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Chapter 15: Reconciliation
Apparently, spending the day with your best friend, doesn't guarantee the best day ever. Hanging out with Ally today, proved this statement to be true. A day meant to be best day, turned out to be the bane of my existence.
As soon as Ally and I arrived at Melody Diner, we saw Ethan; As soon as we walked through the wooden doors. My initial reaction was to turn around and leave, but Ally wanted to stay. So we stayed. I was fine with eating in the same restaurant as him, but she stretched my tolerance, when she mentioned walking over to him.
"Ally, I don't think that's a good idea."
I strongly suggested as we were just getting our food. Ethan was chilling in the back of the restaurant alone at a small intimate booth. Ally was eyeing him the whole time.
Maybe if she went over there, and he blew her off, we could get back to our dinner.
I thought ignorantly.
"He's looks so lonely Austin."
Ally sympathized resting her chin on the back of her hand staring at him with pietous eyes.
"Fine, go ahead." I complied unaware of what lied ahead.
"Are you sure? I don't want to be rude."
"No, it's fine Ally... It's not like we're on a date or anything." I quietly said to myself.
I wish we were though.
I couldn't deny it for a second. I was totally falling for Ally. From the moment she came into my dressing room that night, I knew our friendship was on fire and that I was in love with her. My tears pour stronger then ever before that night. The tears were no longer from anger, or embarrassment, but from fear. The thought of not having her to hold me when I was weak, and to pick me up when I fall, terrified me. As soon as she kissed me, I knew something. Something I didn't know before. It was shocking, yet exhilarating at the same time. I was in love with my best friend. All my desires shifted. She was all I wanted.
Despite my burning jealously, I let her walk over to him. I came to find out later that was a huge mistake. He invited her to sit down with him and they actually talked. It was weird. Seeing her laugh, interact and play with someone else. And not a good kind of weird, but the bad kind of weird. I didn't like it. In fact I hated it. Ally stayed under his arm at the booth, for about seven minutes. He had his leather jacket slung over her chair almost touching her shoulders and his knees brushing hers'.
8 minutes.
They had been sitting there for over 8 minutes. Just talking. What on earth could they have been chatting about. That guy is a punk! I didn't want to say it in front of Ally, but he's a wuss for being so insecure to let one rumor ruin his relationship. I would never break up with a girl because of some stupid rumor. If the rumor got really big, I would simply talk to her about it, to see what's up. I would never assume any of it was true. This guy broke her heart, and embarrassed her. And now she's trying to apologize to him? He doesn't deserve any of this.
10 minutes
They've been talking for over 10 minutes now. Isn't it rude to leave your dinner partner for more than five minutes? Isn't that a rule somewhere? Well, if it's not, it should be, because as the forgotten dinner partner, I feel pretty crappy. He's a player. I know he is. He's been moving his arm closer and closer to her shoulder every minute. I stare at my watch and just count the seconds as they go by. They look like they're having the best time of their lives. They look like they're on a date. This night was supposed to be about us. Our date.
12 minutes
His arm is completely slung over her shoulder and their hips are pressed together. She has her legs crossed exposing the left side of her leg a bit more, and I swear he steals a glance at it every time she's not looking. I look at my phone and notice it's 8:14. I don't like this at all. Maybe I should walk over there and say something.
I call for the waiter to bring me the check. When she arrives, I pay for the food and begin to calculate the gratuity. Just as I open the app on my phone, I hear her laugh. The beautiful song that escapes her lips holds me hostage. The sweet melody temporarily frees me of my baseness. I am heavily engaged in her beauty, perpetually distracted from the reality that is playing out before me. The reality, is that she leans her head against his chest and laughs like an angel. She scrunches her face creating a cute crinkle that surrounds her nose, and looks… happy. Actually happy. And I have absolutely nothing to do with it.
She loved him. It was clear. And if I claim to love her, I have to step back.
Painfully awaken back into my reality, I look down to see my phone face down on the hard tile floor. My once perfect screen, now has two huge cracks along the front. I retrieve it and quickly shove it in my pocket. Unable to stand the temptation any longer, I swing my jacket over my arms and leave the table. While avoiding her eyes, I rush through the backdoor of the restaurant. I take a deep, long, breath, resting against the dark brick walls of the building. I inhale the warm autumn breeze slowly.
I check my phone and notice I have 6 missed calls and a bunch of unanswered texts. Most from my agent and some of the guys from the record label. Sometimes I think, maybe my dad was right about me. Maybe I'm nothing special. Maybe that's why I've never gone gold, or won a Grammy. My bad habit of self doubt returns to me and I think to myself.
This is why I need Ally. She reminds me of my value. She never lets me doubt myself.
The beautiful angel that steals my thoughts, steps out from the door onto the steps. I turn to my right and give her a smile. I offer her my hand to help her down the concrete steps.
"Are you ready to go?" I ask leading her down the last step.
"Yeah." She smiles.
We start to walk and suddenly I feel like expanding our stroll. Maybe I can make up for the time that was lost in the diner.
"Do you wanna go for a walk?"
She nods.
We are in downtown Miami. The bright streets are crowded with body builders, prostitutes, and smokers. We walk side by side in a slow steady pace. I take my hands out of my pockets and rest them against me side clenching them. I brush my hand against hers, which she usually responds with brushing back, which permits me to hold her hand. Her hand hangs lifeless against mine. I look down at the ground, besieged by thoughts of rejection. I had not completely lost her, but I knew in this moment, I had lost our moments. I had lost our spontaneous hand holding and our unceremonious kisses. I didn't know if they'd be gone forever, but I did know they were out of my possession at the time.
The fresh smell of pasta roams the streets. The IL Gabbian restaurant is about a block away. I steal a glance at Ally, noticing her smile has only slightly faded.
"So… what did you guys talk about?" I break the silence catching her off guard. I know I shouldn't be asking her this, but I can't help myself.
"Everything, I guess. It was really good talking to him again."
"So...do you think you guys might get back together" I painfully ask torturing myself in the process.
"I don't know…" She responds with a light smile.
"Do... you still have feelings for him?"
I push regretful of my actions. I swallow thickly afraid of her answer. Despite my not wanting her with anyone but me, I stand by my word. If she says she still has feelings for him, I'll take a step back.
"I don't know Austin. I'm just playing it by ear." She says slightly frustrated and slightly confused.
I nod simply, unable to look her in the eyes. I felt like throwing up. I was disgusted. Was that her trying to spare my feelings? The way she looked at him tonight was clear as a bell. Even I know better not to confuse my feelings with the truth. Ally was in love with Ethan. My fear, among many others, is that she's more in love than he is. Our conversation drifted into silence.
"Have you been planning any concerts in Miami?" She asks changing the subject.
"Uhh, no, I've actually been trying to avoid all that." I answer honestly.
"Why? You know you don't need your dad, or your mom as your managers to continue your career. Rig-?"
"I know." I answer shortly.
"So, are you taking a break from music? Or are you-"
"I don't know what I'm doing Ally." I sigh with frustration.
She seems to take notice and drops the subject. I look back at her and soften my tone.
"I'm just, playing it by ear." I whisper bitterly.
Thank you so much for reading!
