Sector 12, Metro Museum
Metro City, Canada
April 20th, 2015
10:30 AM
"Heath "Oz" Ostreicher"
"These are Chachapoya, also known as "the Cloud People," said Dr. Fraser, "They are a related group of Inca mummies and were found in northern Peru."
The hell kind of name is that? Sounds like a dance and an exotic spice put together into one word. When I heard we were going on a field trip to the museum, I was hoping we'd get to check out the dinosaur exhibit, but no, instead we get to look at shriveled up dead geezers wrapped in toilet paper… How enthralling.
"Who can tell me when these mummies were made?" asked Dr. Fraser.
Dr. Fraser was our tour guide. He was supposed to be some sort of foremost expert on Egyptian, Mayan and Incan mummies. We hadn't even started studying any of this crap yet. At least, I don't think we had. It's hard to tell because I usually just catch up on my sleep during History. So, why was this guy asking us? Shouldn't he just be telling us?
"About 500 years ago?" piped up Gretchen Gellar, the only girl in school that made Riley seem like an idiot.
"Yes, that's correct," said Dr. Fraser, "These mummies were made during the reign of the Inca Empire which took place from 1438 to 1532."
I can believe that I'll have to use most of the bullshit algebra that they keep shoveling down our throats, but I don't believe that I'll ever need to know when the Incans died. I might need to know what they did before dying, but he's not talking about that.
"Now, you'll notice that the exhibit is divided into two parts," said Dr. Fraser, "This is because the Incan rulers are artificial mummies, meaning that they were not created naturally."
Artificial mummies; how is that possible? If someone dies and you wrap them up and leave them that way for 500 years, you get a mummy, no ifs, ands or buts about it.
"The other side contains natural mummies," continued Dr. Fraser, "Sacrificed children were mummified by the freezing temperature and the dry, windy mountain air."
"So, the term mummy refers to a corpse that was dried, not a corpse that was wrapped in bandages?" asked Marcus.
"Correct," said Dr. Fraser, "The internal organs were removed from the body to prevent it from decomposing. Then, once dry, they were wrapped in bandages and entombed. Can anyone tell me why?"
"I know that the Egyptians did it because they believed in life after death," said Riley, "But I don't know if the same bodes for the Incans or Mayans."
"Well, the Mayans believed the world would end in 2012," I said, "Seeing as though it didn't, then they can't have been thinking very clearly."
"What a terrible thing to say!" gasped Gretchen, "They were all very advanced; the Egyptians built the pyramids without the use of modern technology."
"Fine," I said, "Maybe they were advanced, but I don't see how learning about them will be useful to me in the future… I've got better things to do than waste my time here."
"I would take that back if I were you, young man…" said Dr. Fraser, ominously, "Legends tell that the Incans put curses on their mummies to smite those who disrespect their embalmed ancestors."
"Bring it on!" I snapped.
What kind of bullshit was that? Curses? Give me a break… I had a pile of math homework that I could be doing. Wasting a whole day in a museum was not my biggest priority. To be fair, I had no intention of doing that homework either, but that's something I would have to keep to my-
"Oof!" I groaned.
For some reason, I tripped on the top step outside the museum and fell down the concrete stairs. That was so unlike me. My coordination has always been top notch. In football, I've only ever fumbled the ball a handful of times. I stood up, only to get creamed by an incoming bike messenger.
"Watch where you're going!" he spat.
Where did he come from? I didn't see him until he crashed into me. You'd think I'd have heard something to tip me off, but he was so quiet. It almost seemed like someone muted him with a remote.
"Legends tell that the Incans put curses on their mummies to smite those who disrespect their embalmed ancestors…"
Dr. Fraser's voice echoed in my head, but I was no fool. It was just a coincidence. There's no such thing a curses. I must be sleep deprived or something, and Dr. Fraser snuck into my mind because I was tired.
Before I got up, I noticed that there was a discarded piece of paper on the ground. I picked it up and unfurled it to find that it was a lottery ticket, the draw for which was tomorrow at noon. See? Just like that my luck was starting to turn.
Yes, Silver did give me a check, but I didn't keep it. I gave it to my Mom who used it to pay off the mortgage on our mobile home, the credit card debt and all her bank loans. Next was to buy a new car, move into a new house and then put the rest into savings. I was fine with that, because the money I had been earning met the same fate. Now I wasn't working anymore, but would likely get an allowance for doing chores again. So, winning the lottery would help us that much more.
My car was back in the school parking lot, so now I had to get back there. While I was walking, a bus drove by through a puddle, drenching me and then I got hit by bird droppings, which dripped into my face. After a while, I got fed up and decided to teleport back to the school parking lot. When I arrived, I wasn't wearing pants. Somehow, they didn't teleport with me. The worse things got, the less I cared about how peeved Silver would be if he found out about me teleporting for no reason.
I got into my car and turned the key, but the engine stalled. I kept trying until smoke started emanating from under the hood. Coughing and sputtering, I made my way through the smoke to open the hood. I wrenched it open and propped it up. With the hood up, I leaned forward and put my face close to the engine. I heard a snap and knew that the stick that was propping the hood open had snapped. With lightning reflexes, I caught it before it could slam down and break my neck.
After that, I lost hope and decided to hide in the back seat of my car. If I couldn't even start the engine without getting killed, driving would be even more dangerous. All I could do was wait for the others to get back
"Aaron "Trojan" Kingsley"
"What have we here?" I said, sitting forward in my throne to get a better look, "Yellow Ranger's luck seems to have hit an all-time low."
"The mummies are viruses in disguise aren't they?" asked Phisher, "Viruses with the power to control another person's luck?"
"No, this is something else entirely," I said, "Something that I think we could have a lot of fun with."
After the tragic loss of the Battery Virus, I ordered Molex to perform a major upgrade to his encapsulation machine. We needed to make sure that it could calculate statistics that took the new ranger into account. Unfortunately, Molex's machine was more complex than I realized and he only just started putting the finishing touches on it yesterday. Which meant one of two things; either those mummies really were cursed, or there was a virus down there that was made without authorization. It was too early to tell at this point.
"How so?" asked Phisher.
"Think of it as a constant source of slapstick comedy." said Dr. Molex.
"Would it be wrong of us to place bets?" asked General Berg.
"Normally, no," I said, "But in your case, you have nothing to bet."
"Just sit back and enjoy the show." said Dr. Molex.
"Heath "Oz" Ostreicher"
The smoke from my car never stopped. I could smell it while I tried to sleep. I kept hoping I would wake up in my bed, but obviously I didn't. Three sharp knocks on my window made me sit bolt upright and whack my head on the roof of the car. While rubbing the bump that had formed as a result, I clambered out of the car and stood up, forgetting that I didn't have any pants on.
It was Riley and Marcus. I could tell that they were about to say something, but I cut them off before they were able to.
"I tripped down the stairs of the museum, crashed into a bike messenger, got splashed by a puddle, crapped on by a bird, lost my pants when I teleported and almost broke my neck when I tried to figure out where the smoke was coming from!" I blurted out in one breath.
"Then I guess I can skip the part where I ask you if how you're doing," said Riley, "I'll also skip the part where I tell you that I used to feel the same way after you'd pick on me like that."
"Much appreciated." I said.
"Did you have a girl back there or something?" asked Marcus.
"No, I lost my pants when I teleported."
"That can happen?"
"Apparently," I said, "Otherwise I'd still be wearing pants."
"You know what this means, don't you?" asked Riley, "The mummies cursed you for disrespecting them."
"There's no such thing as curses!" I snapped.
Just then, something enormous fell out of the sky and landed on the roof of my car. It was a giant blue ball of what looked like ice. The weight of it crushed my car like a soda can.
"MY CAR!" I shrieked, completely horrified.
"Please tell me that's not a meteor." moaned Marcus, nervously.
Riley walked over to examine it. He sniffed it, poked it and stroked it with his finger.
"It's not a meteor," he said, "I think it's blue ice." he said.
"What do you say, Oz?" asked Marcus.
"I'm cursed…" I muttered.
Riley and Marcus helped me teleport to headquarters. I told them to steer clear of me in case my curse was contagious, but they weren't afraid, probably because they didn't disrespect the mummies. When we got there, Rachel and Chloe couldn't keep their eyes off my lack of pants.
"Is that a pickle in your pocket or are you just happy to see us?" snickered Chloe.
I walked right past her. I was not in the mood right now. Nobody, not even something that's been dead for 500 years, messes with my car and gets away with it.
"Something called blue ice just fell out of the sky and landed on my car," I said, "Tell me everything you know about it so I can go ape shit on it!"
"Blue ice?" asked Silver, "That's frozen sewage from airplanes."
"Eeewww!" moaned Chloe.
"It's called blue ice because the waste drops into a vat of disinfectant which is then frozen to make it easier to dispose of," said Silver, "Pilots aren't allowed to dump their tanks in mid-flight; in fact they don't even have a mechanism to do so."
"Then how did it fall on my car?"
"Because you're cursed." said Marcus.
"I know," I said, "I'm trying to figure out if this curse is making impossible things happen."
"It's not uncommon for blue ice to fall out of the plane accidentally," said Silver, "In fact several people have died from being hit by it."
"This is going to sound weird," said Rachel, "But what do you know about mummies?"
"Not much," said Silver, "Why?"
"Oz disrespected the mummies at the museum and now he's cursed." said Marcus.
"Why do you think I can do anything about that?"
"I don't know, I guess it's just a force of habit," I said, "But you must have some advice?"
"Don't tell me you're a skeptic," said Marcus, "I thought that you of all people would be the first to jump to radical conclusions."
"I'm not skeptical," said Silver, "I just don't have time to search for proof."
"So, because I've been cursed by a mummy and not a virus, you're not going to help me?" I asked.
"I think it would be a wild goose chase if I did."
"You're probably right," I said, "How about you guys? Will any of you help me?"
"As long as I don't have to touch that blue ice stuff, I'll help." said Chloe.
"Good, because the first thing I wanna do is get my pants back," I said, "How did I manage to lose them while teleporting?"
"You probably weren't concentrating hard enough," said Silver, "Try teleporting back to the spot you were when you lost them."
"Chloe, you might want to let him tag along with you," said Rachel, "If his luck is really as bad as he says, he might end up in China if he tries to teleport alone."
If I was in a better mood, I would've had some fun with Chloe, like pinching her ass or copping a feel while holding on to her, but I just didn't feel like it right now. So, instead, I cleared my mind of everything frivolous and did my best to think of my pants and nothing else. Once I was ready, Chloe held down the two smallest buttons on her Digitizer and we soared up through the ceiling, leaving a streak of binary behind us.
My favourite things to do are the kind of stuff that you can always tell worked. You know, like eating a pizza. If you can taste it, and you stop feeling hungry, then you know you're doing it right. Teleporting, when done properly was one of those things. As rangers, we could see where we were going during the teleportation process. Imagine looking out the window of an airplane and seeing everything move about 100 times faster.
We arrived in the alley across the street from the school parking. The same alley that I was in when that Virus attacked me and Riley came to help. It was the only place we could land where no one would see us.
"Should we morph?" asked Chloe.
"Do you really think we'll need to?"
"What if there are Replicators waiting to ambush us?"
"If we had come here to get a powerful weapon, then you'd have a point," I said, "But, since we came to get my pants, I think we're safe."
"Hey, if you were to morph without your pants, do you think you'd still be missing them in ranger form?"
"What!?"
"Never mind… Just go get them." She chuckled.
By now I had embraced the fact that there would be no conceivable way to do this without avoiding embarrassment. There were people all around. No matter what I did, they were going to see me run into the parking lot to reclaim my pants.
So, I just went for it. I was halfway across the crosswalk when my foot slipped and I stumbled backwards, landing hard on my back. I lifted my foot to examine it and found a banana peel stuck to it. That wasn't there when I started across. At some point between then and now, that peel appeared out of thin air just to trip me.
"You okay?" asked Chloe.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I moaned, "My pride on the other hand…"
I got up and walked extra carefully. I examined the ground before I took each step to make sure I wouldn't trip again. In a bizarre twist of fate, my Digitizer started beeping as I got closer to my pants. Chloe probably triggered this back in the alley. She jinxed me, and with my curse, it came true.
I turned around to face her and pointed at my Digitizer.
"Is yours beeping?" I mouthed, without actually saying the words.
"No." she mouthed, tapping her Digitizer curiously.
"Be ready to morph," I mouthed, "But stay in the alley so no one will see you."
She nodded. I turned away from her continued to make my way across the street, still taking each step apprehensively. The closer I became, the faster the beeps got. But then they stopped. I grabbed my pants as if there was an automated guillotine in my way, but nevertheless got them. I threw them back on and instantly felt whole again.
I looked back at Chloe, whose eyes had gone wide. She was looking at something above me, which triggered me to look just in time to dive out of the way. Another huge piece of blue ice would've crushed me had I stayed where I was. I scrambled to my feet and noticed that the first piece wasn't on my car anymore, which meant that something had used the same piece to try and flatten me.
"You saw what just happened, right?" I asked, "The same piece of blue ice somehow fell from the sky again!"
"You're not cursed then," said Silver, "I think something is targeting you to make you think you're cursed."
"Our Digitizers are sensing something," said Chloe, "Probably the same something that wants Oz dead."
"We're on our way." said Riley.
"Aaron "Trojan" Kingsley"
"Tell me Molex," I snarled, "If your machine is out of commission then where did that virus come from!?"
"In its current state, the machine CAN still create viruses, but doing so could potentially short-circuit it," he whimpered, "Which is why I decided to wait before using it."
"So," I said, turning to Phisher and Berg, "That means that one of you went behind my back and created something!"
They looked at each other nervously, and tried to blame it on each other.
"I can assure you that the consequences of lying to me will be much worse than the consequences of creating a virus without my knowledge," I snapped, "SO SPILL IT!"
"It was me, Sire!" said Phisher, making a wheezing sound as he spoke.
"Why did you do it?"
"To try and prove to you that I'm not useless."
"I hope it was worth it," I growled, "Because if the Rangers destroy it, then you will have wasted a perfectly good strand of corrupted code."
"Heath "Oz" Ostreicher"
The parking lot and the surrounding area were now deserted. All the people that saw the massive chunk of blue ice fall ran away in fear of being crushed by anymore that might have followed it. This made our job much easier, because now there was nobody around to see us morph or demorph if the battle doesn't go our way.
"Heath, I need you to think hard," said Silver, "At some point you must have touched or picked up something that caused the virus to target you. Until you get rid of whatever that was, it will keep attacking you."
"But it could be anything!"
"Then retrace your steps," said Silver, "Just like how you recovered your pants."
"Chloe, cover me." I said.
"I told you," she said, "There's not a chance in hell that I'm touching blue ice."
"Then push me out of the way or something," I said, "I need time to think."
"That could take hours!" she whined.
"Very funny," I sighed, "Just do whatever you have to protect me."
"Alright, fine…"
I closed my eyes and retreated back into my mind. I had pretty lousy short term memory, but considering how shitty my day has been since I stormed out of the museum, it might be one of those things that you never forget. You know, like riding a bike?
Okay, so, first, I tripped down the stairs of the museum. Then… Um… Then I stood up and got creamed by the bike messenger that came out of nowhere. He yelled at me to watch where I was going and then I remembered the ominous warning that Dr. Fraser had given me before I left the museum… What happened next? Um… I was still on the ground, and then I um, um, um… Found the lottery ticket… Wait, that's it! The lottery ticket! I suppose tripping down the stairs and getting hit by the bike messenger was just a stint of clumsiness and then everything that happened after I picked up the ticket has been the work of the virus.
I pulled the lottery ticket out of my jacket pocket and tore it up. It let out a bloodcurdling scream and disintegrated.
"Took you long enough, ha, ha, ha, ha!" said a voice that you might expect a clown to have, "I was running out of stuff to do to you!"
The source of it burst out of the ball of blue ice. Had it been hiding in there the whole time or something? I examined keenly and realized that it was based on a slot machine.
"Then I guess that means it's my turn to do stuff to you!" I snapped.
"Not without us!" hollered Riley, "We'll be right there!"
"Rangers, be on your guards," said Silver, "It has over a dozen attacks. Each one is based on a particular outcome of its reels."
Almost as if the virus heard Silver, it reached up and pulled its lever. All three reels stopped on "BAR", which caused its arms to turn into rigid, bars with limited mobility. Then, it charged at us and spun around so that we were pummeled by its arms.
"I guess we know what that one does…" moaned Chloe.
The others had arrived. Except for Rachel, whose leg had healed enough for a normal doctor to put a cast on it; the powers of her codec sped up the process from several months to under two weeks. Although she still couldn't fight.
"Why did you two put a coin in it?" chuckled Marcus.
"We didn't," I said, "Apparently it can work without them."
"How is that fair?" asked Marcus, "If you ask me, this machine is rigged."
"Good, then no one should care if we beat the crap out of it." I said.
"Ready?" asked Riley.
"Ready!" we said at once.
"CYBER POWER, ACTIVATE!" shouted everyone together.
Now fully clad in our ranger suits, we huddled around the Slot Machine Virus in a circle.
"The odds are still in my favour!" cackled the Virus, pulling its handle again.
The reels stopped on three black circles. The pictures on the reels were too nondescript to know exactly what they were though.
There was rumbling sound, followed by a clattering as something fell inside the Slot Machine Virus. That must mean it was hollow. Then, from the chute where the coins usually fall from, rolled a bomb. At least now we knew what the circle was supposed to be.
"Oh shit!" yelped Green, kicking the bomb away.
The virus moved its finger and drew a path back towards us, which the bomb followed. Somehow it had moved it with its mind.
"Hell with that!" I snapped, picking the bomb up again.
The virus raised its finger to steer it again, but I didn't plan on throwing it.
"Saw "Ah"…" I said, as I crammed the bomb back up the chute.
Less than a second later, the bomb detonated inside the virus. Much to our surprise, it had next to no effect on it at all.
"Nice try," said the Virus, "But I can't be hurt by my own weapons."
It pulled its lever again. This time the reels stopped on a trio of dollar signs. We all relaxed. How could money possibly be used be used as a weapon? The Slot Machine Virus' lights and bells went off, which triggered an eruption of coins and bills to shoot out like a machine gun.
"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!" cackled the Virus, "You've just met my "Blood Money" attack, rangers!"
"Silver," I groaned, "We need a better plan!"
"The Slot Machine Virus is #9S7M0A1C3H," he said, "Its profile says that it can be instantly destroyed if its reels land on Triple 7s"
"Keep him busy," I said, "I'll be right back!"
I rolled away, keeping low to the ground to avoid being pelted by money.
"Yellow! Get back here!" snapped Red.
"Don't worry," I said, "I'm just going to grab a secret weapon."
I knew exactly what I was doing. The Slot Machine Virus had a thing for luck. It made it seem like mine had run out because I dissed mummies. If I could do the same thing to it, then maybe I would get a chance to pull its lever make it land on what we needed.
Around the corner from Sector 13 High School was an antique shop. Where there are antique shops, there are mirrors, where there are mirrors, there are superstitions based on breaking one. I knocked on the door, still full morphed, much to the surprise of the old lady that answered.
"I need a mirror," I said, "The biggest one you have."
She was too stunned to do or say anything, so I slipped past her and grabbed what I needed. The mirror I found was large enough that I could barely wrap my arms all the way around it. As I made my way back, I kept hoping to myself that the others were keeping the virus busy. If it saw me before I got there, it would break it and cancel my plan. I turned the corner and my mouth curled into a satisfied smirk. The virus' reels were now displaying a trio of axes, and a large one was in its hands, locked in combat with Red.
"Hey!" I shouted, "You haven't forgotten about me, have you!?"
The virus cleared some space around it by flailing the axe around blindly. Eventually it disappeared, so the virus pulled its handle yet again. The reels stopped on three lightning bolts. The virus turned towards me and pointed a long bony finger at me.
"Of course not." it said.
The stream of electricity shot out of the tip of the virus' finger and headed right at me. At the last second, I threw the mirror directly into the path and leapt out of the way. The virus was so cocky that it had already convinced itself that his attack destroyed me. Meanwhile, I snuck up behind it and took out my weapon. With a mighty heave, I delivered a powerful blow, stunning the virus as it collapsed from the pain.
"What just happened!?" gasped Orange.
"I threw a mirror at the electricity and ducked," I said, "I figured it would curse the virus and confuse it at the same time."
"You don't think that's a little cheesy?" asked Orange.
"Oh definitely," I said, "But, I mean, it worked, didn't it?"
I walked over to the virus and kicked it over. Now its lever and reels were right side up. I stood on it, pinning it to the ground and pulled the lever. Miraculously, the reels stopped on three 7s… Almost… One of them shifted back to something else.
"Enough of this!" I snapped.
I punched the case that protected the reels and manually turned the remaining one so that it showed the third 7 again. The virus' sirens and lights went ballistic, which startled me into retreating to safety next to others. From our safe distance, we got to watch as the virus exploded into countless pieces of binary code.
"Remind me to never start gambling." I said.
"I second that." said Green.
"Me too." said Orange.
"Ditto." said Red.
Once we had all powered down, something popped into my head. I knew it was silly and stupid, but I felt I owed it to myself to make things right with those mummies.
"I'll catch you later." I said.
"Where are you going now?" moaned Riley.
"Well, first I should go pay for that mirror," I said, "Then after that I'm heading back to the museum to apologize to the mummies."
The others broke out into hysterical laughter. I took me quite a while to realize what exactly they were laughing about, but once I did, I blushed knowing all too well how stupid I must have sounded…