It won't be the first heart that you break. It won't be the last beautiful girl.
- Matchbox 20, Last Beautiful Girl
Harvey's hangs up the phone squeezing his eyes shut as the conversation with Henry replays in his head. The situation is a goddamn mess. Drake has taken off, the merger is in limbo and the older man is beside himself with hurt and humiliation. Jessica was right. No part of it feels like winning and he opens his eyes surprised to see a shadowy figure moving through the office.
He'd thought everyone had gone for night and tenses then relaxes -albeit only slightly- when Thomas Kessler appears in his doorway. It's the absolute last fucking thing he needs and he pushes out a gruff acknowledgement. "If you're looking for Donna she isn't here."
Thomas takes a deep breath acutely aware of the fact. She's right where he left her back in the apartment and he wrestles with himself not sure if coming here was the right decision. Judging by the lukewarm reception it's a bad time but makes no attempt to leave. "I know."
The blunt response drives Harvey's attention to the man's stern features and his brows furrow with confusion before shifting in concern. There's clearly something wrong and a swell of panic rises up in his chest. "What happened, is she okay?" It bounces off the tense silence and his anxiety takes over, "is she hurt? What-""
"No." Thomas assures with a quick shake of his head, "no, it's nothing like that." He feels instantly bad for making him worry. It certainly wasn't his intention and he watches relief flood the lawyers expression before it quickly switches back to impatience. The frustration is coming off him in droves and Thomas shifts awkwardly. They hardly know each other but he's seen the way Harvey cares and right now Donna needs that whether she'll admit to it or not. "We broke up." He blurts out eyes drifting to the darkened horizon. It's just a city. A space with a name filled by people and sky-high buildings but he's going to miss it all the same.
Harvey sits back in his chair not sure what to say to the comment. Whether he should feign sympathy or show relief but there's obviously a reason Kessler is here and he cautiously decides against the latter "I'm sorry to hear that."
There's an air of sincerity but Thomas isn't sure he buys it. Not that he blames the man. He showed up unannounced with no plan, nothing to absorb the uncomfortable atmosphere and he steels himself throwing a fleeting glance back at Harvey. "I should go, this was a bad idea."
For a split second Harvey's almost tempted to let him leave but something, mainly his curiosity, sways the decision. "Wait." Thomas stops and he pushes up from the desk attempting a sort of peace offering. "Can't handle a little awkwardness?"
He smirks, adding to the tense vibe in the room. "Depends. You got any liquor?"
Harvey beckons him back in with a wave not opposed to the suggestion. Shit it can't get any weirder and he grabs the half-empty bottle of Macallan plus two glass. He isn't going to pretend to be distraught over the news but his tone still holds a note of warning as he pours the drinks. "If you did anything to hurt her."
"Would I be here if I had?" He fires back, recalling their first real conversation at the bar and washing down his guilt with a sip of the amber liquid. It may have been his decision to go but she would never have let him turn down the opportunity just like he would never have pressured her to move with him. It had come to an amicable end but that doesn't mean they hadn't both been devastated by the result. "I've been offered a job in Beijing. We decided it was better to have a clean break rather than drag things out. I thought if you weren't too busy you might be able to go check up on her for me, make sure she's okay."
Harvey absorbs the request robotically, trying to stamp down the shred of sympathy he's starting to feel for the man. He looks genuinely crushed and now that he and Donna are over it's easier for him to relate. After all he knows exactly what it feels like to lose her and breathes a heavy sigh, "you really care about her."
It's an observation not a question but he answers anyway. "I've never met anyone like her."
Harvey agrees careful not to overstep any boundaries. They're never going to be friends but he finds himself raising his glass without an agenda. "Can't argue there." They cheers and he takes a drink regarding the man carefully. People don't become CEO's of high-end business without some form of risk taking and even though he loathes the idea of playing devil's advocate his curiosity trumps his ego. "So why not turn down the job?"
Thomas glances up surprised by the question. He'd gotten the sense Harvey was only supportive of the relationship around Donna and since asking her to go to Beijing he's starting to get the feeling there's a history that she and Harvey are too afraid to let go of. If circumstances were different it's something he might have pushed but he has no right to be threatened by it. Not anymore at least. "She knew how much work I'd put in. Even if it was my choice she never would have been okay with me passing up the position. I asked her to come with me but," he stops, pausing to look at Harvey, "I guess there's just too much keeping her here."
His stomach drops at the silent implication but he quickly brushes it off with a shrug. "Can't blame you for trying."
The speed at which Harvey finishes his drink doesn't go unnoticed by Thomas and he follows the trend, questions poised on the tip of his tongue. He's not shy of confrontation but he's wary for Donna's sake, though it doesn't stop him from prodding. "Can I ask you something?"
Harvey splashes more alcohol into his glass. "Why not, I mean you're already in my office drinking my Scotch."
It's fair and Thomas smirks ready to test how strong the lawyer's facade really is. From what he's heard on the grapevine it's almost impenetrable but that doesn't deter him. "Before Donna and I started dating the two of you were single you both work closes together, you're obviously friends."
There's a finite pause and Harvey bristles at the insinuation. "That's wasn't a question."
"No it wasn't." He confirms downing the last of his own scotch. Maybe it's a little weird given how he feels about Donna but he genuinely wants to see her happy and he'd prefer that be with the devil he knows rather than the one he doesn't. "If it's not me it's going to be somebody else," he says cryptically, "just something to think about."
He drops his glass down on the desk waving off any more. "Thanks for the drink Harvey."
His footsteps pad the silence of Harvey's response until he manages to collect himself, calling out with a gruff voice. "Thomas." When the man stops he doesn't smile or act like its something it's not but he does manage a civil parting. "Good luck in Beijing."
He leaves without turning back and Harvey releases the breath he'd been holding but the relief is short-lived and swarmed by sudden guilt. He shouldn't be feeling a weight lift off his shoulders, not when the cost is Donna's happiness, and he swallows sharply forgoing the rest of his drink. Thomas turned out to be a decent guy after all. The least Harvey can do is make good on his request and he picks up his phone calling Ray, deciding the Carter's can wait till tomorrow.
He has something more important to do.
...
Half an hour later Harvey is stood outside Donna's apartment second guessing the wisdom of showing up unannounced but it is the night for it and he knocks lightly in case she's already asleep. When hears movement inside her apartment he stills, waiting patiently until he's sees her shadow playing under the door. He's an idiot. Of course she would assume it's Thomas and he runs his hand over the wooden frame biting the inside of his cheek. "Donna, it's me."
He hears the lock slide back and is relived until she appears in her pyjama's, the faint hint of wine clinging to them a sign she's been drinking. Still, it's not the alcohol that bothers him it's the raw redness around her eyes. She's been crying, a lot by the look of it, and he's almost ready to drive her to the airport himself. Anything to replace the hurt he can read in her expression.
"Harvey, what are you doing here?" She folds her arms over her chest trying to ward off the chill from the hall. He's the last person she was expecting to see and she runs a hand up through her hair trying to look more presentable.
He opens his mouth but promptly closes again, his focus still fixed on her sad eyes and rather than stand there surrounded by polite awkwardness he steps forward wrapping his arms around her. It takes a few seconds but she eventually relaxes and he gives her a tight squeeze before loosening the hold, reluctantly drawing back.
She quickly swipes her hand catching the escaped moisture clinging to her cheek. She knows he knows. He wouldn't be here otherwise but what she doesn't understand is how. She hasn't even told Rachael yet and folds her arms back around her midsection with a sigh. "Louis?"
It's a reasonable assumption and more plausible than what actually happened but Harvey shakes his head. "Thomas." He catches a flash of confusion in her gaze and furthers the explanation. "He came into the office... he was worried about you."
"Jesus." She expels a rush of air feeling her eyes sting again. Of course he did. Because he's too stupidly perfect for his own goddamn good. "What an asshole."
Harvey chuckles softly at the sarcasm knowing it's her way of dealing with everything. Hell, he'll take it over crying and when she motions for him to come inside he doesn't hesitate. No part of him wants to leave her alone right now and he takes off his jacket hanging it up as she closes the door. She's already three strides ahead by the time he has his sleeves rolled and he follows her into the kitchen watching her pour another wine.
"I'm sorry Donna."
And he is.
He hates seeing her like this but she shrugs off the sympathy with indifference.
"Could be worse-" she huffs going in search of another glass, "at least he didn't turn out to be a murderer."
"There's that." A smirk tugs on the corners of his mouth as he watches her riling through the cupboards. "I can still beat him up though, if you want?"
She pauses, a barely there smile covering the dull ache in her chest. No matter how things turned out she was right to trust her instincts and she finds what she's looking for moving back to where Harvey is standing. She still can't believe Thomas went to see him and even though she knows better than to ask the words slip out anyway. "He really showed up at the firm?"
He nods watching her pour the remainder of the wine into the second glass. "It seemed like a spur of the moment thing."
She slides him the drink and picks up her own swirling around the red liquid. She was right. Talking about it is only prolonging the inevitable but she isn't ready to let get, not yet. "Awkward?"
"Like you wouldn't believe." He doesn't know if the honesty is helping because he's shit at comforting people. That's why he doesn't do this but when her gaze drops to the floor he resolves to try harder. She isn't just anyone. With her it's different and he takes a large sip of wine preparing himself for the next question.
"How was he?" She glances back up not sure she wants to know but forcing herself to listen. She needs the closure and leans back closing her eyes with a soft sigh.
Harvey tries to be gentle with the answer but there's no delicate way to put it and sticks to the truth hoping it's what she wants to hear. "He was crushed Donna." She flinches as the words leave his mouth and he swallows roughly, "but for what's it worth he knew it was the right thing to do."
The right thing.
It sings like a constantine in her head playing out of sync with her feelings. They chose to what was sensible but they didn't have to and she glances at Harvey looking for his honest opinion. "Is that what you think?"
He opens his mouth before the thought properly formulates and suddenly realises he doesn't have a clue how in the hell to answer. Thomas reasons for taking the job seemed valid and even just the thought of her leaving makes him want to drop to his knees. Not to mention they'd only been seeing each other a couple of months but no matter what his personal option is, it's not his call to make and he gapes trying to come up with something that sounds reasonable. "I think... that it's complicated."
She blinks stoically wondering if he could possibly be anymore vague.
"That's bullshit," she snaps, knowing it isn't fair to take out her frustration on him but she does anyway splashing her wine as she brushes passed him.
He doesn't know what to do with the anger and lets out out heavy sigh. It's the same wall he always finds himself up against. The one which prevents him from connecting with people because he can't admit the truth he steels himself downing half of his drink before chasing after her. "You really want to know what I think?"
She flops down on the sofa with an errant wave of her hand, "yes I do Harvey, that's why I asked."
"Fine. I think leaving with him would have been a mistake. I think if he'd stayed you both would have regretted it and I think as much as it hurts like hell right now that you made the right choice. So go on, tell me why I'm wrong? List the hundred and one reasons why you think you should throw away your life here for a guy you hardly know?" He stills expecting some sort of cataclysmic reaction but there isn't one. She doesn't breathe a word in response and he moves slowly, dropping to the space beside her and rubbing a tired hand across his forehead.
He isn't done yet. He's barely made a dent in the wall and his expression softens as he tries to find another way around. "I think you have good instincts," he says glancing across at her, "I think you know most people better than they know themselves and I think there's a reason you let Thomas walk out that door but whether it was the right thing, I can't answer that Donna."
The conviction of his tone washes over her and she's floored by the response. She's half expecting him to make an excuse to up and leave but he doesn't. Instead he sits patiently, giving her the time she needs, and for a moment the gesture covers the ache that's been residing in her chest. "Thank you Harvey."
He's surprised by the gratitude and frowns. "For what?"
"Being here." She says honestly before her mouth twitches with a smirk, "and for not totally sucking at the whole comfort thing."
He lets out a low chuckle in spite of himself. "Well, don't get used to it. You've officially used up your quota for the year." He watches her smile draining the last of her wine and remembers his own is still in the kitchen but he makes no move to get it. He should. It might help with his anxiety, numb the vulnerability he's feeling, but he wants to do this on his own. He wants to prove to himself that he can be here for her no matter how uncomfortable it makes him. "Do you love him?"
The question comes left of field and she has no idea what's prompting his forwardness but she asked him to be honest and she's grateful. In a way talking about it is helping and she considers it not even sure she knows what the concept means anymore. "You remember when we were shopping for Louis, you asked me if I could see myself with a family and kids?" He nods sharply, mastering a blank expression and she breathes a sigh out into the air, "I think maybe one day we could have had that."
Even though he asked he doesn't know what to do with the response and clasps his hands together aiming for another simple truth. "I know it's selfish," he admits swallowing his discomfort, "but I'm really glad you're not leaving."
His inability to meet her gaze speaks to his sincerity and it does help. It a reminder of why she chose to stay because her dream life with Thomas may have sounded perfect on paper but what she has here in New York is real. Being COO of a law firm, becoming a god-mother, knowing she's just a few hours from Mike and Rachael is all irreplaceable. She wants to be here and reaches out giving his arm a light squeeze. "It's getting late, you wanna crash here tonight?"
He notes the empty wine glass in her hand and nods feeling physically and emotionally drained from all the admissions but for once he's tired of running. He wants to stay and appreciate the fact she isn't going anywhere and he exhales slowly, "yeah actually, you mind?"
"I'll get some blankets."
Her smile washes over him and he watches her disappear reaching down to take off his shoes. The wall he's facing might be goddamn unbreakable but that doesn't mean he's giving up.
He just has to find a way around it.