Anonymous said : Could I request Spamano with "I'm ready to begin my journey with a full-fledged erection and a heart of ambition."? Thank you! (:

"I'm ready to begin my journey with a heart of ambition."

Lovino sighed deeply, dragging his eyes away from his clipboard. "I know you've been a janitor here for like, a year…" Lovino looked him up and down, pursing his lips. "Trust me, it's not really that exciting."

Antonio grinned, hooking his thumbs into the loops of his pants. "It's not every day I get promoted by the cutest—"

Lovino coughed. "Look, all you just need to go to this location and pick up the package. It's down the stairs to your left. Whatever is there, just bring it to the address. You know where the parking garage is, so go there and get a car. Text me when you leave.

"What am I, ah…" Antonio smiled. "Picking up?"

Lovino shrugged. "I don't fucking know, whatever the person ordered online. Go." Lovino handed Antonio the form. "Initial this before you give it to the guy."

Antonio saluted, grinning like an asshole. "Right, yes.

Antonio turned and left Lovino's office. Just as on the day of hire, his pants were just a little too tight. Lovino had trouble returning his attention to the clipboard until Antonio had fully left the room.

Business was as it usually was. Sales were up, packages were arriving on time—but Lovino couldn't get his mind off Antonio. And, frankly, Lovino wondered if it was nepotism that he had promoted Antonio. Surely, a drunken kiss didn't count as—

"Um, Lovino?"

Lovino started, throwing his pen across the room. "I wasn't thinking of…" Lovino blinked. "What the fuck is that?"

Antonio looked down. "Ah, the package?"

Lovino pointed. "That's a baby."

Antonio nodded. "Right, yes. I gave my slip to the guy, and he gave me this box with holes in it, but I could hear something rolling around in there, so I opened it in the hallway—"

"That's against protocol," Lovino said absently, staring at the baby.

"Oh, well, I opened it and there was this baby. What do I feed her, because there was nothing in the box besides…"

Lovino pointed again. "Besides the baby?"

Antonio held her out. "Yes."

The baby blinked at Lovino, and Lovino scooted a little farther away in his chair. The baby smiled. Lovino scooted back some more.

"Gross," Lovino whispered.

Antonio bounced the baby on his hip. "Right, so I was just wondering what I should feed her. Unless you have formula? Or, a corporate card…?" Antonio's voice raised hopefully.

"I don't even have a corporate card." Lovino held his hands out. "I need to see that."

Antonio grinned. He walked over and placed the baby on Lovino's desk. Lovino lifted the baby's arm.

"Does it have a tag anywhere?"

Antonio shook his head. "No, I didn't see one."

"Was there a slip in the box? Anything?" Lovino checked the baby's diaper. "Fuck."

Antonio cooed at the baby.

Lovino glared. "Stop that. Well, I guess you're just going to have to deliver the package. I can probably go into my system and figure out why the fuck we made a baby." Lovino wiggled his mouse.

"What should we name her?"

Lovino raised an eyebrow. "Listen, that's just a package. You wouldn't name a bowling ball, would you?" Lovino clicked through the most recent processed orders. "Right, right…"

Antonio held up the baby and rubbed their noses together. "The cutest bowling ball."

Lovino frowned, crossing his legs under him. The computer wasn't giving him anything useful. Lovino switched his attention to the baby. "I guess our factory made a baby. I… guess that's something our factory can do. Stop rubbing your damn nose against it, you're going to get it sick."

Antonio smiled, but replaced the baby on his hip. "So, where are we bringing her?"

Lovino rubbed his eyes. "Every order sent to our factory has a location attached to it. Some wingnut didn't put the information into the computer. So, we're going to have to track down the original order that was mailed to us."

"Oh, that sounds easy! Where is the original order?"

Lovino ran a hand over his face.

…

Lovino threw open the doors. "This godforsaken place in the archives. You're a lucky bastard that you never had to clean this crypt."

Antonio bounced the baby. The baby let out a squeal, and it echoed around the warehouse. Somehow, the shelves carried the sound further, into the dark recesses of the ceiling, into the shadows just around the edges.

"I know," Antonio said, "it's spooky in here, isn't it, Bowling Ball?"

"Stop calling it that." Lovino put his hands on his hips. "The question becomes what you would classify a 'baby' as. Something having to do with… the home?"

"What?"

Lovino waved a hand and started walking. "This place is like a library. It's organized by category, then alphabetically, and then by date."

The baby babbled, blowing a raspberry.

Lovino shot the baby a look. "Of course, we don't usually make babies. We're going to try home first. I cannot believe that your very first package you get as my delivery person is a fucking baby." Lovino turned down the aisle. "Right. Find the Bs."

Antonio nodded, looking around with wide eyes. "These sure are some tall shelves."

"We are a very busy company." Lovino stopped. "Look, there's the box. Grab it."

When Antonio didn't immediately obey his order, Lovino looked over. Antonio was holding out the baby. Lovino stared, took a step back.

"What?"

Antonio smiled and tilted the baby back and forth. "Well, how can I look and take care of Bowling Ball?"

Lovino leaned away. "It's bonded with you."

"She can bond with you too." Antonio continued to tilt the baby back and forth. "She's not a baby bird. I'll still come back for her if you get your scent on her."

Lovino curled his lips. "I don't like kids. My brother is the one who likes kids."

"I'm not asking you to adopt her, silly, I'm asking you to hold her for like, three seconds." Antonio walked forward with her, pressed the baby against Lovino's chest. "Lovino, I'm going to drop the baby in three seconds. You are—"

"Alright, alright," Lovino snapped. He gingerly took the baby, holding her flush against his chest. Her nose pressed against his chin. "She's snotting on me."

Antonio grabbed the box and pulled it down. "Mhm."

The baby blew a raspberry again, and Lovino could feel the snot and spit hit his skin. "Oh my God."

The baby reached up and grabbed a fistful of Lovino's hair.

"Antonio, Antonio she's grabbing my hair!" Lovino tried to maneuver Bowling Ball to his side, taking her fist in his own and trying to avoid a bald spot. "Antonio, you have to take her back."

Antonio sat on his ass and began to file through the manila folders.

"Antonio!"

Lovino sat next to Antonio, gently removing the hand from his hair, placing the baby on his lap. She looked at him, eyes wide and brown. Hair in soft curls. She blinked at him, opened her mouth, smiled.

Lovino looked away, looked at Antonio. "I remember when my brother was a baby. Not well, but like, enough. He cried a lot, but it didn't take much to make him laugh."

Antonio looked over. "My brother and I didn't live together. I was pretty much an only child in everything but name. I like kids. I used to want to be a kindergarten teacher, actually."

"So you became a janitor?"

Antonio laughed. "Things don't always work out. I knew I liked little kids, but I also knew I liked getting into fights."

"So?" Lovino scoffed. "My brother was a manslut in high school, but look, he's a manager at a Fortune Five Hundred company." Bowling Ball fussed, and Lovino bounced her up and down.

Antonio's hands slowed in his search. "Lovino?"

"This baby has a lot of hair." Lovino continued to bounce Bowling Ball. "You are a hairy baby. A hairy package. A hairy bowling ball."

Bowling Ball smiled.

"What if we can't find an address?"

…

Lovino placed the diapers and formula on the kitchen table. "You," he said loudly, turning and pointing, "are sleeping on the couch."

Antonio rocked the baby. "Bo can't sleep on the couch."

"I didn't say she was sleeping with you." Lovino crossed his arms. "She's sleeping with me. In the bed."

Antonio grinned.

Lovino scowled. "Stop."

Antonio did not stop grinning.

Lovino hunched his shoulders. "Stop."

"You like Bowling Ball, don't you?" Antonio did a little dance. "I knew it."

"I don't," Lovino whisper-yelled. "But I can't spend another three hours in that fucking archive. I'm going to make dinner quick, sleep, and then the both of us are going right the fuck back and looking for Bo's papers."

"Bowling Ball needs a bottle."

Lovino nodded. "Fine. But this does not count as a date."

Antonio tilted his head like a confused dog. "What?"

"What?"

"Adopting a baby doesn't count as a date?" Antonio was grinning again.

Lovino turned around and walked right back into the kitchen.