Chapter 17 - Blow of rue.
POV-
No, this can't be happening. This can't be realistic, and I wish I'm dreaming. What Tyson said was just true! This is a big infelicity I can't endure. And I had fallen for someone else who doesn't even ever think about me that way and I can't see how much, how much she…
He slightly sobbed as he was thinking.
I am in real dilemma that I never thought I'd be in. Wait, where's Mariah? He turned to see.
But she had left. She left. She's gonna be betrothed…He could feel a strange feeling, a feeling of crush; yeah it was it, growing into hatred. He just kinda longed to confess her but she kicked off and he had someone else waiting for him that he kicked off. He just paid back- everything returned…but who is gonna feel the pain, not Mariah, not Salima, she's dead, but YOU. You…YOU RAY!
"You fuckin' idiot! YOU KNOW WHAT!" Kane howled at him in real cross. "You- You" he pointed his finger to Ray, making him a bit scared. "The reason why she's this way here, just dead! Is YOU!"
For the first time,
For everything there's a first time, right
You really felt that you were alone
That regret came on you,
The weird music of grief so huge
That you were faded
The guilt was so huge that you hated
He slowly felt his heart heavy, the feeble feeling with eyes slowly filled that he just gave painful sigh and moved back when Kane pushed him. No matter how much he punched him, he was numb to any physical kicks. Tyson watched him from far, a feeling of unrequited taking him over, slowly when he felt tears on his cheek, a bit taken back.
Why do I cry…Hope I always protect you Hilary, just be with me. Don't leave me. Don't leave PLEASE.
So was an amethyst blader in his silent sighs that were soft yet the hard breaths that haunted over his mind thought that he never loses the love or at least never did something to hurt her.
"Just trust me, I never saw such a ruthless guy in my whole life who took her life, don't care unknowingly." he sobbed slightly …her last words, that Goodbye last time she said echoed in his ears and the scene she walked away. Never did he know till now that it was her last words that ceased every strong whatsoever 'ships'…
Why do life offers so many regrets that I wish to die?
"Kane, I'm sorry..!" Ray whispered slowly. He walked slowly to the lying girl and bent down to her level and watched her with his sad eyes, and slowly caressing over her head, and then over her hand that was blooded, she led, soulless, and dead, without any sensation of a real longed touch. His fingers shivered as they got smothered red…he didn't minded as tears to fall freely over her.
Never did I expiate and felt a heavy guilt over me, as if the sky has fallen on me. Just wherever you soul is, I wish to it rest in peace knowing, knowing…-knowing that now I really love you. Now that you are gone, I just wish if I never knew that I was the reason. The thorns are flicking over my soul…just believe me, trust me…never did I felt, the word, the sensation, 'love' had also so much pain attached to it, and just I'm faded.
The normal rituals were done, they all went to the graveyard, and she was gone forever from the world. The whimpers echoed in her soul, not of Ray but her best friend, Kane, to whom she had been really close, and shared everything and now she had left him, she hoped if he would forgive her.
At late night, at eleven, when everyone had pulled themselves inside the warm sheets and Kane and others had departed like lamenting and cursing on Ray, he sat near a corner of the hall, deep pondering and sighing.
Tyson walked upstairs with chains in his mind.
Just how could this happen, how's gonna Ray live with this? I donna what's with him…he just realized it and its sure gonna be a real tough time for him, hope you survive it.
...
.
.
When he reached his room, he gently slid the door and strode in, and he felt like he had something to do, a left task, then it quickly dawned on him that he had locked her in bathroom. He opened it and found her sleeping. She was sitting on the dry tiles her head that rested at the door because of which he felt something over when he pushed the door.
"Wheew, she slept." he sighed slightly and bent down and initiated his arms for lifting her when a sudden enchantment caught her-her sweet features which he felt to stare the whole night, or maybe even the whole life, but nevertheless he smirked and lifted her with gentle and warm arms and placed her on the beret and pulled the sheet for her and cleared a tangle of brunette from her cheek.
He slept on that couch after switching the lights. Next morning, he revealed up the last night trauma to her. A week passed by simply and everyone tried their best to console Kai the best they can. Tyson, Hilary and Kai did their best to avoid conflict within them and kept their attitudes and check so that it doesn't added unnecessary drama to the house's already perturbed aura. Hilary, who usually slept upstairs now, along with Tyson slept in the hall with everyone else, just so he knows that he isn't left alone. Things moved on normal after a week and Hilary and Tyson stayed up for nights. It didn't bother anyone either since Ray seemed a little better with his mental perturbation.
A typical day started.
Hilary woke at six and was glad for the day to come; she woke at the sudden vibration of her phone that rang as alarm. She tried not to make any sound as she got out of the bed. She was simply and suddenly the morning a few days back, the day precisely after Salima's death:
She woke up and realized that she was in the washroom and then how she had ended up in the bed, she thought of Tyson, and kinda blushed slightly.
…
Now, when she comes back to the present say, she looks ahead for the new day to begin with a sigh.
He was sleeping, but sure seemed half awake. She approached to him and gazed at him carefully as she thought of waking him. Normally it'd have been so easy, just shout out loud or flung the bucket of cold water, then he'd wake!
As she slowly passed her fingers through his navy hair, he slightly turned, making her move back.
"I'm awake, Hil." he whispered softly.
"Oh!" she said without thinking…He slowly opened his eyes and headed to her , frightening her as he quickly grabbed her arms and whispered in her ears.
"I lifted you last night…" they were slow and gentle and she felt soothing and nice. She smiled zesting the touch…
"YOU WERE HEAVY!" he screamed all of sudden, well it wasn't a bad joke as well, she moved back at the amplitude.
Hilary remembers the last night and how she ended up sleeping near the table side leaning against the wall. He did the same a week back as well when he had locked up in washroom in slight angst.
He moved back normally and chuckled while she stared at him, in lines on forehead, folding her arms and turned with pouted angry lips.
"You could have left me slept where I were if I were an elephant!" she fired back
"Hey, not an elephant, well, okay cutie, I was just kiddin' " he smiled silly.
"What- are you trying to freak me Tyson?"
"Nope, okay, well, I never lifted a girl that way." he said frankly open.
"What do you mean 'never that way'…OH? It means at least you lifted some girl before, but not that way, but which way did you lift me!" she narrowed her eyes.
Tyson smirked.
"Shall I show you?"
"No way!"
"Hehey! Like you know, whatever…anyway never lifted any girl before!"
"Whatever Tyson!"
"Hey! Get ready, you are getting late, I'll sleep for a while."
"In which state of happiness are you going to sleep again?"
"Any problem?"
"YOU JUST SHUT UP! You are just becoming a big pig headed blader and sleeping like snorlax!"
"What is a snorlax?" he asked with quirked eyebrow.
"whew." she sighed. "Nothing."
"You really can't understand me…never." she said without meaning it and sighing unmindful
"What do you mean?" he asked a bit weaker, taken aback.
Just trust me
I hope I'll be the one whom you ever see
With eyes of longing
Never can't I stand anyone lieu you hanging
Falling for you, fallen for you
Pick me with your loving eyes; let everything be sweet and new...
"Hmnn." she lifted her gaze from around and met his.
"I mean nothing. I just spoke" she tried to assert with a bit waving hands. He watched her calmly and simply nodded, rude.
"Leave. Gettin' late, eh." he said as he was plugging back in sheets.
"HMPH! Leaving!" she shot and ventured out, while he laid with both his hands beneath his head, in sweet thoughts.
She ventured out, not with real cross in mind, but a bit anger for his morning jibes and a sort of getting her embarrassed, well that was not any intense.
She climbed downstairs careful not to make any sounds with her hands almost in air.
OH! So he thinks he can trick me. Whew, let me get out of here, this cramped place. Wait…who is that?
She peered carefully when her eyes met with a Chinese blader who was sitting with his legs closely hugged round his arms, mollified. She was trying to examine his sad look carefully, with a bit mouth open, still on the last steps of the stairs. His face was real sad, mournful and really the thing she never saw, not at least Ray, who always motivated others; getting this upset, no way, he was sure regretting about what just happened.
.
.
I have no words to say to myself, just what I've done…How can I do this…I'm just broken, broken, after I broke her.
I HATE YOU MARIAH! HATE YOU! I was a real fool, an absurd guy. I can remember the little times we were together. I'm just left with the memories of nostalgia. How am I ever gonna be normal again, living with the same expiating thing daily…Was this a punishment or your helplessness? I wish...I wish…if I could go back in time and undo all the shit! Left with regret, left with never ending endureless pain…left without …without YOU.
.
.
Hilary suddenly remembered something; she took out a little piece of paper from her pocket and gazed at it, with examining eyes. She remembered Salima giving it to her and told her to keep it with her and give to right person when she feels. At first, Hilary was puzzled but now it was all alright. She knew, it was the right time and she also knew about the right person. It has been a whole week since then, but she thinks, it's the proper time now that she should hand him Salima's letter.
She nodded to herself to convince.
"Uhmm." she addressed her presence as she stood near him. He didn't look at her, instead feebly bent his head down.
"Ray…" she mumbled." There's nothing you can do now." she said softly. She was a bit taken aback, when he looked at her sudden aghast.
"I just had to give you something." she grabbed a piece of neatly folded sheet and handed to him "This is from Salima… she said me to give it you." He took it curiously with convulsing hands and unfolded it, while she ventured out of the dojo. He read.
Dear Ray,
Well I donno how I get started, never wrote such kinda letter to anyone. Well just wanted to say you something I really longed to, you may find it the weirdest, a queer confession, because such confession are really stupid, that I'm madly deeply at you, yeah, love in with you…I know you are shocked most, perhaps, chuckling out of foolishness, I know you love Mariah, and I don't want to be the stones in your way, so I just leave you…I hope it doesn't matter…I hope you live happily with her…Sorry for ever falling for you…
Don't miss me.
Hate me forever for falling for you.
Curse me ever for falling for you.
Just forget if I ever was, who was mad at you
Real mad, never said you.
Bye…
Yours'…oh, never yours
Salima.
We should leave our lovers
And be with one another
Run your fingers through my hair
And hide under my covers
We should leave our lovers and run after each other
We can share our secrets till we swallow one another..
He felt feeble and lifeless after he read those words, written in ink and in pain, like never he felt before. Anyhow he folded it and kept inside his pocket, knowing that nothing ever was going to changed.
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