I believe the world is burning to the ground. Oh well, I guess we're gonna find out.
Let's see how far we've come.
- Matchbox 20, How Far We've Come
Donna smooths down the edge of her dress as she moves through her apartment to the door, a mix of nerves and excitement settling in the pit of her stomach. Not just because she managed to perfect her father's famous Bearnaise sauce. It has more to do with the company she's entertaining tonight and she takes a deep breath mentally re-checking the stages of everything being prepared in the kitchen making sure she hasn't forgotten anything.
She and Thomas agreed to skirt around terms like anniversaries. To her celebrating anything below a year just feels tacky but after almost seven weeks together, and his persistent encouragement, she agreed to cook them a meal and 'impress' him with her culinary skills.
Satisfied everything is where it should be she finally opens the door, a welcoming smile gracing her lips. He looks smart, handsome as always and she motions for him to come in checking her watch for the umpteenth time. "You're a little early, I just have to-"
"Donna." He swallows her name, the sound catching in his throat and when she stops to look up at him a tired ache pulls through his chest. He doesn't know how to tell her his news but forces himself to say something needing to disrupt the still of the silence. "I can't stay for dinner."
She frowns at the announcement picking up on his hesitant vibe. She's never had trouble reading people and right now he's an open book causing her stomach to drop. "Maybe this is a stupid question," she says trying to inject some humour, "but wouldn't it have been easier to call rather than come all the way here?"
He can see what she's trying to do and forces a smile though it doesn't reach his eyes. "We need to talk." The approach lands heavily between them and he stiffens in response. It's not how he wanted to start the conversation and he feels a wave of embarrassment wash over his quick apology. "Sorry, I didn't mean for that to sound quite so cliche."
She's actually nervous now. It's definitely not the normal butterflies-dancing-around kind excitement she's used to associating with him and she hangs on the door biting the inside of her cheek. "As in, talk with your coat on or talk while the kitchen is burning down?" She's not trying to make light if the situation. It's a genuine question and when he starts shrugging off the item she takes it as her cue. "I'll be right back, do you want a drink or anything?"
He shakes his head declining the offer as he hangs his coat up. The door clicks shut behind them and he feels terrible as he follows her, worse, and not just for ruining dinner. He cant shake the guilt of what he's about to do and stops short of entering the kitchen. Instead he takes a seat on the sofa breathing out roughly.
The sound washes over her and she escapes into the small space, hands shaking as she walks across to the oven turning it off and removing the pot from the hotplate. The Bearnaise sauce is still bubbling away inside, mocking her, and she tosses it into the sink releasing a fast sigh and leaning heavily against the the counter. It might not be that bad, she tires to reason, her gaze drifting to the unopened bottle of wine sat staring at her.
On the other hand if it is going to be bad maybe she should get drunk.
No, she decides forcefully. She wants to face whatever he has to say with a clear head and leaves anything that isn't a fire hazard.
When she emerges from kitchen he's already made himself comfortable and isn't surprised when she opts for the furthest space away from him rather than dropping down in her usual spot. "I really am sorry about dinner."
She doesn't give a damn about the food. Something is obviously going on and she squares her shoulders a mix of concern and frustration driving her bluntness. "Can we please just get this over with?"
He nods having expected the reaction. He figured she'd want to get straight to the point and claps his hands together moving his gaze to a fixed point in the centre of the room. "The deal I've been working on with Beijing was approved by out commissioning office late last night. They want to open fifteen stores across the capital with the view of expanding out once revenue picks up."
She's shocked by the news, in a good way, until the meaning he left out starts to slowly creep its way in. He wouldn't be telling her like this unless it meant leaving and though she tries her hardest not to sound bitter she's sure it comes across in her tone. "That's great. I'm... really happy for you."
He hears the catch in her voice, the almost break, and it stabs painfully in his chest. He isn't surprised she put the pieces together so quickly and can feel his own throat becoming thick with emotion. He likes her, a lot, and the past two months have been the best time he's ever had in a relationship but losing the deal would mean sacrificing two years of work and even though he actually considered it, that kind of pressure could easily destroy what they've built together. The timing couldn't be worse and he collects himself finding her gaze. "They need me over there for the first twelve months and then they'll determine whether they want to put someone in and run it from their side. It's really just a cost saving venture."
"It's an amazing opportunity." She swallows, her mouth moving on autopilot, "when do you leave?"
"Three weeks. Once Louis checks and finalises the paperwork." He avoids the elephant in the room with the same ferocity she is, knowing full well what it means for them, but when she quickly swipes her eyes that action cuts straight through him. Though it feels nearly a hundred times worse when her voice flattens with a steely coolness.
"Did you know?" She asks forcing a neutral expression. It sounds like the kind of thing he should have been told early on but if he knew it was coming she can't fathom why he would wait until now to tell her.
"Not exactly." He rubs his thumbs together with a low sigh. He can't say he blames her reaction. It's his fault they're in this situation but all he can do is answer truthfully. "I knew someone would have to head the project and we'd discussed my involvement but they only told me last night that signing would be contingent on me filling the position."
She nods slowly, absorbing the information and the flare of anger simpers just as quickly as it shot out. On their first date she'd asked him why none of his previous relationships had gone anywhere and he'd been completely candid about his work ethic. Yet she'd ignored the sense of foreboding never having imagined she'd fall this quickly. It's her own fault and the notion winds in her chest as she forces a smile trying to cover the rush of hurt. "You did warn me your career comes first."
There's a ghostly impression of humour beneath the comment but he's completely serious as he holds her gaze. "I said I'd never found a reason it shouldn't."
The ambiguity to the correction makes her pulse skip and for once she doesn't trust her instincts or ability to read people. It sounds like he's admitting to something but she's fighting too many emotions to tell for sure and her eyes stay locked with his as her mouth parts in question. "What are you saying?"
What is he saying?
God, he has absolutely no idea. He's spent too many years as CEO being governed by the rules in his head but looking at her now those reason don't reach beyond a vague echo. Being with her makes him think differently, like there are things -people- out there worth taking a risk for and he opens his hands angling his body towards her. "I'm saying this came out of nowhere and I know you hate cliche's but I've never felt this way before." He shakes his head at the absurdity, at all the things he shouldn't be revealing but they barrel out regardless, "what I'm saying, is I think I'm falling in love with you Donna."
Shock slams the air out of her lungs and she doesn't know whether to be elated or terrified. Usually she would bolt, run so fast and far away from the commitment that it would shrivel and die all on its own but part of her wants to stay and she hates herself because in that second she thinks of Harvey. How the pull toward Thomas is so similar and if she can let one go maybe she really could be happy with the other but it's a big if. Love is a strong word and she needs to know if he means it. "Enough to stay?"
The question spills out into the silence and he doesn't have an answer, not yet, but he's relying on instinct to guide him. "Are you asking me to?"
Her lips part and air rushes in swallowing the hesitation. Even if she did want to, she won't. It wouldn't be fair on him or their relationship and she shakes her head feeling moisture burn behind her gaze. "You why know I can't."
He does and it stabs through him like a dull blade, too blunt to cut but still painful. He doesn't want to lose her and throws out another option. "Come with me?"
It sounds flippant and she braces herself against the reality of what he's suggesting. If he really is serious she has no idea where to even start pulling apart the logistics. It's too much and she shakes her head.
"Hear me out." He stops her before she can completely dismiss the idea. He knows it's crazy. Hell, the whole thing is making him start to question his sanity but he figures why not consider it a possibility. They're both grown adults. The only people they have to adhere to are themselves and who cares what anyone else thinks. "We're allowed to make our own rules, take things as slowly as we want and I hate being 'that guy' but I mean it when I say money isn't an issue here. We could start out with separate places, no obligation. Do it our way and make sure it's right for both of us."
She's touched by the offer, genuinely, and can't say she isn't swayed by what he's suggesting. An amazing guy presenting a once in a lifetime opportunity with no strings, who wouldn't be enticed? It could be the start of everything she's been missing and her heart skips, her pulse thudding loudly as he holds her gaze. There's nothing but sincerity and openness in his expression. No pressure just honesty. He wants to try and her thoughts automatically flood back to Harvey. This is what he can't give her, what he's incapable of, but can she really move to another country and leave him. What about her friends and family, the job she loves. Could she actually say goodbye to it all?
It scares her to think maybe she could.
Maybe Thomas is the risk the she's been waiting to take.