Week Twenty-Three: I Need You (To Need Me)

Cameron called House one cold morning; there was frost on the windows and when she touched the walls she could picture herself freezing in liquid nitrogen, shattering if someone were to carelessly tap her shoulder accidentally.

"I'll need you to come with me to the doctor's." It was a reasonable request to make, considering, but it was hard to say.

House blinked.

"You called me up at seven in the morning to tell me to go to a doctor's? Sure… Which one. I mean, we work in a hospital, it isn't as if we have any shortage of them around."

"I need an ultrasound. I don't know if I want everyone at Princeton-Plainsboro knowing about this." It was odd to say, considering that a week ago she would have said that she didn't care. Maybe she just didn't want to bend to what House wanted to do. She was giving up enough already, even though she had chosen this.

She had to keep some kind of control in this situation.

"Okay, sure, I'll go." She wasn't sure what about it made House soften, but somehow, there he was.

He arrived on her doorstep about ten minutes later, and he actually looked relatively presentable. Perhaps there was hope yet for him.

"Hey, House." Cameron deflated slightly. She was so tired all the time, recently. Tired and cold and ready to be done with the whole thing – why wasn't there a fast-forward button on this whole pregnancy thing, she wondered.

Maybe she should call home, talk to her own mother.

Why hadn't she thought of that before? They had a good relationship, didn't they? So what stood in the way of asking for advice?

Then again, Cameron's mother hadn't been a doctor. She hadn't even finished college, her father either. They hadn't understood the things that Cameron had obsessed over, the challenges she had had to face. All of the worries, the tests, the 36 hour days.

They'd both been 9-to-5 people and had never wanted anything past that.

Maybe that was why… and after all, she still wasn't sure what her next move was, after the baby was born. Was she even going to keep this child, to raise him or her, have plans for them and pick out a name and a preschool and all of those sort of mundane things that always seemed more important than life itself to parents?

And what if the baby got sick one day – would she turn into one of the wailing parents at the hospital, completely lose her head and stop with her even-keeled compassion and instead just fall completely into disarray? Have a nervous breakdown?

What in the hell was she planning to tell this baby about House? "I decided to have you for my spare parts for my former boss?"

At least she wouldn't have to do that one for another few years… right?

Cameron had done this on the other side of things for a long time. Rubbing gel on people, checking their baby's progression – though with her it had usually been because the baby had something horribly wrong, or because the mother did.

Now, she wondered if there wasn't something horribly wrong here, if she wasn't going to end up on the other side of the glass the way that Foreman had once. The doctor becomes the patient, she thought dryly.

What was her plan if the worst did happen, anyway? Just go back and try it all over again? Have the kid anyway, hoping for some kind of a miracle cure? A miracle cure after the kid had already performed a miracle for this man Cameron… what did she feel about House, anyway? Was it love? Some kind of weird longing, perhaps, or obligation. Or maybe she was doing it just so she could tell herself that underneath everything else, she was and would remain a good person.

Maybe she was just trying to fool herself in the biggest possible way. Maybe that was why she hadn't told her parents. It wasn't like she knew what she was doing.

At least this part, she did.

"Please take a seat, Dr. Cameron. Let's go over some questions, and then we can begin the ultrasound. I'm sure you're eager to find out about your new little one!"

Cameron looked up at the doctor and gave a nod. She must look subdued or in shock; she couldn't have been the first to look this way.

"Let's do it. What do you want to know?"

"And this is the baby's father?"

Cameron gave a shrug.

"That's him."

"It's nice to meet you, sir."

House tapped his cane against the floor.

"We don't have all day!" he declared. "Let's see the little bugger before he starts off being a disappointment."

It seemed, Cameron thought, that House's upbringing must not have been the best. It was unlikely that she could rely on him to step up… and he would be healing, anyway. That would be the priority. As it should be. This was Cameron's big idea.

The doctor and ultrasound tech appeared less than charmed by House's antics, but they did not say anything.

Cameron closed her eyes. It was a helpless feeling, no longer being the expert in this moment. People hoped for great things from their children, but they seemed to so rarely get them. Either the children were disappointments, or the parents were.

Now, she was turning into House. She needed to stop.

Her eyes flew open again, and she tried not to think of how vulnerable this all made her feel, how much doubt kept flooding in every time she opened her mind to realize what she had committed to. This was huge, and she hadn't seen it.

"Dr. Cameron?" the ultrasound tech asked. "Is everything all right? You look a little faint…"

She needed to snap out of it. Turning into the stereotypical hormonal, weepy woman in front of House would only serve to get her mocked.

"Do you want to know what you're having?"

"A baby, presumably," House cut in dryly, and the tech ignored him.

"…Sure." It was scary; it made it all more real. But maybe it needed to be.

"You're having a girl, Dr. Cameron."