(To the tune of Chopin's Funeral March): No money yet, not Rowling yet, don't you think if I were I'd do something else...

Harry woke up feeling the girl next to him stirring. The sun had moved quite a bit and he thought it was possibly around lunchtime. She had a death grip on one of his hands, and he could see her eyes fluttering open. She looked up at him with the most open look he'd ever seen on anyone.

She smiled.

"Harry Potter, you make a very good pillow."

He squeezed her hand, released it, and stretched. "Want to take a walk?"

She gazed off into space for a few seconds, then smiled even wider. "I think I would enjoy that, Harry Potter".

They stood up, and sauntered over to the lake. All of the swimmers had long abandoned the lake for something warmer – even with warming charms, it was the end of November, and eventually they got tired of having to continually recast. The BeethovenBirds had switched to the second movement of the Pathetique Sonata, which provided a pastoral backdrop to the still beautiful day, though it looked as if a few high clouds were approaching. They sat down on a bench. The Giant Squid was out in the middle of the lake, splashing around, occasionally tossing a merperson up into the air. A soft "wheeeee!" could be heard in the distance, coming from the general direction of the merperson. Harry chuckled.

Luna fidgeted with her hands in her lap, looking out at the lake. They sat in companionable silence. She closed her eyes and hummed a little song to herself.

Harry smiled. "What are you singing, Luna?"

She hummed a couple more bars, and then said "It's a lullaby. My mum used to sing it to me."

"Used to?"

"She died when I was nine."

"I'm sorry."

She was quiet for a little while. "So am I, Harry Potter." She paused. "My father loved her. He adored her. When she died... he was never the same."

She played with the hem of her dress.

"I hope someday I find someone who adores me as much as my father adored my mother."

They sat in silence for a little longer. The squid had started juggling several merpeople, who apparently were having the time of their life. He turned to look at her. In profile, she looked like no less an angel. The bench was under a tree, but the sun was filtering through the leaves, causing spots of different sizes and intensities to shimmer over them as the leaves moved in the wind. Sadness was plain on her face, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.

Harry said nothing. He only lifted up an arm, and she accepted his invitation, snuggling into his side, with her head on his shoulder resting against his neck, and putting her legs on the bench. He played with her soft, blond hair, and a few moments later, he felt her shudder, and the tears started to flow. She cried quietly, tears running down her cheeks and splashing onto his shoulder.

Harry simply allowed her to cry.

After a few moments, the tears slowed to a trickle, and then stopped altogether. She wiped at her eyes with her arm, and then looked up at him.

"Thank you Harry Potter."

He smiled, and gently kissed her forehead, a gesture full of affection for his newfound friend. "I promise you will find what you are looking for, Luna. A pure heart such as yours is a treasure."

His stomach growled. She laughed, a musical, tinkly laugh that he thought he would like to hear more of. "Let's get lunch."

Harry agreed, he cast a drying charm on his shirt and conjured a tissue for her, and they walked back to the castle, two new but fast friends.

Scene Change

Harry sat down at the bench in the great hall, and Luna sat down at the Ravenclaw table, and both found themselves very hungry. Students were going in and out, eating food, enjoying their day off. Hermione walked into the great hall, and eyes downcast, walked up to Harry. She stood there for a few seconds, obviously trying hard to say something. Her lower lip was quivering.

"I'm sorry, Harry. I don't know how I could have ever thought... I won't stand in your way."

Harry looked at her, pure confusion on his face. "What are you talking about?"

She pointed at Luna. "You and... her. I won't stand in your way. I hope you're happy together." She choked off a sob and ran out of the room.

Harry sighed to himself. Was the moment when he stopped caring the moment when the entire world just turned upside down? He was going to have to have a talk with her.

But after lunch. The elves really had outdone themselves yet again.

Scene Change

Harry entered the common room after lunch, and he found Hermione sitting on one of the couches. She was staring off into space, and her cheeks were wet.

He sat down next to her. She did not move. He tried to think of what to say. Finally, he decided on the direct approach.

"Hermione, what is going on?"

She looked at the fireplace, avoiding Harry's eyes.

"Who was I kidding, Harry?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, me. With the frizzy hair and the know-it-all attitude and the books and this body... who was I kidding to think you could ever want me?"

Inwardly, a counter in Harry's head went ding and flipped to the number 2. The caption in his mind's eye said "Number of crying girls served".

Harry sighed. "There's nothing wrong your body. There's nothing wrong with your hair. There's nothing wrong with being smart. There's nothing wrong with you, Hermione, except you have so little self esteem that you'll look at a girl kissing me on the cheek and think that somehow it means we're shagging like rabbits on a lust potion."

"It didn't mean anything?"

"Of course it meant something, Hermione. Luna is my friend. She is a pure, sweet soul, who wanted to thank me for something I did that directly benefited her. And I can't promise that she won't touch me again, or that I won't touch her. But I'm fourteen and she's twelve. I'm not really thinking like that. I'm pretty sure she's not either. She's had a hard life, Hermione, and sometimes people who've had a hard life need someone to talk to, or someone to hug. I know from bloody experience! How could I deny that to her?"

Hermione just gazed at the coals pulsing with deep red.

"I don't know what's wrong with me, Harry. I don't know why I'm acting like this. I'm usually so logical and self-controlled, and then I think about how scared I am that I'm going to end up friendless and alone, and it terrifies me. I just lash out."

"You'll never be friendless, Hermione. Whether I end up with you, or Luna, or even Pansy" - both shuddered at the thought - "there will always be a place for you in my life. But you can't claim me. I don't belong to you, Hermione. And if you keep acting like this, I can't see it leading to anything good."

She watched the fire dancing in the fireplace.

"I have a lot to think about, Harry. Can you leave me alone for a while?"

Harry nodded. But before he left, he reached over and kissed her cheek. She smiled faintly and murmured her thanks, and he stood up and walked out of the room. But before he did so, he paused at the door.

"Hermione?"

"Yes, Harry?"

"If you ever slap me again, I'll slap you back, and I won't hold back. That one was free."

He left through the portrait hole. The tears started to flow again as she realized how much she bollocksed it up.

Scene Change

That evening saw everyone in the Great Hall, having enjoyed their day off (and a few Beauxbatons girls were walking funny, so it would seem that some enjoyed it more than others). Little did they know that several surprising things would happen that evening.

The head table had one addition, a witch that he had not seen before. She appeared to be in her early 20s, with bubblegum pink hair.

Surprising thing number one happened after Harry sat down and before Dumbledore did his traditional speech. Draco Malfoy walked up to him, wearing his formal robes. He stopped and stood in front of Harry.

"Potter, I wish to have a word."

Harry turned around and said, simply, "I'm listening, Malfoy."

"Potter, we are not friends. I do not think that we will ever be friends. But upon consideration, I have realized that you were not raised in the wizarding world, and thus that your slight upon me the first time we met was not intentional. Furthermore, I have come to realize that I have repaid you many times over for that slight. So I hereby formally request a truce between myself, scion of the House of Malfoy, and you, last surviving member of the House of Potter. This is not an alliance, nor is it a friendship, but at the very least, let's start over."

Harry thought it over for a bit. "I accept, Malfoy. Perhaps we have both grown some in the last three years."

Draco extended his hand, and Harry shook it. Draco then turned on his heel and walked back to his table, where the quiet, shocked queries of his housemates went unheeded for the time being.

Dumbledore smiled from the head table, and rang his goblet with his fork, as was his custom.

"Ah, young people, by your glowing faces I see that you have quiet enjoyed the day. Quite fortuitous that it was also a quite spectacular day for the end of November, wouldn't you say? I dare say the Giant Squid was having quite the day as well... ahh. Now for a few announcements.

"The Defense against the Dark Arts position will be taken up by Nymph... I mean, Tonks." he hastily corrected himself at her glare. "She is a recent graduate of Hogwarts and an Auror trainee, and the ministry has graciously agreed to give her a leave of absent while we find a permanent person to fill this role. I expect you to give her the same respect you would any other member of the Hogwarts staff.

"The position of Slytherin head of house will be taken up by Professor Vector. You will get to know her tonight. Professor Snape will continue teaching potions to fourth year and above, but I believe you will find these classes to be very educational. He will also be spending more time making medicinal potions for our own healer Pomfrey and St. Mungos.

"Remember, there is a mandatory house meeting in all four of your houses tonight. Be sure to attend. Tuck in!"

And with those words, food appeared on the tables and everyone started digging in.

After dinner, which was mostly uneventful, except for Fred and George attempting a prank, and finding themselves headed off at the pass by Dumbledore, who turned the prank back on them, they all walked back to their common room and settled down in chairs, waiting for McGonagall. She showed up at 7 PM on the dot, and commanded the presence of the room.

"Gryffindor House, we the teachers and faculty of Hogwarts would first like to offer an apology. We have not been fulfilling our duties. We have created an environment where bullying is rife and rampant, and where students – children – are left to fend for themselves. That is why we have decided to crack down on bullying and other forms of antisocial behavior."

A voice came from the back of the room "Finally, someone's telling those slimy snakes what's what!"

The professor stated forcefully, "Mr. Weasley! That will be fifty points from Gryffindor, and you will see me in my office after this meeting! Now sit down and shut up!"

She tool a moment to collect herself.

"Now, unlike what your classmate here seems to believe, all houses were affected by this behavior, including yours.

"Professor Dumbledore made the rules very clear at earlier, but for those of you that were not there, I will briefly recap. You are not required to like your fellow students, but you are required to treat them with respect. You will not draw your wand on them with intent to harm. You will not call them demeaning names, you will not steal or otherwise molest their property, and you will be civil to your peers at all times. We may go a little easy on you as far as punishments go while you adapt to these rules, but punishments will be up to and including calling your parents, suspension, expulsion, and in extreme cases, referral to law enforcement. We are not joking.

"I also recognize, on a personal note, that I have not been very accessible as your head of house. That will change.

"I will now open the floor to questions."

A fourth year student piped up. "Professor, are professors required to adhere to the same standards?"

McGonagall sighed. "Yes, they are. I know precisely about whom you are referring, and we have taken steps to rectify that problem. If you experience anything other than professionalism from any professor, please see me or the headmaster immediately. This does not mean that you can report them for just anything – we are still allowed and expected to keep order in the school – but it does mean that you will be treated in a respectful and civil manner at all times.

Angelina Johnson spoke up. "Professor, why now? I've been a part of Hogwarts for six years now and no one seemed to care. What happened?"

"I'm not at liberty to say. Let us leave it at this: I am and always have been in full support of these measures. Any other questions?"

The room was quiet.

"Alright, then. Meeting adjourned. Mr Weasley, come with me."

She and Ron left the room, her fingers twitching like they wanted to grab his ear.

Scene Change

Ron was standing in front of McGonagall in her office, as she was sitting behind her desk. She peered over he glasses at Ron, and then said, very slowly and deliberately, like she was trying to hold herself back from clocking him one, "Ronald.

"In all my years of teaching at this school, I have rarely met a student who is more proud of being utterly unaware of their environment as you. It takes a special kind of lack of awareness, Mr. Weasley, to make a comment about 'slimy snakes" in the midst of a house meeting – and moreso, a house meeting whose sole purpose was to announce that this kind of behavior was not to be tolerated. I know you were in the Great Hall when Professor Dumbledore stated that these changes were coming. Were you not listening?"

Ron looked confused. "I was eating."

'Well, that explains everything", McGonagall said, only half sarcastically.

"Mr. Weasley, I am going to give you this one and final warning. You will not speak against the Slytherins again. You will not call them 'slimy snakes', you will not call them "evil", you will not call them "dark lords in training", you will treat them with the same respect that you would your own housemates."

Ron looked angry. "But-"

"If you do not heed my warning", McGonagall spoke over him, "There will not be detentions, as detentions have proven to be completely ineffective with someone as intractable as you. No, I will go right to calling your mother, and if it proves to be impossible for her to curb your behavior, you will be suspected and/or expelled. Am I clear, Mr. Weasley?"

He nodded.

"Yes or no, Mr. Weasley."

"Yes", he mumbled.

"Alright then. Dismissed. Off with you."

Ron left her office, thoroughly cowed. Mcgonagall thought it might be a good idea to make sure that Molly and Arthur were aware of the new rules anyway, and got some parchment and a quill. She also thought she would do so to warn Molly that sending howlers were also a violation of the new rules, and to let her know in no uncertain terms that that would no longer be acceptable.

Scene Break

Near the forbidden forest, the MozartBirds and the BeethovenBirds faced off, as large groups. One bird of each variety stepped out of the crowd of brightly colored birds, and stared at each other.

The BeethovenBird chirped the four note theme to his fifth symphony.

The MozartBird whistled the melody to the Sonata in C Major.

The BeethovenBird whistled a few bars of the Emperor Concerto.

The MozartBird whistled a few bars of the Marriage of Figaro Overture.

The BeethovenBird sang the chorus from Hallelujah at the Mount of Olives.

The MozartBird charged the BeethovenBird and there was a huge fight. All of the different birds sang a cacophony of different motifs from their different composers, and it was a huge racket. A light in Hagrid's hut came on and curses could be heard coming from there as Fang started barking.

The ChopinBird was ready with a funeral march for the loser.

A/N Several things. First off, reviews seem to be broken and FF seems to be asleep at the wheel. I am getting emails with your reviews but I cannot reply to them and they're not showing up. I have no idea when it's going to be fixed. I am still reading them as they come in, and I'll reply as appropriate.

Secondly, while nearly all of the reviews I've received have been either complementary (thanks) or constructive (thanks), I received one today that called a joke I did in the third chapter "stupid". So here's the deal. I have a surrealist sense of humor. I think it's the height of humor to intersperse movie quotes, etc., into dialog and treat them as if they were just normal. Some may not agree. To them, I say – why the hell are you reading this? Go find something else more to your liking. I write for me and for those who appreciate my style of writing. Just for that, I might make it a plot point. I stick my tongue out at those who don't like it. I marked this "humor" for a reason, even if it's subtle. I take the story seriously, but not that seriously. And if you do, just go, for everyone's sake, including yours, alright?

Otherwise, thanks for reading. I have some interesting things planned.

Read? Like? Review. Read? Suggestion for improvement? Review. Read? Think it's stupid? Find something you like better.

Update: 7/23/16: Added some descriptive detail, spelling fixes, a few non story affecting changes.