Chapter 20- Second Hand Love
"So, how was everyone's day?"
Penny brightly asks her family as everyone softly ignores her digging into the alfredo pasta. I have never seen a Dawson family dinner so quiet. It made me think of what my family dinners would be like If we ate dinner together. Uncomfortable silence with a few judgmental remarks.
I ate lunch with Raven and Bella today. It was becoming a new routine. Something unusual did happen between me and Nia today. She was acting suspiciously nice to me. If I didn't know any better I'd say she was flirting with me. This morning by my locker, she appeared to have tripped over herself and landing right behind me. Putting my suspicions away, I knelt down and offered her my hand. She took it and threw her body on mine wrapping her arms around me.
"Whoa, I'm so clumsy today. Thanks for catching me."
She smiled charmingly.
"No problem."
I Replied politely.
I remember pulling her away from me as her hands gripped my biceps giving them a squeeze.
After her lingering hands finally left me she thanked me again. It was honestly uncomfortable.
She hasn't bothered Ally or me, since that day at lunch, so I see no reason to hate her. But, it is a little creepy that she is acting so nice all of the sudden. Kindness isn't really the response you expect after threatening someone. But with girls you never know what their behavior will be like. They are truly a mystery. Even after spending years getting to know Ally I still feel there's so much I don't know about her.
Ally was barely eating her food, slowly twirling the pasta round her fork. Maybe she wasn't hungry? Unlikely, if there's anyone who loves Penny's cooking more than me it's Ally. At school today her and Ethan seemed to be arguing. That might be why she's upset.
"My day was good. I won all four basketball games in P.E. Our team is undefeated." I shared trying to please Mrs. Dawson.
"You're still in P.E.? I thought only freshmen and sophomore took P.E.?"
Mr. Dawson inquired.
"They usually do, but my credits didn't transfer from my online school, so I have to repeat a lot of classes."
"Will you still be able to graduate this year?"
"Yes sir, I plan to."
"Good."
Mr. Dawson nodded in approval.
Ally continued to stare empty into her plate not giving the slightest interest in the conversation.
"Have you called her mom?
Penny asked sending chills down my spine. Cold and sharp chills. I was suddenly thrown back into my old house being forced to answer uncomfortable questions that no one cared to hear the answer to.
"Yeah."
I sighed answering shortly.
To my surprise, Ally lifted her head as I answered.
"What did she say?"
Penny asked.
"Not what I wanted to hear." I said honestly. "It was a mistake calling her."
"I'm sorry honey. Well, Ally has a photo shoot tonight at 8, maybe you should go with her to clear your mind for a while."
I looked over to Ally to see her response. I could feel the death glares beaming out of her. Before she opened her mouth to object, I stepped in.
"That's a great idea, but I can drive myself, I wouldn't want to make Ally late or anything."
"Don't be silly. If you guys leave now, you'll have time to get ice cream before."
I looked for Ally's response, to see if she was okay with it. She was not.
"Mom, if Austin wants to drive himself, he should."
She barked angrily.
"Excuse me, but Austin doesn't have a car anymore, so he can't drive himself."
My eyes widened at the statement.
"What happened to my car?"
My heart sank.
"The police came and took it."
She gave me a sad smile.
"What? Why?"
"Apparently, your dad sent out a stolen car report, and sent the police to this address. Because the car was registered under your dad's name, it legally belongs to him."
Of course, it wasn't enough to freeze my account, my parents had to take my only form of transportation as well. Anything to further estrange me from them.
I slumped down in my seat disappointed.
"So, Ally please get up and drive your friend to get some ice cream. He's had a long day and could use the attention."
Ally sighed before rising from her seat and heading for her bedroom. I awkwardly followed her up the stairs.
When I got my phone and wallet out of my room, I walked over to Ally's bedroom. I knocked lightly on the door frame announcing my entrance.
She sat at the edge of her bed facing the wall with her hands buried in her hands.
What is going on with her? She was moody all throughout dinner and now she just looks drained.
I walk over to her vanity set stealing a chair. I roll it over to the bed sitting right in front of her. She ignored me keeping her eyes tightly covered.
"Alright, what's going on?"
I ask softly.
"I'm fine Austin."
She answered muffled.
"I know you too well to believe that. Tell me what's wrong."
Despite my pleading, she remained shut in with her hands shielding her eyes. She was closing herself off from me and everyone else in her family. Whatever was going on I was prepared to help her. But it's hard to help someone when they refuse to open up to you. Tired
Of talking to myself, I decide to take action.
Without warning I hastily scoot closer to her colliding our knees. I throw both arms around her body holding her in a full embrace. She sits still with her elbows bent and her hands spread across her face.
"Austin, what are you doing?"
In an annoyed tone.
"I'm not letting you go until you tell me what's wrong."
I held my word not releasing her. We sat there in silence. She is unbelievably stubborn. But so am I.
She began to squirm, jerking uncontrollably. I laughed to myself at her weak attempts of escaping. I tightened my grip on her making sure she couldn't get out.
"I swear Austin, I will kick you where it hurts."
She mumbled angrily. I laughed as she swung her short legs violently. She shook herself so hard she slipped off the bed and onto the floor bringing me down with her. Huge smiles broke from my face as we tumbled across the floor fighting for dominance.
Though I had her in a tight lock, she continued to fight relentlessly. She started kneeing me attacking hopelessly at my shins. Soon the kicks were actually starting to hurt. To prevent her from kicking any more. I put her legs in a lock, intertwining them with mine. She managed to squeeze her arms out of my grasp. She banged recklessly on my back. Striking with all her might. After a thirty second brawl, the pounding stops and she lays still. I roll over straddling her with my hands on either side of her face.
"Are you ready to talk now?" I smile.
"Fine, just let go of my legs."
She whined jerking her head from side to side.
"You're not gonna try to kick me are you?" I questioned her like a baby.
"No." she pouted.
"Ally…"
"I'm not! I promise." She pled begging me to release the tight grip.
I untangled my legs from hers letting her go. I stand offering my hand to help her up.
"Alright, com here." I instructed patting down on her bed. She joined me on the bed.
We sat parallel both staring at the Bruno Mars poster she had hung on top of her dresser. We sat quietly for a little while. In a comfortable silence.
"Ethan has a sister and she's been really sick. It's been hard for Ethan. He just... expects so much of me."
"Does she have cancer?"
"No, she has erotomania."
"Arotomanea? What is that?"
"It's a mental disorder where you are stuck in a delusional belief that someone else is in love with you. To the point where nothing will convince you otherwise. It's like an obsessive infatuation. It happens to a lot of patients with a bipolar disorder."
"Wow. I had no idea that even existed."
"I know. Me either."
"Who is she in love with?"
"I don't know. Ethan wouldn't tell me. He says he doesn't know himself"
"So, what is he expecting of you?"
"Well, he goes to visit her almost everyday after school and gets really upset when I don't come with him. I just... don't like to. Its creepy being in a hospital full of mentally ill teenagers. Someone is always screaming or crying. And in Emily's case it's usually both. She has these random outbreaks. She's either on the internet stalking her mystery lover, or writing letters to him. One day when we visited her, she didn't have glitter for the drawing she was working on and threw a temper tantrum. She started to throw stuff at us and it freaked me out. Can he blame me for not wanting to come? He gets so angry when I deny his invitations."
"How angry?"
"He'll start to yell claiming I don't love him and that I don't love his sister."
"Well, why should you, it's his sister not yours."
"Exactly! That's what I think But he gets so angry with me and…"
She trailed off running long tired hands along her forehead.
"Does he hit you?"
I ask slowly.
"What?! No, Austin!"
She exclaims.
"He's not that type of guy. He's sweet and… kind. He just expects too much from people. I can't give him all the attention he wants. Especially with my busy rehearsal schedules and the tour this summer."
That must be why she ditches Raven and Bella during lunch. She's making up for lost time with Ethan. He must be the type that always wants to be with his girlfriend.
"And he should understand that. If he doesn't he's not a good boyfriend."
"Austin, it's not that simple."
She stops frustrated with my biases. I laugh knowing that I'm right as I turn towards her.
"It is! Ally he should make you happy... excited! If guilting you into visiting his sister is how he spends time with you, he's pathetic. Alright? He should be taking you out, putting butterflies in your stomach, doing large gestures just to see you smile. If he's not doing that?"
I take a breath to focus on her eyes. To make sure she knows I mean it.
"He doesn't deserve a princess like you."
I whisper softly.
We freeze in the moment. Knowing it's our moment. I can feel the desire burning up inside me. I can see it in her eyes as well. The longing desire to forget everything and be together. Tonight. I can see the reckless spark in her eyes inviting me in.
I lightly grace her cheek letting my fingers curiously trace down to her chin. She stays perfectly still for me; eyes glazed and open lips. I lift her delicate face allowing our eyes to meet. I hold her close, adoring her perfect eyes. It's as if everything else in the room turns to black and the only thing I see is her. And her ray of innocence.
She closes her brown globes waiting for me to connect our lips.
I shut my eyes tight before sighing deeply in defeat.
I can't do this.
I drop my hand from her face and turn my head the other way.
She lightly places her hands on my shoulders turning me towards her.
"What's the matter?"
She asks softly.
"This is wrong."
I reply shortly.
She climbs behind me wrapping her arms around me neck.
"You're just comforting me." she whispers in my ear tightening her arms around me.
Her soft, soothing, voice almost consumes me. Swallowing up my better judgement. I'm tempted to ignore all the rules and have her right here.
"Come on."
She giggles making more advances towards me.
"No." I say sternly making her arms tense. She slowly untangles herself from me dropping her arms to her side. Wearing a look of hurt, she sits resting on her knees.
There's a reason normal friends don't kiss. I didn't realize it before, but know I do. It hurts too much. Having their lips for one night, but knowing they're not yours to keep. It's not comforting, it's torture.
"If you're thinking about Ethan…"
She started.
"Trust me, I'm not worried about him. If Ethan was the only thing holding me back, I would have done a lot more than kiss you."
I gravely tell her.
"Then what's wrong?"
"I don't want a part of you, unless I can have you entirely. I don't think we've been comforting each other, I think we're using each other. And I'm tired of being used."
"Austin I would never use you."
"Not intentionally I know, but sometimes we hurt people without even realizing it. I think we're both to blame. Mostly me, because I started the game. But, I've been losing lately and… I don't want to play anymore. I'm sorry, but I can't keep kissing lips that aren't mine. It hurts too much. I don't know if you've realized it or not, but... I'm kind of in love with you. So this is starting to mean a lot more to me than it should. I feel a real connection when I kiss you. It's not just a game for me anymore. It's a real raw emotion. And it's love. I am so seriously in love with you, that It hurts not being with you. The next kiss we share can't be a friendship kiss, but a real; I'm yours, you're mine kind of kiss. And I'm willing to wait for it."
Her eyes are nailed to the floor. I've never seen her this way. She looks both shocked and confused. Her eyebrows are furrowed in concern as she bites her lip nervously; trying to find something to say.
"You don't have to say anything Ally. I just needed to tell you how I felt. I'm not expecting anything in return."
She nods stiffly.
Slowly she swings her legs over to the floor standing up.
The awkward tension is unbearable. I feel like in a way I just broke up with her. But in reality, I did the opposite.
She grabs her purse heading towards the door. I take a deep breath keeping my eyes glued to the floor to avoid hers'. She taps lightly on the door frame shifting my gaze towards her.
"I'm sorry."
She gives a sad smile.
I shake my head.
"You don't have to say that."
"No, I do. It's about time I started acting like a real friend."
We share a genuine smile.
"I'll see you in a little bit."
I nod my head reassuringly
I watched her as she left the room.
Thanks for reading!