A story for rikway and girlofthearts on Tumblr.

Uncle Fabrice had died, because of course he had died. Honestly, Lovino shouldn't have expected anything different. This was just Lovino's life.

Antonio sighed deeply, looking out the window. He kept casting concerned looks at Lovino. Eyebrows all together. Lip all pouty.

"Fucking assholes can't drive," Lovino said, trying to make conversation.

"Oh, Lovino," Antonio sighed, a slight whimper to his voice.

"Holy shit, Fabrice wasn't even my uncle by blood."

"Aren't funerals so sad? You always get so sad." Antonio shook his head. "It's so sad. Remember Fabrice? He baked that—that, ah, pie."

Lovino snorted. "I don't get sad. You get sad, and you project on me. Hell, Fabrice is the one who asked you to carry his bags into my grandfather's house like you were a servant. Why would I be fucking sad he's dead?"

Antonio let out another sigh, reached out, and gave Lovino's shoulder a squeeze. "I'm here for you."

"Oh my God."

…

It was a shitty grave yard. Lovino stood in between Antonio, who had wrapped an arm around him and cemented it there, and Feliciano, who was sobbing into his hands.

And Ludwig was there. Fucking Ludwig.

"Lovino—"

"For the last time, no, I do not have any tissues."

"No, Lovino!" Feliciano pointed, tears evaporating. "It's a dog!"

"What?" Lovino looked around. "That's a fucking bear."

"Lovino," Antonio hissed, "be respectful! No swearing!"

"Shi—sorry. Antonio, look at that dog." Lovino pointed. "Look, it's a bear."

Ludwig leaned closer. "That's a newfoudland."

Lovino scowled at him. "That's a bear."

Feliciano had his hands over his mouth. "It's so cute!"

Lovino looked back at the dog. It was tied to a nearby tree, a woman standing nearby. The dog had its head on its paws, looking around. It was fucking massive.

"Why is it here?" Antonio asked.

Lovino shrugged. "It was probably Fabrice's. Fu—frick, I feel sorry for the poor bastard who gets stuck with that thing. Can you imagine taking that thing for a walk? It'd see a cat and drag you down the road."

Feliciano grinned. "I would totally take him on a walk!"

Ludwig leaned back towards them. "They're actually very easy to train. They're working dogs."

A woman standing in front of them turned, glowering. Lovino looked away, sending a quick apology to God.

Antonio smiled and gave a little wave. "Lovely weather," he whispered.

The woman's face turned red, and she pointed violently at the priest. Antonio gave a thumbs-up.

…

Lovino had ordered some eggs and toast. Feliciano had sent his food back three times, asking for change after change. Feliciano, Lovino thought, was the man whose food got spat in every restaurant he visited.

Lovino attempted to blow a smoke ring, but the wind snatched it away. It was a nice day; a shame to get buried and ruin everyone's afternoon. At least his grandfather had the mind to croak in the fall.

Lovino frowned and flicked his cigarette to the ground.

Fucking good of his grandfather.

Lovino ran a hand over his face, ended up with his fingers covering his mouth.

"Lovino!"

Lovino jumped and spun around. "Fuck, what?"

Feliciano was grinning. Lovino's heart sank.

"So, you know that dog?"

Lovino raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"

"Well, I guess Fabrice's daughter was stuck on who to give the dog to, so…"

Lovino rolled his eyes. "You're an idiot. That thing won't even fit through the door of your apartment."

Lovino smirked.

Feliciano crossed his arms.

Lovino frowned.

Feliciano waggled his eyebrows.

"You better have fucking not, Feliciano—"

Feliciano laughed. "I was just thinking, because you and Antonio have the house now—"

"Feliciano, what the fuck!? You think that's okay?! Just because you want the dog doesn't mean you can pawn it off to me to do all the work so you can visit once a fucking month!" Lovino felt his face heating up. "God you're such an asshole!"

Feliciano sighed, rolled his eyes. "Lovino—"

"Don't fucking Lovino me!"

…

"Careful," Lovino muttered, "you might break your back."

Antonio craned, trying to pet as much as the dog as possible. "Lovino, I'm making Cupcake comfortable."

"Yeah, but you're making me uncomfortable." Lovino glanced at the dog in the rearview mirror. "How much food do you think that thing eats in a week? A month?"

Antonio shrugged. "Well, I'm sure he can catch his own food. He's self-sufficient." Antonio nodded. "He's like a dog-windmill."

"What, catch a fucking deer?" Lovino shook his head. "Jesus. God, I can feel its breath on my neck and it's sitting three feet away from me."

"His name is Cupcake, Lovino."

"No." Lovino gripped the steering wheel.

"It's either Cupcake or Strawberry."

Lovino's head shot back. "Says who?"

"Cupcake. He told me."

"What, you're the Dog Whisperer now?"

Antonio leaned over, putting his chin on Lovino's shoulder. "Yes."

Lovino burst out laughing. "Get off of—" He jerked the steering wheel.

Cupcake retched.

It took several seconds for Lovino's brain to connect the sound, to the dog, to the driving, to the custom leather seating, to vomit.

Lovino yelled, yanked the wheel. "Do not vomit!"

Cupcake gagged again.

…

Lovino watched from the doorway, arms crossed.

Antonio crouched in front of the car, trying to coax Cupcake out. He was too big to drag out—not that Lovino's seats needed anymore destruction.

Cupcake whined.

Antonio nodded. "Come on. Come on, it's okay. Come on."

Cupcake's whine turned into an honest-to-God groan. He pushed his muzzle into his paws, foam coating his mouth and Lovino's seats. He looked, Lovino thought, like a very miserable dog.

Antonio stood, stretched, cracked his back. "I'm afraid he's going to have to live in your car."

"Well, he better fucking clean up his vomit, then," Lovino hissed.

Antonio sighed. "Hey, I have to head off to work—"

Lovino waved a hand. "Yeah, I know. No worries. I'm just gonna' bring this fucking bear to the pound, no big deal."

Antonio walked over to Lovino and gave him a hug. "I love you."

Lovino stared past Antonio's shoulder at the dog. "Love you, too."

…

Cupcake whined. Lovino looked at him, blowing smoke.

"I have to hand it to you," Lovino said, flicking ash, "I admire you. Three hours sitting in your own vomit. Not food or water or even comfort will move you from my car. You've thoroughly ruined my car's seats."

Cupcake looked up at Lovino. His ear flicked. He whined, a long, high-pitched whine. He sighed, whole body moving like a mountain.

Lovino nodded. "Sucks. Doesn't it?"

Cupcake didn't answer.

"One day, they're walking around, the next? They're dead."

Lovino watched his cigarette burn down to his fingers.

"I don't blame you." Lovino nodded. "You can stay in the car. You probably don't even know what happened to him. You think Fabrice just left you."

Cupcake's ear twitched again.

The sun was setting, lighting the clouds on fire. Lovino looked over his car and Cupcake, watched the clouds turn black. Watched his breath billow in front of him, lit up with the porch light.

"Sometimes, it feels like he did."

Cupcake slid from the car, paws scraping on the asphalt. He collapsed next to Lovino, head on his paws. Lovino stared.

Not Antonio. Lovino was the fucking dog whisperer.

Slowly, Lovino reached out. Placed his hand on Cupcake's head.

"You have vomit on your head."

Cupcake licked his nose.

Lovino nodded. "You want a bath?"

…

Lovino opened the door. Cupcake shook himself again.

"This is where Antonio and I sleep. He works nights, so it's just going to be you and me." Lovino put his hands on his hips. "You're too big for our bed, but I can make you a makeshift bed."

The hall closet hadn't been opened in years.

Lovino took a deep breath and tried to open the door, but it was one of those that folded in on itself, but there were blankets behind the fucking fold, so Lovino ended up having to kick shit back to get the God damn door open.

A baseball bat fell out. Lovino didn't even know someone who played baseball.

The hall closet had been designated the "spare blanket and pillow" closet by his grandfather, who hadn't bothered to clean it. It was more of a void, but it only took five minutes to pull out the blanket his grandfather had spilled wine on.

Lovino folded the blanket and threw it in the corner.

He pointed. "That's your bed."

Cupcake whined.

"Look, I know it's not great, but it's the best I can do, right now. We're going to get you a bed tomorrow." Lovino frowned.

Cupcake was at least one-seventy, with huge paws. Lovino could fucking ride the dog.

"You might be too big for a bed from the store. But we'll get you toys. And food."

Cupcake whined again.

"Ah."

Lovino walked downstairs. It sounded like a child was tumbling down the stairs behind him. Thunk-thunk-thunk.

There wasn't any dog food, but Lovino found some of Antonio's "leftovers he was going to bring to work, he swears" and threw it in a bowl. He found another bowl and filled it with water.

Cupcake watched him, drool spiraling down from his mouth.

"There."

The food was gone in three bites.

"Holy shit."

Cupcake turned towards the water, but water dripped out the sides of his mouth, sloshing on the floor.

"No," Lovino whispered.

Lovino got a towel.

Cupcake tried to eat the towel.

…

Lovino opened his eyes to a nose.

A whine, hot breath in Lovino's face. The whine turned into a groan.

"Excuse me?"

Cupcake yawned.

"You are on the bed and you are in my face with your stinking breath."

Lovino shoved Cupcake's face, but the dog was just too damn big, and the dog's head ended up right back in Lovino's face. Another whine.

Lovino threw his hands in the air. "I guess I'm up now!"

Cupcake's tongue left his mouth. If Lovino were to imagine how a person feels right before they get runover—everything slow motion—it would be like seeing Cupcake's tongue descend toward him.

Cupcake licked Lovino's face.

Lovino yelled.

Antonio groaned next to him. "I just got in, Lovino, be quiet."

"Your dog just assaulted my face!"

Antonio snored.

Cupcake blinked, panting. Something wacked against the end of the bed, and Lovino realized with horror that it was Cupcake's tail. Cupcake hopped up, stepping off the bed onto the ground. That's how fucking big he was—the bed was just a stair to him.

Lovino stood, cracked his back.

Cupcake boofed softly.

"I'm coming."

Thunk-thunk -thunk.

Lovino followed behind.

Lovino was just pouring his first cup of coffee when the doorbell rang.

"Oh, for the love of—"

The door slammed open. "Lovino!"

Lovino closed his eyes.

Feliciano bounded into the kitchen. "Oh, there's the cute puppy. Oh, oh, hello, cute puppy, cute, cute puppy." He bent over, held his hand out. "Oh, cute, large puppy!"

"Ever hear of being let in?"

Feliciano laughed and hopped over to Lovino. "Hey, don't be a fuckin' grump, Lovino."

Cupcake growled and stood.

Feliciano froze. Lovino stared at the dog. Cupcake switched his attention to Lovino, and his tail wagged, fur swinging.

Feliciano pouted. "Aw, puppy—"

Cupcake's tail stopped wagging.

Lovino laughed. Feliciano swatted his arm. Cupcake growled.

"Did you teach him to growl at me?"

"How the fuck could I teach him to growl at you in one night?" Lovino snapped. "Maybe you shouldn't hit me."

Feliciano shook his head. "You're so rude. I got you a dog and you teach him to hate me!" Feliciano crossed his arms. "Honestly, Lovino."

"I'm really not in the mood—"

"You're never in the mood to joke around!"

Lovino gripped the counter behind him. "Feliciano."

Cupcake boofed, drool dripping to the floor.

Feliciano looked from the dog to Lovino. "Fine." Feliciano shrugged. "Sorry about the dog. Go mope." He turned away. "It's only been six months, what's another six?"

The door slammed shut.

Lovino sank to the floor.

Cupcake shuffled over and sniffled at him. Lovino nodded. Cupcake turned, and for a second, Lovino though he was going to walk away.

Cupcake sat on him.

Lovino yelled.

Someone tumbled down the stairs. Well, Lovino knew who it was, but he couldn't see because there was a mountain sitting on his lap. Drooling on his foot.

"Did you just fall down the fucking stairs, you idiot?"

There was a pause. "I thought you didn't like the dog?"

Lovino reached around and wiggled Cupcake's jowls.

"Clean my vomit up, Antonio!"

Antonio laughed, and Lovino hugged Cupcake. He was warm and large and panting. Lovino closed his eyes, listening to Antonio start to make breakfast.