1 September 1614
I wish I didn't feel so tired these days. At least it's cooling off enough for me to sleep at night. And of course I can take naps sometimes when we all sit inside.
We haven't heard from Hannah in a couple days and I can tell Simonn is starting to worry. That is, more than before. Dolora always makes him drink some tea when she sees him these days. I hope Hannah comes home safe, both because she's my friend and thus I hope she's safe and because Simonn is so tense and I hate seeing my friends in pain.
3 September 1614
Sigmun spent all of today curled up on the couch with his head in his hands and he said he had a headache, so I just sat next to him and read to myself. He eventually wrapped his arms around his legs and rested his head on his chin and said, "I had the strangest dream."
"Want to talk about it?"
"I guess…It was just…surreal. I mean, I guess it was some other world? Or maybe the future? I just had a dream I was graduating a university and there were women and people with dark skin and all sorts of people graduating, too. It was…it was great." He sighed and turned to me. "Do you think I'm crazy?"
"Not at all."
"It was odd, too. Everyone was wearing so much…less."
"Pardon?"
"I mean, people were wearing these sort of short dresses and low cut tops and tight-fitting clothes…I was wearing a suit, only it wasn't nearly as bad as my nice suit. I remember thinking how comfortable my normal clothes were."
"That sounds wonderful, comfortable clothing."
"Yeah."
"Is that why you have a headache?"
"I think so."
"Well, I hope you sleep well."
"I'll try to."
"Want some tea?"
He shrugged. "I suppose."
"You know, I reckon you'd feel a lot better."
"Fine." He started to stand up, but I said, "No, sit down. I'll get you tea."
He must've been tired, because he didn't protest. But what a strange dream. I can't imagine a future in which anyone could go to university. If only.
5 September 1614
A letter came today from Hannah, much to everyone's relief. Simonn actually cried when he read it; I saw a teardrop on the paper.
She's getting much closer to home. She's pretty sure they're somewhere in the German states. And Dorothy does speak a little German, so they're making better progress than she did alone. There is Hannah's advantage of having done the journey before, but getting food and all that must be easier when you can communicate.
I think Hannah's sisters and grandmother might not be so sure she's coming back. At least, Eleanor seems sure that they won't see her again. Alice looked sad and asked me why I was so sure Hannah and Dorothy were coming home. The problem is, I'm not. But everyone else seems prepared to write them off as dead, so I figure I better be the optimist of the bunch. I can't let on that I have this silly fear that someone killed her and is forging these letters from her, or that she's lying about having Dorothy with her, or that they'll be caught once they're on the boat, or a million other things I fear.
I can't let on how scared I am because everyone else is.
7 September 1614
I had a dream last night about something bizarre, except that I knew I was dreaming. So I figured I'd wake myself up and it was like dragging myself through mud. I woke up gasping and it was morning, so I got dressed and all that and headed to Sigmun and Dolora's. But it was strange and very disorienting. I kept rubbing my hands together, trying to prove to myself that this wasn't a dream.
I wrote today because I can never find my journal in my dreams, so this proves that I'm wide awake. I'm going to go to bed soon, though. I suppose I won't be wide awake for long.
8 September 1614
Simonn left his glasses at Dolora's again today. I brought them back to his house, but he wasn't there, so I went to Hannah's house, where he was reading Hannah's letter to him again.
"Simonn?"
"Dianna? What is it?"
"Your glasses. You left them behind."
"Really? Thank you so much!" He hugged me tightly and I wouldn't mind except he's about a foot taller than me.
"Simonn—Simonn. I'm glad you're glad, but you're hurting me."
"Oh. Sorry." He let go and let out a breathy, nervous sort of laugh. "I thought I'd have to buy a new pair."
"You're always doing this. You should keep them on a chain or something," I commented.
"I should," he said absentmindedly. He was holding a letter tightly and tensely and I knew it was from Hannah.
"Letter from Hannah? What's it say?"
"She's going to be crossing one of the warring states soon, unless she can figure a way around it."
"She's probably out of it by now."
"Don't make me anxious or anything."
"Don't worry about her. She'll be just fine."
"Will be."
"Pardon?"
"She might not be fine. She might be in trouble or something."
"But she will be home. Alright? Just believe that."
"I do. I have to."
I know he must be living off hope right now and it worries me, because hope is certainly something one can live off of, but if Hannah doesn't come back, he won't have anything else.
10 September 1614
A letter came today saying they're still in the German states but taking a quick break somewhere. It must be for Dorothy. She might be more injured than Hannah's letting on. I hope it's nothing Dolora can't fix. I'd like to think so, but I wouldn't underestimate the power of irrational anger.
11 September 1614
I had such an awful nightmare last night. It was just…I can't describe it. It was horrible. I didn't get much sleep after that, so today I took a nap at Sigmun and Dolora's. I suppose it could've been a worse day, but I can't help but let the nightmares get to me sometimes. Sigmun's sweet about it, though. I wish there was something I could do for him.
12 September 1614
I was in the market today and I saw a new person in the village. I know most of the village looks at me oddly, because who ever heard of a woman living on her own before her husband dying, but I know everyone there, of course. The new person was kind of tallish, with dark hair and long limbs. I think he was twenty or twenty-five. I didn't find out his name, but the gossipers of the village will find out. (I'd say the gossipy women, but it seems to me men gossip just as much, except they don't call it gossip.)
There was a letter today. Hannah and Dorothy have gone around the warring state and are probably two or three weeks from home.
14 September 1614
Simonn lost his glasses yet again today, but Dolora found them and had Sigmun take them back. Hannah's letter came today, too, and Simonn started pacing nervously because the area between the German states and France is notorious for being dangerous, so they'll be in danger again soon. That is, more than usual.
We picked some late berries this year. They were quite good.
15 September 1614
I realized I forgot to write on my own birthday! It wasn't all that eventful. I'm nineteen now and Dolora made a nice supper and a cake and all that. Also Sigmun gave me this lovely bunch of dried flowers and Simonn gave me a pair of knit gloves. I felt very…loved.
17 September 1614
Today was one of those days that felt longer than twenty-four hours, and at the same time I can't believe it's already time to go to sleep. I wonder sometimes how I ever stood to wake up with so much weight on my chest. That awful knot that used to sit like a stone my chest seems to be completely untied, though I think the ropes will always be there among my other heartstrings. I can never change what she did to me, but I do think I can move on and live a proper life.
18 September 1614
I never really realized exactly how good it feels to be healthy. I just noticed today how alive I look when I was brushing my hair and I know it's been more than a year, but it was twelve years before that and so this one lovely year seems a little smaller in comparison. I just feel so good. I feel alive, and healthy, and happy.
21 September 1614
Poor Eleanor! I guess no one ever explained to her about the monthly bleeding, because today she started hers and…it was interesting.
Apparently, Eleanor went to Simonn and told him that she was bleeding. He said, "Where? Oh, never mind that, we're going to Dolora's, come on." And of course Sigmun answered the door. I heard Simonn say, "She's bleeding!"
"What? I'm going to go get Mama!" I had a hunch that Eleanor was fine, because she is sixteen, so I went over to the door and Eleanor was clutching her stomach and looking very upset.
"Eleanor? Is it…?"
She nodded and I sighed. "Dolora! Where's the pain medicine?"
"Blue jar in the cupboard, Dianna dear. Is it for Eleanor?"
"Yeah."
"Pain medicine?! She's bleeding!" Simonn yelled.
"Simonn, calm down, she's fine. Just go check up on Alice or something," I said. "And take Sigmun."
"Why?"
"Just…trust me. Eleanor is fine, but I'll bet anything she doesn't want to talk about it."
"Why not? What's wrong?"
"I'll explain later. Or Dolora will. Okay?"
He looked nervous. "Fine," he said, finally. "Sigmun? We're being told to leave."
"Why?"
"I don't know."
Sigmun sighed and followed Simonn somewhere. When I reentered the living room, Dolora was talking to Eleanor and I had a cup of pain medicine, all mushed and mixed with water so you can drink it. "Here," I said. "This'll help if it hurts at all."
"How much do I owe you?" Eleanor asked.
"Don't worry about it," Dolora said. "You can have as much as you need." Dolora makes plenty of money selling the pain medicine, but she doesn't seem to mind giving it away if someone can't afford it or if someone is family. I guess Eleanor counts as both.
"Thank you." She drank the whole cup in two gulps and clutched her stomach again. "Uh…I'm very sorry, but…what's happening?"
"It'll happen every month or so, unless you're not eating enough or pregnant," Dolora said. She explained the entire thing to Eleanor, who'd clearly never had it explained to her, ever. Poor girl.
"So…I'm not hurt?"
"You're perfectly healthy, dear."
"And I'm not in trouble?"
"Of course not."
Eleanor sighed and brushed her hair out of her eyes. "My father always said it was a bad thing…He said it only happened to bad girls."
"Every woman gets her monthly bleeding at some point," Dolora reassured her. "Your father was wrong."
Eleanor nodded again. "What am I gonna tell Simonn?"
"I'll explain this to him," Dolora said, a resigned sort of look on her face. "Don't forget to eat your vegetables and drink plenty of water. That'll make it hurt less."
Eleanor nodded once more and stood up. "Thank you, Ms. Maryam."
"Any time, dear. Dianna will walk you home."
"Mm-hmm." I know Eleanor trusts me, because Hannah calls me her friend. Anyways, I walked her home and she was shy, but she asked a few more questions and I answered all of them because she deserves answers. As far as I know, almost nobody gets told anything about this and I think that's ridiculous. It happens to everyone and I think it's better to know what's going on. I would've been terrified if Dolora hadn't explained it to me when I was fifteen.
Anyways, Eleanor's alright, Dolora explained it to Sigmun and Simonn, and Eleanor has plenty enough pain medicine to last her a while. Eleanor said she'd explain it to Alice and I made Simonn add it in his letter to Hannah, just so she'd know. Hannah would want to know.
22 September 1614
Another letter from Hannah today. She's somewhere in France now. Simonn read it three times over before letting Sigmun and I have a look. She usually writes her letters to all of us, though sometimes they're just for Simonn. I doubt Hannah would write anything like some of the romance novels, but I also know that I would never let anyone read my letters to Sigmun or his to me, so it's probably more like that. I'm just glad we hear from her at all.
24 September 1614
She should be coming back soon. Her letter today said she's still in France, but she thinks she's getting closer to the coast. I hope they can find a ship to stow away on without getting caught. The very idea of any of my friends in prison is absolutely terrifying. I just…I can't stand the thought. I don't think anyone around here grows up without hearing rumors about prison and being terrified of the place.
Maybe that's the point.
26 September 1614
Another letter today. They're almost to the coast, and they might have to take a rest there before they find a boat home. I hope they're alright. I hope they come home safe. It terrifies me to know that they might not. I mean, I'm usually scared of something, and this is what it is right now.
28 September 1614
I had a bad night last night, worse than it's been since…well, since March (I get a shiver just writing it). I was so tired today that I was cold, so I wore my winter clothes. Sigmun and Simonn looked concerned, but I promised them I really was just cold this time, and maybe a little tired, too. I didn't tell them about the nightmares last night, though. I think I'd scare them.
29 September 1614
Today we were talking about the palace and Sigmun mentioned how they come to our village for servants.
"Like that time back in…it must have been 1611, when we were sixteen? And we fell into a ditch and my nose started bleeding…"
"I remember that!"
"You better, my nose was bleeding because it hit your head," he teased.
"Oh, really?"
"You fell on top of me, it wasn't like I went completely uninjured!"
"Fair point. It's not exactly my favorite memory ever."
"Whyever not?"
"You're silly."
"So are you."
"Well, you're sillier."
He grinned. "That reminds me, would you like to stay for dinner tonight? Mama's inviting some of her village friends over."
"You make it sounds so scary."
He laughed. "Sorry. It's…you know. I don't want to spend an evening with my mother's friends. They'd probably all be asking me when I'm going to get married and get a job and all that."
"And they won't ask me?"
"Well, it'll be more bearable if you're there."
"Sure, I'll stay. You know I like staying for supper."
"You could stay any time you like. Really."
"I have leftover stew at home to finish most nights, you know that."
"I know." He grinned again and rested his head on my shoulder. "You're the best."
"No, you are."
He smiled again and said, "I love you so much."
"I love you, too."
1 October 1614
All Hallows' should be fun this year. I wonder if Richard will try to rope his little siblings into pulling off some sort of prank. It makes me a little sad that we're not young enough anymore for things like that. Growing up just seems so…I don't know. Saddening? That's not quite it. Oh, who knows. I just feel a little nostalgic for the things children could do.
2 October 1614
I really should find a job somewhere. I'll need money, because I know hunting won't buy me clothes or lard or milk or anything else I need. I guess I'll ask the other two seamstresses. I'm just…scared. Kind of. I'm worried I'll turn out like my mother, drinking my life away because I can't face my world. Is that silly to fear? Maybe it is, but I fear it anyways.
4 October 1614
A letter came today from Hannah. She's getting on ship today and heading home with Dorothy. They should be home in just two or three or maybe four days now. Simonn looked so relieved, and so tense at the same time. Poor Simonn.
At least Hannah and Dorothy are safe, sort of. I don't know if they feel safe, but they'll be home soon. And it'll be safer once they're back in our country.
5 October 1614
Another letter today. Hannah wrote that she was in the country safe with Dorothy and she would be home in two days. She said it would be her last letter and not to worry at all, and also ask if we could tell her grandmother that she was almost home. (Hannah's grandmother can't read. Neither can Alice, and Eleanor can only read a little, so Simonn read the letters to them aloud.)
Simonn had this big, goofy smile on his face all day and he didn't read, he couldn't focus on anything. He's so sweet.
7 October 1614
Hannah came back today! She's fine, save a few cuts and a few lost pounds. Her sister and her both look exhausted, and their grandmother was almost sobbing when Sigmun and I went with Simonn to see Hannah (because he was so nervous I thought he'd shake himself to pieces).
"What's wrong, Mrs. Morgan?" I asked. (She's Hannah's mother's mother, so her last name isn't Megido.)
"My baby's alright," she said. "My baby's okay…" She buried her face in her hands and kept sobbing. I sat next to her and nodded for Simonn and Sigmun to go see Hannah and Dorothy. Sigmun can be incredibly tactless sometimes, so I figured it was best that I talk to Mrs. Morgan.
"Hey, it's alright, Mrs. Morgan. It's alright. They're safe now. We're all safe."
"Thank you, Dianna."
"Any time, Mrs. Morgan. I swear that all of us will keep all of them safe."
"My poor granddaughters…" Hannah's grandmother cares about them so much. She shook herself and stood up. "Time to make dinner. Would you like to help?"
"Sure. I'm just going to say hi to Hannah and Dorothy first."
"Of course."
I went to the bedroom Hannah shares with Alice and Eleanor, and Dorothy too, now, (Hannah's grandmother's house only has two bedrooms) to greet them and Hannah was half asleep, and Dorothy still had a bruise-colored tint on her skin. Simonn was almost crying with relief. "Dianna," Hannah said. "My big sister Dorothy."
"Nice to meet you," Dorothy said. "Hannah told me all about you. She told me about all her friends."
"Really?"
"Not much else to talk about while traveling the continent."
"How'd you manage that?" Sigmun asked. Simonn had moved so he was sitting next to Hannah and he'd wrapped his arms around her waist protectively, like he was afraid to let go, lest someone snatch her away. She was leaning up against him with her eyes half-closed, exhausted and probably starving.
"Hitching onto carriages and such. Found a couple of horses in a field, and we rode them for a while," Dorothy answered. "We did what we had to do."
Hannah nodded grimly. "It's alright, though. We don't have to worry about him. There's no way he'd come here, and even if he did, we'd have warning."
"And you've got your beau to protect you," Dorothy teased.
"Dorothy!"
"I'm teasing, little sister. You don't need anyone to protect you anymore than I do. But you're lucky. All of you."
"What do you mean?" Simonn asked.
"You all have each other, and you're all safe," Dorothy said. "That is pretty damn lucky."
I smiled. "Thanks, Dorothy. I said I'd help with dinner, though, so I'm going to go." I could tell they should be left alone, with family.
"I will, too," Sigmun added. I guess he's not completely senseless.
At any rate, we had a nice dinner before I reminded Simonn that he had to go home to put his siblings to bed and Sigmun had to go home to Dolora and I had to go home before it got dark. Sigmun offered to walk me home, but I told him I was fine. And I was. But it is still odd living alone.
If only more men were like Sigmun and Simonn. It would certainly make a nicer world overall, especially for those of us who've experienced what men do to women. I'm glad Dorothy's safe, though. She can find a job and get on with her life, hopefully. I doubt she'll want to marry again, but she might. Either way, I hope she's happy.
8 October 1614
Hannah came over today again and sat with us while we read and talked. She seemed just so tired, so ready to let someone else take the weight. She ended up napping all curled up on the couch and Simonn sat next to her and stroked her hair, all gentle and soft. he had this look of tenderness and concern and I don't think he knows I saw him.
Hannah also wanted to tell us how grateful she was for our help. So I suppose she got our letters. I'm glad she did.
10 October 1614
Dolora made us all tea today, which was nice because I had another bad night last night. Hannah was over, too, and she and Simonn sat next to each other close like Sigmun and I do sometimes.
Simonn had to leave to check on siblings, but Hannah stayed with her cup of tea.
"Do you have any stories about your adventure to Austria?" I asked. I was curious.
"Well…I was walking through this one village, in Germany, but I don't speak much German, I mean I speak a little, but this random lady came up to me and asked me…well, I don't know what she asked me, but she was so angry and I just didn't know what to say, so I said, 'Danke', because it was the first thing that came to mind, and she kept talking and then said, 'Gretta?' and I said, 'No, Hannah,' and she said, 'Ah. Es tut mir leid.' At least, that's what I think she said. And then she gave me a flower and then walked off! I still don't know what she said. But it was a nice flower and so I wore it in my hair for a lot of the rest of the trip. I…I still have it." She showed me a dried flower she'd tucked into her dress. It was very pretty, and I could tell it was once a lovely shade of maroon. Hannah kept talking, and she told me all these wonderful stories she'd gathered and all these other countries she'd seen.
Of all people, I never thought Hannah would be the one to cross the continent and live to tell the tale. But I'm glad she did.
11 October 1614
Neolla's birthday today. She'll be home from school for good in June this year, with her degree and everything. I can't believe it. It amuses me that at her school, there are people who are refusing to let girls in while one of their top students (Neolla says she's number two in the class) is a girl. And she's found one or two other girls in the school, and there are probably more. She says you can tell them because they're the ones who check every single other person in the school for some sign that they're not alone.
I wish I had the money to go to school. Besides that I could ever pass for a boy for that long (my voice is much too high), I'd be terrified to go someplace so far away without knowing anybody. Since I was six I have never lived a day without knowing that my best friends would be there if I needed them and I'd be so scared to lose that.
23 October 1614
Somehow my journal got lost in Mother's room, where I never go anymore. Which is why I didn't find. The last time I was there was a week and a half ago when I was trying to find her old clothes to use for quilts.
I had a nightmare about the birdcage last night. That stupid birdcage.
25 October 1614
I wrote a poem today. I'm not really sure why I wrote it, but I did.
To A Little Girl
Eat up, eat up, eat all you wish
Eat all that's put upon your dish
As long as Mother says it's okay
You'll eat and eat till you waste away
Pretty little girl in a pretty little dress
Pretty little mind, pretty little mess
Pretty little face, pretty little eyes
Pretty little words full of pretty little lies
See too little, see too much
Just keep on playing Double Dutch
You have no choice; keep on going
Even as your heartbeat's slowing
There is a place where sky and sea touch
You may find it one day, when it's all too much
They watch failed birds fall from the cliff
And wonder as the cold bodies grow stiff
Sleep is escape, the place you'll find dreams
Some with smiles, and some with screams
But you're not afraid, of course you're not
Fear is just too easily taught
Broken bottles, both empty and full
Makes no difference to hands which pull
Hair from your head because it's too late
A mother's love for which you can no longer wait
Hiding, hiding, the favorite game
Climbing, climbing, all in vain
Running, running, she's on your tail
Screaming, screaming, your voice goes stale
Little girl plays, little girl laughs
Little girl runs till she's out of breath
Little girl sings, little girl teases
Little girl hangs and little girl freezes
26 October 1614
I must have been feeling pretty dark yesterday. I just think about my mother a lot, I still do. I know it's useless, but I worry. I wish she'd never taken me in, I wish Dolora had been old enough to adopt me, I wish I could just erase everything she did to me. I wish I could change my childhood to something more like Sigmun's, something safe and protected and loved.
28 October 1614
Dolora was looking through her medicine cabinet today and she sighed. "I need to go to the city."
"Why?" I asked.
"I need more of the herbs the traders bring back."
"Aren't the ones here enough?"
"Sometimes. But most other countries have better medicine than we do. Traders bring their books back and I study them."
"Oh." I paused. "What's different about their medicine?"
"Well, keeping clean, largely. Quarantining victims of diseases. Disease would seem to be transmitted by small pieces of it leaving the body through coughing or sneezing, as opposed to miasmas. They've created a lot of very effective remedies. I listen and study the books because heaven knows no one else does. Either way, I really ought to go to the city to replenish my supplies."
"You could ask Rose to bring you some herbs."
I saw Dolora's cheeks turn pink. "I suppose I could."
"I mean, you don't have to leave," I added, a little anxiously. I'm still afraid sometimes from March and it's very comforting to know that Dolora is always there.
"I suppose not. Then…" She trailed off and started talking to herself, making lists like she does. "I'll have to write to Rose. I'll need books, if she can get any, kanna definitely, and ginseng, devil's claw, buchu, camphor…"
"Dolora?"
"Hm?"
"Do you have a list of all the herbs and what they do, or do you just remember them?"
"I suppose I've just memorized over time. I ought to make a list, though. And label my jars. Oh, and I have to boil the bandages…"
She looked so tired and stressed, like she hadn't slept in days.
"Dolora?"
"Yes?"
"Are you alright?"
She looked up at me in surprise. "What do you mean, dear?"
"You look very tense."
She sighed. "It's been a long week."
"You should rest, then! You said not resting enough makes people sick."
She shrugged. "I have work to do."
"I have hunting to do, and I'm still resting. And so is Simonn." (Simonn was reading in the library, and Sigmun was out buying fabric.)
"Dear, it's…" She sighed and made a gesture. "I have to write that letter."
I wanted to persuade her to rest, because it's obvious she needs it, but she stood and left to find paper. I've never really considered worrying about Dolora before, but maybe it's just that since I was little, she's always been invincible. And now she's not; she's just as vulnerable as anyone else. But she's still my mother, and I think to me she will always be invincible.
31 October 1614
Today was All Hallows' Eve, and it was the best it's ever been. The sun was out, but it was kind of chilly (like it usually is), so we were all wearing our cloaks and nice winter clothes. Sigmun and Simonn don't usually wear the tights and breeches, but they do for the festivals. I really like how my nice dress turned out, actually. It's comfortable and it fits just right and I like how it looks on me.
But that's not really the point. It was lovely and there were fall flowers and colored leaves everywhere and children collecting sweets and the whole village was bright and beautiful and full of happiness. Everyone was saying high to each other, even Mr. Gregory, who never talks much to anyone. I don't know everyone in the village personally, but I know most of their names. There can't be more than two thousand of us, probably less than that. They say there's more than a hundred thousand people in the city. I can't even imagine a hundred thousand people, like I can't imagine the sea.
We all spent time in the square together, Sigmun and Simonn and Hannah and Neolla and Mariek and I. Dolora was with her village friends close by us, all women and mostly women who have children. (Which is most of them, but I mean living children.) I suppose she met them through work.
This was the first year the Mr. Jacobson (the fiddler and the baker) played music at All Hallows'. He played all the fun songs, the ones with complicated dances I think everyone's been doing since they were old enough to walk. Simonn didn't want to dance, but Hannah took his hands and he softened and danced with the rest of us. Mariek and Neolla were dance partners like Sigmun and I and they were very good. Sigmun stepped on my foot once, but it made me laugh because I was so happy. He's a very good dancer.
After dancing, Sigmun and I walked around a little and when he kissed me, his lips were warm and reminded me of the way fall air smells. It wasn't a long kiss, but it was a nice and sweet one, and one that made me feel very loved.
Around seven, we headed back to Sigmun and Dolora's home for dinner. Dolora made that stew she makes and mashed potatoes and Yorkshire pudding (even though we obviously don't live in Yorkshire) and all the rest of that delicious food she makes. I wish she'd told us when she was going back to make supper, because I would have helped her.
We were up quite late. Hannah left around eight for her family and Neolla and Mariek not long afterwards. Simonn and I stayed until ten, when he went home. He says he saves All Hallows' for himself every year, so he can spend time with both his families. I'm staying the night, because I'm scared to walk home in the dark and because it's just so much more comfortable at their home. I suppose it's my home, too, in a way. It's where I belong.
It's past midnight, the latest I've ever stayed up. It's certainly time for bed. I've never had so much fun on All Hallows' and I hope it's like this every year. I hope I don't have to be so sad and scared as I was again.