Disclaimer. No. No. Deal with it.
Other disclaimer: *in the voice of Graham Chapman's Colonel Character* This chapter contains unusual levels of silliness, even for this story. Carry on.
The next few days were actually comparatively uneventful. The ComposerBirds kept chirping, chortling, singing, and fighting, while still united in purpose as to keeping tabs on what Ol' Voldie was up to. Their plan hit a snag very quickly, because, as it turns out, when the CageBird came back, he had a lot to say, but no way to actually say it. However, one little known fact about Composer Birds is that they can morph into other birds (there are only a limited number of ComposerBirds, and many different composers), so the CageBird turned into a RapperBird and rapped the whole thing out.
A bird wearing hammer pants and a gigantic clock around its neck is a sight to behold.
We shall leave a description of what the SchickeleBird did until later, as it is rather too silly.
But there wasn't much for the CageBird turned RapperBird to say. Voldie just went nuts and fired the cruciatus curse against everything that moved, and then sulked for a while. The CageBird had to leave in disgust when Petter started cooing and saying "There, there" - and earned a crucio for his efforts.
There was a minor confrontation between Harry and Draco as well. Draco seemed inclined to blame Harry for what had happened to his father, but Harry said, quite rightly, actually, that he had absolutely nothing at all to do with it. He wasn't even all that sure what had happened himself. One minute Barty Crouch Jr. was caught, no better than a muggle, and the next minute Amelia Bones had gone absolutely bonkers, arrested all of the death eaters, and wizarding society was forever changed.
Harry was actually perfectly fine with that, by the way. It not only gave him a perfect out when confronted by the family of death eaters (though in some cases it may not matter as they are rather a fractious lot) but it meant that things were finally happening in the wizarding world that he was not actually a part of, and he was perfectly fine with that.
Draco was still seething, but he had taken the lesson to heart, as he was now the actual heir of the Malfoy estate, and even though disowning was no longer a possibility, he realized that he needed to think before he acted – the situation between the Malfoys and Potters was already pretty bad, why make it worse? So after judging that Harry was probably telling the truth, he went back to his table and was not heard from again for a while.
Harry still had not decided whether he was going to continue participating in the tournament. On the one hand, he thought that with his performance in the first task, he had every right to be there, but on the other hand, he just wasn't sure it was worth the effort. It also was not common knowledge that he no longer had to perform (though the clues were there if you chose to examine them – most in the wizarding world couldn't logic their way out of a paper bag) and he wasn't sure that he wanted that bit of information to get out so easily. His golden egg was sitting untouched in his trunk – after attempting to open it and hearing a screeching sound like a televangelist's wife trying to sing a gospel song, he decided to leave it for the time being.
Neville and Hermione seemed to be growing much closer. They could be seen holding hands when walking down the hallway, cuddling in the common room after hours, and basically being sickeningly sweet enough that even Ron noticed. Which didn't seem to be leading to anything good, but Ron was keeping it to himself for now.
Harry was having similar problems with Ginny, who was giving him the stinkeye every time she saw him cuddling with Luna – which was often. But since Ginny and Luna did used to play together when they were young children, Ginny was inclined to be at least a little forgiving.
Luna was... well... being Luna. She showed absolutely no interest or desire whatsoever to bringing their relationship to any kind of higher level physically (and Harry would not have anyway, but Luna's disinterest made it a moot point) but she seemed to never be able to get enough of hugging, cuddling, and even a little chaste kissing. Harry found that she was just as excited to give as to receive, and more than once found himself drifting away to sleep with his head on her lap as she played with his hair. She assured him that she would be interested in more in time, but she was still young, and was just happy with what she had. Harry didn't mind though, as physical affection was something he had had absolutely none of after his first birthday, and he was frankly so starved for it he could lay there with his head on her lap for hours – and she was completely content to allow him to do so.
Harry was actually rather relieved with her disinterest, because truth be told, he was too young as well. Though he was looking forward to someday exploring the forbidden fruit of her womanhood.
Someday, though. Not now.
That did not mean he didn't enjoy what they did have together. Sometimes they would be found cuddling on the common room sofa, talking quietly about things that were not for the ears of others. Luna started to tell him about her childhood. Sometimes Harry had to wipe a tear or two away because she would get emotional talking about her mother. And as for Harry, he was still having a very hard time talking about the Dursleys, but that was OK. Luna was very patient.
Speaking of the Dursleys...
Amelia had found out something very interesting when doing a more thorough interrogation of Snape. It turned out that he had been sent every year to look in on the Dursleys, and make sure that Harry was well treated.
It also turned out that even though he did come see how Harry was treated every year, he didn't bother to report it to Dumbledore. In fact, he reported back that everything was just fine. This had two effects: It told the Dursleys that they could do what they wanted without the interference of any "freaks", and it also let Dumbledore to believe that things were far better than they were.
So Amelia decided to pay a visit to the Dursleys.
She put on her best muggle businesswear, and walked up to the door of Number 4 Privet Drive. She knocked.
The door opened, and a thin, horse-faced woman was standing there.
"Can I help you?", she said primly.
"My name is Amelia Bones, and I am from the child welfare service, do you mind if I come in?"
"What is this about?", Petunia said with pursed lips.
"I'd rather discuss this inside, unless you'd like for the neighbors to watch and for me to speak VERY LOUDLY."
Amelia didn't miss a trick. With that, after a furtive glance left and right, she was invited straight in.
She immediately saw a cupboard under the stairs with a lock on the outside.
"I'd like to discuss your nephew, Harry Potter."
Petunia carefully schooled her face, but Amelia did not miss the flash of hatred.
"What do you need to know?", Petunia asked with a tight voice.
"Could you show me his room?"
"Certainly", Petunia said, and brought her upstairs. There was a door with multiple locks on the outside, and a cat flap. Petunia did not show that room, instead she showed a room that looked well lived in, with a lot of broken toys.
"This is his room? Why is there a sign on the outside that says "Dudley"?
Petunia started to sweat. "Er, because..."
Before Petunia could stop her, Amelia opened the other door, and saw a room with broken furniture and a bed in terrible shape. It reeked.
"Whose room is this?"
Petunia hemmed and hawed.. "Well, er..."
Vernon came out of their bedroom. "What's wrong, Pet? Who is this?"
"This is Amelia Bones from the child welfare services."
"Now see here!", Vernon said forcefully. "We gave that boy food and a place to live!"
Amelia smiled, that same predatory smile that had put the fear into death eaters.
"How did you know which boy I was here about, Mr. Dursley?"
Vernon spluttered. "Well, I... er..."
Amelia turned on her heel and went downstairs, Vernon and Petunia following. Before they could stop her, she opened the cupboard under the stairs. She found a cot that had dried blood on it, and it also reeked. She turned around, just as Vernon's fist connected with her head.
She went down, out cold.
And her emergency portkey triggered.
And then there were two, very angry and frightened, muggles.
Five minutes later, five aurors stormed Number 4, Privet Drive.
And then there were no muggles.
Dudley came back a little while later. "Mum? Dad?", he said, rather fearfully, as the house was in disarray.
No one answered.
An Auror appeared, grabbed Dudley, and they disappeared.
There were no muggles again.
Scene Change
In the head office of a large retail chain, in an office tower somewhere in the United States, the CEO sat at his desk reading reports. He went through them one by one.
"mutter mutter stock prices mutter mutter stores offline mutter mutter what the?", he said, eruditely. His assistant sat in a chair across from him, notepad ready.
"mutter mutter"..., she said.
"No no, don't take this down", he said, muttering to himself. "Mutter mutter I have a report here that one of my employees has been writing fanfiction. Apparently, something mutter mutter called 'The Goblet's Revenge'".
She nodded.
"Mutter mutter composerbirds mutter mutter Electricbeard Viking Hagrid mutter mutter you can't handle the... WHAT IS THIS SHIT?", he said, dramatically smacking the pages down for emphasis. "MUTTER MUTTER WHAT ARE WE PAYING THIS GUY FOR?"
"Um, sir, according to our reports, he's only doing this on his off time, which is why he hasn't released a chapter in a couple of months. He's been faithfully programming stuff that helps us..."
"mutter mutter okay, good point. Keep an eye on him, Smithers."
She nodded.
"Now mutter mutter about these widgets..."
Scene Change
Meanwhile, in the offices of a seminary somewhere in the US, the president was having a similar conversation.
"Mutter mutter Jesus mutter mutter gotta preach mutter mutter what the?", he asked, just as eruditely.
His assistant spoke up. "We have reports that one of our students has been writing a fanfiction called 'The Goblet's Revenge."
"Mutter mutter I see. Well, it's kinda dumb, but there's nothing theologically wrong with it, and I can't very well get upset about what he does when he's not seminarying, so... heh... hehe... Electricbeard Viking Hagrid... hehe..." He fell off the chair laughing.
His assistant helped him up.
"Well, I guess I understand, especially with the above section with the retail mutter mutter CEO why he hasn't updated in a while. But check his tests anyway. Make it so, Smithers!"
"Aye aye sir... holy!", she said, and sauntered out of the room.
"Now, mutter mutter, let me see. Hmm, that's a good book. How many angels CAN dance on the end of a pin?"
A/N
I've had this chapter half written for about two months now, and instead of being a jerk and holding it back until it's perfect, I'm just going to release it. The last two scenes are humorous renditions of why I did not update sooner.
I converted to full time from contractor at my work, and I've also been doing some seminary classes that has been sucking a lot of time. I also had to go to a conference last week for several days, and, well, it's been tough finding much time for anything. And this hasn't, obviously, been my highest priority.
All that said, I did not forget, and here's proof.
For what it's worth, the last two scenes are canon, though what I'll *do* with that is a matter of some conjecture. I know the president of the seminary personally, I hope he'd find it funny. :-)
I actually think this story only has a few more chapters left in it... I think I know how it's going to end now. Though a sequel wouldn't be out of the question. I know this isn't the best chapter, but I hope you find it amusing anyway. Till later, ta.