Alice Alive

By, KKYOKO

Chapter Eleven: Haunted

I wasn't sure what to do with myself after Kurama left. I'm not sure how long I stood there, not seeing anything in front of me, and I'm not sure when I finally broke down in tears and collapsed onto the floor of Kurama's room. The rough carpet scratched my face as I sobbed huge heaving breaths of pain until I couldn't breathe anymore. I don't remember anything that went through my mind, and I don't remember curling up on Kurama's bed and passing out.

I dreamt about running after him in a forest thick with fog, his back just in my sight and just out of my reach. I screamed his name, but the wind always blew my voice away. He never turned to look at me.

And then the dream changed and I was in dark place, like in another part of the forest, but I was alone. I heard his voice suddenly, murmuring my name.

Alice.

Alice, wake up.

The darkness became like the darkness of a womb. I was safe, and I listened to his voice continue to say my name.

Alice, please wake up.

Wake up? Why would I want to do that? It was nice here, and besides, this is the only way I can hear your voice, Kurama. I want to sleep forever. I could listen to you say my name for the rest of time.

Alice.

Again, Kurama. Let me sleep forever. Say my name again.

"Alice, wake up!" his voice urged.

I felt like I was swimming through a thick vat of molasses. My head was pounding and the bed I was laying on felt uneven, like someone was sitting on it. A warm hand rested on my temple, and the smell of something fresh and green filled my nose.

The hand shifted and I felt my body being pulled up, against another body. The other body shifted and I was pulled into that person's lap.

I forced my eyes open, but everything was just shapes in the dark room. The hand came up and tipped my face toward the shadow that held me.

"Are you awake now, Alice?" Kurama's voice asked.

My hand went up to touch the shadow's face, feeling the familiar planes and angles. "Kurama?" My voice was rough from sleep and crying. "Are you - are you really here?"

"I'm here," he reassured me. "The Forlorn Hope decided not to take my life, thanks to Yusuke's help."

I flew at him, throwing my arms around his neck and kissing every bit of him I could reach. "I'm so glad," I said, squeezing him, pressing a kiss to his neck. "I'm so glad."

He held me and stroked my hair in return, calm and serene. "Me too," he murmured. "I'm sorry for causing you so much pain. You cried yourself to sleep, didn't you?"

"Doesn't matter now," I replied into his shoulder. "I'm fine, you're fine, and Shiori - wait, what about her?" I asked, leaning back, squinting at his shadow.

I could hear the relief and happiness in his voice. "The mirror granted my wish anyway, so she's completely cured of her illness. She'll be able to come home tomorrow."

I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt like a bird - I want to sing and fly, I was so happy. I hugged him again, tighter than before, and heard him chuckle.

Kurama and I turned Shiori's homecoming into a big event. We stayed up all night cleaning the house from top to bottom, and I made cupcakes in our little toaster oven while Kurama went to a nearby convenience store to buy streamers. He hung it artfully in the entryway, making loops and flourishes with the green and pink paper.

By then, the yellow tendrils of the rising sun chased away the darkness of the night, replacing it with a sunrise of fresh cut flowers. I felt warm with the new day and not at all tired. Shiori would be picked up by Hatanaka, and he would bring her home within the next hour or so. I was excited, my heart fluttering like a hummingbird's wings. I danced around the house, straightening odd and ends and dusting.

Kurama stopped me after a while, giving me an appraising look. "Perhaps you should brush your hair."

I turned an looked at myself in the reflection of the window in the living room. Half of my hair was sticking up like an obnoxious yellow crown. I gave him a mock frown. "Didn't feel like telling me about that earlier, huh?"

"Actually, I did think about it, but it's much more amusing this way." His green eyes glittered with humor.

"You're hilarious," I said dryly, handing him the dust cloth. He smiled and made like he was going to rub my face with it, but I ducked under his arm and ran upstairs before he could do that. I heard him chuckle as I closed my bedroom door and picked my brush up from my dresser, examining my face in the mirror. For someone who cried hard earlier, my face wasn't all that puffy. I pulled the brush through my blonde curls and winced at the knots.

I changed into a blue cotton skirt and white tee, knowing the summer air would be hotter later in the day. My hair was beyond all hope of looking neat, so I just pulled it into a ponytail and called that good enough.

Done with that, I went back downstairs and iced the cupcakes until I heard the front door swing open.

"I'm home! Oh, how wonderful!" Shiori's voice said, jubilant.

I hastily iced the last cupcake and dashed out into the entryway, almost running Kurama over. "Welcome home!" I crowed, throwing my arms around Shiori.

"Alice-chan! Hello, dear!" she cried, hugging me back.

"Welcome back, Mother," Kurama murmured happily. I felt him press against me as he gave Shiori a hug and peck on the cheek.

A happy noise came from Shiori. "Oh, I'm so glad to be home, you two!" I let go of Shiori to look at her properly. She was the perfect picture of health, with bright eyes and a healthy color in her cheeks. She smiled at me and pinched my cheek playfully. "Did you two stay up all night?"

"No," I said innocently.

She laughed, knowing that I was lying. "I couldn't sleep either. I was too excited!"

A man's chuckle came from behind her, and I saw Hatanaka grinning cheerfully. "What's that sweet smell in the air?"

"German chocolate cupcakes," I replied. "I just finished icing them. Do either of you want one?"

Shiori smiled. "Yes, that sounds lovely, Alice-chan. Let's go in the kitchen. Did you do the streamers, Shuichi-kun?"

Having Shiori back in the house felt like ice cream on a hot summer day. Sweet, simple, and perfect. Hatanaka came to see her or take her out most days, and I was pretty sure their relationship was getting more and more serious as time passed. Kurama didn't seem to mind. I think Hatanaka was growing on him once Kurama saw how well he stuck by Shiori while she was ill.

As for mine and Kurama's …situation, it was going no where. Not that I didn't make an effort, but he just didn't seem all that interested in flirting after the jubilance of Shiori's homecoming wore off. Or the melancholy of his almost dying. Whatever. I tried not to appear peeved about it, but everything really started to piss me off after awhile and I found myself running again. I felt stagnant and stupid.

Rain took over at the end of May, filling the air with its humidity and smell. I was walking home from school one afternoon, trying not to think about the shitty day I had, hoping for something good to happen so I wouldn't have to close myself in my room and try not to destroy anything. I couldn't go running, because it was raining - hard, by the sound on my umbrella - so I walked and begged the powers that be to have something nice drop into my lap.

My wish was granted.

I had walked almost fifteen feet from the school when a figure cloaked in black dropped in front of me from God-knows-where. Hiei forced himself right next to me under my somewhat unaccommodating umbrella, holding himself awkwardly, stoplight eyes staring at me with mild contempt.

"The hell?" I demanded out of shock, edging away from him.

His features twisted into somewhere between a scowl and a smirk. "What are you sulking about?" he muttered, inches from my face.

"Bad day," I growled at him. "What the hell are you doing?"

His expression darkened. "It's raining. I hate rain. As you have an umbrella, I'm obviously going to stand under it, you stupid girl."

I sighed, deciding that attempting to stab at Hiei with an open umbrella would be self-defeating and possibly suicidal. "Well, I'm walking home, so feel free to walk along with me. Although, people will think that we're dating, since we're sharing the same umbrella and all."

For a moment, Hiei looked like he was struggling with a major decision. Then his face cleared and he merely scowled, clearly not happy. "I hate the rain more," he finally said. "Don't get full of yourself."

"Oh, don't worry," I reassured him dryly. I thought back to the last time I had seen him, standing above me and Kurama in a tree, holding that freaky sword. "Whatever happened to that business in the clearing? Are you and Goki still BFFs?"

Hiei scoffed. "Don't be stupid. Goki's dead. That stupid detective managed to kill him by some fluke or another. As for the rest of it…Kurama doesn't keep you informed very well, does he?" he said superiorly. "I thought you were his woman."

I rolled my eyes. "Apparently not." I felt my face turn into a frown before I could hide it, and Hiei's quick red eyes absorbed the expression and he smirked. "He likes to keep me in the dark," I said, attempting to lead him down a different path of thought. "It's incredibly frustrating. And insulting."

"He doesn't trust you."

Oh. Oh.

I felt myself come to a stop so quickly, Hiei almost ended up stepping outside the umbrella's range of cover. He shot me a glare, but I was too busy with my epiphany and I didn't absorb it.

Hiei was right. He was so completely right. Kurama didn't trust me at all - even after all this time. No matter how much I proved myself to be trustworthy, no matter what I did, or said, or felt, Kurama just didn't trust me. He promised that he would try, but from what I was seeing, it wasn't even like he was making an effort.

I found myself laughing. Darkly.

Hiei scoffed. "What the hell are you laughing for?"

I just shook my head and stopped. "My life…it's just so fucked up. Kurama and I are kind of in the same situation, so why wouldn't we be able to trust each other, right? Him not trusting me after all this time, it's just ridiculous. It makes me think that he's got something to hide, some reason like that, because I know that I can be trusted. Maybe I'm the only person I can trust. I proven myself over and over again to him. I'm tired of it. I really am."

"You'll get over it," Hiei said flatly.

"No," I said, tossing my head. "I hold grudges. I don't get over things - I get over people. That's how I roll." I stepped forward, continuing the walk home.

After awhile of silence, I heard a muffled whine come from Hiei. I turned to him, cocking an eyebrow curiously. He scowled and pulled back his cloak, revealing a damp bundle of white and grey fur that extended from his hand to his elbow. The dog's pointy ears went up as his brown eyes fixed on me. He gave a small whine again and Hiei changed his grip and held the puppy out to me. "Take this infernal thing. Its whining is giving me a migraine."

I took the puppy from him immediately, holding him with one arm against me. He whined again. "He likes you better, Hiei. You're much warmer than I am."

"Tch," he scoffed, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I do not. Dog sit."

"Then what are you doing with him?" I asked, trying to hold back my smirk.

He scoffed again, tightening his cloak around himself, and then disappeared from under the umbrella and out of my sight.

"Wait, Hiei! Am I supposed to keep him?" I yelled after him.

I received no reply.

Of course, I turned and saw that I was in front of my house.

Clever, Hiei.

The dog was pretty well-behaved and friendly. He started licking my face as soon as I got in the house. Closing my umbrella, I slipped off my shoes and wandered into the kitchen, still holding the dog. Shiori was at the stove, stirring something and she glanced back at me when she sensed me there.

"Oh, welcome back, Alice-chan. How was -"

Her eyes fell on the puppy who perked up at the sight of her. Shiori smiled uncertainly. "Why do you have a puppy, dear?"

"Someone rudely shoved him in my arms and ran away," I said, frowning. "Is it all right to keep him, Shiori-san?"

She still looked uncertain. "I don't really know…I've never taken care of a dog before."

"I have," I said before I could stop myself, wincing inwardly. "When I was little. You know."

She brightened up. "Really? What sort of dog was it?"

I thought back to the last dog my family had. "A blue heeler, I think. Medium-sized with pointy ears."

Shiori looked thoughtful. "Well, since you know a thing or two already, I suppose it wouldn't be an issue. We do need to take him to the vet and get his shots and such taken care of. He'll also need to be neutered. Have you thought about a name?"

I frowned down at the puppy. He looked like he had some husky or malamute in him, but his fur didn't seem too terribly thick. It could be that he was just wearing his summer coat though. His snout was long and his ears were pointy, and I'm sure that when he grew up he would look very regal. So either a town in Alaska, or a famous historical figure.

"Sitka?" I suggested. "As in Sitka, Alaska?"

He actually gave a little yip.

Shiori smiled. "I like that. Si-tu-ka."

I didn't try to correct her, since I knew she would get it over time. "I'll give him a bath in the shower. Is that okay?"

Her uncertain face was back. "If you clean up the bathroom afterward. After this, we should take him to a grooming parlor to get clean."

That sounded awfully expensive. "We can hose him down in the yard on sunny days too," I suggested. "It would be cheaper."

She nodded in uncertain agreement, so I gave her a reassuring smile.

She frowned. "We don't have any dog food though."

"He'd probably be happy with leftovers today. Dogs are omnivores so they'll eat anything."

Shiori blinked. "Really? I didn't know that." She smiled. "Leftovers it is!"

Sitka was surprisingly well-behaved in the ofuro. He wasn't all that dirty, but he stopped being so smelly once I washed him with my body wash. Let me just say, I know you're not supposed to use human stuff on dogs, but my own skin is very sensitive to chemicals, so my body wash and shampoo were both free of harsh chemicals, and also vegan, and eco-friendly. They were also not strongly scented either, so they're very gentle.

Sitka didn't mind the lightly lavender-scented suds I was rubbing into his grey and white fur. I imagined he felt very posh, especially since he was getting a massage too. His tail wagged all the while I washed him.

"You're gonna sleep with me tonight, aren't ya?" I cooed to him. "Yesh you are! So sweet!"

He wriggled around happily and I scratched him some more. He yipped.

"Time to get rinsed off! Now stay still, Sitka."

He obeyed well enough, even closed his eyes while I rinsed him off with the shower hose. He lapped at the soapy water that went over his head. I doubted it would really hurt him, but I tried to rinse him off more quickly anyway. Didn't want him to get a doggy tummy ache.

I finally got him completely cleaned off and rubbed him down with a fluffy towel, trying to dry him off the best I could. I thought about getting my blowdryer out, but I figured that might scare him. After that, I put him outside the door and closed it, turning back to rinse the bathing room down. Luckily, Sitka hadn't shed too much during his bath, and everything - the dirt, grime, and loose hairs - went down the drain pretty well. I supposed I would come back tomorrow and scrub the whole room down - it probably needed it.

I hung up the shower head and swung open the door. Sitka was still there on the other side, apparently waiting for me. He gave me a cute doggy grin and yipped.

I immediately glomped him.

We played, and rolled around in the hallway until I heard a pointed cough above me, and I looked up and found Kurama's green eyes twinkling with amusement.

Before I could say anything, or even make a reaction to his presence, without any provocation at all - Sitka growled at Kurama. Not a cute indignant puppy growl either, but a serious I-will-kill-you-in-the-worst-way-possible grown up dog growl. All of the fur on Sitka's back stood straight up, like an enthused audience. And his brown eyes, so calm and playful only a moment ago, turned stormy and dangerous. He looked ready to leap at Kurama and take a chunk out of him.

Kurama's expression was calculating and dark.

I grabbed Sitka around his middle and pulled him into my lap. "Stop that," I said firmly, turning his head toward me.

He stopped mid-growl and licked my hand. His face said, Don't get mad! I was just looking out for you, Alice. I don't like this guy! He doesn't smell right.

"Where did you get that dog, Alice?" Kurama asked in a clipped tone. He sounded more cautious than annoyed.

"Hiei," I supplied. "I guess he found Sitka and …felt bad for him?" I frowned at my logic. Would Hiei really feel bad for an abandoned puppy? I couldn't be sure. Hiei's kindness, while it existed, was quite unpredictable. He might think the dog would need some toughing up and leave it out in the rain. I looked at Sitka who only gave me another doggy grin.

Kurama made an amused noise. Probably at the image of Hiei finding a puppy in a box on a rainy day and then cuddling him.

"I don't think Hiei found the dog so much as it was given to him," Kurama said thoughtfully. His green eyes bore into Sitka's, who stiffened in my arms under Kurama's glare. He continued, "That dog isn't a normal Ningenkai dog, I'm afraid. He's from the Reikai."

"Eh? Really?" I asked, glancing down at the puppy in my arms. "I didn't know the Reikai had dogs there."

"The one in your hands is a courier dog," he said. He examined Sitka. "I'm sure you are already aware of the legends of sled dogs as transportation vehicles, right? I believe Steven Spielberg even made a film about it."

"Balto," I offered, remembering the name of the movie. It was one of my favorites as a kid. In case you don't know, Balto was an actual dog - a Siberian husky - that lead a team of sled dogs into Nome, Alaska in 1925 bringing diphtheria medicine. The real story is that there were about twenty or so different sled dog teams, and the medicine they were carrying was passed along like a stick in a relay race - all the way from the train that came from Anchorage and stopped at Nenana, and then onward by dogs. Balto's team was actually the second to last team to get the medicine, but they missed or couldn't find the very last team, and ended up carrying the medicine twice as far and all the way to Nome. The Iditarod Dog Sled Race is held every year to honor the efforts of the drivers and dogs that made it through that winter race in 1925.

"Yes," Kurama said, shaking me out of my thoughts. "While the Reikai does not use these types of dogs as actual sled dogs, they are still used to carry messages."

I scowled. "So the Reikai breeds dogs specifically for their own selfish purposes? Sick." I held Sitka closer to me.

Kurama looked taken aback for a moment. Then he smiled. "Actually, the dogs are made out of clouds. They are shaped rather than bred."

I squinted at Kurama. "Really? Because I will personally go there and free them all. I was a member of the Animal Liberation Front, you know. I used to have a tattoo."

Kurama's eyes got curious. "Really?" I could see he wanted to ask more about it, but he shook his head. "The dogs really are made from clouds and imbued with reiki. If you think about it, they aren't even dogs. They simply take on the shape and characteristics."

Sitka licked my face and wriggled.

"Then why did Hiei have him?" I asked.

"I'm not entirely sure. Koenma may have wanted to keep a bit more of a solid tab on Hiei, but that doesn't entirely make sense either. You're holding a puppy after all." His expression was thoughtful. "By the way, when Hiei held him, was the dog…uncooperative?"

I shook my head. "Not at all. He likes Hiei. And his name is Sitka."

Kurama blinked. "Really?"

"What? Should I have named him Saint Barth? Cancun?" I asked indignantly, hugging the puppy.

"No, I mean, I'm surprised that he liked Hiei," Kurama said quickly, looking mildly confused. He was probably wondering why I was so irritable and defensive.

"Oh," I said. "Probably because Hiei is much nicer than you, Kurama." I said darkly, thinking back to what Hiei said about Kurama not trusting me. Him leaving me out of the loop made me very angry. In addition to that, there was nothing further on developing a relationship. Kurama was infuriating me at every twist and turn. After six years of being together, being in the same situation, and him still, still not even trusting me - keeping me in the dark, refusing me, making me think that we had something we clearly didn't - I was getting fed up.

Sitka noticed my change in mood and gave a small whine.

Kurama seemed surprised at my words, and then subdued.

"Apparently you're keeping things from me," I said flatly, getting to my feet. "Do I even deserve to know why? Or did you arbitrarily decide that on your own too?"

Kurama's expression was smooth as he turned and opened his bedroom door. "Let's discuss this inside here, shall we?"

I followed him in his bedroom, but he closed the door before Sitka could come in. I heard him give a whine in the hallway, and I frowned at Kurama.

He leaned against the door, hands in his pockets. "I do not want that creature in here."

I was offended on Sitka's behalf. "Don't call him that creature -"

Kurama held his hand up, shushing me. "That is not the current subject at hand, Alice." He stepped away from the door and stood in front of me, suddenly looking very serious. "You want to know why I'm keeping things from you? Or what I'm keeping from you?"

I gave him a indignant look. "I want both you jerk! Is it that you still don't trust me? I'm tired of you not even making an effort. Every time something comes up, you have to hide things from me. I'm sick of it!"

His face was cool. "Why should it matter if I hide things from you?"

"Because it means that I'm nothing to you," I snapped before I could stop myself. "It means that you have absolutely no regard for me, nor whatever relationship we have!" I folded my arms around myself and looked up at him. "It means that you don't trust me. And without trust there can be nothing between us."

"You're very right, Alice. It makes sense that you would think that way," he said, examining me. "You don't trust very easily either, do you?"

"No," I said flatly. "I don't."

He sighed, looking like I had ruffled his feathers. "You'll be happy to know the reason I've been keeping things from you is that I didn't want to worry you. I've noticed that you have a tendency to jump to the worst possible conclusions or scenarios first. I certainly don't want to be a reason for you to lose sleep at night. You would surely blame me for it."

I gaped indignantly at him.

"As to what I've been keeping from you," he continued, ignoring me, "is that I joined Yusuke to help apprehend Hiei. In our altercation, I was stabbed by the Shadow Sword, but it missed everything vital and I was not seriously injured. Afterward, I went to the Reikai and now I have been put on probation for my theft. Although, my sentence is considerably better than Hiei's because I more or less turned myself in."

"I see," I murmured. "Then, you really do trust me?"

He smiled. "Mostly."

"I'm glad," I said, feeling slightly relieved. "Are you going to stop keeping things from me?"

He looked hesitant, then he sighed, defeated. "I'm not sure whether I prefer you angry or worried."

I clapped a hand on his shoulder and pulled him down and closer to me so that we were eye-level. Intending to show him a display of my anger, I said firmly, "Do yourself a favor, Kurama. Prefer me worried. Or I'll trash your precious room."

He looked amused. "Fine, Alice. Worry away. I'll stop keeping things from you," he said with a smile.

I let him go and smiled as he straightened. "Very good." I looked away. "Can I ask you something else?"

"Certainly."

I suddenly felt really nervous and found myself rocking back and forth on my heels. "What…am I to you?" I mumbled, looking away.

He sighed and sat down on the edge of his bed. His expression clearly said that he knew I would bring this up. "I'm sorry, Alice. I know this is coming from that kiss -"

"No," I interrupted him. "Even before that - in the hospital, remember when you picked me up? Didn't you feel that?"

He looked away. "Yes, I admit I did. I think what we feel for each other," he began, looking back at me, "is purely sexual. Any emotions are just caused by the fact that we are on the same deserted island together, like I said before. I don't believe we actually have any real feelings for one another."

"But I do have real feelings for you," I blurted out. I felt a sheepish look take over my face and I stepped back. "Haven't you ever been in love before?"

Kurama looked at me, completely serious. "Have you ever been in love in a situation such as this one?"

"No, but -"

"You don't have feelings for me, Alice," he said flatly. "Your emotions are being fabricated and manipulated by our situation. To accept them as real would only be disastrous. We live together, Alice. What would happen if it didn't work out?"

I didn't have an answer to that. "Couldn't we just -"

"No." His expression softened and he got to his feet. "I'm sorry," he said gently, resting his hand on my shoulder, cupping his hand against my neck. "I will apologize for kissing you forever if I have to. I should have never done it. If I could take it back, I truly would. Because of a moment of weakness on my part, you have to feel this pain, and for that I simply cannot apologize enough."

I closed my eyes. "Please stop. I just…I don't want to hear it. Let's…just pretend nothing happened."

I heard him sigh. "If that's what you want - then nothing happened." He looked uncertain.

"It's what I want," I assured him. Maybe my feelings were or weren't real, I didn't know, but I couldn't ignore the fact that he clearly wanted nothing to do with me. You can't make someone love you - believe me, I've tried. I pulled away from him, feeling cold.

He frowned, but didn't say anything.

I went to the door, swinging it open and found Sitka waiting for me on the other side, doggy smile in place.

At least Sitka liked me, I thought, bending down to pick him up.