisurely stroking her belly.
"How'd you guess?" She put a hand over Caroline's and moved it to where the baby was stretching; she'd been active for about the last half hour.
"I can see it in your eyes. Why don't you take a soak in the bath while I go make you some breakfast. If you play your cards right I'll even serve it to you in bed?"
"How about breakfast first?"
"Your wish is my command," she said as she rose to find her robe. She returned from the en suite with a heating pad she plugged in and handed to Kate hoping it would give her some relief until she returned.
As Kate nibbled on her toast and poached eggs, Caroline fired up her laptop to check her work emails. Before long, she closed the computer and placed it on the floor beside the bed, turning to study her wife. "Want me to run that bath for you now?"
"Shouldn't you be going to the office? Isn't today your monthly department head meeting?" Kate wasn't exactly anxious to be home alone but at the same time she didn't want Caroline fussing over her all day.
"I suggested my deputy take it as he's going to be stepping up as soon as my leave begins. Besides, there is nothing big going on right now, everything is ticking over. Come on, I'll scrub your back for you."
Not long after Kate was settled into the tub, Caroline heard the house phone ring and went to answer it, happy to find Celia on the other end of the line inquiring about Kate and whether they needed anything. She realized Celia seemed to be calling daily for updates and truly believed it was out of concern; it was a welcome development since Caroline had feared she might not show much interest in the baby. As she hung up the receiver, she heard Kate emit a low moan before uttering a few choice swear words. She double-timed it back into the bathroom.
"Kate, what is it? Are you alright?"
"I think my waters just broke," came the excited reply.
She helped Kate stand and pulled the plug to drain the tub and turned on the shower to give Kate a quick rinse off. She helped her dress and then before Kate had time to catch her breath she whisked her off to the hospital. Within an hour of climbing into the tub, Kate found herself in a birthing room, hooked up to a fetal heart rate monitor.
For as fast as the last hour moved, the next four hours seemed to pass more slowly than Kate or Caroline could have ever imagined. Kate's energy levels were flagging and she was worn out from all her contractions. Caroline was exhausted physically as well but somehow managed to keep control of her emotions enough to support Kate and keep her spirits up as much as possible.
"I'm not sure how much longer I can do this," Kate confessed as Caroline ceased giving her shoulders a massage. Up to this point she had massaged her neck, feet, head and hands during breaks in her contractions; she felt the need to physically connect with Kate at every turn so she wouldn't doubt her commitment to being by her side as they welcomed their daughter into the world. Kate seemed to welcome the ministrations and marveled at how comfortable Caroline had grown being so demonstrative in front of the medical staff.
"You, my darling girl, can do it. You're almost there, eight centimeters down and the last two could be done anytime now," Caroline said in an effort to soothe her wife; she understood the exhaustion as she remembered it from her own childbirth experiences.
"I couldn't do this without you," Kate confessed as she gave her wife a weak but grateful smile. "Thank you."
"The moment I met you I could tell you could do anything you set your mind to. Your quiet inner strength was apparent from the get-go," Caroline began in response as she swallowed hard to move the emotional lump that was overtaking her throat. She realized the time was right to share something deeply personal with Kate, something she was always too embarrassed to tell her before, yet wanted her to know. "I fell in love with you the second I looked into your eyes and I've been falling ever since. I should have told you before but from that moment on, I would daydream about having you as my partner."
"That was like four years ago and you were married to John back then," Kate responded incredulously.
"Yeah. It was. It wasn't just daydreams though. I would often dream about you at night, too. I used to worry I'd say your name in my sleep and John would twig on. You were all I could think about even though I wasn't free and could only admire you from afar. Do you have any idea what it was like to be your boss all those years and have to try not to tip my hand that I had feelings for you?" She moved to the seat beside Kate and took her hands in her own.
"Oh, Caroline," was all Kate could manage as tears welled up in her eyes.
"I think Beverley figured out I had feelings for you even though I thought I was hiding them pretty well. Did you ever notice how she seemed to always arrange for us to sit together or across from each other at meetings?"
"I often wondered why my place card was always by yours. I hadn't thought much about it until the day I realized that Michael Dobson was always as far away from you as possible."
"That was definitely Beverley looking out for his best interests as much as mine. She knew if he were within throttling distance of me the temptation might be too great." Kate laughed and Caroline was relieved to see her looking more relaxed and perky than a few minutes before.
"When John helpfully had his midlife crisis, I was secretly relieved to finally have an excuse to get out of my marriage. All I wanted was to get closer to you but I was also more than a little fearful because of how in love I was with you; more so than I ever was with anyone before."
Kate dropped Caroline's hand to reach for a Kleenex to blow her nose; her hormones, mixed with Caroline's confession, were wreaking havoc with her emotions. Tossing the used tissue on the bedside table, she looked back into her wife's glistening eyes.
"So there I was, desperately smitten with you, trying hard to keep my cool, while stumbling about trying to figure out how I could get closer to you without risking looking like a love-struck schoolgirl, especially if you weren't interested." Caroline's flow was suddenly cut short by another contraction; Kate's monitor was connected to the nurses' station and within a few seconds of the contraction starting, the nurse was by her side checking on her progress.
"You're now at nine centimeters. Shouldn't be much longer." Anxious to have the nurse leave them alone so Caroline could finish her story, Kate declined her offer for more ice chips and thanked her.
As soon as the nurse was on the other side of the closed door, Kate turned to look at the steadfast baby blue eyes where she recognized the most profound sense of wonder. She teased her, "So you were saying?"
"If it hadn't been for you realizing I needed someone to talk with, I'm not sure how I would have maneuvered getting close to you. You know how socially inept I am." Caroline leaned in and gave Kate a quick kiss to deepen their physical connection. She was concerned another contraction was going to hit at any time and she wouldn't get a chance to finish her story, let alone seal her confession with a kiss.
"I had no clue. I assumed you were as straight as an arrow," Kate responded. "When you suddenly seemed more circumspect than usual I could tell something was wrong and that's when I reached out to you. I really didn't have an ulterior motive other than to help you through your upheaval with John."
"Thank God you did. That day you called me out in my garden for being so self-centered was more than fair. But there was more going on than you knew. I never explained that part of why I never asked you many personal questions was because I had imagined so much about you and what I thought our life together would be like I thought I knew all about you. Your pushing back made me realize I came off as all about me when I didn't mean to. It was just me being socially inept."
"Caroline, I had no idea, especially after you dumped me in your office a few days before," Kate said as she reached for another tissue.
"Your endless supply of empathy made it easy for me to talk about myself, and my needs, something I'd never really been able to do with anyone before. And then before I knew it, I somehow found myself kissing you and you kissing me back. It frightened me as much as it excited me. Have you ever wanted something so much that you were suddenly fearful of getting it? You have no idea how long I had dreamt of doing that exact thing and then suddenly my biggest fear was that you would push me away. I think that's why I tried to push you away first, to avoid being hurt. Being hurt by John I could take, but not by you." Kate raised her hand to caress her wife's cheek; she was awestruck by her wife's words.
"A couple of questions spring to mind," Kate said with a lilt to her voice as she finally gave up trying to contain her tears. "First, had Celia not gone missing would you have reconsidered and, second, were you ever going to tell me any of this?"
"From the moment you left to go teach 9F that day I knew I'd made a mistake pushing you away. I just needed to screw up enough courage to take the leap. As for the other part, I was just waiting until you were a captive audience with your mind a little distracted so you couldn't interrupt me too much when I was telling you," she teased as she wiped her eyes to blot away the tears that had formed and were beginning to fall.
"Oh," Kate began as she felt a warmth wash over her and down into her soul from Caroline's words. She knew that sharing the birth of their child would be a bonding experience but she had no idea it would bring out this deep of a conversation.
Suddenly so many things she felt but didn't know for sure fell into place and she found a peace from the knowledge that the depth of her love for Caroline matched her own as she too was drawn to her and consumed by thoughts of her from the moment they first shook hands. Before she could speak again, another contraction began, this one more intense than any of the others, and suddenly time started moving very quickly once again and didn't slow down until Flora was in her arms and Caroline was cutting her cord.