Now I'm down... and I wonder how I never got the burn and if I'm ever gonna learn how lonely people make a life, one strain at a time.
- Matchbox 20, Burn
Harvey stumbles into his apartment hitting the light switch on the way through and immediately shielding his gaze from the harsh glare. He's about thirteen whiskey's in. Enough to impair his usually stoic demur but not nearly enough to erase the sex fueled damage he initiated tonight and he charges unsteadily through to the kitchen leaning his weight against the counter.
"Hey old man."
He nearly jumps out of his skin at the noise and turns, his gaze struggling to pull multiple versions of Mike into focus. From what he can tell the kid's sat comfortably on his couch beneath the tall floor lamp (he hadn't even noticed it was god damn on) and he glares at the uninvited presence. "What the fuck," he swears belatedly, "you trying to give me a heart-attack?"
"Nice to see you too friend." Mike pushes up doing a quick analysis of the situation. It's obvious the man's been drinking but with Harvey it's almost impossible to tell how far gone he is or if the situation is regular bad or serious bad. From what he's reading he decides it's probably in his best interests not to make assumptions and he leads with a question instead. "Everything okay, you seem a little tense?"
Harvey barks out a sound that isn't anywhere close to amused. "Really? Because you think I'd be used to people unexpectedly breaking into this apartment by now." The comment is lit with sarcasm and shoves off the counter edging around it in search of more alcohol.
The smell of scotch hits Mike as he closes in running his gaze over Harvey's appearance. He looks disheveled and not in a classic 'I'm H.S. I can do what I want' kind of way. More like he just lost a major client then got hit by a bus to boot. It's unsettling and Mike stills with panic as his mind jumps to one of the few scenarios that could possibly rattle the lawyer this much. "Harvey did something happen to Donna, is she-"
"She's fine, great. Fucking fantastic," he cuts off the kids concern with a brash wave of his arm, "moved on or some shit like that."
It takes Mike a second to decipher the slurred words and their meaning but when he does his eyes go wide in response and the first thing he wants to do is call Rachael. She's been with Donna at least an hour and would be able to give him more to go on but from the looks of things, in particular the cupboard doors being slammed, something went down and it wasn't good. "Okay, wow. You want to take a minute and tell me what happened?"
Harvey stops momentary, opens his mouth as if to say something, then stubbornly shakes his head. "No I don't." He resumes his search, finding the bottle he's looking for and pulls up from the ground wincing when the room tilts sharply. His hand lands on the bench to steady himself but the poor coordination is nothing compared to the silent judgement he can feel being thrown over the laminate island.
He doesn't want to talk about. He's spent the last hour trying to forget it, that he just ruined the most important relationship in his life, but the younger man's gaze doesn't relent and he let's out a heavy sigh. He may be exhausted, in no mood for company and drunk but Mike is like Donna. The kid's different. Besides he can't afford to push anyone else away right now and he concedes with a gruff admission. "We had sex, happy?"
Mike sucks in a sharp breath almost choking on it and slaps his chest to help the air go down. "Wait what, when... how-" the questions fire out and he's confused when Harvey makes a show of checking his watch.
"About an hour ago, up against the wall in her living room." He drops his arm playing fast and loose with the quantities of scotch as he fills two glasses. His only intention is getting more drunk to wipe out the visions of intimacy still leeching onto his memory. She'd made it perfectly clear it was just sex and he throws back a shot relishing in the burn as it scolds his throat.
Mike winces for him, flustering at the visual. "That wasn't what I..." he's going to say 'meant' but hesitates, his overly analytical mind trying to figure out the logistics. He's been in Donna's apartment and there isn't exactly a whole lot of wall. "Okay but how did you-"
He stops again shaking his head. If he wants to get actual answers it's up to him to keep them from getting sidetracked with trivial things. "Never mind, what happened after you... you know?"
Harvey slides a scotch over, his jaw stiffening as a blasé note blankets his tone. "She told me she'd moved on and kicked me out." He doesn't offer any further explanation as he takes the bottle along with his glass trudging toward the couch. The little he did reveal is surprisingly sobering and he drops onto the cushions, his voice heavier as he fixes another drink. "I fucked up Mike."
The admission comes as a surprise. Mike can count on one hand the number of times Harvey's conceded to being wrong but he doesn't let his reaction show as he follows the lawyer into the open spaced lounge. The vulnerability is new too. He isn't used to it hanging so buoyantly in the air and he seats himself opposite Harvey genuinely struggling with what to say. When he'd called from the hospital the man's emotions had been clipped and hard to read over the phone but this is real and Mike takes a large gulp of alcohol. He's going to need liquid courage if they're going to address the big pink elephant that's been sitting in the room for the last eight years. "So you finally realised you're in love with her."
Anyone else, Harvey thinks, and he wouldn't tolerate the question let alone give it a response but he finds himself nodding curtly as he takes another shot.
It's a subtle gesture but honestly more than Mike was expecting and he exhales slowly. He knows Donna was seeing someone. Rachael told him that it was starting to get serious but Harvey never mentioned it and he'd assumed they were going to continue on with the same game of denial. This sort of confrontation is uncharted water but he can't say he isn't relived that Harvey's -almost- willing to open up about it. "Did you ah, and I mean this is the nicest possible way..." he hesitates but catches the warning in Harvey's gaze and it prompts him to continue, "did you actually tell her or just kind of 'Harvey' your way around it?"
The description, despite being absolutely ridiculous, actually has a decipherable meaning and Harvey rolls his eyes feeling the alcohol start to numb his senses. He might not have said the word love out loud but he told her he wanted more and in their world that practically means the same thing. "She knows... trust me."
Mike nods deciding it's somewhat of a first step. With Harvey clarity is usually where the man falls down but if he really was direct about his feelings then Donna's reaction is key to figuring out where it all went wrong. "I'm guessing she didn't take it well."
"Gee Mike, what gave it away-" he bites out the sarcastic response waving between them, "or do you think we're celebrating here?"
The delivery is unwarranted but it's a reasonable point and Mike sits up a little straighter eyeing the man across the small table. "What did she say?"
"That I hurt her." He brushes it off because he can. Because he's finally at a point where the guilt is no longer suffocating and he leans across abandoning his glass on the table. He's had enough for the moment and he pretends not to notice the look of annoyance visible on Mike's face.
"And?" He questions attempting to keep them from landing right back at square one. If he's having this hard a time understanding where Harvey's head is at it's no wonder Donna kicked him out.
There isn't anymore to it, not really, Harvey decides with a rugged exhale. It had taken a surprisingly minimal amount of time for his heart to be ripped wide open but after being fourteen years too late maybe that's what he'd deserved. "She said she'd moved on, that the sex meant nothing." The words taste bitter in his mouth and he scrubs the stubble along his jaw trying not to flinch at Mike's accusing tone.
"So you left?" He seriously wants to bang his head against something and reaches up pinching the bridge of his nose with an almost pained sigh. For someone who anticipates outcomes for a living the man is absolutely clueless when it comes to his own personal life. "Oh my god Harvey, did you even try to apologise?"
He stares blankly at the question. He's never seen the point in saying sorry. It can't undo actions but there's a tightness in his chest, a feeling that suggests it shouldn't be an afterthought, and embarrassment floods the back of his neck. "Not in so many words-" he shrugs, "any actually."
Jesus Christ he's dealing with a moron. Mike leans back watching the confusion flicker across Harvey's face and it shouldn't come as a surprise. They've been friends for almost a decade and he knows how Harvey thinks but he's still perplexed the lawyer can't figure out something this important to him. "You really don't get it do you?"
The question immediately pisses him off. Obviously he doesn't. If he did he wouldn't be wiped out on scotch, squinting at the overbearing lights. being lectured in his own home. "No Mike, I clearly don't so if you could be so kind as to explain it to me then maybe I could try and fix the problem instead of sitting here fucking talking about it!"
He propels himself up stumbling from a rush of dizziness and he's suddenly aware there isn't enough scotch in the world to blanket the emotions flooding him. They're going to be there until he deals with them and he exhales sharply tearing a hand through his hair. "What if I can't fix this?"
The doubt wavers with a note of uncertainty and Mike can almost see the weight pressing down on the lawyer's shoulders. He did screw up but fortunately for him, Mike knows Donna just as well. She's spent so long being in love with something she thought was unobtainable he's willing to bet Harvey isn't the only one reacting out of fear.
"She loves you Harvey."
He says matter-of-factly because it's true. It might not make an immediate difference but it's the key to fixing what's broken between them. "She'll come round but you can't rush her into accepting it-" he adds warningly, "if you really want this you need to show her you're serious. Be patient, give her some time."
It's the worst suggestion he can think of. Space is the last thing their relationship needs. They tried that when she went to work for Louis and he ended up getting panic attacks but for once he tries to steer away from the selfishness. It's not just about his needs and he drops back on the sofa conceding with a sarcastic huff. "You write greeting cards now too?"
"The lawyer thing wasn't really working out for me." He throws the quip out feeling it lift some of the tension between them. Even though things hadn't gone exactly to plan he's proud of Harvey for opening himself up to being vulnerable. It's the only way he's going to be able to let love in and Mike offers a sympathetic smile doing his best Michael Paré impression. "She was the still point of the turning world, man."
Harvey flinches at the reference to the Virgin Suicides. "Mike, they all kill themselves in that movie?"
He shrugs picking up his drink again. Romeo and Juliet ended up killing themselves, didn't make the point of the play any less valid but hopefully he and Harvey can come up with a far less dramatic gesture to win Donna over. Because god knows it's going to take some serious groveling and Harvey's going to need all the help he can get.