Part 3 of 3

He pauses, takes a deep fortifying breath for courage, closes his eyes and takes the biggest gamble of his life, "Well, as I was just telling my good friend Jeremy, although I am strictly heterosexual, it's not doing me any good so… I was wondering if, perhaps, I should try something different…"

Jeremy's eyebrows rise higher and higher as he listens to this outrageous stratagem. He hands Richard his drink and leans on the railing. Richard puts a hand over the phone, "She's watching us right now," he whispers, nodding towards his beach before putting the phone once more to his ear.

Jeremy swirls his drink, takes a sip then slowly puts a hand on Richard's arm again.

Richard shoots the cell away as loud noises erupt and the two men regard one another, one in surprise, one in amusement. While he waits for the phone to quiet down, Richard asks, "How far are we from my beach over there?" as he politely puts Jeremy's hand back onto the railing.

Jeremy whispers, "I was just trying to help things along, you know, be a good Scout and all," before straightening up and answering the question, "Half a mile maybe. I don't rightly know."

"Good Scout my left…" Richard mutters then stops at Jeremy's arched eyebrow, "I mean, gee, thanks. Well, you certainly got her attention." He looks across the expanse of water towards that guilty glint of moonlight and sighs, "Ah, it's not ten miles but it will have to do. Here goes."

He puts the now silent phone back to his ear, "Are you still there? Hello? Camille? Oh… please, don't cry. I wasn't serious. Noooo, of course not! Yes. No. No. Yes, really. Jeremy and I are just talking. He's going home soon and he's agreed to help us with the Commissioner. Yes, it IS very good of him." He gives Jeremy a silent thumbs-up then listens for some time, his face softening in tender regard, "Well, that's good… because…" Another deep breath, "… because I love you too. Hello? Camille?" He covers the phone again, "I think I lost her! She's probably running home right now and…"

Jeremy pats his arm just once, "Give her a moment, man! You just dropped a bombshell on her and…"

Richard holds up a finger, "Camille? What's wrong… are you crying again? Is it mad crying or sad crying? Oh. I didn't know that was possible. OK, I'll have to take your word for it." More listening.

Jeremy takes the opportunity to put his arm around Richard and gives him a man-hug, "What a splendid performance! Good show…" he whispers but he has to let go as Richard holds the cell away for another loud blast of sound.

"Um, you'd better step away, Jeremy. She's a pretty good shot."

"Oh, absolutely! I wouldn't want to come between a glowing tiger and her…" He pauses.

Richard covers the cell with his hand, "Go ahead, you can say it… her prey. I'm under no delusions here." He puts the phone back to his ear once it is silent again.

"Well, you're a braver man than I, Richard Poole," Jeremy laughs then frowns as Richard suddenly stiffens and goes very still. "Oh, what NOW? What's she saying? She's not going to come out here and shoot me, is she? I wouldn't put anything past THAT one! Am I in danger? How exciting!"

"No," Richard hisses, covering the cell once more, "she says she has my Da Hong Pao tea! She's brewed an entire pot! An entire POT, Jeremy! And she's going to WASH in it if I don't get off this yacht and into…"

"… her arms? Bloody marvellous! This is better than a Beeb mystery whodunit! Well, what are you waiting for? Off you go!" Jeremy laughs and claps Richard on the shoulder.

"Argh! She says I'm taking too long to get moving. She's going to wash in the tea right now! How can she DO such a horrible thing! That glorious elixir is NOT rose-water!"

Jeremy lays a last hand on Richard's arm and smiles, "Stop and think for a moment. She is not shampooing her hair… she is laving it on her skin... laving it most gently I imagine AND in the most intimate of places if I read her aright. Tea… Camellia sinensis… Camille. Coincidence?"

Richard gives him a goggle-eyed look. "I don't believe in coincidence," he whispers then quickly goes back to the phone while turning away. There is a very hushed conversation that goes on for several moments. When he turns back, he looks like a man who needs to be elsewhere, "Um…"

Jeremy holds up a hand, "Say no more. I know when I'm outmanned, outgunned, and outmaneuvered. I'll have the launch brought around and you'll be on your little bit of beach within the nonce."

"Thanks, Jeremy. A nonce is about all I can stand to wait. My god, the things she SAID to me!"

Jeremy turns back from the on-board intercom, "I'm happy for you." He calls out loudly to the cell phone still clutched in Richard's hand, "Do you hear me, you tiger you?! I'm happy for him! I'll send you a box of Da Hong Pao on your wedding day. Please let him drink SOME of it out of a proper cup!"

"Jeremy! Really!" Richard exclaims, clapping a hand over the phone, "She doesn't need any encouragement from YOU!"

"I can imagine! You'd better go. Good luck, not that I think you will need it. She seems pretty determined."

"I guess I'm about to find out. Thanks for everything." He murmurs into the phone, "I'm on my way," then slips it back into his pocket and shakes Jeremy's hand.

"Not at all. I'll 'up sticks' and move off soon as you're gone. Sound carries pretty far over water and I don't need any reminders of my rotten luck. Ta."

Richard pauses on his way overboard and into the launch, "That won't be necessary, Jeremy. How bad could it be?"

"Well, I guess you're about to find out, aren't you? Like I said, good luck. Drop me a line sometime and let me know how things turn out, won't you? Not that I have any doubts… but you never know. Maybe I'll get my chance with you after all!" He laughs at the stricken look he gets, "Oh, I'm just joking! Off you go. Call me if you're ever in the Lake District and need a small castle to crash in!"

Jeremy watches the launch speed away and by the time it has returned, he is already below, having ordered to 'up sticks' as he'd promised. He sits in his big chair, listening to fine music, trying very hard not to think about what is happening on that little bit of beach in his yacht's wake. It takes most of a fifth of fine Scotch to put him to sleep that night.

As Jeremy hovers on the edge of slumber, a snippet of timeless prose drifts through his mind… Tyger tyger, burning bright… in the forests of the night… His last thought, Oh, tyger, you got a surprise tonight, didn't you? Yes, I know physiognomy… and I am NEVER wrong. Tyger, meet your match.

He smiles in his sleep.

END