"The last time we fucked, it was in the basement when you were stuck at LAX when the airport was on lock-down. I was is really in need of a friend, and you weren't available, so I emailed Peter up for some advice. He..."

"Come on, big boy. My name is 420 Fruit Fantasy Girl. I love to provide fun-filled friendly massages (and other things I probably shouldn't mention) for kinky little folks, like yourself. Four hundred roses and four condoms for six hours, and I promise to make your banana cry." Wade read from the adult chat room.

Wade opens a browser and starts composing a short email.

'Hey Harry, if you have a chance when you're done with your business meeting or whatever important thing you're doing, I need some advice from you ASAP. I think I'm in need of a mental heath check up from you.'

A couple minutes later-

'Hey Wade,

I'm stuck in LA right now. We're on lock-down due to some crazed gunman who killed an innocent TSA officer and wounded three other people. I'm not sure when we're leaving and my phone is about to die, but I think you'll be able to get some help from Peter. I hope he has the answer you're looking for. Good luck my friend, and give my kids a hug for me.

Harry.'

"Dammit. Okay, I'll email Peter."

'Hey Peter, if you have a chance when you're done with whatever you're doing, I need some advice ASAP. I think I'm in need of a mental heath check up from you.'

A minute later-

'Sure. The kids are with Aunt May. Let's meet at a bar.'

"Pete!"

"Hey, Wade." Peter greets as he enters the bar.

"Gosh, you're kinda sweaty."

"Well, I kinda ran here because the traffic today is a mess."

"True."

"So, are you alright?"

Wade sighs.

"Well, I needed to talk to a friend and have a drink."

"Ah."

"You want one?"

"Of Course! If I ever said no to that question, especially after...12 in the afternoon."

"Of course."

"So, what are we talking about here, Wade?"

"We are talking about...Infidelity...Fidelity? I don't know."

Peter scoffs.

"Come on, Pete! You have experience with both of those."

"Yes, I do." Peter confirms, even though he's not proud of the infidelity part of that statement. "So, is the man whore of New York thinking about being faithful?"

"Not faithful...technically. I have been emailing every human being with legs..."

"Ah, your internet whores." Peter supplies. "What kind of people?"

"Massage therapists, middle aged men, hookers, bankers, librarians, welders, actual porn stars, old ladies with canes- the list goes on and on. Anyway, I usually get off with them, flirting online and I go through with it 94% of the the time. This time, this girl want me to be committed to her, and I'm already with Steve, but truthfully, I do think about it."

Peter takes a sip from his drink and ponders Wade's situation for a brief moment.

A few minutes later-

"When was the last time you and Steve fucked?"

"Four days ago? I don't know. I've been bed hopping these past couple days."

"That's a shame."

"I remember that it was make-up sex."

"What did you do to Steve this time?"

"You really want to hear about it?"

"Well, we have a bar, and literally some time to kill, so yeah." Peter tells him.

"So, I was fucking around online, looking at tons and tons of porn, checking up on my online whores and a few hours later, I get a call from Steve. He's read all my emails."

"NO!"

"Yes! And he wasn't too pleased because I didn't ask him to join me! I couldn't leave from my job to go talk to him in person so I had to come up with a plan. I ended up sending him flowers and a very cheesy love poem. When I got home, he was still pissed at me, so I decided to make him a meal."

"You mean buy him a meal." Peter corrects.

"Whatever. Food is food. Anyway, dinner was going great and it seemed like we were communicated, however he was acting weird. He was acting really sad, really emotion, really serious until he told me 'I want to fuck other people too, Wade'! I don't know, Pete, it was so weird!"

"That's crazy!"

"It gets weirder. So Steve runs off to the nearest bedroom and I ended up chasing him and we ended up doing it." Wade concludes.

Peter starts laughing once the story is over.

"Well don't laugh!"

"Well, why not? It's funny!" Peter says as he nearly drops his drink.

"Maybe to you." Wade smiles.

"Oh, it's hilarious. But who am I to laugh?" Peter asks. "Har and I haven't fucked in a year." he says dejectedly.

"Wow!"

"Yup. It's been that long since I've felt up my own husband."

"Ugh, this place is depressing. What do you say we order a couple more and take them to go?" Wade suggests.

"You know we have drinks at home right?"

"What's your point?" He asks Peter. "Waiter!"

"Wow, I forgot that this cellar of yours is HUGE! Look at that fancy car!"

"Yup, and it's Harry's precious possession. Well, it was before we had our two little ones." Peter says dreamily.

Wade jumps in the uncovered car, and turns the ignition on.

"I forgot that he never took the keys out." Peter tells him.

"He makes it easy for misfits like me to steal this beauty." Wade says as he blasts the radio.

"Don't even think about it!" Peter yells over the radio.

"Fun killer!"

"Here's the scotch, you nut." Peter says as he hands him the bottle, taking a seat in the passengers side.

"Thanks." He says as he takes a swig from the bottle.

"Wow! Our weed is still here!" Peter says in amazement.

"Weed?!"

"Yeah! When we first got married, he got some weed and we smoke it on our anniversary. I thought we finished it."

"Didn't you say that you and Harry cruised through college with the use of weed?"

"The beginning of college." Peter corrects.

"Not according to Gwen and the others. It seems to me that you and Harry went though your entire college career high."

Peter laughs like a maniac as he preps the joint. As he finished the prep, he puts it in his mouth and lits it up.

"I never thought I's see the day where you do something...unlike you." Wade says.

Peter inhales, then exhales as he passes the joint.

"Ahh, where are my net whores to see me now?" Wade asks as he takes a hit from the joint.

"That's your concern at the moment when there's a joint in your hand?" Peter asks.

"Yeah." He says as he exhales. "I used to LOVE screwing when I was stoned. I found it very...liberating. Unfortunately for me, ever since I've been with Steve, I haven's smoked it because he detests smoking of any kind." He says as he passes the joint back to Peter.

"Oh well." Peter says. He takes two hits, passes the joint back and turns the station.

I was gonna clean my room until I got high
I was gonna get up and find the broom but then I got high
My room is still messed up and I know why
'Cause I got high

I was gonna go to class before I got high
I coulda cheated and I coulda passed but I got high
I am taking it next semester and I know why
'Cause I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high

I was gonna go to work but then I got high
I just got a new promotion but I got high
Now I'm selling dope and I know why
'Cause I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high

"Ah, this song." Peter sighs.

"Sing it with me." Wade says.

They both start laughing.

"Come on!"

"No!" Peter giggles. "No, no! I have an idea!" He giggles.

"Huh?"

"I have an idea." Peter says slowly as turns the radio off."

"What? What?"

"I think that you should take this home and-" Peter breaks down laughing.

Wade laughs at Peter.

"And smoke it." Peter says through his laughter.

Wade laughs even more.

"Listen to me!" Peter laughs hysterically. "Listen to me! I think you should climb in bed, smoke it-"

"Hmm?"

"Take this and lay some pipe." Peter giggles.

The both end up laughing.

"Sounds like a plan, but that cannot happen."

"Why not?" Peter starts crying.

"Because...the smell of it. Just the smell of it." Wade says waving his hands around.

Peter laughs through his tears.

"It makes Steve uptight." Wade smiles.

Peter smiles some more.

"So smoke it outside." Peter suggests sloppily, laughing his head off.

Suddenly they stop laughing.

"Here you go." Peter says, handing him the small bag of weed.

"Thanks." Wade says, taking the bag from him.

He then plants his lips on Peter's lips.

Peter quickly pulls away.

"I uh..." Wade starts, but Peter opens his door and flees the car.

Wade sits in the drivers seat for a moment.

"Take it easy, Peter. You can keep calm." Peter quietly tells himself.

Suddenly, the radio blares out loud.

"Oh shit!" Peter exclaims, jumping.

Wade laughs uncontrollably before he takes a long swig from the bottle.

"Damn! That scared me." He says, not noticing that Wade has exited the car and starts walking towards Peter.

"Hey." Wade says as he stops and stares right into Peter's eyes, taking a long hit from the joint.

"I think you need to-"

Wade starts kissing Peter passionately and pushes his back to the wall.

"I'm gonna fuck you since you're in the need for some cock." Wade says as he's unbuckling Peter's pants.

"I-"

"Don't fight it." Wade says as he slightly pulls down Peter's pants and underwear.

"Wade, I really-"

Wade turns Peter around and pulls down his own pants and boxers down to his ankles.

"I don't-"

Wade rams his cock into Peter's ass.

Peter moans in unwanted pleasure and complete pain.

Wade pounds into Peter ruthlessly, while Peter's tears are flowing down his face. He's unsure of if he wants this or not.

"Oh yeah, this feels good." Wade says as he pounds into Peter quicker.

"Wade!" Peter yells out.

"I'm gonna-" Wade announces, but he spills into Peter's hole.

Peter's tears stream down his face even quicker.

"So not only did you take advantage of my husband, you didn't use protection, smoked our weed and lied to my face for years?!" He yells in Wade's face, breaking his cup of coffee.

"Harry-"

"And you! You've been unfaithful to me for years as well?! I knew that you cheated on me with the other one, but to be sleeping around with our friend for who knows how long for a total of five times?" He snaps in Peter's face.

"It was four, Harry." Wade corrects.

"Five because Aunt May and I caught you two screwing against the door to our balcony!"

"OH SHIT! YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?" Peter asks.

Song Used: Because I Got High - Afro Jack