I had this chapter already in mind when I first posted Holiday Hope. I was able to finally write it to ring in this new year. Tank's comment is based on something I saw. All familiar characters belong to Janet. Mistakes are mine alone.

Chapter 2

Ranger's POV

"Now that it's officially the new year, we are going to have to discuss how and when to take all these decorations down, Babe."

As I've noticed she does every time I mention de-Christmasing my apartment, she went still and completely silent.

"What are you not telling me?" I asked, when she didn't offer any comment.

"It's nothing. Really. I'm fine."

"We're not doing that anymore. If there is anything bothering you, or you're not happy with something going on here, you need to tell me."

Her still being naked and in bed beside me, while not appearing in any rush to be out of my arms, leads me to believe her problem isn't with me. But the fact that there is an obvious issue, means I have something that required resolution yesterday.

She propped her chin on my chest and looked up my body at me. "How can I explain it to you when I don't even understand it myself?"

"Start with telling me why you flinch whenever I mention taking down all the Christmas trees you put up while I was away?"

She did just that, cringed again. "I get that they can't stay up forever. This isn't about my decorations ... not really."

"Then what is it? I know you, you go quiet when you're the most upset or scared. There's something worrying you and I need to know what."

She sighed into the bare skin of my chest, heating the two-inch section above one of the scars caused by a run-in with a knife. She had my body stirring, but put my mind at ease when she decided to share her thoughts rather than brush them or me off.

"I liked hiding out in your apartment ... almost to the point of wanting to thank Morelli for giving me an excuse to take this leap towards you, but I'm loving even more you being here with me. I don't want it to end."

I tugged her completely on top of me, ignoring my dick's response to having her silky skin slide against it again. "Do you think I'm going to kick you out any decade soon?"

"No. Weirdly enough, you seem to actual like cohabitating with me."

"Few things do I enjoy more, and the others also involve you. So if you're not fearing an eviction, and you're not feeling stifled by being my woman now that you've experienced all that I want from - and with - you, why are you afraid that things are going to change? Whether we're together or not has always been up to you to decide."

She curled her arms under my shoulders and gave me a hug as she pressed her face into the side of my neck. Usually she does that because she's seeking out my shower gel's scent, but today's face-tuck is more of a grounding exercise before sharing what she's feeling, something she has trouble doing. Even though I said it first, and many times since, she still had some difficulty telling me she loves me.

Her decorating my place in hopes of safely bringing me home for the holiday, had shown me just how much and how deeply she loves me, but I do enjoy hearing her say the words. I know for her to actually voice her feelings, I have to have a powerful effect on her and her emotions, otherwise she would have continued to plead the fifth.

The night I came home, even if I tried ... I couldn't have stopped her from telling me over and over again that she loves me. Fear can do that to a person, but I've been pleasantly surprised that from the last hour of Christmas Eve to this morning, New Year's Day, she hasn't once tried to take anything back or downplay what she has already admitted. Instead, she wrapped her body around mine and her mind around our relationship, and has refused to let either go.

I had solved the Morelli problem by paying a publicly-humiliating visit - for him - at the TPD. With Juniak at my back and the Chief of Police shadowing him, I filled the detective's doorway and calmly promised to disembowel him if he comes near Stephanie again. Juniak and the Chief followed that up with ordering him to cease and desist in stalking my woman or his badge will be forcefully removed from his person ... after my boot is dislodged from his ass, I'd felt compelled to add.

Morelli aside, Stephanie still isn't one-hundred-percent happy ... and that does not make me happy.

"We're not just up to me," she said, after a full two minutes of silence.

"I honestly can't love or need you more than I do right now, Babe. You can't possibly doubt that after this past week we've had together."

"I don't. You are one of the few things I've never questioned."

"So what's upsetting you? Morelli?"

"No. Connie heard through the Burg grapevine that you showed up at the station, with the Chief and Juniak providing backup, and Joe looked sick - and more than a little pale according to Eddie and Carl - when you guys left. I figured you're the reason Dillon said he hasn't seen him loitering in my apartment's lot or the second-floor hallway when I'd called to check."

"I just made it clear that if he comes near you again, it will literally be the last thing he does. If he's not your concern, what is?"

I could feel her lips pull up into a half-hearted smile against my neck. "You're not going to let this go, are you?"

My arms tightened around her and I gave her upper body a squeeze. "I didn't become who I am by trying to avoid problems or pretending none exist. I've always preferred to confront and challenge them directly. I'm not letting it or you go. So start explaining what you can and I'll help you make sense of the rest."

She was quiet for a beat, but knowing it is a waste of time to try to throw me off the scent, she spoke.

"You know why I put up a Christmas tree in almost every room in your apartment, right?"

I looked across the bedroom at the 'Heart/Army Ranger' tree that has stayed lit 24-7 since I've been back. This is one I will have trouble saying goodbye to. It's a declaration of love, hope, and devotion, like I have never seen before.

"You were hoping I could make it home for Christmas," I answered. "And you wanted my apartment to feel celebratory rather than abandoned."

She sighed and snuggled herself deeper into me. "There is that, but ..."

"But what?" I asked, when her voice trailed off as if she's done speaking.

"By setting up every tree and hanging every ornament, I believed I was keeping you safe. If someone loves you this much - I honestly felt like I couldn't breathe sometimes without you here - then God, fate, or whatever's in charge of bettering or fucking up our lives, wouldn't be cruel enough to take you away from me. Now that you made it back, I'm afraid if the Christmas stuff I put up to bring you home comes down ... you'll have to leave again. And you may not make it safely back to me next time. How many times do you think we can tempt fate without paying for it?"

"Stephanie ..."

She lifted her head again and her blue eyes latched onto my dark ones. "Believe me, I know it's stupid. Logically, I understand that it's your own skill, and those of the people you had with you, that kept you safe and allowed you to leave wherever you were sent, not my obsessive and paranoid decorating, but I can't help but panic at the thought of anything I put up being removed. My head's saying stop being an idiot, but everything else believes that if they're gone, you will be too. I know it makes no sense, but I've been getting more and more nervous as we've counted down the days to the first of the year."

I could feel her chest expand and contract against me as she took a steadying breath before continuing.

"Growing up in a home where my mother eliminated Christmas on the twenty-sixth, I get most decorations come down a day after Christmas ... or five after New Year's like in Mary Lou's house. And I completely understand that you don't want to be bumping into Christmas trees and doorway garlands indefinitely, but I don't know how to lessen my panic at dismantling and saying goodbye to them."

"I admit, this isn't a problem I've ever come across before," I told her, kissing the top of her subtly floral-scented head when it tucked back into its resting spot between my jaw and my shoulder, "but I can honestly say ... I've never felt this loved before."

"It's an irrational fear," she pointed out.

"It is, but it's also a real one. I could be called in at any time if I'm needed for a specific job. And the possibility of not making it out alive is one people like me accept early on. It's a hard fact to ignore when you're handed your own body bag, and told by your CO to write a 'If you're reading this' letter to your family back home, before you've even begun to really live. That being said, I don't want you dwelling on it. If having a tree-talisman has you breathing easier, then we'll work something out."

"Ranger, it's like pulling teeth to get you to even acknowledge your own birthday, you aren't going to be comfortable living in a Christmas forest. This is my problem, and I promise I'll deal with it ... I just have to figure out how."

Being an excellent strategist didn't factor into this, being an expert on Stephanie did. I knew how to make us both happy.

"Would you relax if we left one tree up year-long?" I asked her. "That way you can have me but also have something to focus on if I'm gone."

She put both hands on my chest and lifted herself half off it. "You'd be willing to do that for me?"

"Steph, I've put my body, my heart, and my life, on the line for you numerous times ... having to coexist with a tree that was erected in my honor, won't kill me. If terrorists or the worst Stark Street has to offer haven't managed it, I feel confident that a little prolonged Christmas cheer will."

I could feel the tension leave her body and a spark of excitement take its place. "Which one is staying? I know which tree I want to keep, but it should really be your choice."

My eyes once again strayed to our bedroom tree. I can picture making love to her every night in the glow it provides. Years ago, when Tank and I got back from our first deployment, if anyone gave him and his girlfriend at the time a dirty look for some pretty public displays of affection, he'd half-smile, nod, and respond ... 'We've been sexually deprived for your freedom. You're welcome.' Time, life, and war, turned him into almost as private a person as I've become since that first time out, but I understand what he was feeling and saying back then. A week straight of having Stephanie all to myself still hasn't filled my need of - and desire for - her.

"My vote is for the Christmas tree here in our bedroom," I answered. "Not only is it a visual 'I love you', it's also something that can be kept between the two of us, since no one is allowed in here."

"With the exception of Ella who takes care of everything here and Tank," she reminded me. "Ella's in here everyday cleaning, fussing, and dropping off now-blood-free uniforms. And good guy that he is, Tank helped me lug the bigger-than-me Spruce in here. In case you were wondering, it's not bigger than him."

"Neither he nor Ella would discuss it. And both approve of the meaning behind what you did for me."

"Guess it's settled then. I get to keep my Ranger and my 'I heart my Army Ranger' tree. I didn't tell you, but I already bought another ornament for it, a saluting mini-Ranger in BDUs holding a really big gun that I've fantasized about using on one of Trenton's not-so-finest. Now I only have to wait until we get up to put it on the tree, not an entire-friggin'-year."

I thought there would be a longer discussion on the matter, but she moved her legs to the outside of mine, lifted her hips, and slid herself home ... knowing that's where we both are now with no immediate plans of leaving. In the same way we had ended the night I returned home ... we began the start of our new year.