Disclaimer: I cannot tell you how utterly stupid I find the idea of this disclaimer. it's as if someone could actually mistake me for - wait. One reviewer said they were getting JK vibes from my writing. Alright. Fine. I'm not JK Rowling. I'm not JK Rowling under polyjuice as a 40 year old overweight guy with a goatee, I'm not JK Rowling wearing glamours, I'm not JK Rowling with a breast reduction band and a rather large pillow. And if I were making money off of this, I'd make a dime or two, it's kinda crap. But I'm not. So take my word for it. Not Rowling, not making money, my currency is in reviews and even the residuals on that are going down.
After her very fruitful "interview" with Fudge. Amelia marched up to the undersecretary's office along with two of her best aurors, and found Dolores Umbridge sitting in her chair, staring off into space. She still looked like a rather fat toad. She turned to Amelia.
"Can I help you?", she simpered in her sickeningly sweet voice.
She had three wands immediately pointed at her.
"Hands where I can see them!"
Her sweet smile immediately turned to a sneer and she lunged out of her chair at the aurors, her wand bring brought up. "Cruc-"
Three stunners brought her down. Amelia turned to her Aurors. "Lock her up, and add the attempted use of an unforgivable to her charges". They nodded and levitated her out.
A little later, she, along with both Aurors, walked into her office to debrief from that arrest and do the paperwork, to find Lucius Malfoy sitting in a chair. He stood up and said, with a sneer on his face,
"Madame Bones, I most protest the arrest of -"
"Stupefy".
He dropped to the floor. She looked down at his body, a small shiver of pleasure running up her spine. "You're under arrest, Malfoy."
She turned to her aurors. "You know the drill". They did. After Malfoy was on his way to a holding cell, she smiled to herself.
"I've always wanted to drop that insufferable ponce.", she said to herself, a goofy smile on her face. After another shudder of pleasure, she started working on the paperwork.
After those arrests and a few others besides, Amelia went down to the holding cells. She walked up to the cell with Malfoy in it. He was wearing nothing but prison issue underwear, because she did not trust anything he was wearing to not have some kind of magical assist built in. He sneered at her. "Have you come to release me?"
She smiled predatorily. "No. Stupefy". He dropped again.
"Check his teeth", she said. "I don't want him biting down on a capsule of something."
They checked his teeth, and they found one that was suspect. One evanesco later, and it was gone.
Finally, after she was satisfied that he was not going anywhere, she ordered him bound, given veritaserum, and enervated..
"What is your name?", she asked.
"Lucius Abraxas Malfoy."
"What is your occupation?"
"I trade valuable commodities."
"What is your relationship with Minister Fudge?"
"I give him bribes and he does my bidding."
"What is thy bidding?"
"I serve my Lord by advancing the cause of the purebloods."
She scratched some writing on her notepad.
"What is the cause of the purebloods?"
"The eradication of everyone with impure blood from the world."
"Who qualifies as having impure blood?"
"Halfbloods, Mudbloods, and magical creatures."
"Why do you dislike them so much?"
"Because I have watched the decline of pureblood society and find it distasteful."
"Did you know Voldemort is a half blood named Tom Riddle?"
"No."
"Do you believe me?"
"No."
"You mentioned you serve your Lord. Who is your Lord?"
"Voldemort."
"Is he dead?"
"I do not believe he is."
"Why?"
"My mark has been getting darker."
"Did you take that mark willingly?"
"Yes."
"What did you have to do to get that mark?"
"Rape and kill a muggle family."
"Did you enjoy it?"
"Yes."
"Have you committed any other crimes that I do not know about?"
"Yes."
"What are they?"
He then proceeded to list off crimes that caused one of her aurors to be sick, and the other to run out to get some fresh air.
"- and I am a fan of Jerry Springer", he finished.
"Do you feel remorse for any of your crimes?"
"No, except for being a fan of Jerry Springer."
She nodded to herself. That was unforgivable.
"Tell me the names of every death eater, current and former, that you know of."
He rattled off a list of names, but towards the end, it became clear that the veritaserum was beginning to wear off and he appeared to be trying to bite into something.
"You are missing a tooth. What did that tooth contain?"
"A potent contact nerutoxin. It would have killed me, but I would have spat it on you and you would have died as well."
"If I were to search your manor, would I find anything illegal?"
"Yes."
"What would I find?"
"A dungeon full of Muggle women and children, and some corpses. A cache of dark artifacts. A lot of stolen money."
She smiled. "I think I have all I need. Leave him bound. I don't want him going anywhere." The aurors saluted, after having recovered from his descriptions of his crimes.
Before she left, she turned around, and punched him in the gut. "Jerry Springer? You sicko!"
And she walked out.
Scene Change
Amelia walked into the cell where Umbridge was being held. She, too, had been stripped down. Amelia tried very hard not to look, because she really did look like a toad. They did the same tooth check on her, but found nothing. They gave her the same treatment they did Malfoy.
"What is your name?"
"Dolores Jane Umbridge."
"What is your position in the ministry?"
"Senior Undersecretary to the Minister."
"Are you a Death Eater?"
"No."
"Do you want to be a Death Eater?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because I do not wish to do what is required to get a mark."
"Do you support Voldemort's goals?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because half-breeds and mudbloods are a stain on this society that must be eradicated."
"Why do you think that?"
"None of them will bone me."
Amelia looked at her Aurors with her mouth dropped open. Could she really be that banal? She decided to try a different line of questioning.
"Did you accept bribes?"
"Yes."
"Who did you accept them from?"
"Lucius Malfoy."
"What did he bribe you to do?"
"Order the dementors to try to kill Potter."
"When?"
"Last year, during a Quidditch game."
"What else did he bribe you to do?"
"Have sex with Fudge."
The aurors lost what was left of their lunch.
"Do you know why?"
"It was partial payment to Fudge. He finds me attractive."
"Do you croak during - strike that." Amelia looked very embarrassed at what almost slipped out. Not professional, self, she thought to herself.
"I do not understand."
"... Have you committed any other crimes?"
"No."
"Have you committed anything that I would consider a crime?"
"Yes."
"What did you do?"
"Watched Jerry Springer along with Fudge."
Amelia stood up and turned around. "I have all I need. Leave her bound for now. No one is to see any of these prisoners, no matter what. When it comes time for them to eat, you may release them from their bindings. I have a bunch of other people to arrest."
Amelia sighed. It was going to be another long day.
A few hours later, she had a surprisingly large fraction of the wizengamot in her holding cells for being death eaters. How she was going to get through these interrogations before the year ended, she didn't know. She needed to talk to Albus.
Scene Change
The next morning, as Harry came down from his dorm into the common room, he found Luna Lovegood sitting placidly on the couch near the fire.
"Luna?", he said, walking over and sitting next to her. "What are you doing in here?"
Luna smiled. "I knew the password so I came in. Would you like to get breakfast, Harry Potter?"
"Sure, Luna", he said, and they both stood up. But before they could leave, Professor McGonagall walked in.
"Luna Lovegood? What are you doing in here. Shouldn't you be in your own house?"
"Hello Professor McGonagall", she said, placidly.
"Out!", she said lips pressed together. Luna shrugged and started moving towards the portrait hole.
Harry put his hand out to stop her. "Wait."
"Mr. Potter, what are you doing? I told her to leave", McGonagall said.
"And I told her to wait, professor. Professor, what was it that Professor Dumbledore said the other day, about our houses not being rivals, but instead there to help us find community around those most like us? Did he say that?"
"He did, Potter. Get to the point. I do not take countermanding an order of mine lightly."
"Well, Luna has found community with me and other members of this house – community she never found with those of her own house. Is that not in the very spirit of what Professor Dumbledore was saying about what houses should be to us? If Luna wants to spend time with us in our common room, why should she not be allowed to? What good does putting passwords on the common rooms do except to heighten that sense of separation?"
McGonagall was brought up short, and her lips pursed in thought.
"You raise a reasonable point, Mr. Potter. I will take it under advisement. For now, though, rules are rules. Luna, please leave."
Harry nodded. "That's all I ask, Professor. We were getting breakfast anyway. Miss Lovegood, care to join me?", he said jauntily, putting one hand on the small of Luna's back and guiding her to the hole. Luna, for her part, was happy to be guided. She would never tell Potter, but she enjoyed it greatly when he touched her. It felt as if she was being washed clean by his energy and she always felt lighter and happier afterwards. She reached up impulsively and hugged him.
He smiled and hugged her back. She kissed his cheek and disentangled herself from him, smiling brightly.
Professor McGonagall cleared her throat, but her eyes were a little moist. It was beautiful how they seemed to bring out the best in each other.
Harry and Luna walked out of the hole, Luna's eyes shining brighter than they had in a long time. It was not almost like having friends. It was having friends! It was! And she found she liked it very much.
Instinctively, she grabbed Harry's hand and skipped all the way to the Great Hall, singing about plimpies. Harry just smiled and walked along with her, making no effort at all to release her hand. On the way, the ran into Hermione, who looked at their hands, grabbed Harry's other hand, and skipped along with Luna all the way to breakfast.
There was something to be said for allowing yourself to be a child.
Hermione was finally learning this lesson, amongst others.
Scene Change
It was a lovely Friday. The GriegBirds were out singing their morning song, while Hagrid, whistling a tume, dragged an entire cart of worms out to the edge of the forbidden forest. The GriegBird stopped singing for a bit, and then sang a tune that was entirely out of character for a GriegBird, a TchaikovskyBird, a GershwinBird, or any of the magical, musical birds that inhabited the forests and lawns of Hogwarts.
It sang the first stanza of "Shortnin' Bread."
A bird far off in the distance whistled the same time.
Before you could say "These birds are nuts", birds of all shapes, sizes, varieties, colorings, and composer bias were flooding by the thousands towards Hagrid and his cart, climbing all over it, Hagrid, and the ground for meters around. Hagrid flapped his arms and ran off, yelling something about "Little musical buggering blighters!". They did not notice. Too many worms, too little time.
Scene Change
Amelia and Dumbledore were having a meeting in Dumbledore's office, that morning.
"Alright, Amelia", Dumbledore was saying, "Let me see if I have the right of this. You have, over the past two days, arrested a large fraction of the wizengamot, the minister, his undersecretary, and quite a few marked death eaters?"
Amelia nodded. "You have the right of it."
Dumbledore sighed. "What triggered this?"
"The arrest of Barty Crouch. Did you know that there are no records of any interrogations of any marked death eaters, anywhere? Certainly none happened on my watch, but as near as I can tell, none happened before, as well. They very well might have, but there are no records of it. After I interrogated Crouch, I discovered that death eaters cannot be forced into taking a mark."
"Right, I recall you sending me memories of that interview."
"Well, that led me to Fudge, and I was able to nail him for accepting bribes. That led me to Umbridge and Malfoy, and let me tell you, Malfoy was the mother lode! Did you know he watches "Jerry Springer"?
Dumbledore shook his head gravely. "I was hoping that he had not fallen that far into the dark."
"We raided his home last night, and found, just as he said, a dungeon full of muggle women and children – and they had been reated like animals! We had to send them all to St. Mungos, and honestly, we don't know how many will recover.
"Albus, there is a power vacuum right now. We have no minister. Quite a bit of the wizengamot is gone. You're the Chief Warlock, so... guess it's time for you to do some warlocking."
Dumbledore sat back and steepled his fingers. He smiled. This was not the grandfatherly headmaster smile, this was the "Most powerful wizard in the world and five time best dressed award from Beating for the Other Team Monthly" smile. The one that made Voldemort fear him.
"Amelia, have you arrested enough members of the wizengamot to remove a quorum?"
"No, Albus, I – Albus... are you thinking what I think you're thinking?" She gained the same predatory smile."
"I think so, Amelia, but where are we going to find male models and a bucket full of tequila?"
"What? Albus?"
Albus smiled. "I'm thinking this is a perfect time to ram through a whole bunch of legislation that we could not while death eaters had such a sizable minority."
Amelia smiled. "Then, my dear friend, you are thinking exactly what I am."
Dumbledore smiled. "I will call a meeting today. Can you keep them imprisoned for a while?"
She huffed. "Albus, if I can even introduce a tenth of what they've done at trial, I'll get them the veil. I mean, really. Jerry Springer?"
Amelia left, and Albus started drafting legislation.
Omake
There was a full crowd in courtroom #10. Umbridge sat in the big chair, chains pulled tight over her thick, toadlike frame. Amelia was taking the lead in prosecuting.
"What do you want?", Umbridge asked, getting heated.
"I want the truth!", Amelia shouted.
"You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! Amelia, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by women with wands. Those walls protect us from half-bloods and half-breeds. Deep down inside, you want me on that wall! You need me on that wall!"
"Did you order the dementor attack?"
"You're damn right I did!"
There was silence, punctuated by the clearing of Amelia's throat.
"Request we clear the courtroom. The prisoner has rights."
The gavel pounded.
Umbridge looked confused, and then betrayed. "Wha- what's going on?"
"You're under arrest, ma'am."
A/N: As I'm writing this, although I did stack the deck a little by making it impossible for Fudge to stop Amelia, and by a few other things which I hinted at in this chapter, it strikes me how quickly the house of cards that is the corrupt British Magical government collapses with just one surgical strike in the right place. That strike, in this case, is a competent Amelia Bones, a somewhat loyal Auror corps, and one single death eater that she managed to get credible testimony from.
Have you ever noticed that the last death eaters to ever be interrogated – even in canon – were the Lestranges? At least 13 years from the events of GoF?
One, just one – a competent interrogator, and the will to do it, and Voldemort's power base goes away overnight. It does not look like Amelia is too interested in filling Azkaban. No, it looks like she's going for the throat.
We are heading for a plot point that is, if I am correct (and I think I am) utterly unique in the annals of Harry Potter fanfiction. I laid the groundwork for it in this chapter.
Hope you like the Omake. I wanted to copy the speech and tweak it for a magical world, but then someone will say "copyvio! Copyvio!" All the sadder. It would have been more fun that way.
BTW, have you ever noticed that in some fics the answers to questions under veritaserum are wordy and provide more info than needed. I don't think that's how it works. Note how carefully she words her questions to get the answers she needs. Even under veritaserum, they're not going to volunteer anything they don't have to.
Read? Like? Review.