A/N: I drew a rough map of the town and the surrounding area and if anyone wants to see it I could scan it in.

1 June 1616

I've been at their house for about two weeks, and I guess he noticed how much trouble I have waking up in the morning. I just don't like waking up. So today, he knocked on my door and said, "Hello?"

"Come in."

"Do I know you? Because you look a lot like my future wife."

"I certainly hope so!"

"I'm trying to be cute here, help you waking up and everything."

"I don't want to wake up."

"You've got work, though. C'mon, love."

"Ugh, fine." I dragged myself out of bed before realizing that he'd never seen me in pajamas before and I was embarrassed because I was a mess, my hair all tangled and messy and my face tired and ugly. "Uh…sorry. I'm going to—"

"What are you sorry for?"

"I'm a mess."

"So?"

"So, I'm a mess! I haven't brushed my hair, or put on a bodice or anything—"

"It's the morning. I'm a mess, too."

"You're not."

"Well, I also woke up half an hour ago."

"How on Earth did you manage that?"

"I like waking up early. I like being awake when the sun is shining."

"You're mad."

"I'm not!"

"I don't know how I'm going to put up with you when I'm sleeping in the same bed as you…"

He blushed and said, "I'm going to go make breakfast."

"Have fun." He left and I was left to wonder why on Earth I'd said that and get dressed. I hate lacing up my bodice; it's hard and unpleasant. The only reason I can lace mine up on my own is because I was determined to never rely on my mother from the time I was eight.

2 June 1616

Simonn's mother is getting worse, but he's been teaching Isabella to write every day and he says she's been doing well. Simonn's father's boss said Simonn can have Simonn's father's old job, which pays better than Simonn's old job. Simonn said he'd take the man on his offer once his mother and Isabella recover (or don't).

5 June 1616

Mariek came over today and we had the strangest conversation.

"Hey, Dianna."

"Hi, Mariek." As usual, I made two cups of tea and buttered two slices of bread. "How's life been?"

"Fine. My aunt tried to get me engaged again," Mariek said conversationally.

"Too bad," I answered.

"Yeah. How about you? You're getting married in a week!"

"Oh, you know. A little nervous. A little busy. A lot anxious…"

"Hey, can I give you some advice?"

Odd. "Sure."

"Look, I know you guys all think I'm a crazy whore. And maybe I am, but this crazy whore has some experience and I just want to give you some advice."

"Fire away."

"I know I always bug you about wanting to sleep with him, but it's true, isn't it?" I nodded, because for once, she wasn't trying to be invulnerable. She always tries to be invulnerable. "Alright. I was just gonna say two things. First…the only reason you should ever sleep with a man-or a woman, but I'd guess you love men-is because you want to."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Remember 1614? March?"

"Of course." I pushed my hair away from the scar on my forehead and sighed. It's an awful memory; my breaths speed and my heart pounds even writing it. I held back the flood of memories because I wanted to listen to her advice, but I could feel my hands shaking.

"That's why. Just saying, you shouldn't let someone pressure you into sleeping with them. Any pressure at all means they're probably a complete jackass. Including your precious Sigmun."

"He wouldn't!"

"He sure doesn't seem like he would, I'll give you that. But you never know."

"I do know, Mariek."

"Well, if you two split or he dies young or something, and you fall in love again, you still shouldn't sleep with anyone, anyone at all, unless you want to."

"Alright, alright."

"Hey, stuff's happened to me and I just don't want it to happen to you guys, alright?"

"Yes, it's fine. What's the second thing?" I couldn't help but wonder what she meant by "stuff".

Mariek sighed. "It's okay to enjoy it."

"What d'you mean?"

"It's okay to like it. It's okay to not like it. It's the reason I sleep with guys and girls; I like it. Sometimes I don't, so I don't again. Sometimes I like it, so I do. They're both okay."

"Thanks for the reassurance."

"Any time. Anyways, I think it's great you two are getting married. You're perfect for each other." She sounded almost regretful. "Wish there was someone out there like that for me."

"There is. Of course there is."

"Who'd love me? I'm the crazy whore, remember?"

"So? We still love you. You're my friend."

She managed half a smile and a sip of tea. "Thanks, Dianna."

"You're welcome."

"I've gotta go. Aunt Katherine's gonna be expecting me."

"See you."

"Bye."

I've never really considered that Mariek could give advice like that. I guess she's cleverer than I ever gave her credit for, especially since she says "stuff" has happened to her and I don't know what that means, but I hope it's not what I think it means. I think Mariek is a very different person when she's alone.

11 June 1616

Today was all wedding preparations and worrying and finishing up my dress and Dolora fussing over things and Simonn pretending he wasn't so stretched thin that he might snap. Mariek said that since Dolora would be helping Sigmun get his suit on properly, she'd help me with my dress, which I'm grateful for. I'm no good at makeup or any of that.

Simonn said he's going to be at the wedding and the dinner, but he'd probably have to leave early because Richard could only do so much to take care of the sick members of his family. I told him not to worry at all, just do whatever he needed to do.

Oh, and just before I was going to go to bed, I turned around and saw my dress and I saw a spider on it, so I shrieked and swatted at it.

"Dianna?" Mariek called.

"Sorry. I saw a spider on my dress."

"Good."

"Good?"

"I put it there for luck."

"Luck!? What on Earth?"

"It's good luck to find a spider on your wedding dress!"

"Mariek…"

"Hey, luck is very important. It's a blue dress, right? And you sewed on that old lace?"

"Mariek, you care more about this than I do."

"Because you don't know anything about luck!"

"I'm going to bed, and if there are any more spiders…"

"There aren't, I swear."

"Good night, then."

"Good night."

12 June 1616

Well, I'm officially married as of just hours ago! My wedding dress, the lovely blue dress with the white accents, is hanging on the closet door of a different room now. It was such a lovely wedding. Even though Mariek insisted that we follow every wedding superstition she could think of. I was already planning something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. My dress was new, and it was blue, I borrowed a necklace from Hannah, and Mariek gave me some old lace from her mother's wedding dress. Mariek also made Sigmun wear a flower in the buttonhole of that suit he looked so handsome in (she's so superstitious). And everything smells like the lavender from my bouquet (which is in a vase on the desk in what's now my room, next to my journal), a scent I think I will forever love.

Mariek woke me up far too early and I was already tense, but she said she was going to braid up my hair for luck.

"Luck?"

"Mm-hmm. And don't forget the veil; it'll ward off spirits."

"You're mad."

"Oh, and here's a penny. It goes in your shoe and make it into jewelry later."

"What's wrong with just my rings?"

"Nothing. It's luck."

"You're so superstitious…You care more about this than I do."

"C'mon, I'll help you get dressed."

"Thanks." She helped me with my bodice and everything, which was very nice of her because I hate doing up my bodice and it's nice when someone helps me out.

Anyways, Sigmun left before I did for the church, so I didn't see him until the wedding, which is another superstition. And it rained a little, yet another one. It was a normal wedding, and we said our vows and everything, and I cried. I think he did, too, but it was hard to tell because I was shaking so much. I threw my bouquet and Hannah caught it (I certainly hope she's the next to be married!), even though she gave it back later. It was all about luck today. Even Neolla gave me a small bell to put in my bouquet. I'm grateful to whoever decided that brides could throw their bouquets because I've heard a lot of stories about people who ripped up a bride's dress for luck and that sounds quite terrifying. The only tradition no one bothered with was the one where the father gives away the bride, because I don't really have a father and no one's ever owned me, anyways.

Dolora made such a lovely dinner and a nice cake and the dinner was a wonderful celebration and everyone was laughing and smiling and just generally being happy. We even danced some, twirling in circles while Neolla played the fiddle (she's been learning from Mrs. Jacobson). It was almost eleven by the time everyone left and Mariek winked at me and raised her eyebrows right before she left with Neolla, which made me blush scarlet, because I knew exactly what she meant and (to be brutally honest) she was right. Oh, and we saved the slice of cake we cut together because it's tradition.

It was a wonderful, dreamy wedding and I'm so happy right now and I can't stop playing with my new ring. It's gold and lovely and there's a pattern of leaves and vines and flowers etched very lightly on the inside. His matches mine exactly. He kept kissing me, just randomly and when I wasn't expecting it, and it was like he couldn't believe that we were married. Right after we exchanged rings and kissed and he whispered, "I hope you know this is the best moment of my life."

"Me too."

And he's had this huge smile on his face all day, gorgeous and glowing and adorable. I'm sure I have a matching smile. I was crying when I kissed him and I'm sure I was shaking not because I was sad, but because I was so deliriously happy. I didn't think it was possible to contain that much joy in my too-small body.

It's late now, and I just wanted to write to get rid of some of this energy. I've been shaking nonstop since I walked through the doors of the church. And it's my wedding night; I know what that means. It's just been a wonderful day. I don't think I'll ever have a better one.

13 June 1616

Of course I had to go to work today. I was exhausted today, and I suppose Pamela noticed.

"Leijon!" she snapped. "Work faster! Don't be so lazy!"

"Vantas," I corrected.

"What?"

"I got married yesterday. It's Dianna Vantas."

"That is not excuse to be slow and useless. You have work here that is more important than any marriage's work." I fought her hard for a single day off to be married. And I told her I was getting married, for heaven's sake.

"I don't know what you mean." Yes I did.

"Don't be an idiot, Vantas. Get to work," Pamela said sharply. David snickered. "And you!" she added.

Which reminds me. It's the oddest thing. Last night, he asked me. He asked me if I was sure I wanted to do this, was I really, really sure, because if I didn't want to it was okay, he promised, and I had to tell him about seven times that I was sure. And then I asked him about ten times if he was sure and he had to tell me about ten times that he was sure. It's just odd because as far as I know, men don't bother asking. I mean, my friends' and my experiences with men mostly involve not asking. And I think its kind. I think it's human decency to ask, because a person's body is her or his own and it's up to her or him to choose who they're going to be close to that way. It surprises me (in a very good way) that he would ask.

I'm certainly glad he asked. It's nice to know he wouldn't do something like that.

And it didn't hurt. I thought it was supposed to hurt. I mean, I guess I'm a little achy, but nothing like the bleeding pain they describe in books. How odd.

Also, he's very good-looking shirtless.

14 June 1616

Johanna and Pamela had another fight today. I wish they wouldn't fight so much. It's very irritating.

It's very strange, the concept of being married. I didn't feel any shift in the way I feel about him (touching him has never really changed how I feel about him), or anything like that. I just feel like there's something special about swearing all your love to one person for the rest of your life. I certainly hope it's a long time. I very much like being married.

15 June 1616

Today I was lacing up my bodice like I always do and I was cursing and getting generally irritated like I always do and my love turned to me and asked, "Do you want any help?"

"I'm fine." I said grumpily. "Damn this thing!"

"Seriously, let me help," he said, taking the strings from me and lacing up my bodice the way I do, except a little different, a little looser.

"Is that alright? Too tight? Too loose?"

"It's fine. A bit loose…"

"Jeez, I feel like I'll hurt you if I make it any tighter."

"I'm used to it."

"You know, you always say 'I'm used to it.' Do you mean you're used to it or you don't mind it? Cuz there is a difference."

"I mean I'm used to it. Just tie it, will you? I have work."

"I just don't want to hurt you!"

"You're not hurting me. I swear. How'd you know how, anyways?"

"It's the same as the way you lace up shoes, far as I can tell, and I do work for the shoemaker, you know. Anyways, I certainly know how to unlace your bodice," he added with that cheeky little smile of his.

"You're all talk. I undo my own bodice and you know it."

"Hm, I seem to remember things a bit differently…" I rolled my eyes and smiled.

"Well anyways, thank you."

"You're welcome." He paused, his fingers resting lightly on my upper back. "If it helps, I think you're lovely with or without a bodice."

"Thank you, but I can't just stop wearing it."

"Why not?"

Actually, there are two reasons I wear a bodice: one, all women wear a bodice and I prefer my bodice to anything else because it's more comfortable and easier to lace up; and two, it provides some support for my chest. But I couldn't explain the second reason because I'm hopelessly shy and bad at explaining things.

"Because everyone wears one. It's just part of life."

"Since when has everyone else really influenced what you do?"

"Since it's more comfortable than walking around without one!"

"How is that possible?"

"Well, it's certainly more comfortable than just walking around without anything supporting my chest!" I snapped.

He blushed crimson. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize."

"Well, it's your business."

"Maybe so, but for heaven's sake, you're lacing up my bodice."

He grinned and kissed me and said, "C'mon. Work."

Work was fine today, except Pamela was screaming at us again. I'm so sick of her.

16 June 1616

Simonn's mother died today. The funeral was horrible, even worse than his father's. They buried her right next to Simonn's father and Simonn was supposed to say something, but he couldn't manage to. It was so awful. Simonn was shaking all over, like he did last time, trying not to cry. His siblings were all crying, though. Isabella had to stay home, because her pox has gotten really bad, but I walked Simonn home afterwards and it was clear she'd been crying, too.

I feel so guilty getting married and being all happy in the middle of all this sadness. But I guess I'll just do what I can to help out Simonn. He needs it.

17 June 1616

I suppose I was distracted this morning because when I got to work, I realized that my shirt was too big and the sleeves were practically covering my hands and it was a bit too tight across my chest, which made no sense because I sew all my clothes to fit. So I pinned the sleeves to fit and started work and it wasn't until I noticed that the thread was bright red that I realized I was wearing one of my love's shirts. I felt my cheeks flush, but I don't think anyone noticed. Except Catherine, who asked if I was alright, and I said it was just too warm inside.

18 June 1616

We were sitting today on the bed at the end of the day when he said, "Can I tell you something really embarrassing?"

"…Sure?" I supposed it would be something silly.

"D'you remember, way back in February, in 1612, when you saved my life?"

"Of course I do."

"Okay…Before that, I had this really dumb idea about…about having a romance with, with you, like in the books…I don't know. I always dreamed that I'd be the knight, and you'd be the princess, and…I don't know, I just always thought I'd be the one rescuing you." He blushed and looked at his feet, scratching one foot with the other. "I'd be the knight. But I was lying there, and I couldn't quite breathe, and I could barely see straight, and…you were the knight. I was the princess. I guess…I guess I kind of realized…I wasn't the knight. You didn't need a knight. I didn't have to rescue you. I don't know. It's just, I realized that…Romance isn't about being the knight. It's like, sometimes we're both the knight, or both the princess, and sometimes you're the knight and I'm the princess, and sometimes the other way around, and that's how it's supposed to be, you know? I sound like an idiot."

"No you don't. Not at all."

"I do, though."

"No, you don't. My dumb romance ideas were all just stupid dreams I had, I couldn't even control them."

"Is real life as good as your romance dreams?"

"It's better."

"Good to know." He kissed my neck and wrapped one arm around my waist. I'm sure I blushed, because I know I blush a lot, but he does that sort of thing to be all seductive and (funny enough) it usually works.

19 June 1616

Again, today, he looked nervous when I got home from work and sprawled on the bed like I do after a particularly stressful or irritating day.

"Hey, can I tell you something else really dumb?"

"Feel free."

"You remember the first time we kissed, in June, four years ago?"

"Clear as a bell."

"This is going to sound ridiculous…but I thought that would be the only time I kissed you."

"Oh?"

"That's why I had that whole stupid speech or whatever all thought out. I figured, it would be the only time I'd kiss you, so I might as well make it a good one."

"You planned that whole thing out?"

He blushed crimson. "Sort of…"

"That's sweet."

"It's mad."

"I mean it. It's sweet." He shrugged. "Hey," I said. "Can I tell you something embarrassing?"

"I've already told you two. Go ahead."

"Okay…well, back when we were younger, and my mother kept me inside like she did…I planned those letters to you all day in my head. And then I'd write them slowly, all carefully, except towards the end, but I started getting sick then, so." I shrugged. "And I kept all your letters."

"I kept yours, too."

"Really?"

"Really. What did you think I did?"

"Threw them out. They were pretty unextraordinary. I was sick as a dog for the last couple months."

"It's not like my letters were anything special."

"You wrote me sonnets, love. I think that's amazing. And they were from you."

"Thanks." He blushed redder and sat so that if he flopped back, he'd be lying right next to me. "Bad day at work?"

"Horrible. Pamela's awful, Susan doesn't talk, Johanna's the bossiest human being ever to be born, David's just a plain old horrible person, my fingers hurt like hell…the usual."

"I'm sorry," he said, moving closer to me. "Sounds awful."

"Could be worse. Your job sounds worse than mine."

"The people are marginally more tolerable."

"What were they like today?"

"Well, Paul still doesn't know why no one wants to marry him. Peter still thinks he's the best person to ever walk the Earth. Kyle still won't shut up about his fiancée because he knows it bothers Paul. And Ralph is still an idiot. So nothing new." (Our shoemaker is the only one in the closest five villages, so he has a lot of apprentices.)

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine. I can live with it. They don't talk to me."

"Why not?"

"They think I'm odd."

I laughed and patted his arm. "They're not wrong. But it's a good thing."

"You know, I'm tempted sometimes to just quit this job and get one where I can tolerate the other people."

"You should."

"We need the money."

I gave him a skeptical look.

"Maybe I can get a better-paying job, too."

"I just want you to be happy. Find a job you like."

"No one would hire me at the job I want."

"Then find something you at least like a little."

"Why don't you?"

"Have you seen a single woman working anywhere else but the seamstress's?"

"I suppose not."

"I don't really want to take the time to find a new job, anyways."

"If you say so."

I rolled over to face him and kissed him, because what the hell? I mean, we're married now. It doesn't matter. He kissed me back and even though I hate my job, at least I like my life at home.

20 June 1616

I have no idea how long it's supposed to take for me to start carrying a child. I don't really care, either. It's bound to happen eventually. I know I have years to have children, but worries plague me that I'm one of those women who can't bear children. I have a hunch my mother was when she adopted me. I have no idea what inherited traits might affect my ability to have children and I wish I did. I'm just a little scared that I'll never have children and if I do, they won't live.

Isabella's been doing well with writing, according to Simonn. I hope she recovers and keeps writing.

21 June 1616

I've never been as close to another person in my entire life as Sigmun and I know it sounds awful but I like it. I like how tightly we're pressed together and I like the feeling of heat and intensity and I just like how much sensation there is. I just feel so much more when we're together like that and I love it. I mean…it's not perfect, not by any means, but I still like it. I guess that awful feeling that it's wrong isn't gone, though I'd like to pretend it is. I dislike shame after the years my mother spent making me ashamed over everything I did, but there's not a lot I can do about it, either.

Work has been a pain in the neck because I'm far too happy to focus on anything.

22 June 1616

My husband (how odd it is to be able to say that) woke up today and he was in a good mood like only he is in the morning (how he manages that, I do not know) and he said, "Dianna?"

"Mm." I'm not very articulate in the morning.

"Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I'll give it back."

"Was that a line?" I tried to sound properly annoyed, but I couldn't help but laugh.

"…Maybe?"

"Don't worry about giving it back." I kissed him on the lips and then tried to get out of bed. However, gravity is stronger in the early morning around a comfortable bed and I failed.

"It's time to face the day, darling."

"The day can go die in a ditch."

"Love, there's a whole day of things to do!"

"Name three better than sleeping in. I'll get out of bed if you can name three."

"Chocolate. Friends. Uh…"

"See? That's just two."

He leaned closer to me and I bet he grinned, but my eyes were closed. "Sleeping together."

I groaned. "Fine. You win. But I hate you."

He laughed and kissed my nose. "You sure?"

"Extremely sure. Now let me get up."

"Alright." He helped me lace up my bodice again, which is very nice of him because there are few things I hate more than lacing up my bodice.

Work wasn't so bad today, except that Pamela kept glaring at me as if I'd killed her mother. Heaven forbid I take a day off work to get married.

23 June 1616

My love looked vaguely ill today, so of course I asked him what was wrong.

"My coworkers."

"What about them?"

"Well, they think I don't listen to them. So they talk about me when I'm not looking."

"What do they say?"

"Well, you know what they say about a man who loves his wife."

"No, actually, I don't."

"They say he's not interesting or handsome or something enough to be loved by anyone else. And some things about me not having a father, and being really damn short, and a variety of other derogatory things like that."

"I'm sorry, love."

"It's not your fault."

"Well, I commiserate anyways."

"Thanks."

"Would it help if you faked an affair or something?"

"Don't be ridiculous."

"I mean it."

"I do too. I would never."

"I know that, believe me I do. But I mean, if work's that unbearable for you—"

"I'm going to lose my job this week anyways."

"What? Why?"

"The usual. Can't have this illegitimate thing with some witch for a mother working here!"

"Darling, don't say that."

"It's true. I don't say things that aren't true."

"Neither do I. And you're probably cleverer than most people at your job. If we'd been born in a different time, I bet all of us would be at university."

"If we lived in a different time, pretty much every miserable thing in our lives would be better. Think about it! It'd probably be honorable not having affairs. I bet women and people with dark skin and people like me could go to university. And I bet children wouldn't die so often. Maybe laws would be better and…and things like what happened to you back in 1614 wouldn't happen. Neolla probably would've just been able to go to school. People would have enough to eat all the time…"

"Now who's being ridiculous?"

"Not me!"

"Sigmun…"

He sighed and stared up at the ceiling. "I just wish things were better."

"Me too, love. Believe me." I snuggled closer to him and I kissed his neck and he sighed that sort of relieved sigh that at once comforts and worries me.

"Dianna?"

"Right here."

"Just…I'm really glad I have you. Does that sound really mushy?"

"Yes. But that's one of the things I love about you. I'm glad I have you, too."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

Also, Simonn's staying over in the guest room tonight because it rained yesterday and his room has a leak in the roof and now there's an inch of water in his room.

25 June 1616

Mariek came over today and I think she just has fun messing with my head.

"Hi, Mariek!"

"Hey, Dianna."

"Tea?"

"Yeah, sure. Ginger?"

"Alright." Mariek and I communicate with few words this way and I don't really mind. I put a kettle on the stove and sat across from Mariek.

"So," she said. "How's married life?"

"Just the same," I said. "Work. Eating. Chores. Reading."

"Sleeping?" Mariek asked with raised eyebrows. I felt my cheeks flush pink.

"Yes, sleeping."

"Oh. Cuz Simonn told me different," she tossed off.

"W-what?" I was going to kill Simonn.

"Oh, he just mentioned that it was so loud he didn't sleep much."

"But we're quiet!" I didn't mean to say that out loud. (Also I've discovered quiet is relative when the entire house is quiet.)

"Ha!" Mariek said triumphantly.

"You little…" I said. "I…Simonn didn't say anything, did he?"

"Nope," she said casually. "Just that he hates his job. That's all."

"I hate you!" I shrieked. I jumped up in anger and almost knocked over my chair. I could tell my face was crimson. "What did you do that for?"

"Just to get you to admit it," Mariek said. "So. Tell me the details!"

"No! That's personal."

"You guys could ask me anything about the people I spend my time with and I'd tell you. C'mon, Dianna."

"No."

"Pleeeeeeeease?" she said, almost pleading but not really.

"What do you even want?" I snapped. What could I possibly tell her that she doesn't know already?

"I want to know what you think," Mariek said.

"Fine," I said, defeated. I sat back down, made sure no one was around, and said, "I like it."

Mariek gave me this triumphant sort of smile. "I knew it," she said. "It's not just me. You like it too! I said it, didn't I? Men and women both love like that!"

"Who said otherwise?" As if I don't already know. "You were the one giving me advice just a couple weeks ago!"

"Oh, you know. Mother. Aunt Katherine. Uncle Benjamin. The others. People always say women can't love that way. Lust is for men. But it's not, is it? I bet even Hannah loves Simonn that way!"

"So why are you humiliating me?"

"Cuz you're actually married, so I know for sure, and anyways, you're less shy."

I scoffed.

"Well, you're not exactly obedient. You sure as hell don't back down."

"…Thanks?"

"You're welcome. Got any bread?"

"Yeah," I said. I left to cut a slice of bread and luckily Mariek didn't pester me for the rest of the afternoon.

She left me thinking, though. Clearly I'm not the only woman to ever love this way. Obviously men love this way (at least one does), so why shouldn't women?

But I can hear the footsteps downstairs and it must be my love. I ought to start making dinner.

26 June 1616

My fingers ache from work today, but the rest of me is feeling light and airy and only a little embarrassed from talking with Mariek yesterday.

Neolla came over for a cup of tea today. She's much kinder than Mariek, especially about things I prefer to keep private.

"Mariek was here yesterday," she said right away.

"How'd you guess?"

"You're on edge and you look vaguely ill."

"I feel vaguely ill."

Neolla half-laughed and followed me to the kitchen while I made tea. "So how's life been?" she asked.

"Same as ever. Work. Eating. Reading. Chores. Yes, sleeping, before you can ask."

"I wasn't going to," Neolla said. "It's your life."

"Am I ever glad to hear that."

"Mariek was bugging you about it?"

"Mm-hmm."

"I'll talk to her. She has no boundaries sometimes, honestly…"

"Thanks," I said gratefully. I'd rather keep my private moments to myself. I have this feeling sometimes that at some point, I won't have a chance to rest and have personal time like this. It's a feeling that's almost contradictory, urging me to rest now, sleep now, love now, while I still can. It urges me to sleep late, spend my days resting or doing frivolous things. Sometimes, I feel it urge me to have children, as if I won't have a chance later. I know I've got years for children, years and years, so this funny little instinct that wants me to do things I'm sure I'll have time for later doesn't make sense.

At any rate, my love came home not too long after and we all conversed for a while before Neolla had to go home.

27 June 1616

I thought more on what Mariek said today. Despite Neolla's eye rolling, I think Mariek may be right. I didn't feel all that embarrassed today and I think that enjoying this isn't wrong because things that are good are designed to be enjoyed. And though I'm sure most of my friends wouldn't know, I think I believe that I'm not wrong for taking pleasure in my marriage.

30 June 1616

I've been sleeping so well since getting married. I always thought I'd sleep better next to him, and I was right. It's incredibly comforting to lie down with my head on his chest and hear his heartbeat. He puts one arm around me and it just feels so safe like I've never felt before. He seems to like playing with my hair, because I always feel him gently twirling locks of it and combing out the knots while I start to drift, even though he's always asleep before I am. I usually tuck one of my arms under my side and rest the other next to my head. It just feels warm and safe and everything I wish for. I hope he feels the same way, because the best thing about being married to him is when I see him happy.