Chapter 26: Don't let me down~
Tyson eventually sat next to her and they didn't care even a bit for each other- solely and willingly tried to ignore each other…
"Tyson, you think you can answer this problem?" Ms. Fernando addressed him.
"Hmn?" he was broken from his chain of upsets.
He glanced at the problem.
Calculate the velocity with which the ball is thrown from the top of the tower obliquely if the time period is 3 sec and the ball attains max velocity at the bottom. Can I do this? Maybe definitely not! He was able to think about it at least, but then he needed some time.
"Okay, I know you can do this!" Hilary mumbled, enough for Tyson to hear her, but he tend to ignore and just for her sake, walked towards the clean white board.
"I'm gonna give a try!" he said without any hesitation.
He picked the marker with little shaky fingers; he stared at the blank board and began to scribble something. After a minute, when he felt it couldn't be done, he turned to his lecturer, examining that-that is all he could do.
"Hehe, Takao, I mean Tyson, you've done it right, just you can think a bit more before you go back. I'm sure you can do it!" She encouraged.
"Hmm…okay, fine."
After few more intense stares, he wrote something barely readable and then, turned to his teacher….
"I'm not sure, but this seems to be correct, I guess" he said in tentative tone.
"Of course, this is just right." her teacher smiled "You are improving."
He nodded and walked back to his bench, putting on that poker face.
"Hmm."
The rest of the period went the same way- Ms. Fernando asking others students and they solved the problems in shorter time than Tyson took. Some barbarians at the back were muttering incoherent about Ms. Fernando and Hilary. Though she heard them and Tyson was sure that she was going to give them weather a big punch or kick them right in their stomach, Delia stopped her with her pleading face so as not to make any more much violent commotion in the class. So she just glared at them threateningly.
Hilary didn't sleep in the interval this time, she ate her burger and some vegetable soup, leaving the rest very effectively for Delia, and Delia was sure she couldn't say no to her so she took with helplessness and later passed to the blunette who ate hungrily not minding in the world to whom it belonged.
After he was done, he went to the empty last seat and pulled out a novel, it was the "The fault in our stars" He started it a few days before when Hiro gave him saying that he'd keep reading some sort of stories that will keep him distracted from any sort of stress or depression. Though he denied frankly the idea, but the cover page made him to an urge to give it a try and so the addiction the nascent addiction begun, and he felt that he oughta read it and sure complete it even…When Hilary noticed him (when as she was searching Max to give her back her notes), her eyes promptly felt on the corner Tyson who was reading in lunch break and that too with vivid interest and so lost in the pages. She smirked as she saw the cover page and then walked away.
After the college hours ended, the same monotonous day started. He left with that asserting poker cold face, making the distressed girl more worried and she even felt an urge to talk to him, no more she felt weird or any sort of feelings that were before. For her, it hurt; his attitude hurt. She could see through him in some way. She asked Delia if she'd drop her room but Deles denied saying that she'd important task of her mother had given and she purposely wanted him to go to Tyson's dojo.
She felt sad about everything, but then yes, she was the one who did whatever she wanted, not caring of anyone, and so if something now went wrong, there was nothing of sympathy, she gotta face it.
She was the last person in the building to leave among the students. She walked in anguish and perturbation.
She had sad thoughts in her mind.
Some regret, some hurt, same feeling of betrayal that she did to him and most of all the great longing to get back with him…
She could feel her heart questioning for all the things she did with both of them. It kept on asking her, what did she felt for each of them, was if friendship, care, love, more than friendship?
She interrogated herself. Why ever did she went with Kai…pictures of those moments with him and yet the genuine smiles of the blunette came in her mind passing so fast and she was feeling like she had cheated him, cheated Tyson.
She stared deeply at the tiles and could hear the echoes of her paces, and she felt that she could fall anytime.
She didn't care why tears slowly started filling her eyes. All that mattered was that she just wanted to know his true feelings. Even though she could hear them, the yells from the real side of her heart, she couldn't understand why she and her mind denied them.
Eternal questions they seemed.
She let a short sob as she felt a small lump in her throat.
She slowly slid and moved towards the wall of the corridor and hit it gently as she was losing the balance of her legs. It was no big deal- the tough maelstrom of emotions and yet the effect of sedatives. She slid down from her leaning position and sat with her legs folded and leaning against the large white wall.
Crashing, hit a wall
Right now I need a miracle
Hurry up now, I need a miracle
Stranded, reaching out
I call your name but you're not around
I say your name but you're not around
I need you, I need you, I need you right now
Yeah, I need you right now
So don't let me, don't let me, don't let me down
I think I'm losing my mind now
It's in my head, darling I hope
That you'll be here, when I need you the most
So don't let me, don't let me, don't let me down
D-Don't let me down
Don't let me down
I realize some of the things that I don't want to. I feel so confused that I wish I were better dead; but this would hurt him. So at least maybe I should let this go. I hope you'll forgive me, I hope you'll be the one who'll get me outta this. I'm sure one day we could speak each other. I hope –Short sob- we could fight like we used to do. I hope you'll let me make proud or at least satisfied of my decision of leaving my home. I hope you'll forgive me for nothing I know, but more than enough that I deeply feel. I'm confused. I'm confused. I'm confused!
She mentally yelled the last part and then there were so many things she couldn't comprehend. And life seems really complicated.
Life is, very complicated…very entangled…very cruel…very rude…sometimes that it doesn't care even to see the dead darkness
Deep down, the young are lonelier than old.
And her state was the same and really pathetic.
I need you, I need you, I need you right now
Yeah, I need you right now
So don't let me, don't let me, don't let me down
I think I'm losing my mind now
It's in my head, darling I hope
That you'll be here, when I need you the most
So don't let me, don't let me, don't let me down
D-Don't let me down
Don't let me down
Don't let me down, down, down
Don't let me down
Don't let me down, down, down
R-r-running out of time
I really thought you were on my side
But now there's nobody by my side
I need you, I need you, I need you right now
Yeah, I need you right now
The building was so quiet and there was no one to look at her and there was nothing that could be perceived and she was all alone. Yes, that was right, right now, she was all alone.
A change of feelings, a change of heart and yet she was going to put that same poker face. She was not going to do anything to calm her inner self. She was being merciless to herself and she didn't have the distinct view of how she was going to rid of this tough teen heart.
She slowly stood up and tried to put a fake smile, she didn't know where she'd be going, to the dojo or to her room, but all that she thought now was how much better it'd have been if they could have been together like before. She laughed as she remembered the last summer trip where she almost hit him with that cloth around her eyes and he was half dug in the soil near the beach.
When she strode out of the huge building, she saw the scarfed blader already waiting for her. She was a bit shocked but didn't care anymore. She knew all that. All she could do now was to just smile and walk quietly to dojo. Any outburst like, 'please go away, I don't need you, so just go away before I kick you' would spoil everything more.
So they ambled all the way quiet. When he tried to initiate any talk, she held her head saying that she got a severe headache and so better he shut his mouth, of course the later part wasn't the direct one, that was what her head yelled.
"Hmm…you can lie down after we reach dojo, or you want to go to your home?"
Well asked. Now when we are half way done to his dojo and even though I'd like to go back to my home, I can't. That's my only room but that's the biggest confidential, which is protected my only three persons- me, Margot and Tys…Hmm...Well, all I can do now is just walk with you till we reach, and then I can rest upstairs on the soft bed…I just donno what more to think.
Let me understand this life
Need more time, to choose over
Hope this fears go away, you'll be mine
Though I don't understand, let the doors open.
She walked with her eyes half closed and when they reached, she let him first slid off the door since she had an unusual expectation that the blunette guy will show up. When he did, no one was there in the hall, except Kenny typing busily on his laptop…
Hilary promptly lifted her gaze at the upstairs and headed there. She had a soft ache in her heart that she felt like taking for the moment.
.
.
.
While somewhere far on the white hills and soft green turf, a Chinese blader with his long pony tail sat restlessly with a crippled paper in his rough hands…He sat with both raised legs and his chin resting on them in dismay of the past. His mind drifting through all the moments that were now were a part of sad past.
His mind formed a picture of a red haired girl with the most innocent yet the sweetest face.
He could now only let a sad smile as she was nowhere in this world.
I don't have the words to express my regret. Losing you was my biggest mistake. Nothing's so big in this world now to accomplish. I wish if I could punish myself in some way to compensate for what I had lost, what can't be replaced by anyone. I wish if you could console me with your sad smiles. I wish if I could come back to you. I wonder if there is any more purpose to live this life…
A picture of her fragile, delicate body lying bloodshed passed in his mind and the moment became more intense as he concentrated and he could remember her saying that she wanted to live with him forever…I guess I'd never have made that false promise that we could stay together. Did I ever really like her? I sure must have done, because of which I hugged her back. He could remember them taking a walk. They were listening "salt water room" song sharing the same earphones. All the things were the memories, sad memories of the never returning past. He bit his lips, curled in pain as the remorse regret dawned on him. All that he could do now was sadly nothing.
Tears fell freely as he once more opened that letter and read her words again. Each time he could feel the same pain, that he couldn't take…What he couldn't forget was that he had someone who gave her life for him, so that he could stay with whom he thought he could live forever, never worrying that there was someone who was desperate of him and the length she went was beyond repair.
I could feel her coming in my dreams each night, saying if I were happy and then like an apparition lost in air….and right now I could feel her soul that's sad here around, watching me in despair and saying, 'if you'd realized this earlier, this would have never happened, but now it's really late...' And then Mariah is off with Mystel, living happily. I regret ever for meeting her, spending my entire childhood with her and that she fell for someone else. Let her get into hell! I don't care; I don't even bother to think about her. She's the reason in the first place, why I'm like this today…Isn't that really crazy that someone who was a big part of my life, or perhaps whom I never felt was, is lost and nowhere in a second.
And I wish I could understand your so deep smiles
But all I can do is regret and buried in cries
So sad is our love story
How can I forget you, my heart beats so slowly
I wish if I could bring back those moments
But it's just a painful imagination and so despondent
The darkness around me that I feel even in brightest hours
Sitting around alone, listening to the same covers.
There is no sign of hope anywhere
But regret and regret everywhere
So much to expiate, to feel, so much to expiate
So much to expiate, to feel, so much to expiate…
A/N:Thanks so much for all your support dudes! That means a lot. Especially a Big thanks to BLUE LIGHTNING OF THE NIGHT for her incredible prof- reading of the chapters which helped and improved me a lot. She's such a precious gem!
Thanks to the other reviewers as well! Unaisa memon, Always Nia, The next you know who and Rock the Road! ^_^