Alice Alive

By, KKYOKO

Chapter Twenty: Lover To Lover

And I've been takin' chances,

I've been settin' myself up for the fall,

And I've been keeping secrets,

From my heart and from my soul,

Going from row to row,

Back to back,

Lover to lover,

And black to red,

But I believe,

I believe,

There's no salvation for me now,

No space among the clouds,

And I've seen I'm heading down,

But that's all right,

That's all right,

That's all right,

That's all right…

Shizuru stares at me. "You what?"

I clear my throat, shifting my weight and folding my legs underneath me. We are alone in the girls' room, sitting at the warm kotatsu. Shizuru sits across from me, smoking cigarette in her frozen hand, brown eyes wide. The sunlight from the window lights up the golden bracelet on her arm.

"I think I started something with Hiei," I repeat, looking down at the tabletop. There is a groove, like someone scarred the kotatsu with a screw driver, and I dig my thumbnail into it nervously. I wait for my best friend's judgment.

Slowly, she melts and extinguishes her cigarette in a glass ashtray. Her weight shifts and she sits back. "What exactly did you do?"

"I kissed him," I mutter. "And then he kissed me back. Twice."

She frowns. "That sounds to me like he likes you, Alice."

I let my forehead drop on the warm tabletop with a loud thunk. "I know," I mumble into the wood. "He does like me. But he knows I don't feel the same way about him."

Shizuru sighs. "Why did you kiss him then?"

I pick my face up from the tabletop and prop my chin on it. I feel my expression become sullen as my eyes focus on the glass ashtray. Cigarette butts are stacked and standing up like trees from the little glass container - like a cigarette forest. "Loneliness," I reply. "Botan mentioned him yesterday, and then that thing with Kurama -"

"You can't take everything he does to you so personally, Alice, I've told you that," Shizuru says. "He doesn't have any concept of tact when it comes to you. And now look, you're in the same situation with Hiei, and you're Kurama."

She pulls out another cigarette from her pack and hands it to me, offering me her lighter with it. I take both from her, popping the cigarette between my lips and flipping the lighter open. I inhale the flame onto the end, and return her lighter. "Thanks," I say, watching her light up another cigarette.

"You should end it," she says, exhaling smoke. "As soon as possible."

I nod, inhaling, thinking about the best time. After the finals, for sure, but then I'd need to get him alone. Briefly, I imagined Kurama finding out, and wondered what his reaction would be, but then decide that I don't want to think about that. It's best not to think about Kurama at all.

I take another hit of nicotine.

"So," I begin, changing the subject. "What happened with Sakyo?"

She still exudes a sense of calm, but underneath that, I'm pretty sure her heart leaps at his name. "You asked me that already," she says, turning her eyes down to look at the table.

I feel a devilish grin take hold of my mouth. "You slept with him."

She flicks the ash off her cigarette and gives me a resigned smile. "It was a one time thing."

I blink. "What do you mean?"

She shrugs and doesn't reply, and I think that their relationship must be much more complicated than I can imagine. I really want to ask more, but I get the strong feeling that what's going on between them is something fragile, and she wants to keep it to herself.

I look around the empty room. "Where are the girls, anyway?"

"They went with Atsuko to get beer."

I blink. "It's nine in the morning."

Shizuru snorts.

We spend the rest of the day drinking and walking around town. There seems to be some sort of festival or celebration going on, like Mardi Gras, except it's a prelude to the finals of the Tournament instead of forty days of Lent.

Crowds and music surrounds us, vendors calling out from their shaded tables offering food, jewelry, alcohol, among other things. There's a conglomeration of colors, from fabrics, to demons, and a mish mash of whoops, yells, and laughter. Everyone is drinking and eating, strangers kissing strangers - actually, Botan was already pulled aside by a rather handsome demon and was given quite a kiss before he disappeared in the crowd.

Keiko and I tease her for over an hour. Her face, already pink from drinking, turns the color of an apple.

I am only distracted by some tofu gyoza and another beer. I think that it's a pretty good lunch, considering that I could have only just had the beer, but Keiko makes me eat grilled zucchini too. She completely ignores the fact that I hate zucchini.

We come upon a rhythmic drumbeat and find ourselves in a circle around a drummer, a flutist, and a woman holding something between a mandolin and a ukulele. The woman starts playing a jaunty thing and melds really well with the drum beats. The flutist joins in, bringing a new level of jovialness to the music, and the circle starts breaking into dancing.

Having had plenty to drink, I find myself twirling around Botan, laughing and clapping my hands to the beat. Her cotton candy eyes are dancing as she spins around me, and we form some sort of human double helix as the peals of the strings and flute move us. Keiko and Atsuko are laughing at us and Shizuru smokes a cigarette with a wry smile. The notes move up and down like peaks of ocean waves, and our feet hit the ground with the drum.

"You're face is so red!" Botan laughs as she spins around me again.

"Your face is a cherry!" I retort, grabbing her hands and pulling them up into a bridge. We twist underneath our arms together and nearly fall over. "You're drunk!" I yell over the music.

"I'm very much sure that we both probably are!" she calls back, with a somewhat slurred trill.

The song comes to an end and we whoop and clap our praises as the musicians take a bow.

"Clearly, we need more to drink!" I say to Botan.

"Agreed!"

We loop arms and I give a wave to the others, shouting that we'll be back soon as another song starts up, and this time I hear bagpipes somewhere behind us. Botan and I stumble through the push of bodies and come to a vendor selling beer. The man behind the counter seems very drunk too, with ruddy cheeks, and jerky movements. He takes our money and pops the lids off of two Sapporos for us, giving Botan a wink.

As we turn away, I burst into laughter at Botan's shocked expression.

I wake up the next morning in the girls' room, on top of the kotatsu. Someone is knocking on the door insistently, and it's making my pounding headache worse. I hear one of the girls get up to answer it, and wonder what led me to sleep on top of the table. I don't really remember much of last night.

"Is Alice in here?" I hear Kurama ask.

Ugh.

Keiko is the one who got up. "She's here," she replies softly. "Did you want me to wake her?" I hear the door squeak as it opens wider, and the light from the hallway hits me in the face.

Ow.

Wincing, I roll over, momentarily forgetting I am on top of a table and roll right off the kotatsu. I hit the floor with a thump and a loud curse, and I hear Kurama make an amused sound.

"I think she's awake already. It's fine. I just wanted to know where she was," he says. "See you at breakfast."

Keiko closes the door as I sit up and rub my head. The room is ushered into darkness again with the closed door, except for a crack of light through the heavy curtains on the window, and an alarm clock on an end table. The glowing red numbers read seven o'clock.

Keiko kneels down next to me. "Are you okay?" she whispers.

"Why did I sleep on top of that thing?" I ask softly, getting to my feet. I want to get a glass of water and an aspirin.

She stifles a giggle. "I have no idea. When you get really drunk, you start speaking some strange English that no one can understand."

Probably that southern accent of mine. Or Pig Latin.

"Do you have any aspirin?" I ask, rubbing my head and moving toward the bathroom.

"No," she replies, "sorry."

I sigh and close the bathroom door, and then squeeze my eyes shut to turn on the light. My eyes adjust after a full minute of blinding pain, and I take a look in the mirror. My hair is half up in a failing ponytail, my lips are chapped, and there are circles underneath my eyes. My skin is puffy and dull. I frown. I'm dehydrated.

There's a plastic cup on the bathroom sink, so I unwrap it and down two cups of water. My stomach sloshes when it's full. My headache doesn't let up.

After splashing my face with cold water, I turn off the light and go back into the room. Someone has turned on a yellow lamp, giving the room a dim, gentle light. Shizuru and Atsuko are up, but Botan is still dead to the world. I'm not surprised though. I'm sure she drank more than I did, although, I doubt anyone out-drank Atsuko.

"I'm going to get dressed," I tell them. "See you in a bit."

They wave me off and Keiko slips past me to use the bathroom. I close the door quietly behind me when I leave, and make my way to the elevators.

When I get to my room, I immediately strip down and take a soothing hot shower. My headache dulls a bit as the hot water relaxes my muscles from sleeping on top of the kotatsu. My lavender shampoo helps too, relaxing my overtaxed system.

After a quick, but thorough wash, I turn the water off and comb my hair. But when I flip my head over to wrap my hair in a towel, a wave of dizziness and nausea rushes through me. I force myself to quickly make a turban and straighten slowly, steadying myself with one hand on the sink. After a moment, it passes.

"Okay," I tell myself, wearily. "Brush your teeth."

I do so, feeling my headache come back full force, and rinse my toothbrush off.

"Moisturizer," I say, trying to put an encouraging tone in my voice. It doesn't work, but I rub moisturizer on my face and neck anyway. I screw the lid back on the jar and leave the bathroom, and let myself fall face first on my bed.

I'm out of ibuprofen.

I force myself to get up and get dressed, pulling on a pair of skinny jeans, a floral satin blouse, and a grey blazer over it. I go with my out-of-season yellow pumps because I don't give a damn about fashion today. I have a hangover.

And a towel turban.

I pull it loose, letting damp blonde curls fall down my back. I decide to let my hair air dry. By now my moisturizer has set in, so I rub primer on my face before I put on makeup. After some mattefying foundation, yellow concealer for my eyeball circles, blush, lip balm, eyeliner, and mascara, I begin to look like a human being again.

I put on a little bit of my floral perfume - a very nice one that Shiori got me for Christmas last year, and then I turn off the light and leave the room.

When I get to the hotel's restaurant, it's packed, and my headache increases tenfold. I almost turn to leave, but I feel a hot shoulder suddenly pressed against mine in the crowd, and I turn and see Hiei standing next to me. His eyes rove over my face, and a corner of his mouth ticks up in a smirk.

"You still smell like alcohol," he states.

"I'm going back to bed," I say, defeated.

His hand catches the small of my back and he propels me forward into the restaurant, fingers curling into my side. Of course I can't fight his monstrous strength, so I submit and let him guide me to a table full of our friends. His hand drops from my back when we come into view of them, and I immediately miss the warmth.

All of the boys are at the table, and the only girls missing are Yukina and Botan. I suddenly realize that I hadn't seen Yukina at all yesterday. I'll probably see her today though, and Botan is still likely asleep.

Keiko is sitting next to Yusuke, biting her lip, probably thinking about his upcoming fight and worrying. I can understand her feelings. I remember enough to know that we don't have to worry about them dying, but I'm still nervous too. I don't want them to get hurt.

Beside Yusuke, Atsuko and Shizuru sit next to Kuwabara, who's gulping down a can of juice. Kurama sits next to him, and he looks up and sees me and Hiei first. Kurama's expression brightens and he holds up a bottle of ibuprofen and pushes a glass of water toward me.

"Ah, breakfast," I say, sitting down. Taking the pills, I unscrew the lid and down three of the pills, chasing it with the entire glass of water. Hiei pulls the chair out between me and Keiko and takes his place at the table.

Kurama's expression is amused. "You really shouldn't drink quite so much, Alice. You'll have cirrhosis before you're twenty."

"I'm already twenty. Beyond twenty," I retort. I look around Hiei, ignoring his eyes on me. "Keiko, how much did I drink yesterday?"

Her soft brown eyes roll up to the ceiling as she thinks. "About nine bottles of Sapporo, and then you had two cosmopolitans at that outdoor bar we went to. Or wait, was that Botan?"

"No, I had the cosmos. Botan had daiquiris, because she likes rum. I hate rum." I squint at her in a mock glare. "And zucchini."

Keiko rolls her eyes. "For the last time, I don't care about your passionate hate for the squash family. You can't just live on gyoza and tempura, Alice." She narrows her eyes and gives me a sly smile. "Fried food will make you ugly."

I give her a scowl and then turn back to Kurama. "She added extra beer to that list. I did not drink that much."

Kurama raises his eyebrows. "Oh, so you developed a hangover from breathing?"

I blink. "Yes. I did."

His mouth twists in a wry smile. "You should eat breakfast."

The buffet is closed today, so instead there are servers buzzing around. After a moment, someone comes to wait on us, but apparently everyone else has already ordered and eaten or is in the process of eating. So, I'm the only one to order.

The waiter gives me a flirtatious smile and waits with his pen poised over his pad of paper. "What can I get you, miss?"

"Can I just have, like, a big bowl of fruit?" I ask, gesturing to make a bowl with my hands and giving him a quizzical look. "Whatever you've got?"

His eyebrows go up in surprise. "Sure, that's no problem. Anything else? Coffee, tea?"

"Just water, please," I respond.

He grins, flipping his pad closed. "Coming right up."

After he saunters away, I turn back to the table to find Hiei's eyes on my face. His expression is two shades away from irritated, with his brows slowly pulling together to a point. He looks after the waiter with a mildly disgusted look on his face.

I poke him in his side.

His eyes flash back to me, and I give him a quick smile before turning and dropping in on Keiko's and Shizuru's conversation about a show they've been following on TV. It was a drama that I've seen a few times, centered around a law office in Tokyo. Recently one of the characters was attacked and kidnapped by her client, and the entire cast was scrambling to find her.

"Why didn't they use the police again? Did they threaten against that or something?" Keiko asks.

"Yeah," I answer. "He's holding her ransom because there was too much evidence against him, and she lost the case."

"You watch it?" Shizuru asks, reaching over and tapping ash from her cigarette in an ashtray.

I shrug. "I like dramas."

"What else do you watch, Alice?" Keiko asks curiously. Her face is thoughtful. I bet she's thinking that we really don't know each other super well, but we seem to be getting on nicely in any case.

I find myself frowning at her question though. "I don't know. I don't really watch TV all that much." I turn to Kurama. "What do I normally watch?"

He blinks. "Well, when you watch TV, you normally just watch whatever Mother's watching. She usually watches comedies, romances, and the occasional variety show. But you don't like variety shows, I've noticed."

"I don't?" I ask. Honestly, I hardly pay attention to what I'm watching on TV. Typically, I'm doing homework at the same time. I just like to sit there now and then because I know Shiori appreciates the company.

I bet she's lonely now.

"No," Kurama answers, lightly. "Did you know you scrunch your face when something annoys you? You spend almost thirty minutes scrunching."

Keiko bursts into laughter, and I scowl at him.

"You even scrunch your nose when you scowl. You're doing it right now, actually," he adds, green eyes teasing. He taps my wrinkled nose and I flinch away. A second later Hiei's shoulder presses against mine, and I relax, drawing on that bit of warmth.

I sense someone behind me, and suddenly there is a bowl of mixed fruit place in front of me. I take in the pop of colors, the navy blueberries, pinky-red strawberries, white grapes, soft orange cantaloupe, and the pretty green honeydew, and look up at the waiter. "Thanks," I say brightly.

He smiles and then frowns. "Oh, I forgot your water. I'll be right back." He disappears in the crowd again.

Picking up a bundle of wrapped silverware, I finagle a fork out of the linen napkin and spear a strawberry. It is cold from being refrigerated, but the pop of sweetness in my mouth is appreciated all the same.

"Alice," Kurama says, and I look up at him. His hand circles my chin suddenly, and my face is tipped up to the ceiling, and I'm blinking in confusion. Hiei's warm shoulder goes missing as I'm forced to tip away from him to accommodate Kurama's grasp, and his green eyes finally find mine.

"You have an eyelash," he explains, and my eyebrows go up in annoyance. His thumb brushes the corner of my eye, slowly, as if he is purposely doing this to piss me off. After a very long moment of contemplating how to best murder fox demons, he finally plucks something rather invisible off my cheekbone and blows it away from his fingertips.

I decide stabbing him with a breakfast knife would be ideal, but as he lets me go, his hand covers the nearest one and pushes it out of my reach. He probably saw me look at it.

"Here's your water," I hear above me, and the flirtatious waiter is back. However, this time all the flirt is gone from his expression as he sets the water down next to my bowl. The look he tosses Kurama is rather cold as he walks away.

"Are you kidding me?" I hiss at Kurama. "Seriously?"

His expression is infuriatingly innocent. "Something wrong?" he asks, eyebrows going together in concern. "They didn't put sugar on the fruit did they?"

My eyes sweep around the table to find everyone else preoccupied. Hiei is the only one not talking or eating, with his arms folded and his eyes closed. His expression is unreadable, but I know he isn't sleeping.

"You're infuriating," I mutter at Kurama.

His eyebrows go up. "Am I?"

"Were you afraid the waiter was going to get me?" I demand.

His eyes go up to the ceiling and he sighs. "Don't be silly," he says, turning his face back to me. "He was flirting with you, and it was going to turn very uncomfortable since he was planning to ask you for a date."

I narrow my eyes at him. "So, you're taking it upon yourself to screen my boyfriends, Dad?"

His mouth goes into a line. "Alice -"

"You seem to be forgetting that I'm an adult, Kurama," I say venomously, cutting him off. "Maybe I'm not the best one, but I know how to handle guys. And you don't get a say in who I date, ever." I stab a square of honeydew viciously.

I'm not really mad that Kurama is protective of me. I guess. I mean, it's just frighteningly overprotective, and he doesn't even like, love me, you know? It's like I'm a possession, and I don't really like it. Even if we were dating, that kind of overprotectiveness wouldn't fly with me. It shouldn't fly with anyone.

I hear him give a sigh beside me. "You're right. I apologize for overstepping boundaries." I glance at him just in time to see his green eyes glint with something malevolent. "Shall I ask our waiter to come back?"

I drop my fork in my bowl and stand up. "I'll see you guys later. I'm going to check on Botan."

"O-okay," Keiko says, looking surprised. Her brown eyes sweep to Shizuru, who is glaring daggers at Kurama. Shizuru apparently caught the tail end of the conversation. Keiko looks back at me. "If you see Yukina too…"

"I'll send her over," I reply, pushing my chair in and stepping away from the table. I glance at Hiei and see he's still in the same position - folded arms, closed eyes. I wonder if he'll come along, but it might look weird if we leave together.

Kurama watches me leave with an expression somewhere between annoyance and exasperation.

Winding my way through the staff, the tables, and the customers, I leave the hotel's restaurant and go to the elevators. I suppose I really should go check on Botan. She did have a lot to drink.

I get to the elevators fairly quick, and press the up button. I wait patiently, trying not to fume about Kurama. He's been toying with me more recently - teasing and joking, and I really don't know what to make of it.

It's nothing, I tell myself. Kurama's stupid and you're awesome. Stay awesome and everything will be fine.

The doors open and I slip past them, pushing the button for the tenth floor. I get lucky because no one stops the elevator and I get to go straight up. The doors open a moment later and I step off the lift and head off to the girls' room.

I knock on the door, wondering if Botan's still in there. I don't hear anything behind the door, so I try the knob, but it's locked. I knock again, feeling slightly worried. Could she still be passed out?

"Botan?" I call, knocking harder. "Hey, Botan!"

I feel a hot youki behind me. "She's not in there," I hear Hiei say.

I jump and turn to find him examining me with those stoplight red eyes of his. His mouth is relaxed, but his shoulders are tense again. "Oh," I say, moving away from the door. "Well, it was just an excuse to leave anyway."

"I noticed," he says dryly. His eyes meet mine. "Apologize to Kurama before his fight. He'll dwell on you otherwise."

I scowl. "If you insist."

His expression softens marginally, and his bandaged hand curls around my chin. The dressing is rough against my skin, but his warm hand is soothing. I feel my scowl melt as his thumb runs over my cheekbone.

"You came rather quickly," I say, surprised that he didn't seem to care about leaving after me like that. I guess the others wouldn't think much of it. Except Shizuru. And maybe Kurama.

"You care what they think," he comments, stepping closer to me. He looks slightly amused, but there is confusion behind that expression. He doesn't understand why I want this thing between us to be quiet. Of course, I know Hiei isn't the type to go screaming something from the rooftops, but he isn't above rubbing something in someone's face when it suits him.

"I don't want them to think I'm horrible," I admit.

His eyebrows go up and come down in annoyance. "What the hell are you talking about?" he demands. His hand drops from my face and curls by his side.

I blink at him, surprised by his sudden anger. "Well…it's kind of obvious that I'm using you," I murmur, finding it hard to look at him again.

His hand wraps around my wrist and he starts walking to the boys' room, pulling me behind him like a reluctant horse. Their door swings open as he unlocks it, and he yanks me inside, shutting the door behind me. On the other side, I hear teenage girls giggling in the hallway as they walk by.

I'm slightly glad for the privacy of the empty boys' room, but I still don't know what Hiei will say or do to me in here.

He lets go of my wrist and turns, facing me with slightly narrowed eyes. "I didn't realize you felt so guilty about this. Did you think I didn't notice your motives? Do I look as thick as Kuwabara to you?"

I blink at him. "Of course you aren't stupid, Hiei. I just didn't think -"

"Exactly," he interrupts. "You never think."

I find myself looking at the ground again. "I feel like I'm in Twilight," I mutter.

"What?"

I shake my head. "It's a stupid teen romance series. What I meant to say was that I didn't know what you were thinking." I force myself to look at his face. His eyes are examining me again. "You never told me what you thought. I guess you don't have to, but I still feel like I'm taking advantage of you."

He gives me a concerned look. "Are you stupid?"

"Probably."

He mouth pulls into a slight smirk. "You're not taking advantage of me. There isn't a soul alive that would get away with that - least of all a pathetic human girl. If anything," he says, closing the space between us, "I'm taking advantage of you."

I blink at him, becoming very aware that we are alone, and that he is very close to me. "Oh?"

He closes the distance between us and presses his hot mouth against mine in swift kiss. His hand curls under my ear, fingers pressing against my neck, sending a tingle through my body. His other hand claims my waist and he pulls me against him. I don't fight him. I don't want to. I want more of him.

My hand roves over his shoulder, fingers threading through his downy hair above the nape of his neck. My other hand curls into his shirt, fingers brushing his hot skin, and I kiss him urgently. I drink him in like medicine. He shoots through my veins, my synapses, from my pulmonary artery to my alveoli. He's in my skin. He's in my hair.

His mouth crushes mine as he dominates the kiss. His fingers dig painfully in my back before moving down and squeezing my backside. I give a soft moan in his mouth, and my legs are suddenly hitched over his hips and my back is slammed into the door behind me.

It doesn't really hurt, but the way he suddenly pulls away from my mouth does annoy me a little. He's hard against me.

I want him.

But his eyes are closed and his breathing is uneven. His shoulders are hard with tension. He almost looks like he's praying

"Hiei?" I ask, wondering if he's all right.

"Be quiet," he snaps. He opens his eyes, and I can see that he's struggling with something. His mouth presses into a line as his eyes sweep my face. "It's surprisingly easy to forget you're human. If I'm not careful, I could hurt you."

I feel my mouth tug into a frown. "We can stop." I didn't expect it to go this far anyway.

His hands slide from my thighs and he lets my legs down. My heels clack on the floor when they touch the ground and I straighten myself out, tugging my clothes into the right places. Hiei looks fairly well-kept, although the front of his shirt is slightly wrinkled from where I had wrapped my hand in it. I reach over and smooth it out, letting my fingers trace over the hard muscle underneath. He doesn't move, but his face seems relaxed enough.

I lean forward and press a kiss in the corner of his mouth. His hands cup my elbows and his mouth twitches in surprise, but he kisses me back. I pull away after a moment and give him a half-smile. "I'll apologize to Kurama. I'll even be sincere about it."

He gives a sound of amusement.

"The finals are at noon, right?" I ask, glancing at my watch. It's almost nine.

Hiei nods. His hands drop from my elbows and are shoved in his pockets. I think his casual stance is too casual, so I think there's something on his mind.

"Are you nervous?" I ask, furrowing my brow. Hiei is usually very confident in himself, so I doubt that's it.

"Why would I be nervous?" he says, raising an eyebrow at me.

I sigh. I won't get anything out of him unless he wants me to. Or maybe I'm just over-thinking his body language.

There's a kitchenette in the corner of the boys' room, which I didn't notice before. My room, which is small and cheap, doesn't have one. I don't think the girls' room has one either, but their room isn't as big as the boys' either.

I wander over to it, wondering if there is any tea. There is one burner, a kettle, a tiny sink, but I don't see a box of tea anywhere. There is a cabinent under the counter, and I swing the door open, finding a few cups and dishes. I close the door and look back at the counter, seeing that Yusuke and Kuwabara have just thrown their stuff haphazardly over it. Their jackets, a handheld Nintendo, an empty plastic bag, empty coffee cans, balled up pieces of paper, some change, and a lonely sock make up most of the mess.

"Jesus," I mutter. "Yusuke and Kuwabara can sure destroy a room, can't they?"

Hiei approaches me. "What are you looking for?"

"Tea," I reply, pushing a dirty plate away from me with my fingertip. "I've never really lived with boys before. This is…" I trail off, unable to think of a word to do it justice.

"Tell me something," Hiei says, plunging his hand into a pile of junk on the counter. As he pulls his hand out, the pile crumbles and scatters on the floor. He holds a box of tea and hands it to me before continuing. "Why do you talk as if you've lived longer than fifteen years?"

My vision unfocuses and refocuses on the box in my hand. I tap my fingers on the side. I am suddenly reminded that at some point in the near future - I'm going to die. Slowly.

I feel my mouth press in a line and try to keep my expression stoic. I want to tell him a little at least. Only Kurama knows everything, and I want to keep it that way for awhile, but Hiei should still know something. I guess I owe it to him for using him.

I set the kettle on the burner and turn on the gas. "I have," I say, putting the tea down on a clear space on the counter. "Lived longer than I look. Or something."

"Mind elaborating?"

I frown. "You know how with reincarnation your soul is the same, but you get a new body, new memories, new lessons, and completely forget about your past life?"

"Yes," he says, leaning against the counter. "Or so I've heard you humans say."

"In my case, I didn't get anything new. I didn't forget anything. When I died, I didn't go wherever I was meant to, and somehow got caught in a current to this place," I explain, watching his face. His expressions are minute as always, but I can see some semblence of surprise. "This is the same body I had in my last life. I still have my memories of my family, but they don't exist in this world. This isn't my dimension."

His face turns to me, stoplight red eyes frozen.

"I've spoken to Koenma," I say, bending over to swing open the cabinet door again. I pull out two cups and close the door again, setting them on the counter. "Apparently, I'm not the first this has happened to. Other people from my dimension made it over here too. I'm the third. Do you want some tea?"

"You've already gotten the cup out. You might as well," he answers, eyes lingering on my hands opening the box. "Have you met the others from your dimension?"

Hiei sees my hands freeze. After a moment, I force them to move again without trembling. "No," I reply, pulling out two teabags and dropping them into the cups. "I haven't."

"They're dead, aren't they?"

Why can't you be stupid, Hiei?

"A long time before I showed up," I answer, hoping that'll throw him off. I stare at the tea kettle, willing it to boil.

His hand curls around my neck and he tips my face to look at him. "I know you're hiding something from me. Will you tell me, or do I have to look for myself?" Underneath his bandaged forehead, I can see his purple Jagan glowing.

I sigh and give in. "Yes, they're dead. They died because their bodies weren't made for this dimension." I look away from him. "And mine isn't either."

He frowns and the tea kettle starts whistling loudly.

I twist the knob off the gas harder than necessary and pour the boiling water into the cups. But as I'm pouring water in the last cup, boiling water splashes and hits my hand. I drop the kettle back on the burner and Hiei grabs my wrist. Twisting the cold water knob on the sink, he shoves my hand underneath the running water.

His grip is painfully tight, but I don't tell him because it takes my mind off my burning hand. His eyes are narrow as he watches the water spill from the tap.

"How long have you known this would happen?" he asks.

"Since the Maze Castle mission," I reply. My hand feels like ice, but the part that got burned still stings. I twist my arm. "My hand is okay now."

He lets me go and turns the water off. "And there's no way to stop it?" he asks, watching my face.

The door suddenly swings open and Kuwabara walks in. He stops when he sees us in the kitchenette, eyebrows high on his forehead. "Uh, hey Alice…what are doing here with the shrimp?"

Hiei twists around in annoyance. "We're talking. Hurry up and get out of here you lumbering oaf."

That sets Kuwabara off like a firecracker. "Don't talk to me like that, you jerk! Alice, you shouldn't be alone with guys like him! Who knows what he'll do to you!" he yells, hands clenching into fists as he makes his way over to us.

Hiei and I exchange a brief look of amusement.

"Don't be silly, Kuwabara," I say lightly, stepping in front of Hiei. "I've known Hiei longer than I've known you, and I've been alone with him plenty of times. What did you need?"

Kuwabara scowls but he looks around the room. "I forgot my lucky rabbit's foot."

"What?" I say icily.

He turns to look at me again, explaining. "My lucky rabbit's f- oh. Right." He swallows as I advance on him and pales at my expression. "H-hey Alice, you don't have to get so worked up about it! It's not like it's the whole rabbit!"

"Not like it's the whole rabbit, Kuwabara?" I hiss, trembling with fury. "Is that supposed to make me feel better? Because just the furry little paw is okay? Have you ever seen a real rabbit, Kuwabara?" I demand, grabbing the lapels of his white jacket. "Do you know how fucking cute they are?"

"Gyah! I'm sorry, Alice!"

"Tell that to the dead bunny!"

"What on earth is going on here?" I hear Kurama ask as the door shuts behind him.

Hiei answers for us. "Alice is about to murder the oaf over a dead animal."

I look up from glaring at Kuwabara to see Kurama standing next to me. His expression holds a note of amusement, but then he frowns at me. "Alice, if you kill Kuwabara, will you be willing to face Shizuru?"

I scowl at him and let Kuwabara go. Kuwabara scrambles away from me, holding his chest, eyes wide. "You don't need it," I tell him, annoyed.

"Yes, ma'am!" he cries fleeing the room. The door slams shut behind him.

Kurama sighs. "I think you scare him more than the Toguro brothers. Was there something you needed in here?"

"No," I answer, glancing at Hiei. "We were just talking."

Kurama's eyelids drop slightly and he examines my face. His hand comes up and he leans down, fingertips tracing a spot on my chin. "Did someone grab you?" he asks curiously.

I blink at him. Is my face red from Hiei gripping my chin? I didn't think he squeezed it hard at all, but it might have been the bandages on his hand. "No," I tell Kurama innocently. "I might have itched my face a moment ago. My skin gets dry in the winter."

His eyes drift over my face and above my head, looking past me to Hiei. His expression is largely unreadable, but the way he looks at Hiei so intently tells me he knows something's up.

"I see," he says, hand lingering on my skin for a moment too long.

I slide away from Kurama. "I boiled some water. Do you want tea?" I ask, moving back to the kitchenette. I move around Hiei and hand him his teacup, and he takes it from me with exaggerated slowness. His fingers brush against mine, sending a burst of heat through me, but his eyes are on Kurama.

"I suppose," Kurama replies, green eyes watching the exchange between me and Hiei.

I bend over and open the cabinet under the counter again, pulling out another cup, and I pretend to shift something around inside. I want to hide my face a moment. Kurama definitely knows something's going on between us. I really, really hope he doesn't ask, because I'll have to be honest and answer.

I don't know, Kurama. I don't know a goddamned thing.

Please believe me.

I finally straighten, cup in hand, and set it on the counter. Popping open the box of tea again, I drop a bag inside the cup and carefully pour the hot water inside. I leave it to steep and pick up the cup I originally made for myself and turn to give it to Kurama. He takes it from me just as slowly as Hiei did, but as soon as the cup is in his hand, he takes my wrist and examines the reddened back of my hand.

"What happened here?" he murmurs.

The sun that had been lighting the room dims as a cloud rolls over the sky, and grey filters through the windows. I pull my hand out of his grasp. "I had a fight with the tea kettle earlier," I say jokingly to diffuse the tension. "We ran it under cold water."

"We?" Kurama asks, and I force myself not to flinch at my mistake. His green eyes go back to Hiei, and I hear the sound of his cup hitting the counter behind me.

"Hiei helped," I add lightly, stepping back and picking up the new teacup. It's still too hot to drink though, so I twirl the teabag inside a bit.

Kurama's eyes are still on Hiei. "Really now?"

I change the subject swiftly, knowing that this is going nowhere good. "About earlier Kurama, I wanted to apologize for getting angry with you. It was uncalled for." I set the cup down and gave him a shrug with a slight smile. "You were only looking out for me. You even gave me painkillers."

His smile is small, but warm. "Apology accepted."

I look away, fighting the swoop in my stomach. Kurama's smile is a frightening weapon.

He turns and picks up a few seeds that were on the counter, pocketing them. "I'll see you both later. If you were still looking for Botan, Alice, she's talking to Koenma downstairs. She's nursing quite a headache too. You girls should really curb your drinking."

"Right," I say, watching him open the door.

He sends a last look over his shoulder and smiles, letting the door close behind him.

As soon as he's gone, I sink down to the floor, and put my face in my knees. "Hiei, I'm going to die now."

"Stop being melodramatic," he says. "He rejected you, several times, might I add - he doesn't have any say over what you do."

I hold up my arm over my head, feeling the rose bracelet slide down my forearm. I twist my arm back and forth so I can be sure Hiei's attention is on the jewelry, even with my face hidden. "Then what's this?" I ask, desperation tinging my tone.

I hear him sigh. "It's just a bracelet. Did Kurama proclaim his love for you from the rooftops when he put it on you? No, he didn't. And he's not going to. Now, get off the floor."

I straighten up, frowning and immediately curl my arms around Hiei's waist, burying my face in his warm neck. I'm not going to cry or anything, but it's nice to know that I don't have to just rely on myself when it comes to Kurama. No one knows him quite like me and Hiei.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm reveling in our camaraderie," I reply, smiling in his neck.

His left arm returns the embrace, and I wonder if he's ever really been hugged like this. "You didn't answer my question earlier."

"Which one?"

"The one to do with preventing your death," he says, hand gripping my shoulder and pulling me back to look at me.

I don't meet his eyes. "There is…but I don't like it. Kurama says he'll force me into it."

He frowns, irritated. "Will you stop being cryptic?"

"My cellular structure is too dense for this dimension, so Koenma developed a procedure to turn me into a demon to change it," I explain, look back at his face, frowning.

His eyebrows go up. "You don't want to be a demon?" he asks incredulously. "Are you insane?"

I scowl. "It's not like it's an easy decision for me. I'm a human. I like being a human. If I were anything else I wouldn't really feel like me anymore, and if I don't feel like me, then what's the point?"

Hiei apparently doesn't have an answer for that. He just picks up his teacup again and sips from it.

"Hiei, is my chin that noticeably red?" I ask, tipping my face up. "Or was he just full of it?"

His eyes fall on my face over his cup. He sets his tea down on the counter with a hollow clack, and his fingers brush my exposed neck. Leaning forward, his eyes narrow slightly. "It's fine. I'm still learning the limited amount of strength I can use on you."

"Ah," I say, pressing my mouth against his. His mouth opens slightly in surprise, and I take advantage, nipping his bottom lip. His hands curl around my waist, fingers digging into my sides, and he takes control of the kiss. His hot tongue slips into my mouth, sending shivers down my spine and a rush of heat through my body. I want more of him again.

He pulls away from my lips though and looks at me, red eyes unreadable.

I wait, getting the feeling that there's something he wants to say.

"Are we a thing now?" he finally asks.

I blink, not expecting that. But I suppose defining our relationship is something that should be done, especially if he gets too territorial about me. Then again, I don't imagine this lasting long if Shizuru is right about me stopping it if he really develops feelings for me. I can't have that right now. It's not fair to him when my head's still a mess from Kurama.

Shizuru is probably right though. Really. For now, I need to direct this thing to a place that has no room for love.

Because this really, really isn't that sort of thing.

Hiei's still waiting for my answer. "I don't think…I'm your girlfriend," I finally murmur, finding it hard to meet his eyes again. "I really like you, Hiei, but being someone's girlfriend is something I'm not capable of right now. It isn't fair to you."

He looks away. "Did you think a girlfriend was something I wanted? You're sorely mistaken." His eyes come back to me. "I will not be led around like Keiko leads Yusuke. I'm not a dog."

I blink at him. I think, no, I know he's covering for his pain, but for the sake of his pride I go along with it and smile. "You already gave me a dog anyway. I don't need another one." I do feel a bit slighted that he would think that I would treat him like an animal (but really, considering how I treat animals, it's not like he has anything to worry about), and in defense of my female pride I add, "But just so you know I'm a great girlfriend. I've always treated my boyfriends well."

His mouth pulls into a smirk. "Have you now?"

"Yeah."

"Show me."

I blink at him. "Show you?"

He takes a step toward me, forcing me to take a step backward. His hand comes up and curls around my neck, holding me in place. "Do something for me that you've always done for your boyfriends. Something intimate." His smirk is daring, and his red eyes are wicked. I'm not sure what he's pushing for, but I don't think it's necessarily something sexual.

I think for a moment. "Okay, I've got it." I take his arm and tug him toward the living room. It's actually fairly innocent, what I have in mind, but it works occasionally as foreplay. His hand drops from my neck and he follows me to the couch. I prop myself on the back and gesture for him to sit down on the cushion under my feet. "Sit here in front of me a minute."

His expression curious, he sits in front of me like I ask, and I start kneading his shoulders. He tenses in surprise, but I still continue.

"You give your boyfriends massages?" he says, resting his shoulders between my knees. The tension doesn't leave his body much, but he still presses against me. "I suppose this is normal behavior for humans?"

"This isn't for demons?" I ask, surprised, moving my hands down his back rubbing around his shoulder blades.

He scoffs. "Not hardly."

"Hm," I say, dropping my hands from his back.

He turns his head, red eyes flashing with annoyance over his shoulder. "I didn't say stop."

I feel a smirk tug on my mouth. "Do you like it?" I ask, stroking my fingers down his neck to his shoulders. Hiei has a lot of tension, but no knots surprisingly.

He turns to face the front. "It's what I expect from you. You're an affectionate lover," he observes. His tone is almost bored, but I can see the corner of his face from the angle I'm sitting. His eyes are closed. I wonder if this is the most he relaxes.

The light outside changes again, and the sun brightens the room. Blue-tinted koorime heritage shows up in Hiei's raven hair, like a flash of a smile.

"So, how does your dimension differ from this one?" he asks, slouching slightly so that I can reach other parts of his back.

"Mm, a lot of things are the same actually," I reply thoughtfully, curling my fingers and scratching his lower back. "I think the major difference is the demons. In my world, they're immortal. I don't have the ability to kill them there like I can here."

His head turns to look around at me, brow furrowed. "Immortal?"

I nod. "Have you heard of the Fallen?"

"No."

I shift my weight so I'm at more of an angle to him. "Okay, I'm actually a bit sketchy on the details, and I'm not a theologist, but here's what I know. Once upon time," I begin with a slight grin, "there was an Archangel named Lucifer. For some reason, and there are dozens of possible theories, he tried to overthrow God. Some say he was power-hungry, and others say that he was jealous of humankind. I personally think he was jealous."

"Why?" Hiei asks, raising his eyebrows. I mean, who could ever be jealous of a human, right?

I fold my hands and prop my chin on them. "Well, in my dimension at least, human souls are designed to evolve - and I'm talking about a level equivalent to God's. God made us in his image, you see, and Archangel Lucifer didn't like the idea of humans gaining rank over him. So I think when he found out God's plan to make us, that's when he led a league of angels into rebellion. And since God doesn't take betrayal well, he cast out Lucifer and all the choirs of angels that rebelled from heaven and sent them crashing into earth. And that's how they turned into the Fallen."

"And so what does the Fallen have to do with the demons of your dimension?" he asks, turning to face me better.

"Before them, there were no demons. The demons of my world are what remains of the angels who rebelled, and since angels never really live - they can't ever die." I shrug. "I was Yusuke's age when I had my first demonic experience. I stayed up really late one night and noticed that there was an unmistakable sense of hatred emanating from my bedroom closet. I thought it was a ghost at first, but I figured out real quick that it was a demon." I give a shudder when I remember the feeling of being watched.

Have you ever seen Paranormal Activity? Yeah. Except the demon I dealt with wasn't that high in level.

"I remember waking up one morning - my alarm clock was going off, and my mom was up trying to get my sisters ready for school - and I turn to look at my alarm clock," I tell Hiei, feeling shivers going up my arms. "And it's completely going insane. The red numbers are flashing, changing, and the alarm's going crazy. And behind it there's this shadow, and it's a shadow that really doesn't belong there because there isn't anything to cast one, and I can just feel this huge demonic force. So I end up ripping my alarm clock out of the wall, hurling it across the room, and flying out of there like a bat out of hell."

Hiei's arm wraps around my waist and he pulls me down on the couch beside him. He smirks. "That's their master plan? To scare humans into submission with alarm clocks? Compared to my plan to use the Shadow Sword to turn the human race into mindless low-class demonic drones?"

I smile. He's trying to disarm my unease and make me feel better. "Well, it's not really about submission, Hiei. It's about keeping human souls from evolving. But you're definitely scarier."

"You're not afraid of me," he says, raising an eyebrow. "I don't think I've ever seen you afraid of me. Even when I held that sword to your throat."

I crack a grin at him. "You're scary to other people, I mean."

He continues to give me that slightly puzzled look. "I don't understand that silly human brain of yours. Why haven't you ever been afraid of me?"

I frown. "I don't know, really. Well, Koenma did tell me once that he gave you Sitka to give to me because I trust you a lot. So maybe that's it."

Hiei lets go of me and gets to his feet. His eyes are narrowed in annoyance. "You can't trust so blindly and easily, you little fool. That's how you get killed." His eyes narrow a fraction more. "Or your stupid little heart broken."

I look away, forcing Kurama out of the forefront of my mind. "Right."

"It's getting close to noon. You should go find the other girls," he says, shoving his hands in his pockets. His shoulders are stiff as he turns away. I really don't know why he's so mad at me.

I get to my feet, slipping my heels back on, and scowl at his back. "Fine then. I'll see you at the finals."

I move to the door, but he stops me by grabbing my arm. His red eyes are hesitant, uncertain, like he really isn't sure he should just let me walk off like that. His hand around my forearm tightens, and he pulls me closer to him.

"Don't die or anything," I mutter, looking away from him.

His hand curls around my chin, and he forces me to face him. "Don't give me that," he snaps. "That same sulky expression you give Kurama when you're angry at him." His stoplight red eyes flash at me as his mouth pulls into a hard scowl. "I won't put up with your temper like he will," he says, eyes narrowing.

I try to pull away from him, but his grip around my arm only tightens painfully. "We're not dating, Hiei. You don't have to," I growl, glaring at him. "You're hurting me."

His hold immediately slackens, and he frowns.

I'm forcing him into a corner. Definitely not my intention. I smile at him. "I don't like it when you just suddenly get mad at me out of nowhere. It isn't fair to me, especially when you don't tell me why."

I'm very certain at this point that Hiei's experience with girls is severely limited after all.

He lets me go and looks away, shoving his hands in his pockets. He turns back to me, mouth in a flat line. "Earlier you said you know how to handle guys, but that's not completely true, is it? You only know how to handle the stupid ones, the ones that let you manipulate them. The ones that let you chew them up and spit them out."

I blink at him. "Are you calling me a man-eater?"

He raises his eyebrows. "Are you not aware of what you are? The way you move, the way you walk, the way you dress, everything about you is sensual. When you look at a man, you can make him feel like he's the only one you see with just the right tilt of your head and the right flirtatious smile. You're a terrible flirt, by the way." His eyelids dip slightly, letting little slivers of bright red peek out as he looks at me. "You're alluring, and acting like you don't know it annoys me."

Okay, fine, I admit it. I am a complete and intolerable flirt. I haven't always been, but once I got out of high school and started working and living in the real world, I discovered how much fun flirting really is. I made flirting into an art form. I've used it as a tool to get the best service, to get out of speeding tickets, to get out of having to stay late at work, and to get extra tips from my stint of waiting tables in Austin. I'm probably really about a six, but looks don't matter that much if you're confident in yourself and you've got a knack for making people like you.

I sigh at Hiei. "So what's your point? You jealous of the waiter too?"

His eyes flash at me. "Of course not, you idiot. My point is that you easily underestimate men by thinking they're morons for falling for you. Not only that, but when you can't get the one you want -" he cuts himself off, clenching his jaw.

"What, Hiei?" I demand, clenching my fists.

He sighs. "What do I care? Like you said, we aren't dating." He turns away again, looking out the window. The sunlight plays on his face and lights up the blue in his hair again. His back is straight, but he still looks relaxed.

I frown at him. I think of when he came and got me out of the rain, how tightly he held me, how he let me sleep beside him. Earlier when Kurama was here, and Hiei very pointedly trailed his fingers over mine as he took the cup from me. At first I thought he had done it to give me a bit of that warmth that I needed in that moment, but maybe it was more for Kurama's sake. Maybe it was a signal for Kurama to back off.

"You're protective of me," I say with sudden enlightenment.

He freezes and then turns to face me, eyes narrowing. "Don't be stupid. Go find the other girls like I told you to."

I approach him, curling my hands around the back of his head. His hair is soft against my hands, and his eyes widen at the sudden contact. He doesn't pull away from me though, surprisingly.

"I like it," I murmur, pressing a kiss against his mouth. He responds, hands curling around my waist, heat sinking into me. I can sense a hint of pleasure from him as he deepens the kiss, one hand moving up to curl in my hair. His kisses are slow, and even slightly possessive.

"Do you?" he murmurs against my lips. He turns his attention to my neck, trailing hot kisses down my skin.

"Very much," I groan, curling my fingers in his soft hair. His kisses send shudders of pleasure through me. His hand slips under my shirt and trails up my spine, leaving a hot streak of lightning behind it. I press myself into him and nuzzle his shoulder. "You're really good at this."

His lips find mine again suddenly, and his mouth turns demanding, and suddenly both of his hands are up my shirt. He leaves lightning on my sides, my stomach, and one of his hot hands sweeps up and caresses my breast. I press myself into his hand, as my own pull his shirt loose from his pants. I shove my hands under his shirt and let my fingertips discover every inch of hot skin hidden underneath.

This is how Yusuke finds us.

"Holy hell!" he yelps, closing the door as soon as he swings it open.

I break away from Hiei's mouth, panic rising up in me. Hiei pulls his hands out of my shirt and steps away, staring at the closed door in surprise. His brow furrows. "I didn't sense him coming," he mutters.

"You were admittedly distracted," I say, straightening my clothes. I stop. "Did you unhook my bra?"

"It was in the way."

I smirk at him, rehooking it.

"Is it safe to come in now?" I hear Yusuke ask warily on the other side of the door. The knob turns slightly and the door cracks open. I can feel his palatable curiosity, panic, and embarrassment at discovering us.

"You can come in now," I say, shifting my weight uncomfortably. I wonder how much skin he saw.

The door opens all the way, and I see Yusuke looking pale. His eyes dart from me to Hiei and back again. "What the hell is going on here?"

"What do you think, Detective?" Hiei snaps. His shirt is still loose from where I yanked it free from being tucked in his pants, and there is the slightest tinge of pink on his cheeks. His red eyes flash angrily at Yusuke.

"Well, excuse me for thinking you were asexual. The only girl I've ever seen you interested in is Yukina, and she's your sis-" Yusuke's jaw suddenly snaps shut as his eyes fly to me.

I blink cluelessly. Very cluelessly.

Hiei's glare increases tenfold. "Watch your mouth, Yusuke. You may find my sword shoved down your throat one day."

Yusuke grimaces, and his brown eyes land on me where it seems safest for him to focus his attention. A look of amusement crosses his face. "So, Alice…I didn't know Hiei was your type. But I guess after saving you from hypothermia, it makes sense."

I frown at him. "It's not like that. Anyway, I'd appreciate you keeping this quiet for now."

He blinks. "No one knows? Not even Kurama?"

I feel my eyes narrow. "No."

Yusuke's face splits into an evil grin. "So I'm keeping this quiet? And what am I getting out of it?"

I raise my eyebrows, putting my hands on my hips. "The satisfaction of knowing something no one else does. You can lord it over everyone's heads later, can't you?"

Yusuke looks thoughtful, but then he shakes his head. "Nah, I'm not that easy."

I scowl at him and then glance at Hiei. My not-boyfriend shrugs. I really doubt he cares either way, considering it's not really his problem. Maybe I am too consumed with Kurama finding out. I mean, really, what's he gonna do? Ground me?

"Fine, Yusuke," I say, shrugging at him. "I was really wanting to keep everyone's focus on the finals, but I guess it doesn't matter that much. Do what you want."

Yusuke snorts. "Fine, fine, I'll keep your dumb secret. Keep your hair on."

I roll my eyes. "I'm going to find the other girls. See you both later." I sweep past Yusuke through the still open door.

"Wait," Yusuke snickers, "you're not gonna kiss your boyfriend goodbye? You're French, right?" He turns to Hiei, waggling his eyebrows. "So, does that ever come into play, buddy?"

Hiei's red eyes narrow dangerously. "I would sooner slit your throat than tell you anything about my sex life, Detective."

How's that?

Yep. This is a serious filler chap. Next one starts the finals.

I was totally gonna write something important here, but I completely forgot what it was. Oh well.

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