Alice Alive

By, KKYOKO

Chapter Twenty-eight: True Romance

Open your heart and feel me,
Tell me you don't feel the same.
I dig down deep for forgiveness,
And still you're busy placing the blame.
This isn't about right or wrong now,
It's not about wasted time.
I should have paid closer attention,
But I didn't bother reading the signs.

I know that you never loved me;
I know that you never cared at all,
No my love we can't be friends,
In fact I liked you much better
When you'd just pretend.

- She Wants Revenge

Today's the day," Shiori said, grinning widely as she saw both Kurama and I off at the foyer. She was dressed for the day, but not for work, so I guessed she would be working from her office today. "Both of you make me so proud! I'm sure you'll both do very well on your entrance exams."

"Yep," I said, trying to ignore the fact that I was heading off with a mild fever. I had taken an ibuprofen, hoping it would desist, but it was very persistent. Luckily, Shiori hadn't noticed it. Kurama would, no doubt, but I'm sure he had something for me to take in mind. Hiei had tried to warn me that I was studying too hard.

"Of course, Mother." Kurama smiled warmly at her. "We'll see you later."

Shiori caught my hand, obviously sensing something off about me. "Now don't be nervous, dear. I'm not remotely worried about either of you – you're both in the top ten of your class. At Meiou that's quite an accomplishment! My, your hand seems quite warm, Alice-chan."

I quickly snatched my hand out of hers with a winning smile. "I just washed my hands in some hot water. Well, see you later, Shiori-san!" I turned and pushed the front door open. "We'll do our best!" I called over my shoulder, darting out into the orange and pink morning.

Kurama caught up with me a minute later. His hand was immediately on my forehead, and a frown on his face. "You won't test well with a fever."

"Shows what you know, Mr. Frown Town."

The corners of his mouth hooked up in an unwilling grin before sobering. "Did you take something?"

"I took 400 milligrams of ibuprofen an hour ago," I muttered. "Didn't work." I looked at him expectantly, waiting. "Well? Aren't you going to whip out a fever-reducing plant in the nick of time?"

His eyebrows went up. "Oh? I thought I didn't know about you managing the hardest test in the prefecture with a fever. Are you saying you can't do it?"

"Kurama," I whined, dragging my feet.

"Yes?"

"Seriously?"

His expression was as innocent as a lamb's. "Seriously what?"

I heaved a huge sigh and stopped in front of him, looking up at him with big, huge, poor-Alice eyes, and jabbed my chin against the hollow of his right collarbone. "Will you please give me something for my fever?"

His hand came up again, touching my face in different places. The backs of his fingers brushed over my forehead, the bridge of my nose, and my cheekbone. "You are quite warm. Are you sleepy and cold?"

I nodded; chin still jutting into the front of his shoulder. My eyelids did feel very heavy, and I was wearing my coat over my blazer, but it wasn't enough.

"Well, sadly, I don't really have anything that could help you. If I gave you the blue wildbark, which is the only thing I have on me, you would be so completely stoned out of your mind that going to the test would be pointless." He pursed his lips as another idea came over his angular face. "I could give you some of my energy though."

I blinked at him. "You would do that?"

He gave a small laugh. "It's not like I'm giving you a kidney – my body will make more."

I furrowed my eyebrows skeptically at him. "I'm pretty sure that your kidneys would grow back."

Now he really laughed. "Is that so? You know you say the funniest things when you have a fever. Now, come here." His hand slipped under my scarf and loosened it, pulling it away from my neck. "I'll need your jugular – don't worry, I won't bite." His head dipped, and I felt his breath against my throat.

"W-Wait, what are you doing exactly?" I squirmed away from his face, bringing my shoulder up to block him.

He pulled back, amused. "I'm going to kiss you, right there." I felt his fingertip press on the side of my neck where my pulse lay. "The main veins are excellent ports for energy exchanges, and a kiss is a quick and efficient way to direct it. You should feel better almost instantly. Now, hold still."

I obeyed like a good sick girl, and I felt his warm mouth press against my skin. A ripple went through me, one of pleasure, warmth, and the tingling of his spirit energy, which rushed along my veins to my heart. My heart felt like it grew, and it sent his energy through my arteries, organs, and extremities. I immediately felt warmer and more grounded. I felt much more awake, as if I had just had a double-shot of espresso.

A caffeine kiss.

His hand was gentle, balanced on my shoulder, his thumb brushing against my jaw. He pulled away after a second and straightened, rearranging my scarf around my neck with an affectionate smile. "Better?" he asked, his hands going into his pockets.

"A lot better," I answered, knowing that I was completely blushing. "Thank you."

His smile widened into something slightly grim. "Best not to tell Hiei."

"Tell me what?"

I turned and found Hiei standing behind us, giving us a furrowed frown over his white scarf. His stoplight red eyes narrowed on my face, and switched to Kurama. The sun was rising behind him, and it nearly cast him as a silhouette, but his eyes remained bright and suspicious against his shadowed face.

I didn't really feel the need to lie to him. Hiei wasn't my boyfriend, no matter how far we had gone, and he knew that, but it still wasn't fair to keep him in the dark. He may not have been my boyfriend, but I still counted him as a friend and comrade, and I wasn't willing to let him think that I was going to start keeping stupid secrets from him. Besides, I needed his strength to keep me safe from Hatton.

I sent Kurama an apologetic look. "Well, I have – had, I guess – a fever," I said to Hiei, as he moved closer to me. "Kurama gave me some of his energy to help it go down."

Hiei's eyebrow went up. "And you thought you had to keep that from me, Kurama? You heal her all the time. Don't tell me that you think I would care that you kissed her." His mouth twisted in a smirk as Kurama's green eyes widened. "You overestimate my jealousy. I'm not that possessive of her."

Hiei was testing us both that time.

Although, it did bring to mind the question of why Kurama kissed my neck as tenderly as he did. Hiei had obviously seen it, and he probably noticed that it was not very clinical at all. Even I could tell that much about it. Maybe Kurama did have feelings for me?

Nah, better not go down that road – it defeats the purpose of trying to get over him.

"I was only attempting to be considerate of your…relationship," Kurama said kindly, but there was an edge of disapproval to his tone. "Perhaps I misread it?" His large green eyes swept to me, but I couldn't quite read his expression. I did feel like I was being thoroughly judged though.

"I'm not aware of what you think of our relationship, Kurama." Hiei's smirk turned amused. "And I don't really care."

Kurama looked slightly offended, but then he smiled. "Oh, so you are angry, Hiei."

"If I dislike the fact that you toy with her feelings for you, fox, then yes, I suppose I could be called slightly angry," Hiei retorted, and his bandaged hand went around my wrist. He turned, and pulled me along with him, so that we could start heading to my exams.

"But that's not all you're angry about, is it?" Kurama teased, but there was a definite note of irritation in his voice.

Hiei's shoulders stiffened, but he tugged me along without otherwise acknowledging Kurama had even said anything.

I looked back at Kurama, curious and slightly lost, but he only waved at me with a jaded smile.

"Hiei?" I asked, turning back to the tense fire demon. "Are you jealous?"

"Don't ask stupid questions," he snapped, refusing to look at me.

I knew he wouldn't admit it if he was, but from the stiff line of his shoulders and the way he clenched his jaw, I think he definitely suffered from the green-eyed monster.

"I don't think Kurama intended to play with my feelings," I muttered.

Hiei let out a harsh laugh. "Take off those rose-colored glasses, you foolish girl. The fox has it out for you. Probably from the moment your lips met mine."

I stared at him, shocked. "What?"

"You remember what he said to you after my fight with Bui. He called you cruel and heartless, or something to that effect, to make you turn away from me. He doesn't like us together – not the way we are." His grasp tightened around my arm slightly. "He should mind his own business."

"I agree," I said, "but is he really trying to manipulate us into breaking up? Like, I get his concern, but this is just too…domineering."

"Kurama is self-righteous. He thinks he knows best because he is as old as graveyard dirt, and he sees problems where there are none so that he can be needed. All old men need to be needed," Hiei grumbled. "That kiss was meant to punish you, to make you think there was a chance he actually wants you, and not telling me about it was supposed to drive a wedge between us. Never forget his cleverness or his cruelty, Alice. You seem to forget the latter most."

"Do I?" I wondered. Kurama had only ever shown me kindness. Well, for the most part.

Hiei gave me a hard look. "With demons, there's always an ulterior motive – no matter how close you are to them. Especially if that demon is Youko Kurama. Keep your guard up around him."

I decided to heed his warning, since Hiei had never steered me wrong.

"What about you?" I teased, as we turned down the road to the train station. "What do you want from me?"

Hiei turned to look at me, ignoring the stares the humans rushing around were giving his cloak and strange clothes. I thought he might tease me back, saying something like I want your body, but he only continued to look at me for a moment too long. I realized he was debating on what to say.

I gave him an out. "You don't have to answer, Hiei. I was only teasing you."

"Hn, you should get on the train. I'll follow outside of it."

"You could ride with me," I suggested, digging in my bag for my pass. "I have some change for another ticket."

"No. I dislike enclosed spaces – especially ones full of sweaty humans."

You and me both, kid. I shrugged and smiled at him. "All right, I'll see you in Niiza then." He let go of my arm and I went into the station, swiping my pass, and went out onto the platform.

The train came quickly, and I checked my watch to make sure I was still all right on time. Niiza was only the next town over, only two miles away, but it still took thirty minutes to get there by train because it had to make about two stops before it arrived. Walking would take about the same amount of time, which is why I didn't bother with it. I should get a bicycle if I go to Niiza, I thought.

I pulled out a textbook from my bag and hung on to a handrail as the train began to fill. It wasn't long, and the car was full of people. A businesswoman gave me a curious look as she saw my uniform and textbook. "Entrance exams?" she asked.

I nodded.

Her smile was full of pity. "Good luck."

"Thanks."

I finally got to Niiza's train station, and Hiei met me as soon as I walked out.

"How much further?"

"Only about a two-minute walk," I answered, frowning and thumbing through the pages. The kanji was blurry again. Maybe I needed glasses. I closed the book and stuffed it back in my bag. "What will you do while I'm testing?"

"My sword needs sharpening, I suppose," he answered absently.

The large academy came into view, and I stopped at the gates to smile at him. "Wish me luck?"

"You don't need it." His tone was blunt and honest. "You've been studying for weeks."

Maybe he was right. I could hope for the best. "All right then. I'll see you when I get out."

There was a strange pause in the air. "Your question," he said, looking away uncomfortably, "I'll answer it when you finish."

What do you want from me?

That question?

"Okay," I said, confused.

He disappeared, and I went into the school, looking for the exam room. A teacher directed me and I found a huge hall buzzing with at least two hundred students. This wasn't even the first testing date for Niiza, but I guess with it being the number one school in the prefecture, it was popular.

I waited with the others for five minutes, looking around for people I might have known. I caught sight of Kaito Yuu, and quickly bounded over towards him. "Hey, Kaito! I didn't know you were applying here!"

He looked up from where he was hunched over the table. "Oh, hello, Alice. I heard you were applying from Shuichi, but it surprised me that he didn't apply here too."

I rolled my eyes, pulling out the chair beside him, and sitting down. "Kurama is tired of school. Wants to work, he says. He's an idiot. I don't think he's ever had a real job before."

"Strange, but," he sighed, "I guess since he's Shuichi, he knows what he wants. Is he applying anywhere?"

"Yabe," I answered. "It's a preparatory school for the business world in Asaka. I think he would do better here, honestly. He bests us all in science."

"Why are you applying?" He adjusted his glasses as he gave me a curious look. "You have top-notch grades, but you're only about third or fourth in our year. I thought you said something about an art school at one point."

I shrugged. "Mostly to see if I can get in, I guess. What about you?"

Kaito smirked. "Same."

I laughed. "Oh, guess who I saw the other day in a café - Sniper."

His eyes widened. "Was everything all right?"

"Yeah, it was weird. He was kind of nice and even paid for my coffee. I think he felt bad about everything that happened – he didn't really admit it, but maybe he wasn't exactly himself."

"Mitarai wasn't either."

"I guess you're right." I folded my hands and stretched my arms. "Have you seen any of them around town? What about Kido? Is he okay? I never heard any news after Genkai healed him."

"Oh, he's fine. He's in physical therapy, but he'll be able to walk again. Yana and I have been keeping an eye on him…" Kaito trailed off and I saw him looking over my shoulder with a mutinous expression. "Why is he here?"

I turned and saw Tasaka Kenta, talking to one of his cronies. "Great. He's not a half-bad student. I forgot."

Tasaka was actually also in the top ten of our school too. I think he ranked somewhere around eighth or ninth, but he was probably capable of getting into Niiza Science Academy. I was so not interested in going to this school if he was going to be here. But then again…he might fail the test. I'd have to see how he did afterward.

His friend nudged him and pointed at us. Tasaka looked our way and sneered.

I gave him the finger and a bored look.

The door closed with a heavy thud and proctors rushed in ordering everyone to sit down and shut up. They passed out the sealed exams and number two pencils. With a small speech and some instructions about not cheating, the test commenced.

Kaito and I exchanged a look and a nod.

Then we broke our seals and began.

The test was long, arduous, complicated, and hard. Like, really, really hard. There was a reason it was infamous for being the hardest and most grueling test in the prefecture. I was so glad that I had thought to study ahead to college-level biology and chemistry. Algebra and calculus were also really big on the test. History wasn't so prevalent, but the questions and the essay it required involved a lot of critical thinking. Literature was like history, short but sweet. There were probably at least four essay questions, and I wrote as clearly and concisely as I could.

It took four hours of my life that I would never get back.

Kaito and I handed our tests in at the same time, and saw that Tasaka's spot was empty. His friend was still sitting at the table, looking like he was trying not to cry. I didn't blame him. I decided that I should go home and reward myself with candy for getting through it.

I thought I did pretty well. I only guessed on maybe twenty questions out of the whole test.

"How did you do?" I asked Kaito as we stepped out of the hall.

"I passed, of course. You?"

"I'm sure I passed too. Maybe I even did a good job," I answered with a grin.

"You better have passed Minamino, otherwise it'd look awfully bad if I passed and you didn't," Tasaka said, launching himself from the wall by the door. He was apparently waiting for his friend. He gave me a cocky little grin. "Where's that stupid brother of yours? Number one in Meiou too scared to try?"

"He knew you were here," I said snidely. "You know he can't stand you. I can't stand you either, come to think of it. Pray tell, why are you talking to me?"

"Because I know you hate it," he answered with another sneer. "Too bad your face healed up. I think that bruise would have done you some favors. Maybe Shuichi would have made out with you like you so obviously want him to."

"You're such a creep. But thanks for reminding me that I still have to knock your teeth out of your head. Come find me when we're not in a school, okay? I have a knuckle sandwich with your name on it." I smiled. "Oh, by the way, Kitajima is totally head over heels for her boyfriend. He's a total cutie too – she showed me his picture. She's going to his high school."

That pissed him off. "And why the hell should I care?"

"It's just so obvious you want to make out with her," I mocked him. "See ya, shit-for-brains."

With that, I caught Kaito's sleeve and pulled him out of the school. I heard Tasaka give an indignant yell behind us, but we were too far away to hear what he said. It didn't really matter though, because I got the last word.

"Are all girls like you?" Kaito asked, taking his arm away from my hand warily.

"Only the best ones." I grinned at him.

"That's terrifying," he said bluntly. "Anyway, see you at school."

"Bye," I said, watching him go ahead of me from the gates. I looked around for Hiei, and spotted him leaping off of the roof of the school to drop to the ground below. If I hadn't been looking for him, I wouldn't have seen him. "Hi," I said as he came up to me.

His stoplight red eyes looked me over. "If you're done, then let's go. But I'll take you myself. Forget the train."

"We can walk back," I offered, slipping my hand in his. His hand was warm and pleasant against the chill of the wintery air, and the bandages were scratchy against my skin. He squeezed and we started down the road that would lead us back to Asaka.

We walked silently down the street, and turned to head east. The sun was warm and bright, even though the air was freezing, but it and my coat and Hiei's hand kept me warm. He was a quiet guy, but he was actually being rather oddly quiet. I started telling him about the test and Kaito to fill up the empty air, because it made me nervous. I didn't mention Tasaka. I don't know why.

After a mile, Hiei finally spoke. "You asked me a question."

"I was joking. You don't have to answer."

"I will because I want to. You should know what I want from you. Tch, maybe you already do," Hiei said, gazing at me. His face was slightly hard, but he looked a little amused. "You always seem to know what I'm thinking. It's uncanny. I'm not that easy to read."

"No," I agreed. "I just know you well enough."

He smiled. It was small, but it was a definite warm smile. It suited him. "I want everything from you, Alice Regnier. Not just your body, although I definitely like having that, but I want the rest of you too. I want your thoughts, and your feelings, and your soul. I want all of you to belong to me."

"You want me to be your girlfriend," I said dumbly. Hiei was confessing to me. Was this real life?

"Even more than that, you foolish girl."

Is this a marriage proposal?

Hiei wasn't even blushing. "I want you to become a demon and return to the Makai with me. I won't be in the human world forever. I have to go back someday, and I would rather have you at my side and in my bed."

"I…I can't…I have a life here," I told him, still dumbfounded. "I like you, but Hiei, you're asking a lot of me. You're asking for something I can't give you. I can't…I can't do that. That's why we have this agreement. There wasn't supposed to be love involved in this."

There was zero surprise on his face – only a resigned smile. "I'm not asking. I won't say this again. But you should know where you stand with me. That's all."

I felt a heaviness in my heart. "Are we over?"

His hand went around the back of my head, and he pressed his warm mouth against mine. I opened up, reciprocating, and the kiss deepened. His tongue slipped in my mouth and I met him with a moan. I felt his love for me in that kiss. Feelings he would never admit to dropped into my mouth with his tongue, and they tasted as pure as fresh snow. He broke away, and his resign seemed to deepen. "We're not over. We never began," he said, stoplight red eyes pointed at the ground.

I think my heart broke at that moment. I found myself wishing that I could be the woman he wanted me to be. The woman I could be. But when I opened my mouth to protest, to tell him to reconsider, all that came out was, "I'm sorry."

His hand dropped to his side. His face was stone. "I'll take you back. Come on."

The last mile was long and lonely.

Shizuru, bless her, gave me all of the alcohol. All of it.

"I love you," I told her, watching her pour wine into my glass. "You are a blessing. Seriously, how would I live without you?"

"You would be sober."

"Fuck that royally." I downed half the glass in one go.

"Do you wanna talk about what happened?" she asked. Beside her, Botan leaned forward eagerly, her mouth in a slight frown.

"I think I was dumped. I'm pretty sure Hiei just dumped me. I didn't wanna be dumped, but I'm seriously dumped. Who the fuck dumps a girl like me? Especially with my blowjobs. Like, he loves me or something and he's like we never started, but we're totally over and I'm so fucking confused. And drunk. More wine, best friend. You are a goddess."

"So wait, wait – you're sad that Hiei dumped you? But you said you didn't love him!" Botan exclaimed, confused. Her face was almost as red as the cabernet sauvignon. "I'm very confused right now, Alice."

"I – I might have loved him. A little. I don't know. But pride, too, Botan! Pride!" I slapped my hand on the table. "I am a lioness, goddamn it! Who dumps me? Seriously!" I drank my entire glass and held it out to Shizuru. "Kurama is going to throw a fucking party. You know what Hiei told me – you wanna know?"

"What is it?" Botan asked, gripping Shizuru's shoulder with suspense. Her eyes were huge and glassy.

"He has it out for me! Hiei says he's basically gonna punish me until I break – broke up with Hiei! Like, who is that controlling? What in the actual fuck, am I right?" I growled.

Shizuru frowned. "He has it out for you? Is he jealous of you because you were with Hiei? I sort of figured he could swing both ways…"

"No, well, I don't know – maybe. But it's because he didn't approve of our not-relationship. Like, who fucking asked him? I didn't! Kurama thinks he knows best like some goddamned old-tits nun, but he doesn't, because he don't run my fucking life, okay? Okay? Like, get the fuck out. What is his problem?" I sipped my wine angrily after Shizuru refilled it for me. "He's always, always in my business! Who I sleep with is none of his business – even if it is his best friend! It's not like we ever dated – Kurama and I, I mean. We didn't date. We have no romantic relationship. Because he's a dick."

"Alice, don't you think you were sort of subconsciously trying to get back at Kurama by going with Hiei?" Shizuru asked, looking at me from over a smoking cigarette.

Botan gave a sharp inhale, and her pink eyes bore into me.

"Maybe," I admitted, gulping more wine. "It didn't work, obviously. But it was still sort of satisfying. Hiei is a really attentive man…if you know what I mean."

"Details," Botan demanded, slapping her hands on the table.

I felt my face go red from wine and embarrassment. "Okay, okay. His cock is a beautiful instrument of divine torture, and his mouth…just…oh my God. I don't think I've ever had such an intense orgasm before from cunnilingus. Like. Ever. He knows what he's doing." I gave a sad moan and dropped my head on the kotatsu. "And I'll never have it again. God, what have I done to myself? I totally ruined everything."

"It's okay," Botan said, giving my shoulder a sympathetic pat. "You'll definitely find someone else. And if not, you can completely forget about the living world, turn demon, and go to Hiei. If he really loves you, he'll take you back."

"Don't say that, Botan. I don't agree with Kurama's methods, at all, but I think he had a point. If they were meant to be together, then she would love Hiei so much that she wouldn't have to think about dropping everything to go off with him. She would do it because she wanted to."

"And I don't want to. I just want his body. His sexy, sexy body." I rubbed my cheek on the table. "What am I gonna do now? He's ruined every man I'll ever have for me." I sniffed. "I think I'm gonna cry, you guys."

"It is pretty tragic," Shizuru agreed. "Sakyo was like that too. But I know I'll find someone else. I feel it in my bones. So will you, Alice."

"Mm." Shizuru never talked about Sakyo. "I know you miss him. Do you have anyone you're looking into?" I wondered, picking up my face and squinting at her. "I want you to be happy. If there's someone, tell us. Botan and I will interview him."

"It's not a job, Alice," Botan scolded, finishing her glass. She didn't wait for anyone and poured herself some more. "A life partner and true love takes some work, but it's definitely not a job."

"You're so romantic, Botan."

"And you're jaded," she retorted, pushing the wine bottle to me. It was almost gone. It was the second bottle we had split between us. "But you don't here me complaining about you."

"There isn't anyone yet," Shizuru answered, puffing on the cigarette. "But there will be. For you too, Alice. Next month maybe for you…a little longer for me I think. Spring, probably."

I squirmed in my seat. I loved her predictions. "Yay. I hope he'll be good."

Shizuru smiled. "He'll be really good to you. But you'll probably hurt him."

"I always seem to be the one doing the hurting."

"That's because you're a bitch," Shizuru and Botan said together. They exchanged grins and clinked their wineglasses together.

"Thank you, I didn't know," I retorted, with a glare.

"What are best friends for?" Botan asked breezily.

"Wine," I told her, holding out my empty glass.

"Definitely wine," Shizuru agreed, opening another bottle.

I was singing.

"Pour my beer down the sink, I got more in the trunk! Fuck you, I'm drunk! Fuck you, I'm drunk - and I'm going to be drunk til the next time I'm drunk!"

"Shush," Kurama shushed, placing a hand over my mouth and pulling me along. "They may not be able to understand what you're saying, but you'll still attract the attention of the neighbors. The last thing we need is a citation for underage drinking."

"I'm twenty-nine."

"You're fifteen," Kurama said firmly. He flinched when I stuck my icy nose in his neck. "Stop that."

"You are dull, boring, and I'd rather watch paint dry than walk with you any more," I grumbled, trying to twist my arm away from him. "You never have fun, Kurama. Fun is allowed you know. Oh, but no, you'd rather have fun screwing with my sex life. There's your fun. Ruining the fun."

"How much did you drink?" he sighed.

"Enough to forget that Hiei dumped me. Oh, wait, I remembered again. Son of a bitch."

His eyebrows went up. "Hiei broke up with you?"

"Don't act so fucking surprised. You wanted it. You win. Like always."

He didn't deny that he wanted it to happen. "I'm sorry if you feel hurt, Alice."

"No, you're not. You wanted to punish me because I'm a cruel, heartless woman, and I took advantage of poor, defenseless Hiei. Never mind me and my feelings. Never mind my needs. Never mind that I like him. And his amazing mouth."

Kurama flinched again, even though I didn't put any of my cold extremities in his neck. "I don't need the details. But I truly am sorry if you are hurt at all. I didn't want anyone to suffer, which is why I warned you off each other in the first place."

"A warning is fine. But you had no right to manipulate us against each other, you son of a bitch. I'll never forgive you for that." I felt my eyes burning with tears as I glowered at him, and sniffed. "How dare you. Just…how dare you. Fuck you. Let go of me."

Kurama didn't let go of me, because he didn't understand boundaries. He held me tight against him, and I tried to twist away and jerk out of his grasp, but he was way too strong. I stood ramrod straight instead, waiting for him to give up. He didn't. We must have stood there looking like fucking morons for like five minutes.

"You're smothering me."

"You've said that before."

"I'm saying it again – don't you notice a pattern here?" I snapped at him, suddenly giving a wild jerk that nearly won me my freedom. "I. Don't. Want. You. To. Touch. Me."

He gave a defeated sigh. "Yes, you do, Alice. I know you crave my touch more than anyone else's. I hear your heart speed up every time I come too close to you," he murmured against my ear. "It's racing now."

Fuck. It was.

I ignored my thumping heart. "And you don't want me. Why are you still touching me?"

"I want your body," he answered. "But I don't love you."

I swallowed. "Are you sure about that? You didn't feel a stitch of envy for Hiei?"

His fingertips traced the hem of my shirt underneath my coat, and he inhaled. I realized he was sniffing me. "Maybe," he answered ambiguously. He gave a long sigh, exhaling warm, damp air on my neck. "I know I can't have you. It's something that won't end well." He pulled away, and grasped my hand to lead me home.

"Are you comparing me and Kitajima together?"

He stopped. He shot me a look of surprise over his shoulder. "What makes you think that?"

I raised an eyebrow at him and gave a flamboyant wave of my hand. "Do I look like an inexperienced maiden to you, good sir? I've fallen in and out of love more times than I can count. The feeling of falling in love is the same, but it's a different experience every time. Sometimes you just wake up and realize you're in too deep. Other times you wake up and notice that you hate the person you're with. I've had both. Surely, Kitajima isn't the first girl you've ever fallen for."

Kurama didn't answer.

"You're not serious. You're thousands of years old and she's the first girl you've ever loved?" My jaw dropped open. "Oh, I can't wait to tell Shizuru this."

"In my defense, I was busy building an empire. I didn't have a lot of time for the opposite sex, apart from the obvious one-night stands, or series of loveless relationships. A real relationship would have taken more effort than I cared to give, and I never deemed love important enough until this lifetime, where now it's far too dangerous for that sort of thing. That's why I never dated her."

My mouth opened and closed uselessly. I squeezed his hand. "Kurama, that's a Shakespearean tragedy. Seriously, that is a level of irony beyond cruel."

"It is, but I deserve it. I was a quite bastard in my last life." His smile didn't quite reach his eyes, but it was still amused. At least he could laugh at his misfortune.

"Is this why I can't have a boyfriend? Because you're jealous of my happiness?" I was half-joking, but all jokes are half-meant, and I was drunk.

His hand went around my chin to turn my face up. His mouth was in a line, but his face was the most honest I'd ever seen it. "Alice, if you had truly loved Hiei, I would have been happy for the both of you. I would not have interfered. I would have helped your relationship in any way I could have. But you don't love him, and he loves you, and I won't allow you to hurt him. Hiei puts on a tough face, and he's quite tough inside too, but he still has the heart of a child. You, on the other hand, have a succubus where your heart should be."

"You're still a bastard."

He chuckled and dropped my face. "I know."

"What if I do find a boyfriend? Will you be happy for me?" I asked as we started to walk again, thinking back to Shizuru's prediction. A month didn't seem a very long time to wait.

Kurama made a thoughtful hm. "If he's good to you, I won't interfere."

"But you won't be happy."

"My life is a Shakespearean tragedy, remember?" he joked, large green eyes sliding to my face. "I can never be happy. Content, maybe. But happiness is a little out of my reach."

"Seriously, you're depressing. Have you tried drinking?"

He laughed. "I don't think that's the best advice. Have you tried sobriety?"

"Yes," I answered, wrinkling my nose, "and it's intolerable, especially with you around."

"You drink too much," he said. "You're not twenty-nine, Alice, no matter what you think. Your body is fifteen. You're not even done growing. You need to slow down."

I sent a big, ginormous exaggerated sigh his way. "When I want your advice, I'll ask for it, Dad."

"Are you still in love with me?" he asked suddenly.

I was still drunk, but a sobering part of my mind noticed this as a tactic to surprise the truth out of me. I mulled the question over, stupefied that I needed to. "Yes," I answered finally. "But I think it's less than it used to be."

And somewhere a part of me noticed something strange. I was pretty sure I was still in love with him…but I loved him as a person a little less. Maybe I was just angrier than I thought. Maybe I had started to fall in love with Hiei. Maybe I was protecting myself.

Maybe I was just drunk.

"You're less in love with me? Is that normal?"

"Maybe it means I'm falling out of love with you. Maybe it means I'll run away from you and go to Puerto Rico, you know, where I'll meet a nice guy. By next month."

He raised an eyebrow. "Next month?"

"Shizuru said so."

His brow furrowed and his head tilted. "She said you would go to Puerto Rico and meet a guy next month?"

"You're not even trying to listen to me, are you? You know what? I'm just done. I'm done talking to you." I dropped his hand. I didn't even realize we were holding hands. We were almost to the house, but it was dark inside. Shiori must have been off at Katsuya's again. I jiggled my key in the lock and flung the door open.

Sitka lunged at me, and I caught him and we rolled around on the foyer and cuddled. "You're my favoritest, bestest puppy dog in the whole world," I told him, rubbing my face in his thick fur. Mm, he was so soft! He gave my face a huge lick.

Love you, love you too! he said. He sniffed at me. You smell funny.

"Do not," I protested, collapsing on the floor. I was at the dead stage of drunk. Passing out was next.

Kurama closed the door, locking it behind him. "Do you need help taking your coat off?"

I flung my arm uselessly in his direction. Or the air. Whatever. "Eh."

Kurama took it as a yes and pulled me up to sit. He hesitated a moment before deftly unbuttoning my coat and pushing it off my shoulders. My scarf was removed, and he hung them on the hooks next to the door. He pulled off his own coat and hung it up with mine. I stared at him blearily, propping my elbow on my knee, while Sitka scratched himself beside me.

"Can you get up?" he asked.

"Yeah," I muttered, getting up to my feet unsteadily. I grabbed the banister and started climbing up the stairs. Kurama followed me closely, hands hovering around me to catch me in case I fell over or tripped.

Sitka suddenly charged up behind us, eager to get to my room, and knocked me sideways. Kurama caught me as I fell into his chest, awkwardly, with one hand over my breast.

He didn't move, but I think he stopped breathing for a minute.

I turned and looked up at him innocently. "Sitka said I smelled funny. Do I? You'd tell me, right?"

He swallowed. "Bend your head," he ordered.

I bared my neck to him, and he bent and pressed his nose against my skin. It tickled, and I squirmed a little, but his arms were like steel around me. "Anything?" I asked him, feigning wobbliness to jut my hips against his. I could feel his hard erection. Yep, definitely something.

"It's the wine," he told me. He didn't even bother to hide his arousal. His green eyes looked dark and tired, and I felt a little guilty. "You're drunk," he sighed. He repeated himself. "You're drunk."

"I'm sobering up," I insisted.

"I don't believe you. Up, come on. Up to your room."

"Can I take you with me?" I teased.

"No, you cannot, you vile temptress. I will not sleep with you when you're drunk. I'm not that cruel," he stated shortly, giving me a push up the stairs. "Go to your room and get ready for bed."

I grudgingly went up to the landing, sailing lightly on the balls of my feet, twirling around when I reached the landing. "Look at me, look how sober I – ack! Ow." I had spun right into the banister.

Kurama hid a smile. "You're not helping your cause at all."

"I don't need you to tell me that." I rubbed my leg where I had banged into the wood. "It would just be so much easier if you weren't pretending to be so noble."

"If you know I'm not a noble man, then you should quit while you're ahead. You'll only hurt yourself in the long run." His hand went up and scratched his head irritably. He glared at me. "Take yourself into consideration. You know that this will never work. I've told you all of this before."

I sighed. "You're hopeless. I never pegged you for a coward."

"I never pegged you for a silly lovesick girl, but here we are."

I laughed at him, gripping the banister when I felt myself sway. "Is that supposed to hurt me? After seven years, don't you think I know all of your mind games by now? How stupid do you think I am? I don't matter to you at all, do I?" I realized it, just as I said it, and I knew the hurt showed on my face. I figured it out as I went along, pointing an accusing finger at him. "If you think you can just run my life for me, I couldn't matter to you at all, right? You don't respect me enough to let me make my own decisions. You only want to control me so that I don't rock your perfect little boat –"

"It not like that," he insisted, frowning.

I glared at him. "It is like that! It's always been like that! It's all it's ever been. You can't deny that." I sniffed. "How could I love someone like you?"

"Alice, you know I care about you," he said calmly, climbing up the stairs. "I may have overstepped some boundaries, but it's only because I care."

"Ah, that's right. That ever-present, ever-patient I-care-about-you attitude. You think you can do and say whatever you want to me, because you care." I scowled at him. "You know nothing about caring about someone else, Kurama. Nothing. All you know how to do is control and manipulate other people. I'm tired of it. I'm going to bed."

I left him standing speechless on the landing, and I slammed my door shut.

I didn't see Hiei for a week. I never realized how much I depended on his camaraderie until I had to spend more and more of my time with Kurama, who I hardly spoke to. And whenever I went out of the house, I tried to rope in either Yusuke or Kuwabara into babysitting me, but Kuwabara was busy and Yusuke was grumpy.

I finished the rest of my entrance exams and stayed in the house, bored out of my mind. I wanted to go and run, but that was a by-myself thing, and I didn't want anyone trailing me or talking to me.

Shiori noticed how glum I had been. She sat beside me one day while I absently plunked the keys on the piano.

"Are you all right dear? It seems like you've been depressed over the last few days. Are you and Shuichi fighting again?" she asked knowingly, her eyes falling on Kurama bent over a book on the couch.

He looked up at his name. "Sorry?" he asked, pretending he hadn't heard.

"I asked if you two were fighting again," Shiori said, catching my hand to stop me from hitting the same key over and over again. "Usually both of you are more talkative."

"We're not fighting, Mother," Kurama said, with a reassuring smile.

I sold him out. "Shuichi-kun is bossy. And nosy."

Kurama's jaw dropped open and Shiori's eyebrows went up.

I gave Kurama the dirtiest look I could muster. He was so concerned about me rocking the boat, because I was a wildcard to him or something, so I decided to give him something to be concerned about. I would turn his fucking boat over.

His jaw clenched, and I saw his carefully reigned in anger. He hated me undermining him in front of Shiori.

Shiori was a fair woman though. "And you, Shuichi, dear? What's your side of the story?"

"I was simply concerned for my sister, Mother." Kurama smiled serenely. "She and her boyfriend broke up."

I slammed my hands down on the piano, and it blared out my rage in a messy D sharp. "He was not my boyfriend! You have no idea what was going on, and you just stuck your nose in it, like always, because you can't leave me alone! It's not hard! All you have to do is mind your own business! We were fine until you interfered!"

"You had a boyfriend, Alice-chan?"

I stopped and looked at Shiori guiltily. "Not…really. We were talking about dating."

"I see," she said, folding her hands in her lap. Her eyes swept over me, and she frowned. "I wish you would have told me there was a boy you liked. I don't mind if you date, but I'd like to know the young man."

I imagined introducing Hiei to Shiori and forced myself not to cringe. "Okay," I said, looking back down at the piano.

She continued. "It sounds to me like Shuichi was just trying to protect you, Alice-chan. Perhaps he didn't think that you and the boy were a very good match?"

"They weren't a very good match," Kurama agreed, closing his book and straightening, propping his elbows on the arm of the couch to look at us. "He liked her more than she liked him."

"And perhaps Alice-chan didn't appreciate you getting involved, Shuichi, dear?" Shiori suggested, glancing at him.

Kurama sighed. "No, I suppose not. I apologize again, Alice. I'm quite sorry about everything."

You son-of-a-bitch, I thought at him, pasting a sweet smile on my face. You apologized to me in front of your mother so I would have to accept it. I'll fucking kill you in your sleep.

"Okay, I understand," I said simply, turning back to the piano. I started playing The Rains of Castamere. No one else got it but me, since I was the only one to ever watch Game of Thrones, but it made me feel slightly better. It was a gentle, soft song too, so it sounded to both of them like I wasn't angry anymore.

My resolve to flip the boat hardened.

And he called me his sister.

He had a boner for me a week ago, and he had the nerve to call me his fucking sister. He and I both knew that we had never, not once thought of each other as siblings. In fact, the longer we lived together, the less I wanted to be related to him in any way. I may have been adopted, but he was not my brother. That thought disgusted me.

I hate him.

The thought made me pause mid-note. I hated him?

It was a thought rang true in my mind. It didn't make me flinch, or squirm guiltily, or shake my head, but it rang true. I stared at my hands, frozen arches over the piano keys, completely dumbstruck. I…hated him? How could that be possible though? I swore, just a month ago, a week ago, I loved him more than anyone in the world. How was it possible to suddenly hate someone? How could that be?

I was angry at him, I knew that…but my anger didn't burn quite as hotly as it did before. It was sort of cold and resigned, in an almost defeated sort of way. It was like I was tired of being angry at him. In fact, I was tired of loving him. And it was…

Liberating.

"Is something wrong?" Shiori asked, and I realized she had been waiting for the rest of the song.

"No." I moved my hands to the play the rest. "I just forgot how this went for a moment," I lied. I didn't look at Kurama, but I could feel his alert gaze burning into me.

I don't think The Rains of Castamere had ever sounded so happy.

Hiei was in my room when I went upstairs later that evening.

I slowly shut the door behind me, staring at him. He was sitting on my bed, as he often did, with one leg pulled up and the other straight out. His face was oddly blank, but he looked up at me when the door latched.

"You're back," I murmured. "I thought you went back to the Makai."

"Spirit World is in an upheaval. The kekkai barrier still remains, and I wasn't able to cross over. I've been in the Ningenkai," he answered, looking away. His blunt thumbnail dug into his knee. "I didn't go far."

Far was a relative term. To me that meant he didn't leave Honshu, but to him that might have meant he didn't leave Asia.

"Why did you leave?" I asked, moving to the center of the bedroom.

"I needed space," he answered. He looked up at me. "I've found some things out about Hatton, but it isn't much. If I could go to back to demon world, I know I could find out a lot more."

I sunk to the chair in front of my desk, eyes wide and never leaving his face. "Tell me," I breathed.

"He's a serial killer," Hiei said matter-of-factly. His red eyes were fixed on my face earnestly. "He specializes in killing girls and women, although he's killed a few men too. He prefers humans to be his victims, although he does have a fascination with killing demons slowly. I think you were his first victim, back in your universe."

There was a knock on my door and Kurama pushed it open. "Sorry to interrupt, but I picked up the conversation from downstairs." His green eyes studied my face and went back to Hiei. "Hiei, did you find Hatton? If Alice saw him in the human world, then he certainly must be here – especially with all the trouble with the kekkai barrier."

Hiei shook his head, staring hard at Kurama. "I'm beginning to think that he can cross the barrier as he pleases. He isn't in the human world now, according to the minds of his underlings."

"Underlings?" Kurama asked, shutting the door firmly behind him. He folded his arms and furrowed his brows thoughtfully. "Humans?"

"And demons," Hiei answered. "He does have about forty humans in his employment. It's possible that he knows about the nature of Alice's powers."

"You mean that I can't harm humans with it?" I suggested.

"Correct. It seems that the humans are on high alert. They're based in a suburb in Tokyo, but their base is rather technologically advanced, and most of them are new psychics from the Mushiori area. It seems that Hatton was aware of Sensui's movements, and the consequences of him tearing a hole in the kekkai barrier." Hiei's eyes swiveled to Kurama. "Of course, you did say that Toguro seemed quite aware of Hatton's existence. Perhaps he plays a bigger hand then we realize."

"No," I said sharply, before I could stop myself. I bit my lip. Hatton was certainly not in power here. He wasn't behind Sakyo, the Toguro brothers, or Sensui, but it was definitely strange that he knew which people to attach himself to.

"No?" Hiei asked dubiously.

Kurama waited, raising an eyebrow.

"Um. I mean. It could be possible that he just has a knack for finding the right people to work with?" I offered, kicking myself mentally. Damn it. I did not want to have to explain the existence of Yu Yu Hakusho to them. Even if I barely remembered shit about it, it was definitely possible that Hatton read or watched the series and knew just where to place himself to find me. "Or, actually," I continued, thinking aloud, "is it possible that he just found out about me at the Dark Tournament?"

"Perhaps even Maze Castle?" Kurama added thoughtfully, giving me a frown. He knew something was off. He continued. "It was talked about all over demon world, according to my sources. You were mentioned, apparently, but it was not incredibly detailed."

I ran with it. "He could have had his suspicions then and investigated at the Dark Tournament?"

"Yes, that does make sense," Kurama agreed. "But it does seem terribly convenient."

"It does," I said, pulling my knees up and folding my arms over them. "Did you find out anything else, Hiei?"

"His powers?" Kurama suggested.

"I didn't learn anything about that," Hiei answered, scratching his knee. "I'm not inclined to think that he's particularly powerful, human or demon. It does appear that he is some sort of warped version of both, considering his time in the poisonous air of the Makai." His eyes roved over me curiously. "Humans from your dimension are particularly tough."

I smiled. "Fortunately or unfortunately."

"Be positive, Alice," Kurama chided.

"We're screwed!" I said brightly, throwing my hands in the air. At their blank expressions, I filled them in. "You two are woefully behind times. I was referencing 10 Things I Hate About You. Come on you guys. Seriously."

Hiei rolled his eyes. "And what the hell do I care about some human…film?"

"Film," I confirmed with a nod. At least he got that part.

"Anyway," Kurama plowed on, totally ignoring one of the best movies of all time, "we will have to do more investigating. Hiei, I'm putting you in charge of that, although I will have my own sources investigating in demon world as well."

"Who are these sources?" I asked, finding it silly that he was being all secretive about it.

"Hedoki. And some others."

"That guy? Kurama, tell me you're kidding. He choked me once!" I slammed my palm down on my desk. "You can't possibly trust that dipshit with my best interests, can you?"

"Not at all," Kurama answered breezily. "I simply trust him to act in his own best interests. I find that he's quite useful after you frighten him enough."

"Ah," I said, resisting the urge to shake my head. Nah, wait. Use him til he's dead.

"If there's nothing else," Kurama said, glancing between me and Hiei, "I'll leave the two of you alone."

"Bye," I told him flatly, remembering that I was still mad at him.

Kurama gave me a patronizing smile and left the room, closing the door behind him.

After he left, I stared at my knees for a minute, wondering how to best say what I was thinking. The winter wind rattled my windows, and since it was an uninsulated Japanese house, a draft of cold air swept in. I wished I had a kotatsu in my room, but Kurama had claimed it for his own, the selfish bastard.

"I'm glad you came back," I finally decided to say. "It's not the same without you around, no matter what our relationship is."

"Is that so?"

He sounded disbelieving, so I met his eyes and frowned. "Of course. I missed you."

"You had Kurama," he answered.

Knowing it was likely he would hear this, but deciding I didn't care, I told him, "I hate Kurama."

Hiei made an amused sound. "No, you don't. I've been fighting against his hold over you all this time. Are you telling me you finally got sick of it?"

I nodded.

Hiei still looked like he didn't believe me. He even cracked a smirk. "Are you certain? Well, if that's the case, my offer still stands."

I slumped and gave a sigh. "I know, but…it's still a lot, Hiei. You know? I think it's best that we go our separate ways."

He sighed. "You're really done with me? With this?"

"Yes," I answered, leaving the chair, and moving towards him. I sat on the edge of my bed by his knee. "I think it's best that you find someone who really deserves you."

He gave a harsh laugh. "Is that supposed to make me feel better? Someone who deserves me?"

I knew he wasn't willing to tell his identity to Yukina because of his wariness of his own bloodlust. He knew he was a killer and a thief. I had a feeling his self-image wasn't that great.

"Hiei, you're rational and perceptive, and even kind. Don't give me that glare - it's true. Everyone's kindness is different, and I wouldn't have kissed you if you were as cruel as you apparently think you are. You deserve someone who loves you." I sort of wanted to grasp his hand or something, but decided against it. "I really want you to be happy. Don't think I'm breaking up with you because I resent you or because I love someone else – I don't. I think it's best that we just admit we want very different things."

"And that's the crux of it," he stated dully.

"Yes."

He didn't say anything for a long time. But then, "Do you truly hate him? Kurama?"

I sighed. "I don't love him anymore. I'm angry with him. I think I hate him. I don't feel bad saying any of that so it's probably a good sign that it's all true."

"You belong with him," Hiei said, stoplight red eyes boring into me. "If not me, than it should be him."

"Why?" I asked, fighting down a strange urge to laugh.

Hiei gave me a hard smile. "Because the two of you deserve each other."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Be rational. You've lived together, you've bickered together, and you both are more alike that should be allowed."

"I'm a cruel, borderline abusive fox demon?"

"You challenge him," Hiei said. "You confuse him. If anyone can knock him down a peg, it's you, and if anyone can break you, it's him."

I didn't want to end up broken. No thanks. I knew what Kurama was capable of. His cruelty was immeasurable, but I was only concerned about knocking him off his high, white horse. I was only concerned about flipping that pristine boat into the sea. Him and his fucking control issues. I could see why Tasaka couldn't stand him now. I wanted to destroy him. Or run away. I wasn't quite sure which.

"I think any more of relationship between us is a bad idea," I grumbled, getting to my feet and brushing myself off. "I don't want to talk about it anymore. Really."

"Fine," Hiei answered shortly. "Since I'm on recon, it may be awhile before you see me again." His tone held a glimmer of mischievousness. "While I'm gone, I'll keep an eye out for a girl who deserves me."

"You don't even know what to look for," I snipped, folding my arms.

He pushed the window open, letting in a blast of cold air, and sent a smirk to me. "That's true. I found you, didn't I?"

"Exactly. And I'm no good for you," I answered, shivering. I wrapped my arms around myself, waiting for him to go, but he just stared at me.

"I want a kiss."

"No." Even if I wanted to kiss him, we really had to end this.

"I didn't ask, did I? Come here. You're freezing." His hand was out, reaching for me. His small smile was knowing and sweet in his own way.

"Hiei," I said, staring warily at his hand. "I'm trying to end this. You're making it really hard, okay?"

His hand fell to his side, and the small smile disappeared from his face. "Fine. End this just like that." He turned away, and climbed onto the sill. He was going slowly, thinking that I would stop him, and I swear to God, I almost did.

I watched him leave, gnawing on my lip.

A/N: Okay, so I think it's a little rough in some places (like the drunk parts), but I hope it's enough to please you all. I'll probably come back and smooth this over in a month or so. I just really want to move on to the next chapter. Speaking of smoothing things over, I went back and did an over all smoothing over of the entire fic. Nothing significant has changed - just some awkward scene were tweaked and some typos and other errors fixed (although I'm sure I still missed some).

Anyway, love you guys! Leave me a review if you want. Tell me hi. You know the drill.