2 April 1622

We leave tomorrow for the next town. I've been trying to ignore the toll all this travel is taking on my body, but I feel like my joints have aged twenty years since we left. My knees crack when I stand up in the morning and my back aches each morning. I sleep with my head on his chest like always, but these days I have to adjust more than usual so my neck doesn't hurt.

I'll just take some of Dolora's willow. I need to be ready to teach-I can't have sore joints holding me back.

4 April 1622

I'm so tired from travel today. I can't really explain why, but I think sleeping on the ground is taking a toll on me. I haven't been sleeping well. I should ask Dolora for some sleep medicines-I'm sure she knows some herbs. Or maybe I could just cuddle more with Sigmun-I haven't been as much lately.

I wonder if he minds.

5 April 1622

A new town today. We spoke to the reverend, asked people to come to his speech tomorrow, and prepared for a group dinner tomorrow. I did a lot of hunting and Dolora started to prepare the meat. I also found some herbs and plants for stew, because what else can you make for dozens of people?

Simonn and I are going to have to make another trip through the villages before this time next year, to spread the word about Sigmun's plan. He says we're going to gather as many people as we can and flood the city, trying not to hurt anyone but blocking things up as much as possible, to force the king and his people to acknowledge the regular people. He says by then Candas and her friends-Orvill and Grantt and everyone-will hopefully really be on our side and persuade the king to take us serious. Then he's hoping to negotiate with the leverage of thousands of normal people for better rights and taxes. Then, when Candas takes power as queen, there will be more reforms.

I think he's insanely optimistic. There's going to be a riot, and violence. Things are going to get burned down and people are going to die. I feel sick to my stomach thinking about it, but I'm not sure there's another option for us.

6 April 1622

I met a woman named Rosamond today. She's as thin as Simonn is, but it doesn't seem like that's just how she is. While Simonn's thin as a beanpole, his cheeks aren't hollow and his lips aren't too thin. Rosamond looked terribly thin in a sickly way.

"Have something to eat," I said, offering her some stew.

"Thank you," she said, and she finished the bowl in five minutes flat.

"My goodness," I said. "Have you been eating?"

She shook her head. "Our crops didn't do so well this year. We didn't eat much over the winter, and we're running low on food now."

"Is there anything we can do for you?"

"Unless you can summon a good year from thin air, I don't think so."

I had a slightly insane idea, then. "How about I teach you to hunt?"

"I don't have a bird or a bow. Certainly no gun."

"Take my bow. I can buy another. Or-no, I'll buy a bow for you, and some arrows."

"I couldn't accept it. I hardly know you."

"Do you have children?"

She nodded.

"They won't last until harvest without food. Take it. I'll teach you how to hunt and you won't have to worry about a poor harvest again. Are you coming to reading and writing lessons tomorrow?"

She nodded.

"Stay after. Anyone else who wants to can. I fed my family this way over quite a few winters, including the one I had my child for."

"I can't thank you enough," she said.

"Don't worry about it," I told her. "I'm here to help people. It's our entire purpose." It's why I left home, anyways.

I suppose I'm now teaching reading, writing, and hunting.

So be it.

7 April 1622

Simonn's been having terrible nightmares lately. Considering how my nightmares used to be, this is saying something. They always get worse around this time of year, and looking back at my journals I see that he always has one on April sixteenth. I don't want that to mean anything, but I'm sure it does. I hope it's not this April, because I'm not ready for this to end. Well, I'm not sure I'll ever be ready, but…I don't think I could handle it if it's nine days from today.

8 April 1622

The hunting has been going well, and it's a weight off my shoulders that the women I teach will often contribute some of what they catch to the dinners we make for everyone. It's tiring, hunting all day long! Especially after teaching.

I don't know how the women I teach have the time to show up, but I admire them for it.

10 April 1622

Rosamond brought her eldest daughter to lessons today. Her name is Bridget and she's twelve, and she caught on fast! I know children are easier to teach than adults, but I was still amazed how quickly she picked up some of the skills I was teaching.

"I want her to know to hunt," Rosamond said. "Then she won't have to depend on anybody. Like you."

"Oh, I wouldn't survive on my own," I said. "My family is everything to me."

"Yes, but you don't need to be married to survive," she says. "I want her to have a life like that."

"If you want to leave your husband, we're here for you."

"Oh, no," she said. "I actually quite like the fellow. But I don't want her to have no choice."

"Of course," I said. "I would never turn down a student, anyways."

Rosamond's right. Women should be able to survive without being married. I'm lucky I never had that problem.

12 April 1622

I'm quite fond of Bridget. She's sharp as a tack and agile, not to mention eager to learn. I find there are quite a lot of children like her-hungry for knowledge, ready to learn.

I think that when we tell the king what we want, we should tell him we want schools for everybody. I think everyone deserves to have the chance at an education. Sigmun says it's in his dreams that everyone goes to school, and I think that's the thing I'd like to see most. Everyone ought to be allowed to learn.

13 April 1622

I had the strangest dream last night. In it, I was a bit older than I am now, and I was at a kitchen table I knew was mine, but it wasn't our home. It was a new home, with a candle or something on the ceiling, and Sigmun was across from me, and there were four children with us around the table. I knew they were our children, but none of them looked anything like Luke. I knew I was some sort of teacher, a professor I think I called myself, and I taught people French and Russian.

I think I had one of Sigmun's future-dreams. It was so wonderful…I can't even imagine going to university, much less teaching there! I hope some descendent of mine gets to live that sort of life.

15 April 1622

I talked with Rosamond and Bridget today and told them that we have to move on, and I gave Rosamond the bow I bought in the market. "Practice makes perfect," I said. "And I'll be back with Psiioniic sometime soon."

"Thank you so much," she said. She already looks better-less thin and sickly, her cheeks less hollow than before.

"Any time," I said. "I'll see you soon. Keep studying, Bridget. You'll be able to read the Bible in no time." It's the only long book I can promise her.

She smiled. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." I waved as I left, and I hope they're alright.

17 April 1622

I've never heard Simonn wake up screaming before last night, but I woke up last night to him screaming loud enough to wake the dead. I sat straight up and ran to his tent, and he was sitting up, breathing hard, drenched in sweat.

"Simonn, what the hell?"

"I-I-I can't see! I can't see, Dianna…"

"Simonn, open your eyes."

"No, no, no, I won't be able to-it'll bleed."

I put aside how disturbing that was and said, "No, Simonn. I promise. Open your eyes."

He did, slowly, and blinked a couple times.

"I'm seeing things."

"No," I say. "I'm real, I'm right here. You've known me since we were children-I'm real."

He touched my arm, gently, and said, "Was I dreaming?"

"You woke up screaming-you must have had a nightmare."

"I-yeah," he said. "I had a nightmare. And I just woke up, right?"

I nod.

"This is real," he said aloud, taking a deep breath. "I was dreaming."

"Yes," I say. "Please, Simonn, you screamed loud enough to wake the dead-what happened?"

"Let me tell everyone else I'm alright. Then I'll tell you."

"Alright."

He went to Dolora and Sigmun and assured them he was alright, and then came back and sat with me by the fire.

"It was the nightmare," he said. "The usual one. Except…I…hell," he said. "It was so bad this time. It was so bad, I thought it was real…you were all screaming and I couldn't see, and my eyes were gone, and there were those cold, cold hands, and…I was so scared. I was…I was so, so scared." He had tears in his eyes and he was trembling all over, and then he closed his eyes tight, like he was afraid to see.

"I'm sorry," I say. "That must be so terrible."

"It is," he says. "I…Dianna, I'm afraid." He used my real name, and it just meant everything to me.

"Truthfully, Simonn, I am too. But…we have time."

"Do we?"

"Yes. Even if it's just until tomorrow, we have time."

"It has to be longer. I'm not…we're not ready yet! We need more time! I have to-I have to see Han-Handmaid again, and our daughter, and my siblings-my brothers-and my uncle, and visit my family's graves-and Luke and all our friends at home-we need more time!"

"We have time," I said. "We're going to have time for all that. I promise. We'll visit home again and see everyone, and we-we'll visit Luke, and all your family. We will have time."

"You can't know that."

"I can't," I agreed. "Simonn, tell me five things you like about yourself."

"What? Dianna, we're not kids."

"Do it."

"Fine. Five things. Um…I'm smart. I've been doing well at talking to people. I love my family. Um…jeez, this is hard! I…I'm brave, I guess, for doing this. And I'm funny."

"Good," I say. "See, you have reasons to be happy, and to love yourself."

"Your turn."

"What?"

"Your turn. Five things you like about yourself."

"I'm not the one with nightmares right now."

"Yes you are."

"Fine," I said. "Five things. Um. I'm a good teacher. I love you all. I've been good with talking to people. I can speak all those languages. And…I left home. Even though I was scared."

He smiled a little and touched my hand. "I guess we're both gonna be alright."

"Yeah," I said.

We sat for a long time by the fire before we went back to sleep, to be ready to start in a new village today.

19 April 1622

Started lessons today as usual and then invited people to stay for a hunting lesson if they liked. Dolora definitely approves-I see it in her eyes when I drop off the meat-and I've seen how much Sigmun glows when I tell him about what I teach. He's kind of a glowy person these days. He always seems cheerful and optimistic.

He's not fooling me, though. I see those circles under his eyes. I'll ask him about it tonight.

20 April 1622

I was right, of course. He's my best friend and my husband. I can tell when he's off.

"I've been having those future-dreams…but bad ones. Bad things happening to us, and to people we love-here or in the dreams. They scare me." He spoke…oddly, clipped, the way he does when those voices are loud.

"Is there anything I can do for you, love?"

He shook his head. "I just wish I could sleep better."

"Have some chamomile before you go bed," I say. "Dolora gave me some tea when…back in March, in 1614. It helped me sleep."

"I don't want to stop dreaming."

"I don't want you to stop dreaming. But I want you to be happy and healthy, too."

"As healthy as we can be, all things considered."

"Indeed," I agreed, laughing a little.

"Do you want to go to the woods tonight?" he asked, hovering his lips just a hair away from mine. What a terrible tease he can be!

"Yes," I said. "It's been a while."

"Mm, that it has been," he mused. "It was nice having our own room."

"Indeed," I say. "It was nice having our own bed."

He grinned and kissed me, and I kissed him right back. He's very handsome. No wonder women in villages we visit always ask if he's married.

22 April 1622

I spoke with a woman named Den today. She's the best hunter I've taught here, and a pretty good writer too. Her handwriting is already neater than mine, and I've been writing most of my life.

She seems kind and intelligent, and I'm sure she'll do well. A lot of the women I teach would do so well in the world Sigmun dreams about.

23 April 1622

More lessons today, as usual. They're going quite well. Den is certainly picking everything up quickly.

24 April 1622

Today he made one of his big speeches, for the whole village. The reverend wasn't too happy about it, but he allowed it. I spent the whole day hunting for food for dinner, and of course working on translating my love's speech. I always start with French, because it's the easiest, and go from there.

26 April 1622

Simonn's nightmares have been easing up a little, I think. It's odd how they always come in cycles. Although, to be fair, I'm sure it has to do with the time of year. He has the same dream every sixteenth of April, so maybe his other dreams are linked to dates, too.

I wouldn't know. My nightmares strike no matter what I do.

28 April 1622

We left today for another new town. It's a good thing I keep track of each town in this journal and my other book, because there is no way in hell I'd remember everyone we meet otherwise. Sometimes I confuse towns with each other and sometimes I think we're further from home than we are, so the journal really helps keep track.

30 April 1622

Here we are again. A new town with a new set of people to teach, a new beginning for all of us.

I wonder how many there are left.