Week Twenty-Four: Decisions, Decisions

Lisa Cuddy had never been one to show her emotions in public. Ever since she was a little girl growing up, she had kept it close to the vest. There wasn't anything to be gained from making a big production about what she was feeling and getting every person involved.

That type of person never got what they wanted at the end of the day, and that type of person only made everyone around them feel uncomfortable for having better sense.

She saw Allison Cameron as that second type of person. Of course, Cameron was a good doctor – that much was clear. But a good administrator? That, she could never be. Too emotionally involved.

Right now, however, the question wasn't about being a good doctor or a good administrator or even a good person in general. The question was whether Cameron was a good person to be around Greg House. To "fix" him, if he could be fixed.

Cuddy had certainly tried, and she had fallen short.

She let out a long sigh as her phone rang. She reached forward and picked it up (wishing she could just ignore it, wishing she could just ignore a lot of things that wouldn't stop yanking at her collar and trying to pull her back).

She should have checked the caller ID first, but it wasn't as if she could ever say no to a person in need – oh, she wished that she could, though. She wished she had never decided to become a doctor at a young age, had never set her sights on a career that was so intent upon taking up every single moment of her life. Wished she hadn't wanted this before she had known enough to want other things like motherhood or peace and quiet or something that resembled happiness in some way, shape or form. Wished she didn't need this.

"Hey. It's me."

Cuddy let out a long sigh. Of all the people she wanted to talk to this morning, Cameron was very far down the list. But she had picked up the phone, and there wasn't much that she could do about it now, was there?

"Hello, Dr. Cameron. What do you need?"

"I just… wanted to talk. I guess I wanted to kind of figure out what all of this means."

Cuddy sighed. There she was, Allison Cameron with all of her feelings going all over the place. If she had asked Cuddy about this before she had done it, then she could have told her what a huge mistake it was.

"I'm not really in the mood to have a chat with you over coffee, Dr. Cameron. I also don't have time. I need to get to work."

That wasn't true, exactly – she didn't need to leave for a little while, now. But the hospital never truly ran without her. If she stayed away too long, everything would fall apart. She did not have time or reason to listen to Cameron's endless feelings about becoming mother to House's child.

It should have been her instead, anyway.

"You're not in the mood, I know. I know that it's complicated – and it makes sense. You don't want to be involved in any of this… and you don't have to. I just need your medical opinion."

"About a case?"

"About me."

Cuddy let out a long sigh. She wanted to hang up and climb into the car to drive to work. What did she care about any of this? She had her own family, her own child. A life without House that was perfect in every way. She had wanted more, once upon a time, but she had also seen that House didn't have what it took.

It wasn't as if that was going to change for Cameron, whether she was having his kid or saving his life or not. So why did Cuddy feel something…. Something that she couldn't quite put a finger on?

"What did you want to know? I'm not an ob-gyn, Cameron. I can refer you to a number of good ones, if you would like, but I would think that you'd have a lot of these resources available already… Why are you asking me? Cameron… You're not getting doe-eyed just because you're pregnant, are you? Because I don't have time for that and I doubt House does either."

"I'm not doe-eyed! What are you talking about? Maybe this was a mistake."

"It might be, it might not be. But either way… Whatever it is you want… Just come over and tell me in person. I don't think this whole… phone confessional… Situation is exactly working. But I have to get to work soon… So whatever you're going to do… Just go ahead and do it, okay? Because I don't have time to sit here and worry about it. Let's just deal with it already."

And that must have been how Cuddy ended up spending the rest of her morning looking at ultrasound photos with Allison Cameron and wondering why she didn't just leave. Maybe the answer for getting rid of everything involving House was to pick up and start over from the bottom up in a completely different town.

She could be a hospital administrator anywhere, after all – she was good at what she did. There were other hospitals that would treat her better; there were definitely other hospitals that needed her more. She could start Rachel over in a new, better school – she was young enough that she wouldn't be leaving too many friends. Maybe now was the time.

Just the same, she knew she would never do it. She couldn't stop helping people; maybe that was the fatal flaw that would take her out one of these days.

"What do I do?" Cameron asked her. She was sitting cross-legged on Julia's floor, and Julia would probably flip if she came home to discover this. Then again, Julia flipped about most things. Maybe it was a whole other reason to make sure that she kept this going.

"You keep your head up, Dr. Cameron. You stay… you."

It fell short, and it fell flat. But it was the best advice Cuddy had for her right now, so it would have to do.

She held the ultrasound up to the light again, and simply wondered.