S2 E4 – Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
Part 1 of 5
The English Version
This whole case has been about trying to pull away, away from laid-back island attitudes, away from professional back-sliding AND, most of all, away from her.
He has asked for a transfer again.
Why? Where to start! His sleepless nights have whirled around so many disturbing thoughts and events these past weeks that it's hard to say exactly when it all went wrong. Because it IS all wrong! So very, very wrong! His life is out of control and he's scared.
Let's start with Camille almost wrenching his arm off at the spa. It had embarrassed him mightily. It had wounded his manhood (not to mention his shoulder) and his masculine pride (what there was left of it after so many years). It made him realize that she doesn't see him as a man, as a potential match. He's just someone she can push around. And where did she get that impression? Well, it had to be from him, of course. Where else? Give her an inch and she takes a mile.
It is his own fault! He is slipping professionally and she has lost all respect for him.
Yes, the public fight on the street about toys and wine, the total disregard for his personal property (the extendable pointer has never been the same), his weakness over nuns and bikinis and woman in general, his stumbling through the jungle on the way to the treasure camp, his hormonal knee-jerk reaction to Liz Curtis (god help him!)… and her CLOTHES! Those bloody shorts! How those shorts interfere with his days and haunt his nights. How dare she flaunt herself so unprofessionally? She has absolutely no respect for him at all!
Then she had betrayed a deeply guarded childhood trauma to Sister Marguerite! The first bit of real trust he had shown her and she squandered it for a laugh. How can he trust her with his whole story now? He can't and that is the cold hard truth. His hurts, his fears, his desperate loneliness, it all has to stay buried in his heart where it is safe. His to guard unto death, it seems.
She had betrayed him to the Commissioner too, let's not forget that! She'd scoffed at his defense of 'the tea conundrum' during the Commissioners' chewing-out over the handling of the spa case, throwing him under the bus right there in front of everyone! How DARE she mock him so carelessly like that? The woman has no feelings, no loyalty, no… no love for him at all.
AND she ducked out on him during the photography session at his home. He'd really expected her to be there when he emerged with the PD 46 clue but she was gone. Like it all meant nothing. Like HE meant nothing. She'd abandoned him despite all her fine talk of keeping trust and being loyal.
Abandonment? Yes, let's address that! She claims to have abandonment issues? Don't get him started! So her father left them? Big deal. She still had a mother, a fierce and dangerous opponent to anyone that dared threaten her daughter's happiness. Him? He'd been thrown to the wolves as a 7-year old child and if not for Ru he wouldn't have lived. It had taught him one thing, build your defenses and build them high! Let no one in. No one!
As for erotic feelings, witnessing that surgery had shaken him to his core and she had LAUGHED at him! All the hype and hormones over something that could be totally fake plus he might never be able to look at a woman again without seeing the flensed body, the raw red meat, the skin pulled up in tiny puckered stitches. Oh, yes, he was definitely scarred for life. Might as well give over and forget all about that sort of thing. Easier on the adrenals.
Also, the team has sharpened up enough to work cases without him. He's missed vital clues due to his inattention; the bloody fingertip at the mill, the cigarette packs at the nunnery, Liz Curtis' undercover role in the treasure case. Camille has been showing him up. Hell, even Fidel and Dwayne have been showing him up. That paranoid episode at the white board… he just KNEW they were rolling their eyes behind his back, laughing at him, mocking him like all the others. He's so tired of being mocked. He feels useless, redundant, like a fifth wheel. They muddled along without him before he arrived and they will get along fine after he's gone. He won't be missed. He is sure of it. Probably throw a party when he leaves. Like before.
He knows his attraction to her is dangerous. He is very close to acting on his feelings and this threatens his authority. There are so many instances…
-the night of the Red Dress! What a disaster! He is sure she saw his slip. She knows and is using his hopeless pining against him. Does she think she has power over him? She's forced him TWICE to admit she was right about aspects of a case that he'd missed!
-her goading him about 'trying it, trying LOVE' right there in front of Dwayne and Fidel. Why not just wear a big sign 'the boss is in love with me and I can get away with ANYTHING?'
-he'd almost laid hands on her there by the spa pool! He'd been only a heartbeat away from putting his hands around her throat, gently running his hands down her shoulders, leaning into her. He'd been SO close! Her daring smirk is all that saved him. He'd come back to his senses, shocked at his arousal. When she'd made as if to actually touch him, he'd flinched and jerked away, looking like a fool he is sure but he has to avoid her touch at all costs. At ALL costs!
-those street hugs in front of La Kaz that burned his brain. The pounding of his heart had totally drowned out the Commissioner's response to a most important question.
-the frankly insubordinate language she used against him about 'ogling' Liz Curtis (god help him!)
-the humiliating scene over naming the goat. He had tried to freeze her with his best cold stare but she'd just smirked at him once more. She is oblivious. Totally oblivious. How can she miss all the distinct cues he is shooting at her point-blank? Calls herself a detective! Huh!
She is SO sure she has the upper hand! He has to regain his control, his savoir faire, his detached logic. And in order to do THAT, his manhood has to be contained. For once and for all.
He also knows that she doesn't return his feelings. Why would she? He isn't good enough to attract her. What did he have to offer that she can't get in spades almost anywhere else? He's seen some of her blind dates. Lord god a'mighty, I just don't measure up. Hopeless. Give it up, man.
His desperation is making him reckless. Why, he'd even stood up to the Commissioner! Bearded the man right here in the station in front of everyone! Had he been trying to FORCE the man to suspend him? Send him home? Whatever had prompted such suicidal behaviour, it didn't work. All it did was show him a possible new footing with his boss, one he actually enjoyed and would like to keep if only he were staying. Which he isn't.
She is trying to make him feel part of the island! Saint-Marie, big deal! It's just an island. Not like England, except… No, England was NOT just an island. It is his country, his home, his to defend and his to guard. That whole day wasted at the museum and all those tours. He wants to keep his identity. He'd even made that incredibly rude comment about sand in front of her mother just to prove a point, trying to act like he didn't care about their sensibilities anymore. He'd finally had to escape back to his home on a false pretense just to catch his breath. Spending time with her is too dangerous! He can't keep up the pretense. It is impossible to ignore her.
He has fought his feelings for her during the entire pirate treasure case; not returning her banter, not smiling at her, calling her Sergeant, trying his level best to pull away and regain his urban stiff-upper-lip, to be Poole of the Met once more. He has to go back to being his short-tempered self; curt, professional, and totally impersonal.
He's lost his edge. He needs to go back to being the man he'd been when he arrived. Yes, to stay sharp, to be the very best that he can be, to save his poor battered heart, he has to go back home, to England. He has to escape. He has to give her up. He has to give it ALL up.
So sad but there you are.
You can't refute cold logic.
END – Part 1