Chapter 27- We don't talk anymore!

As Hilary walked upstairs, she again felt the hysteria about how she was going to face his face…It seemed to be getting harder and harder as each day passed and they didn't talk even a bit. She slid the door and didn't have the courage to look ahead, so her gaze was down and a little sigh was all she gave when she walked inside.

She saw him sitting at his beret with straight spread legs parallel to each other and holding his head in one hand and the other having a novel in it, that same one. He was reading it deeply with a sad smile on his face. For a moment they looked at each other but then sadly took off the stare and just you gotta believe how it looked when they broke the stare- it was full of pain and despair, in both their eyes.

She felt a sad music that she could hear and it all let everything down, the normal air around that stopped, turning everything down…Nothing was alright. But the most upsetting fact was that they were not gonna let their so called ego or anything to initiate any talk. Though Hilary tried a bit before, but then she gave up too and all that left was…nothing…nothing

She sat on the couch opposite to the beret but at some distance so that she wasn't facing him. Instead she faced the balcony door. She let whatever come in her mind invade her states as she sat comfortably, completely resting her back on the couch and spreading her legs. She stared with expressionless face on the ceiling that was so same. It was all white. No other color.

As I stare at this ceiling that's thoroughly white and no other fade or shade, I wonder if ever my life was so smooth without any stains or mistakes. I guess I'm never going to even dream about it. Maybe we would never talk in million times and these stares will be all that we would give and remember thereafter and till. . . we part...that I never wanna happen. We don't talk anymore, we don't love anymore…We don't talk anymore like we used to do. How come this lives of every one of us is so damn unstable and offending. Mine, Ray's, Salima's...I feel like my pain and hurdles are nothing when I think about how hard Ray is undergoing through all…Everyone are so busy in their own stuff that they didn't bother even to have a small sympathetic talk with him- me neither. I couldn't understand how someone can love so much that, really, truly, she couldn't live without him…Poor Salima...I donno if I should think Ray deserve this for being so blind or sympathize with the old teen...Hmmm…Not much that maybe I could feel about them.

.

.

.

I don't care if we don't talk anymore; it's just a cruel existence that there is no point hoping at all! This is just driving me crazy each day when she don't want to keep any friendship with me, then why does coming in my room, sitting and staring at the ceiling so DULL and even sleeping here means? What is she trying to prove? It doesn't fit with her attitude .This is so crazy and meaningless. I don't understand. Hell! Why do I care even! Let her sleep wherever she likes! Hmph! Better if I give my room to both of them….

He sarcastically yelled mentally the last part in anguish and desperately annoyed!

Neither of them dared to look at each other and the air around grew weirder than before.

I just heard you found the one you've been looking
You've been looking for
I wish I would have known that wasn't me
'Cause even after all this time I still wonder
Why I can't move on
Just the way you did so easily

Don't wanna know
What kind of dress you're wearing tonight
If he's holding onto you so tight
The way I did before
I overdosed
Should've known your love was a game
Now I can't get you out of my brain

(Ohh, it's such a shame...)

That we don't talk anymore
We don't talk anymore
We don't talk anymore
Like we used to do
We don't love anymore
What was all of it for?
Ohh, we don't talk anymore
Like we used to do

I just hope you're lying next to somebody
Who knows how to love you like me
There must be a good reason that you're gone
Every now and then I think you
Might want me to come show up at your door
But I'm just too afraid that I'll be wrong

Later after an hour of deep thoughts, Tyson got from his bed, plugged the novel under his pillow and grabbed Dragoon before heading out after he made sure to put his cap a bit in his regular style, not like he intended, but of course that came in action involuntarily, like they would stare at each other. He walked out making sure enough to slide back the door as rough and with thud as possible. But that didn't even bother her even a bit. She didn't change her position even a bit and just stared at the white thing perfectly.

After a few minutes, she felt a rustle of cold wind blow, just shortly, so she closed the doors of balcony and her eyes fell on that one forth visible novel of the deep purple cover tugged carelessly beneath his pillow. She didn't hesitate to take it and start reading. It wasn't like first time she was reading any novel, she use to read it lot a few months back but then every normal and sweet thing and whatsoever ceased, there was more tougher things to be dealt and concentrated with if she were living alone, and taking a step in life, and so her novels faced adieus.

She read passionately after she just carelessly gripped over the first page and felt like to read it and complete it soon and not minding the tears if they would fall. Soon she got so much preoccupied in reading that she didn't mind to eat her lunch or study for some time. She continued reading lying carefree open on his beret and ignoring the pain of holding the book in her hands or frequently changing the position of her arms. She felt everything changed for some time, and not knowing that her nose had turned read for some reason, she was later unsure if it was because she cried a bit, or that she had a mild cold or the weirdest blush (of course it'd be weirdest cause it's on the nose)

Her mind had the gushing lines and the pictures of the characters she was reading …For once in many times, her mind was in some real state of out of worry, that she didn't move even a bit when Tyson came back after a few hours. It was almost dark then.

She continued her reading.

Rather, he was a bit shocked as his mouth opened and he saw her reading his novel with intense concentration and lost in it. He heard a short rough turn of the page where he had put the book marker and it was the final chapter.

He walked towards and stared her indirectly to give him his book. She sadly looked at him, getting off his bed and forwarding her hand slowly with the book holding with weak fingers. He took it right away, and the contact was not being rough and she got off his bed and walked out.

While he kept back his novel and lied on the bed, getting into a deep sleep since he didn't sleep properly the last night, Hilary headed down with her bag.

…

"Hil, you leaving?" Max asked as he was busily chatting on his phone.

"Ah, I-"

"Hil, are you alright?" Kai asked as he appeared from nowhere.

Why they keep on calling me Hil Hil, I hate this!

"I'm not going anyway, I'm getting ready to do my homework!" she said a bit louder for everyone else to hear it right as she sat around the small table enough to a height she could sit down with her folded legs and write on the books. She made a willing angry annoyed face as she pulled out her notes. Kai tried to ignore that and he simply stood there, leaning against the wall.

"Hilary, can I join you?" Max asked.

"Sure."

Soon they were all engrossed in the work and she could be disturbed at least once in each five minute by the blonde for some doubt or anything, but she didn't show any frustration over it, because it was dealing with something worthy.-Books.

A half hour later, Ray and Kai arranged the dinner table not asking Max because if they did, then Hilary would also need to get up and work out and they, especially Kai, didn't felt like disturbing the hardworking girl. Later when everything was set, he called,

"Okay, you both can stop now and come and eat your dinner." Ray said weakly as they didn't show any signs of getting up. But as those words left his mouth, they opened their mouth in shock and looked at him not believing that he actually spoke something. He seemed to be dumb for a few days like after what happened, but then he just let a forced sad smile take over his lips and they ran to him, the blonde and the brunette, and held him by his shoulder staring at him with lot of questions with that ' are you alright?', 'Hey, you are finally back!' faces and gave a big smile to him before occupying their chairs.

As everyone took their bowls and the chopsticks, Ray intently looked at Hilary with that, 'Aren't you forgetting someone?' look .Hilary, with irreproachable face shrugged at his look.

"Well, Hilary maybe you can ask Tyson to have his dinner before he sleeps." Ray said directly. Kai only grunted a bit and continued his soup. Hilary stood up from her chair and without any reply headed straight upstairs.

She didn't fear that she was going to ask him directly to come down for his dinner.

She slid the door much to his notice and headed to him, while he was under his sheets. She stood near his beret and asserted in a tone trying to be uncaring,

"Come down now, your dinner is right there."

"…"

"Didn't you hear me?" she asked again, in same tough tone, allowing not being rude enough.

"Why do you care?" came the petrifying reply.

"Do what you like, I DON'T CARE!" she said a bit louder this time as she left the room, but then she felt a sudden tight grab clenching on her wrist.

She was completely taken aback and she stood right there, her back facing him.

I couldn't say how many thoughts passed my mind right at that moment and I just couldn't get the words. But I had a strong hope that everything was going to be truly alright. But that didn't happen yet, sadly. He wasn't letting go of anything. All he said still echoes in my mind.

"I know you care, may be a bit. ALL I WANTED TO SAY IS NOT TO CARE ABOUT ME EVEN THAT BIT." He said in a deep voice, yet it was not louder, just the mere painful words piercing through her ears.

"Leave my hand." was the feeble reply.

He left her wrist and swiftly got from his bed and headed out.

I never felt this sort of frightened at his sudden moves, but I couldn't actually believe he was listening to me despite what he said so. I walked behind him but then what I saw was that cold paces that strode out in the dojo somewhere. But then, all I could do to stop him was nothing. So I just watched him walk out and I felt so guilty for eating dinner at his home when he wasn't there. I can't describe how difficult it became with each morsel...All I could hear is the last thing he uttered so tough.

"What happened? You aren't eating." was the gentle comment by the cold blader.

"Hmm…I..am not…much, hungry.." were the tough coming words with pain deep inside.

How can I sit here and sit when in first place he is not here because of me?

"But you need to eat, right." he asserted not loudly.

The blonde and the Chinese guy just stared deep at their plates listening to their conversation, Max's face was that of how this girl could be so free talking, she is such a jerk, she doesn't even deserve his love. I just wish if I could kick Kai and get him outta here.

While that of the Chinese blader just coughed a bit suggesting that it was getting so weird as they talked, like they never did…Really weird, how can she be so uncaring about him, she didn't even bother to go after him and call for dinner and so shamelessly sitting here at the dinner

"Please…" her voice was bit deep suggesting anger, "I'M FINE!"

She continued eating sarcastically like she was hungry as she got infuriated by his words that simply stung. He glared at her shortly and then continued his soup.

"Hilary, you can go to your home if you don't feel good around here." Ray said softly, yet that hopeless expression for her was evident on his face.

"Huh? I mean, is ..i-s the-re something wr-ong?" she asked a bit edgy.

"I think everyone can see that." Came the blunt reply

"What is that supposed to mean?" the scarfed blader interrogated.

"NOTHING MUCH." The blonde answered sharply, "If you can't understand that, then we can't help you out."

"Hey Hey! Guys, Calm down, I'll go now, I'll come sometime later" she tried to smile yet scared at the faces of her two friends that she didn't expected such reaction, "Is that fine?"

"I don't know." Max replied blunt, "I mean I don't care."

"Hmm...Okay.." she got from the chair and started leaving, with her head down, her hairs nestling her already filling eyes when she felt to stop tenderly when she felt a much felt hand grabbing her wrist. She could feel the impulse at the sudden touch that was yet gentle and so much guilty for everything. She neither lifted her gaze nor she spoke anything, but just looked down, really down from inside.

All I wanted right this moment is to let free my wrist cause I know I can't do it on my own and if I say something my voice will give the sobs and I don't want to embarrass myself. So please leave me. Let me go. Let me go…let me go

He didn't look at her, but his other hand was hanging down parallel to his position, not on the table. He was waiting for any movement that never happened.

The other deep blue and grey eyes were looking at them in disgust and abhorrence that they stood from their chairs and walked away angrily, completely showing that they considered them as so unappreciated and guilty.

Neither of them made any movement…just waiting for each other to make the first move, that is, either to say something or give up the hand. Just when she felt the grab weaken she freed her hand roughly never looking back and walked out of the dojo, like she would never come. Never come here again, where she was said to not to come by her so close friends.

It hurts, it hurts when someone says something so rude that you didn't expect from them and maybe my life has much more people like this who will degrade and hurt me this way. So I think it shouldn't be so surprising...well, this doesn't hurt not more now. There's first time for everything .Let it burn, let it burn, let it burn.

So just I decided that I will move on

Though I know how much it hurts for the past that's gone

I'm leaving you, you all, I don't care

But then I'm shocked at the fate

When we meet again

But for this moment, let me cry once again

So much grief it gives, to walk away

I just understand your feelings that's hate

Please don't talk to me next time

Stop playing with my feelings, I'm already dying

Just I'm freaking so already

That I feel like diving in an eddy

So unmeant were those talks

So cruel were your walks

I wish we were together with hatred vanished

I'd have captured you in my both dreams and anguish.

She walked through the dark streets of the Tokyo until she reached her sole habitat, the darkness around didn't scare her. She ambled helplessly till she realized that she walked past her room, so she took out her phone, to get some source of light and took out her keys and unlocked the door. She could hear the echoes of her breath that she just took as she felt like she would start to cry. As she entered her room she closed the door by exerting pressure of her back and sat down there itself resting on the wall and sighing as hard as possible, preventing each possibility of letting her mind torture her with the same thoughts.

I'm tired. How much more...How much more? I'm tired. She thought vulnerably as she felt she would let her mind burst at any moment, so she mustered the courage to feebly stand up and lock the door. All she did was gulped those pills, that were already killing her from inside and collapsed on her bed. She didn't cared how her stomach cursed her for keeping it hungry, and how the sedatives were killing her. All she did was- cared about was her soul and heart, to keep them away from little injuries that now dig deeper wounds that won't be healed so soon.

That night, Tyson showed up late, about at eleven and Max chided him for staying out for late hours and made him eat his dinner that he was reluctant to. But then after Ray showed up and glared at him with that ' Are you gone mad?' and made him firmly eat, he just ate without any care and slept. They didn't want to say what happened after he was gone. After all, he was so upset. It wouldn't be bitter to touch the topic, so they shut their mouths. All they knew was Hilary was a jerk, but they just let that thought go away for the bluenette's sake. Later he struggled getting at four and doing his whatsoever.

Next day, Hilary didn't wake till the time she had to till she got four missed calls from Margot. She barely opened her eyes and then suddenly realized that she had forgotten to keep her alarm. So she darted out just brushing her teeth and shortly showering, and out without breakfast. She did everything so briskly and in hurry she forgot her cell even, but that didn't matter much.

Oh my, how did I forget to keep my alarm! I've never been late this way, I hope I'll not be late this time...PLZZ GOD HELP ME, I promise I'll go to dojo and apologize each and every one of them, please help me.

She ran faster and faster and then she ended up heavily panting as she reached on time and all that mattered now was to calm down and go calmly inside and start her work. Oh, thank god, thank you so much…I reached on time.

After she was done, she started leaving, the old lady stopped her.

"Yes ma'am, I think I wasn't late today." she said tensed.

"Of course not. Aren't you forgetting something?" the stout lady asked

"What? I don't get it." She tried to sound calm.

"Dear, don't you want this?" she smiled, as she handed a white envelope within which her earning was there. She lit up suddenly and smiled back genuinely and took it happily and kept it carefully deep in her pocket, and walked to her room and then kept it carefully in her locker after taking some yens for buying an ice cream today for herself and Margot. She smiled at the idea, and at least there was something that could make her mood lit up…It was so paying, after all my hard work of the month. I think, today is the best.

The question is- will it really be?