This chapter is ridiculous late and I'm so so so so so so so so so so so so sorry, you've probably all forgotten what happened in the alst chapter because I fail that much. Sorry. Finals and AP tests and final projects and everything all at the same time, then I got sick on top of it and this was a hard chapter to write. It changed itself probably 10 times or so from when I sat down and started to write.

You don't want to read my excuses. Enjoy your super long chapter!

"Rikui."

He knocked on the door for the eighth or ninth time… or was it the tenth? He had lost count…

"Rikui, please come out…"

As had held true the last eighth, ninth or tenth time, there was no response from the other side of the door. He was pretty sure that she was actually in there… it would be embarrassing if he had been standing outside her door for the past fifteen minutes and she wasn't inside. Then again, after what he had done to her a little embarrassment was the least he deserved. He raised his hand to knock again, then dropped his forehead against the wood.

After sleeping a grand total of two hours last night and staring at the ceiling of his room for another two, he had finally gotten dressed and wandered around in the palace without any real aim. Then he ended up in front of Rikui's room and began to knock on her door. It was still fairly early in the morning, so he assumed that she would still be in her room. Of course she was the one that used to wake him up in the morning for training, so perhaps she was gone.

He felt horrible.

How had he been so blind that he hadn't noticed the signs? He should have. But because he hadn't, he had just kept on hurting one of his closest friends without even knowing it. He despised the idea that he was hurting anyone, but there he was doing it to Rukui. Even if it wasn't really his fault (was it?) he had still been the cause which was something he wasn't sure he could forgive himself for.

Then there was Fei, who Al considered the very first friend he had ever made in Xing. He was always so sweet and sincere, and Al had never looked beyond that. He had never even contemplated the true pain and agony lurking in his family life. Fei had never said anything about his family before except his sister and mentioning that his father had served with some Amestrians during the Great War. Never anything about his mother or their relationship and he had never thought to ask.

Then again, what had he told them about his? So once again could he really be blamed?

The entire situation was not helped in the slightest by the fact that he had only gotten 10 hours of sleep in the past 72 hours.

"Alphonse?"

He snapped around, hoping that he had been right and it was Rikui coming back from training, but his face fell when he saw who it was standing a little ways down the hall frowning at him.

"Mei?"

The Empress, still frowning, continued down the short distance of hallway separating them so she was standing closer to him. She looked very put-together for how early it was, hair already up in its braids and twisted amongst the ever present crown. "What are you doing up so early, Al?"

He sighed heavily and rubbed the back of his neck.

"I couldn't sleep."

"So you decided to disturb Rikui in hers?"

"… well…" He took a deep breath. "I'm afraid I might have hurt her rather badly yesterday. It's one of the reasons I couldn't sleep." He glanced at the closed door and sighed again. "I came here to apologize, but she's either not listening or she's not there."

Mei stared at him for a few seconds, searching his face carefully. Then they shifted away, examining the woodgrains of the wall behind him.

"Rikui's younger brother arrived early this morning on his trip to the Shang Province. She's probably with him elsewhere in the palace. Or perhaps she's escorting him around the markets in the Capital."

He blinked. "She didn't tell me her brother was going to be coming."

Mei shrugged. "To be fair, Alphonse, you have been rather occupied with the treaty. I myself forgot he planned on stayed here for a day before continuing his journey until I was notified of his arrival."

"Oh." Her words were probably intended to be comforting, but if anything they only made him feel worse. It wasn't that much of an excuse; had he really been so absorbed in himself and what he was doing that she couldn't fit a word in edgewise about her own brother making the trip from the Chang Province all the way to the Capital?

"Do you have any idea when she'll be back?"

Mei shook her head. "I don't know when they left or what they're doing. My guess is that they won't be back for several more hours though."

"Great," Al said, wishing he could hit his head against the wood panel of the door a couple more times. At Fei's insistence he had avoided trying to find Rikui for the rest of the day (he had slept well into the late afternoon so that actually wasn't such a substantial amount of time) and then waited almost the entire night. Now she was already gone, and he probably wouldn't be able to talk to her for several more hours.

"Do you want me to leave you to lurk near her door until she comes back, or would you like to help me sort through Amestrian contracts?"

In all honesty, what he wanted to do was to go back to his room where he could hit his head against the walls and bury his face in the pillows without anyone worrying about him being insane. But he realized that that would get him nowhere. Rikui wouldn't be back for several more hours, so he might as well try to do something productive in the interim.

That was, if he could get his mind to focus.

As Mei led him to the room she typically used to take care of such business in and he started flipping through papers, he realized that he had to read everything probably four or five times before it finally began to make sense. Even then, he had to go back and reread it later when the information was referenced. It took him the same about of time to finish one contract for Mei to finish reading through seven.

He rubbed his eyes and grabbed a second one, which went just about as poorly as the first.

Before he could grab a third one though, a hand stopped him.

"Al, what's going on?"

He looked up at Mei, who was looking at him with concern in her eyes. "What?"

"What's going on? You're distracted. What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry," he said shaking his head. "I'm just… tired I guess. I haven't had much sleep, and—"

"That's not it, Al. There's something eating you up inside. What is it? Is this about Rikui?"

He could have denied it and continued reading the contract, or even just told her that he didn't want to talk about it. Mei probably would have respected that and left him alone. But he remembered all of the time when Ed would tell him that there was nothing wrong, when Al could very clearly tell that there was something very wrong. It never ended well.

"Yes. I… I hurt her really badly yesterday, and I want to make amends, but I don't think I can."

"Why not? How did you hurt her?"

There was a brief internal fight while he debated whether or not to tell her. After all, it was something that Rikui had told him and him only. He couldn't imagine it would be something she'd want advertised. And telling her more would mean he would have to open up more. But a long look in Mei's concerned face and he found himself telling her the whole story, the confession, how he hadn't noticed, Fei's story, the night he had spent in agony trying to figure out what was going on, and the conclusions he had come to.

"I love her, I do. But… only as a friend. And I wish that I could feel otherwise, or that I could convince myself that I could grow to love her as more than just a friend. And I don't know, maybe I could, but I wouldn't want to lead her on if it doesn't turn into that. She deserves so much more than that. I just don't want to hurt her, but I'm afraid that I'm going to no matter what I do. Telling her that I don't love her will her hurt her, but telling her that I do if I don't will hurt her even more. I wish I could change how I feel, but…"

"Why?"

"It would make everything so much better; I wouldn't hurt her, and if I did feel the same way, I'd be over the moon at the fact that she loves me back, wouldn't I? But as it is-"

"No, I mean… that was badly phrased, I mean… do you know what it is that makes you not love her? That's not what I meant to say either…"

Al frowned, though, his mind already looking for the answer to question. Was there anything in particular that made him not love Rikui? Or not feel romantically attached to her? She was his friend and a great friend at that so why… the thought had already crossed his mind that they just hadn't had enough time. With time to acclimate to the idea he would grow to love her that way with time. Perhaps that was true. But they had already known each other for close to three years now, why wouldn't he have already? What was it that kept him from… pulling her into his arms when she kissed him or chasing her down after she ran away and telling her he loved her as well?

There was nothing that he could think of. She was intelligent and kind, but still had a razorblade edge. She had always been there to help him out. She was fun to be around and insightful and beautiful… so what was it? Why couldn't he love her as much as he loved Mei?

Al froze.

What?

He hadn't just thought that… had he?

"Alphonse?"

He jerked himself back to the present right in front of him, rather than the chaos that was currently being reigned in his thoughts.

"What?"

"I asked… never mind." She shook her head along with the motion, and Al couldn't help but notice features that he didn't think he had ever picked up on before. The slight wisp of hair that had come out of her crown and braid ensemble. The crinkle around her eyes when she frowned. "I wish I could help you, Al, but… I don't know what to tell you. How does your Amestrian idiom go? Stuck between a rock and a hard place? I'm sorry. I'm sure you'll know what the right thing to do is, though."

There was a rapid burst of knocking and he could help but notice the creases around her eyes disappearing as she turned her head to look at the door in surprise.

"Is it really that late already? I'm sorry, Al," she said, now turning her head to face him. "I need to hold a session of Court. You don't have to attend by any means if you want more time to figure things out."

"I… yes, thank you."

She smiled, a quick, tight smile that didn't really reach her eyes – how come he had never quite appreciated that shade before? – and stood up and left the room.

Al dropped his face into his hands.

He actually hadn't meant to bump into Rikui. And that was what probably made it worst of all.

There was someone he didn't recognize with her, but the moment they both turned to look at him when he called out their names on his way from the gardens to the palace (he had gone there to think) he could tell that they were related. The looks of surprise were nearly identical, even though he was taller and his face was more squared than rounded.

"… Al."

"… Hi," he said breathlessly. He could see the pain in her eyes. All of his confusion about Mei flew out of his head, replaced by the disgust he had felt earlier for himself. How had he done this to her?

"Alphonse, this is my brother."

"Hello," he said, nodding. Her brother gave only a single head jerk in response, which Al couldn't really blame him for. After all, he had broken his sister's heart. Al would hate any girl that had hurt Ed (Winry didn't count seeing as her physical abuse was almost a form of endearment). Then he turned back to her.

"Rikui… I… Look, I wanted to say—"

"I know what you're going to say."

That brought Al up short. "What?"

"I know what you're going to say, Al." She closed her eyes and looked away. "You're going to say that you're sorry and you wish you felt another way but you don't love me."

"I…"

"See? I know you Al. And I know you probably feel awful, but I also know that if you really had those same feelings for me, you wouldn't have waited a day to come find me. So don't try to tell me otherwise."

"Rikui… I'm sorry."

"I know Al."

"No, you don't. I feel horrible! I can't believe I did this to you, I'm despicable, I'm a jerk, I'm a monster—"

"Don't!" she snapped quickly. "Don't call yourself a monster, Al. You're not a monster. You're wonderful. Just… blind."

"Obviously."

"Well I'm not," she said, opening her eye, even if she still wouldn't look at him. The spot over his shoulder had to be pretty fascinating.

"Better than me at least," he muttered bitterly.

Her eyes closed again and she took a deep breath. "Have you figured it out yet?"

"… figured what out?"

She finally deigned to look at him, crossing her arms as she did so, in a pose so reminiscent of her cousin that it was almost foreshadowing. "That you love Mei. Not me." He froze.

"How did you…"

"Like I said Al. I'm not blind."

There was a long pause.

"I… Rikui… I'm sorry."

She stared at him for several long seconds.

Her eyelids drifted closed as a small puff of air exited her nose and a single tear slipped down her cheek. "Go to her."

"What?"

She sniffed, then rubbed her nose with the back of one hand. "I said, go to her. Go be with her."

"Rikui—"

"Go!"

"Why?"

"Because I love you Al." He tried to figure it out, he really did, but he just couldn't make sense of her statement. How did her loving him mean that she wanted him to go to Mei? Shouldn't it be the other way around? Before he could voice his confusion though, she opened her eyes and spoke with a breaking voice. "And because I love you I want you to be happy. So go. Go be with her."

"I… I am so sorry."

"I know."

He floundered, wishing there was something he could say, anything he could do… but the best he could think of to do was step forward and hug her, whispering his apology again. She bore it stiffly, still crossed arms acting as an almost barrier between them.

"I'm going to be leaving with my brother," she said softly as he stepped back. "He offered, and there's room on the train. I already made up my mind, so don't try to change it."

Al, who had had more than his fair share of stubborn people, knew better than to argue. "Do you want me to go with you to the train? I could go grab Fei…" he offered. She simply shook her head in response and Al couldn't really blame her.

"Alright. Your brother's taking you then?"

Just another nod.

"Really… I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"If you weren't, I wouldn't love you." He let his head hang, unable to meet her eyes. "Go."

"Court won't be out for another few hours."

"Go anyways, so you can't be a coward and not tell her."

He smiled and went to hug her again, but this time she stepped backward and out of his reach, which stopped him dead in his tracks.

"Sorry."

"Rikui!"

They both turned at her brother's call. He was looking up from a watch, soon held up so that they could see the time it was showing.

"I need to go now, Al. The train…"

"Right," he muttered, uncomfortably.

"Thank you for everything, Al."

Despite his lack of comfort with the situation, he automatically shook his head. "No, it's I that should be thanking you. You have no idea how much you helped me out here. I will… forever be grateful to you."

There was a slight pause as she considered his words with a bowed head. Then, with a deep breath, she raised her head, met his eyes, smiled, and said "You're welcome."

The very next moment her back was turned to him and she was running off to her brother's side. He put an arm around her shoulders and with a backwards sniff at Al, they walked away.

Al took a huge breath and let it out as slowly as he felt he could.

Those thirty seconds or so actually helped. It helped clear his mind a little. Enough so that he was able to turn around and head back into the palace, rubbing the back of his neck as he went. What now?

Well he already had his orders, didn't he? Go to her.

His heart started pounding in his chest.

Despite the fact that it had been six year, he still had to stop and press a hand against his chest.

His heart was beating.

He breathed in and then out. Breathing. Heart beating. Blood flowing.

And there was perhaps no one else in the world who understood that better than Mei. Even if he had friends and family in Amestris who had known him far longer than the Xingese Princess had and each of them had had ample about of sympathy for him and his plight, he had never met anyone like Mei who had simply… understood. And her simple optimism when she promised him that he would get better.

He would do anything to see that type of smile again.

Even if that meant pacing in front of the Throne room doors for nearly two hours until a servant came running down the hall. The boy, probably no older than fourteen, stopped when he saw him. "Ambassador Elric?"

"Yes," Al said with a frown. Something hadn't happened had it?

"There's a phone call for you, sir."

"A phone call? From whom?"

"It's from Amestris, sir, I don't know who it's from though." He couldn't think of anyone who would be calling him. Fuhrer Mustang would be back in Amestris by now, but he didn't see why he would be calling him unless some major crisis had just arisen. He was about the only person he got calls from here in Xing, except—

"Ed!"

Now his heart was pounding for another reason, along with the rhythm of his feet as he ran down the hall. Something hadn't happened to the baby had it? When was the baby due? Another month? Had it been premature? Had there been complications? Or was there something wrong with Benny, or Winry?

He snatched up the phone from a startled looking operator, hoping beyond hope that everything was alright—

"Hello?"

"IT'S A GIRL!"

He jumped at the volume of the sound coming out of the phone and held it further away from his ear for good measure too. After a few tentative seconds to make sure that there wasn't going to be more shouting, he brought it closer to his face.

"Ed!"

"What?"

"You nearly blew out my ear drum!"

"Al! How could you be worrying about your ear drum at a time like this! I have a baby girl! Sara Trisha Elric and she's the most perfect little thing you've ever seen in your whole life!"

"That's great, Ed," he said, sagging in relief. That idiot. "But don't go scaring me like that. I thought something bad had happened."

"Why would you think something stupid like that?" he asked. "And besides, I tried to call you yesterday just after she was born, but someone on your end told me that you were asleep and had just finished a big treaty signing or something. And I would just like to say that I checked my math with the time differences. You were asleep at 1:00 in the afternoon, Al."

"It was an exhausting week and everything unexpectedly went completely alright," Al said with a half-smile and eye roll. "Isn't that pretty early though?"

"Yeah…" The overexuberant, excited voice seemed to drain a little. "Listen, Al… She came about a month early. That's not good, in fact the doctor that we have for Winry said that she doesn't think she's going to make it. I know you're busy with that whole treaty thing, but this is family. We need you here."

"What?"

"Alkahestry. I know you're not perfect at it, but you said that you were doing some research about premature babies and how to help them. None of the doctors here can do a thing for her. We need you. And besides, Win's not doing so well either and I've got my hands full just taking care of Benny. Paninya's been trying to help, but she's working full time now herself…"

Al swallowed. But… He was just going to…

"Of course I'll come, Ed."

"Thank you so much Al. Winry's going to be so glad you're coming. It won't be long. Just until we're sure that Sara's doing alright and then you can go back. Plus, Mustang can't be that mad after everything you've done for him—"

"I'll figure it out, Ed. Don't worry. I… I'll get on the first train there, okay? See you tomorrow."

"Right. I probably won't be able to meet you at the train station, but you know how to get to the shop from the station."

"Yeah. I love you, Ed."

"… Love you too, Al."

There was a click on the other end that represented the end of the call.

Al stared at the phone in his hands.

He was going home.

That should have been a good thing. After all, he was going to see his family. He might even save his niece's life. He was needed there.

But he had just gotten things figured out here. Or at least he thought he had. He thought he was close at least. Not just figuring things out, but… telling Mei how he felt, feeling which he had only discovered he had that morning. Maybe it was crazy.

He had to get packed. He had to buy a train ticket. He should probably call Fuhrer Mustang for good measure.

Yet he hung up the phone and went back to the throne room where courtiers were already beginning to trickle out. Some ignored him completely while others spared him just enough attention to turn up their noses as they walked by. He had hoped that the treaty would have made some of them a bit more open to him and his countrymen, but it would probably be a slow process. He had already accepted that.

He waited until he was sure most of them had left before actually entering the throne room, however. And sure enough, there was Mei, directly addressing some of the Elders who had stayed behind, probably to discuss the issues that had been brought up.

He didn't want to draw attention to himself, but…

"Empress?" They all turned to stare at him and Al swallowed.

"Ambassador," she acknowledged. "If you will give me just five minutes, I can personally attend to your petition."

He bowed his head and stepped back, waiting while she finished the hurried conversation. It seemed several of the Elders were upset about not being included enough in the process of choosing Amestrian investors. Eventually it was agreed that they could have the final approving vote on any of the applicants.

As soon as that was decided, they too filed out until it was just him and Mei alone.

"What is it, Al? How did things go with Rikui?"

"Um." He found he couldn't quite speak properly. "Well. I… she's… gone. Her brother invited her to go with her to his destination—" Which clan had it been again? One of the Northern ones, but which one he couldn't say. "And she left an hour or two ago with him."

"Oh. So… you and her?"

"I told her how I felt and she understood and accepted my apologies."

"For as sorry as I am that things could not have worked out more favorably—" Now did she say that because of politeness, or because she really wished that the two of them had been together? Or did she mean something else entirely? "—I am glad that it was worked out."

"Yes…"

She must have picked up on his hesitancy, though, because her eyes narrowed. And in that moment, he hated her sitting up there on her throne. Hated the throne that kept her raised above the masses and the crown that crushed her.

"I'm leaving."

"What?"

"I'm leaving," he repeated. "Winry had the baby a month premature, and they're hoping that I'll be able to help her."

"Oh no. That's horrible. I hope she's alright."

"Yeah… that's why they want me there. To try to help and make sure something doesn't… nothing bad happens. And they need my help in general, what with Benny and Winry not being able to work. I'm… I'm sorry that I have to leave on such short notice."

"Of course not, Al, you have nothing to be sorry for," she said, adamantly shaking her head. The crown moved back and forth with her head and he hated it. That was all people saw then they looked at her, wasn't it? Not the strong, intelligent, beautiful woman he saw and loved. "When do you leave?"

"As soon as possible. Every moment makes it less likely I'll be able to help."

"Of course," she said, nodding and the crown dipped dangerously. "You may go whenever you're ready."

Then he began speaking without even thinking.

"Do you remember when you first admitted to me your secret?" She froze, whether because of his actual statement or the suddenness of it.

"… what secret, Al?"

"The you don't want to be Empress." Her expression was more than enough to tell him that she did indeed remember it. Probably just as well as he did. The exact feel of her in his arms, the sounds of her sobs, and the weight that had been lifted from both of their shoulders.

"You let me in that day. And I have done my best to make sure you never regret that. I don't want you to ever regret letting me in, Mei. I want to be here for you in any way I can. I've tried."

"And you know I appreciate it Al," she said with a hesitant smile. At this point he didn't even know where his tongue was going. He just knew that he had one chance to tell her before he left that that was now. Whatever happened would happen. But he had to let her know how he felt.

"I've made excuses in the past to explain why I've cared so much. You've become my best friend other than my own brother. I would sacrifice anything for my friends. But… as I've contemplated leaving you, Mei… I've realized that you are the most wonderful person I've ever met."

"Al… thank you."

"You're brave. You're strong. You're kind. You're caring. You're beautiful. You're so wise. You're a great leader. I could go on for hours." The memory flashed into his mind unbidden, Ling smiling and winking at his wife while Al and Mei smiled at each other.

"A man in love could spend a year trying to come up with all the reasons he loves a woman."

He could. He could a hundred times over.

"You drive me crazy Mei. I can't stop thinking about you no matter what I do." He stepped closer. "It's like you've climbed inside my head and won't leave. The thought of you makes me indescribably happy and despair at the same time. I can't bear the thought of not being with you." He was walking up the steps now.

"And that's when I realized why."

"Alphonse—"

"I love you, Mei." Her breath caught. He reached out and grabbed her hand, and she didn't stop. "I love you." He lifted his other hand to her cheek and cupped it gently. "I love you."

"Al—"

He took her face in his hands and kissed her. It was gentle, unlike Rikui's hasty and forceful attempt. He didn't know quite… and he could tell that she had frozen.

He finally pulled away and stared at her. Her eyes were wider than he had ever seen them before and the mouth he had just kissed hung open.

"I love you, Mei," he said finally, stroking her cheek with the back of a finger. A brief moment's deliberation told him that he'd already gone this far, so he kissed her again, a quick peck more than anything, and smiled. "I love you."

"Al, I…"

"I just wanted to share that with you before I left." He stepped away, before bowing respectfully. "Thank you, Empress for the favor you have bestowed upon me this night. I will remember it forever."

"What favor?" she asked breathlessly.

"For allowing me to kiss you, Your Majesty."

"I… you're welcome, but…"

"Goodbye, Your Majesty. You don't have to ever mention this again if you don't want to. I just… I had to say that before I left." He bowed his head again stood, exiting the throne room, cheeks burning. He had done it. That was all that mattered. If he was going to leave, he at least would like to have no regrets as he did so.

Of course he was eventually going to have to come back to Xing after Sara was okay and Winry and Ed were on top of things, he would have to deal with that then. She had every right to forbid him from ever setting foot in the country again, indeed only the fact that he was an Amestrian would prevent her from having the right to kill him. Mei probably wouldn't do that just by virtue of being Mei, but—

"Wait! Al!"

He turned around, frown in place, when all of a sudden she was running at him and then throwing herself into his arms, so that her arms wrapped around his neck. He was very nearly knocked over, and almost certainly was when she kissed him.

It lasted about as long as their first one did, and he reacted about as well as she did until she dropped down onto her feet, now with only her hands behind his neck instead of her arms.

He stared at her for the space of about a second.

Then he was kissing her, and she was kissing him back, pulling him closer to deepen the kiss, which he responded to in kind. Her had an arm around her waist, and cupped her face with the other, practically floating with how his heart wanted to burst.

He did eventually pull away though, staring at her with wonder in his golden eyes. "Mei…"

"I love you," she whispered back at him. "I love you Alphonse Elric."

"Mei," he whispered again, before hugging her fiercely, then picking her up and spinning her around, all the while whispering that he loved her.