This chapter is Gael and Andy heavy (kind of?), but I figured if I'm writing about the marriage falling apart, I need to show the cracks.

The Friendship part two: The Precipice of Emotional Infidelity

2013

It was Valentine's Day in the Clutterbuck household, but to Gael and Andy it was just another day. They sat around their kitchen table, Andy reading a book about apples, while Gael prepared the daily breakfast: jam and toast over eggs in the small frying pan in the corner of their well tended and tidy kitchen. The smell emanating was the unpleasant burn of a woman who wasn't the best cook, but felt that it was proper for a housewife to cook some of the meals.

Andy found himself sighing, while adjusting his glasses over his face. Recently, he'd been obsessively reading about apple trees, as he'd grown bored of doing nothing while his two children were at school most of the day. He'd done this to occupy his mind, and to push back the unsettling feeling that things weren't quite right in his life. He figured that if he dedicated himself to this little project, he'd feel some level of fulfillment and purpose.

Gael had told him that it was trivial and fruitless to grow an orchard when they could simply buy all organic apples from the supermarket or farmer's market. This had lead to a fight over whether or not they should do that, which had Andy on the couch and Gael in the room, and them not speaking to one another.

And now here they were, Gael's loud trance music causing his head to pound and his mind to grow weary and distracted. The children ran in, momentarily distracting him with their loud arguing over toys.

" - You're such a baby, Arthur. I told you that those toys were my toys!" His daughter Matilda told his three-year-old son Arthur, who still barely spoke much, and only cried. His loud wails sounded the room, while Gael continued to cook oblivious to the noise. "Give me my toy back now!"

"No, it's mine!" Arthur screamed, wailing some more.

"It is not your toy, dummy!" Matilda snapped, snatching the toy from him, and loudly trudging to her place at the table. "Mummy, what's for breakfast?"

"Jam and eggs, sweetie," Gael said, still oblivious.

"Tilly, your behavior just now towards Arthur was uncalled for," Andy scolded her. "You know it's not nice to name call."

"I know, daddy, but -"

"But nothing, apologize," Andy insisted, getting up to pick up a now sobbing Arthur. He rocked him in his arms, and then delicately placed him back in his chair once his soft wails ceased.

"Sorry," Matilda forced out.

"It's not that big of a deal if the children fight, Andrew. My brother and I fought all the time, and my parents said it was apart of growing up, which it is," Gael shrugged.

"But we shouldn't allow the children to do whatever they want. They should know boundaries, respect, and -"

"Are you saying I wasn't raised with boundaries?"

"Not all of us are born with that luxury," Andy snapped, his passive aggressive dig causing Gael to gasp.

"Are you really picking a fight on Valentine's Day, sweetheart? You're so noble," she turned around, stirring the eggs before turning off the stove.

"No, I just - I thought maybe we could do something together for the day, maybe involve the children," Andy suggested.

Gael just sighed. "I don't know, Andy. I've got to take Tilly to school this morning, and then Arthur has his check up, and then Matilda has a football match. Maybe later..."

Andy knew what her response would be before she even said it. And it wasn't as if he was disappointed by it, just resigned. If he was being completely honest with himself, he'd only offered to spend the day with her because he felt like that was what he was supposed to want to do, but his mind continued to drift to his beautiful co-star. They were friends now, he'd even exchanged numbers with her, but they hadn't spoken since filming wrapped several months prior. But, the one thing that he knew about her was that her birthday was today, and foolishly, he wanted to speak to her about it.

Deciding that he simply had to, he slipped the phone out of his pocket, and concentrated on learning the intricacies of it. He'd put her number into his American phone's contacts, so it took a moment of shuffling to find the number, before he did and sat there for a moment pondering what to send.

"Andrew, did you hear me?" Gael's voice rang in his head.

"Um, yeah, I understand," he told her.

She turned around, and filled his plate up to the brim with overcooked scrambled eggs and slightly burned toast with strawberry jam, as she did for their two children, who still bickered with one another in their school uniforms. Andy simply sighed, not in the mood for yet another argument, so he let it go.

"Alright then," Gael said, looking satisfied with herself.

Meanwhile, Andy has finally conjured up a text on the screen of his flip phone.

'Hey, it's Andrew Lincoln. You know, your co-star and I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. I'm sure your day will be filled with lots of love (lol?).'

'Yes, it is. Thank you. And I really hope that you don't seriously think lol means "lots of love".'

'It doesn't mean that!?'

'No, silly. It means laugh out loud, grandpa.'

'I'm not a grandpa!'

'Then you probably should text like one.'

'You certainly don't regard me as grandfatherly. ;-)'

Andy gulped, unsure of the message that he'd just sent her. Was it too flirty? Was he being too forward? He wasn't sure, as constantly, he found himself wondering if the way that he spoke to her was appropriate. Sure, he lingered in their hugs because she smelled so good and looked so nice, but it was also because she was growing into a very special friend and he looked forward to seeing her, talking to her.

Danai reminded him of the people he went to drama school with; the ones who thrived in the art of it all and with her, he felt like they could talk about that. It didn't help that she found his sense of humor amusing, which only connected them further.

He debated on this conversation, until his phone chimed once more on the counter.

"Andrew, your phone is quite busy this morning…," Gael trailed off. "Do I need to add this person to your appointment schedule?"

"No," Andy replied shortly, quickly turning off his phone, and then shoving it into his pocket.

"Well, fine...speaking of schedules, you have that cast chat next week, a photo shoot, and -"

" - Thank you, Gael," he cut in. "I'll sort it out, but I'm going out for a bit," he continued on, moving towards his young children. "Matilda, please be nice to your brother and other children and Arthur, please be a good boy," he said, and then kissed their heads. And with that he was out the door, his phone in his hand, eagerly awaiting her incoming text.

While waiting for his phone to chime, he began to think deeper about his marriage. It was Valentine's Day, and while he appreciated Gael's tenacity, her organization, and her sheer dexterity in all things, apart of him craved intimacy and compassion. When did all of their conversations begin to revolve around passionless things like schedules and their children? When had he started to feel to empty regarding everything? He figured that it was why he was so drawn to Danai. It was a harmless crush because of her warm spirit, her enchanting beauty, her fun personality, the fact that he could be himself with her; it also helped that she refused to pry in his unhappiness, cutting off questions about his marriage quickly and soundly as they came.

And now, instead of looking forward to his wife, he looked forward to her, innocently of course.

'I'll continue to call you granddaddy until you upgrade that flip phone of yours. Christ, Andy, you're nearly on a Jitterbug phone commercial lol.'

'Fine, I will do it. Only for you of course. And instead of grandaddy, you could just call me Daddy.'

'That would be extremely inappropriate…'

'Why?'

'Don't you have a wife to bother today? Lol.'

He paused, staring at the message for longer than what was necessary, and then sighed. Didn't he have a wife to bother? He guessed so, but he didn't really know what was going on there. It's not like his wife wanted to spend any time with him.

'My wife isn't big on Valentine's Day, so you're stuck with me.'

'Hmm. I see.'

'No comment, birthday girl?'

'None that's appropriate. Maybe you shouldn't ask me about that.'

'Again, why?'

'We have boundaries. I have rules that I don't break. Not even for a pretty guy with pretty eyes.'

'I understand, I'm sorry for going there. It won't happen again.'

'No apology needed. I've gotta go now, super busy. Thank you for the birthday wishes, Andy. It means the word from me to hear from you.'

And with that, she was gone, as Andy re-read her text over and over. He'd hoped that he hadn't made her feel too awkward by bringing up his marital woes, as it seemed to be a sore point for her. Whenever he even mentioned Gael, Danai clammed up, a titanium shield covering her entire body.

It was an armor that he felt almost intimidated by, as Danai was an enigma. She never said too much about herself, she never did anything too personal, and he never saw her with a significant other. But someone that lovely must have someone, he figured. He tried not to care or dwell too much on it. If only it was that easy, he thought.

6 months later

Several cast members on the show were on Katie Couric's television show to promote season four, and to introduce themselves to the general public. For Andy, Danai, Norman, Steven, and Lauren, it was a massive and exciting opportunity. But, when Andy saw Danai's neon blue dress suit, he knew that he was fucked. His head tilted to the side as he checked out - discreetly, he hoped - the fine, round globes of her ass.

He'd thought he was being discreet, until Lauren tapped him on the shoulder and gave him a knowing grin. "Are you really checking her out?"

"Checking who out."

"You know who, Andy."

Andy decided to play oblivious. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"C'mon, Andy, I'm not blind," Lauren scolded him. "I saw you looking at Danai's ass and I also see a ring on your finger..."

"I still have eyes in my head," Andy admitted, frustrated as his eyes still lingered on that ass. And boy, was it an ass. So plump, and round; his mind drifted to how wonderful those cheeks would feel in his hands...

"Sure, sure...," Lauren laughed, and then took off towards Danai with a wide smile on her pretty face.

After they'd completed the segment, Andy found himself once again drawn to her. He'd acted a bit obviously, too, knowing that his eyes probably gave away how absolutely enamored he was with her, how absolutely in awe of her he was. Over the summer, they'd grown so close, he'd developed a true bond with her.

He remembered telling her of the horrors of ticks, even offering to get rid of them for her himself. He remembered bonding with her in one hundred degree weather over their affinity for Prince playlists and obscure novels and plays. He'd never smiled so wide as when she told a joke or simply did some extraordinary thing. His heart had never raced like a teenager's during puberty over his wife, nor had his pants grown this tight over a hard on.

Their bond was inappropriate, but like an addict, he was constantly looking for the next hit. He found it when he got Danai alone in the green room.

"Hey," he greeted her casually, sitting next to her. She flushed, her eyes averting anywhere but at him.

"Hi," she squeaked out, nervously.

"I laid it on a bit thick out there, didn't I?" He teased, enjoying the way her deep brown eyes flitted around the room.

"You think?"

His grin went wider, he enjoyed teasing her so much. "A little, but I can't help but tell you how impressive your riding abilities are…"

"Andy!" She giggled, her eyes popping open at the suggestive sexually laced joke.

"I genuinely meant your ability to ride a horse, not that I think you'd be bad at riding other -"

She flushed some more. "Andy, please stop. I get it."

"You are impressive, though," he went on. "I still have that picture in my trailer, actually. I had to bribe Nic with plane tickets though, because you know how photographers are with photos..."

"You bribed our still photographer? You are something else," she sighed.

"A good something else or a bad something else?"

"Good," she grinned. "For now."

He continued to stare at her, edging his way impossibly closer on the couch. His normally light eyes darkened as they took in her full, shapely lips and smooth skin, which looked so soft. He clenched his fist at his side, desperately wanting to cup and stroke the side of her face; to pull her until he felt those lips against his own. Subconsciously, he did move a bit closer, and closer still. The air between them thick and ripe with sexual tension.

His eyes consumed her, from the small bit of cleavage that peaked out of her black top, to those shapely legs of hers. She was a Thanksgiving dinner, and he was hungry, a starving man.

He leaned closer, she didn't stop him, until -

"There you guys are! I was looking all fucking over," Norman interrupted, effectively halting their almost whatever kiss.

He then positioned himself right in between the pair, wrapping his arm around Danai while grinning at Andy. "When are you going to let me take you out, Danai?"

"Probably never," she answered.

"And that would be smart of you," Andy commented.

"And what's it to you?" Norman asked l, smirking at Andy in an odd, knowing manner. Had he figured out that he fancied Danai as more than a friend?

Andy stuttered, suddenly flushing red. "N-no reason, I'd just never trust any girl with the likes of you."

"Ouch, asshole," Norman laughed, before effectively turning the conversation into motorcycles and photography, as the two who sat on opposite ends of him shared confused glances, not knowing why they felt electric pulses up and down their bodies.

Nearly a month later, Andy found himself at his in-law's lavish home in Windsor, UK. The grounds were painted in multicolored flowers unlike any that he'd seen growing up, as all he knew were the shores of Hull and the cobblestones of Bath, where structures looked like castles and the sea wasn't too far away. Gael's parents had a lot of money, and liked for people to know that they did.

Their house was decorated with the finest oak wood, imported from Italy and France; their televisions were nearly 80 inches long, ultra HD, with pictures so luminous and rich, it felt like being there. The floors were marvel, and the color of white chocolate bars that Andy enjoyed eating at the shop; that was all he thought when he saw their home.

Today though, he dreaded it a bit, as it was a gathering with his mother Laura, father Nigel, and his in-laws Ian and his wife Shona. While Andy adored his father in law, he found some of his views conservative and brash, and knew that his parents weren't too fond of him. Gatherings between the two couples tended to be awkward and rife with tension, but they tried for the sake of the marriage their children had to get along.

"Hey," Andy greeted Ian, while giving his wife a polite cheek kiss. "My mother should be arriving soon, she's just caught in transport."

"The bloody fucking woman is always 'caught in transport,'" Ian snapped bluntly, not one to mince words.

"Father," Gael scolded him.

"It's the truth and you know it. That woman doesn't like me," Ian sighed.

Andy never knew what to say during his father in law's tirades, and apart of him wished he were softer, but he never was one to stir the pot so to speak, so he just let things go.

"Let's go to the sitting room and chat over tea," Shona said, snapping her fingers at one of the maids to fetch them some tea.

30 minutes later

" - And I don't know why you insist on the children going to those American schools for that job of yours," Shona said.

"I'm an actor," Andy explained.

"And that's a nice hobby, but a career? I don't know...," Ian said. "I mean, I could go to RADA myself, but decided that a career in music was vastly superior to pretending all the time. If I wanted to lie and sit around all day, I'd be a lawyer."

Andy looked toward his wife for any affirmation, but she remained silent. "RADA isn't easy to get into. I auditioned with over 10,000 other actors for a year, they only accept 14 candidates -"

" - And how long did it take you to not be poor, son?"

Andy hung his head. "A long time."

"Are you pestering my son again?" Came Laura's voice. "I think he's made quite the way for himself, as you do."

Andy watched as Laura strolled in with confidence, unbothered by their comments as Andy seemed to be, but that was Laura Clutterbuck. She was liberal and honest to a fault, not necessarily agreeing to her son's profession, but encouraging it nonetheless. Her relationship with Ian was contemptuous at best; heated at worst.

"My son is too nice to call your horseshit opinions out, but I'm used to a fight," Laura continued on. She was a small woman, barely five foot tall, but her big personality made her tower over others.

Ian scoffed. "Where's Nigel Thornberry?"

"My husband is at at conference in London honoring engineers," Laura smiled with pride, as Ian scowled, not saying anything further. Laura took the opportunity to rave about her son's work. " Anyways, the new season of my son's show has been just wonderful. And you know that Michonne character is just lovely," Laura gushed. "I wouldn't mind it if Rick slayed zombies with her..."

For the first time all afternoon, Gael's eyebrows shot up. "Excuse me?"

"I said I wouldn't mind it if Rick and Michonne got together. You know how people are these days, so caught up with their racism, and this would be monumental -," she went on.

"Pipe down, would you? We talk enough about zombies," Gael snapped.

Laura immediately went quiet. "Alright then, who wants tea?"

The room went quiet, but Andy took note of it. He'd long craved for his wife to be a tad more supportive of his career aspirations, instead of spouting the same things that her father did, but instead she'd either support him or remain silent. He was quickly finding that not to be enough.

Her outburst over his mother fancying Michonne was something that enraged him a bit, even though he brushed it off as a side comment.

Why would she be so bothered by him possibly being with one of his coworkers for work purposes? The thoughts lingered in his mind like sponge, expanding into every crevice of his being.

And so, when they did arrive back to their countryside home, only a ten minute jaunt from her parent's place, did all hell break loose. It was the first of many spats over Danai.

"What was that 'pipe down' all about?"

"Your mother was being rude and suggestive with that comment. How dare she imply that you might be interested in another woman with me there?"

"My character, she never once mentioned me."

"But I've seen the way you are with that woman," Gael began to pace around the living room. Her lips curled with disgust. "The text messages, the looks you share. I'm not stupid, Andrew," she reminded him. "Your relationship with her, what is it?"

Andy sighed, deciding that he should just be honest. "I have a bit of a harmless crush, but -"

" - And you think this crush is appropriate?"

" - Well, no, but -"

Andy stuttered, his light eyes flitting around the room in a panic. He should've lied.

"I want you to cease all interaction with that woman and I will come with you to all events," she said.

"I don't think that's necessary," he told his wife, who was now turned around. "Danai is just a friend."

"A friend that you've just admitted to me that you fancy! I can't exactly trust that," she huffed.

"I said the crush is a harmless one, I gave you an honest answer. Maybe if you valued my career more and didn't have the emotional complexity of a bag of ice...," Andy's passive aggressive dig slipped out of his mouth, one that had been dormant for several weeks now.

"And maybe if you were less emotional," she sighed, as if Andy was a petulant child. "I don't know how to explain this to you, but there's really no time for that..."

"Emotional how? For wanting my wife to support my career?"

His face went red as he finally unleashed what had been bottled up inside of him for months. There were many things he wanted - needed, but he never got those things from the one person who was supposed to give them to him. But, he had gotten them from the beautiful girl he worked with, the unavailable one.

"Your 'career' is a silly, juvenile thing," she told him harshly, bluntly. "And I will treat it as such. We're done here."

He stood in the middle of their country home, as she walked away, and realized how empty and cold it was for the first time. It was beautiful, with perfectly trimmed white walls and mahogany wood throughout, but it was empty. The house that he'd finally gotten, the one he'd worked his ass off for started to feel desolate, but he could scarcely figure out why.

He knew though, or at least thought that many people who were married as long as he had been with his wife probably weren't in love anymore. It'd been a long time since they'd felt sparks or butterflies or all consuming reckless passion. That was what he had with Danai, but...he couldn't have that.

In that empty room, he tried to reason that this was normal. They were just going through a rough patch, he told himself.

2014

An awkwardness had fallen upon his relationship with Danai; it was something he couldn't describe, but his wife's now overwhelming presence on set and at events, plus their overtly flirty interactions had somehow turned them into awkward almost lovers, nervously bouncing around each other with not many words to share. Around him, Danai had become tense; her body nearly curling into a tense ball. It was as if she was afraid that they'd done something they weren't supposed to.

It didn't help that his wife was always around the pair of them, as her distrust had gone up tenfold since his admission and their fight. He'd blamed it on himself, but now he felt a longing to interact with Danai like they used to before. Whenever something would happen, he'd itch to tell her; whenever he was with his family, he'd instinctively pull out his American phone and look up her number. He'd even gone out and bought a smartphone so that he could keep up with her, but lately their messages had been sporadic and brief.

He was attracted to her, sure, but he missed their friendship more than anything else, and so, after a long day on set, he'd ambled to her trailer, intent on fixing things with her.

His heart thundered, his palms grew sweaty, as he stood outside her trailer. He knew she was in there, as she usually had to take breaks from the heat, but before he could even open the door, it flew open to reveal her. She wore a thin white tank top, soaked in sweat and no bra underneath, of that he was certain; her Michonne wig was off and in her hands as she watched him with a mixture of confusion and intrigue.

"I could hear you from inside," she said with a soft smile. "Come in."

And so he did, a little too eagerly. Once he sat, his eyes danced around the inside of her small trailer; she of course had an elegance to her her trailer, with gold trim and a large leather sectional, pictures of her family adorned the walls, and a few large notebooks littered with writing sat on the side table.

"I was writing…," she explained, when she saw his eyes linger on her notepads. "I usually go to my graduate school to write, but I've been so busy. I just do it in between call times."

Intrigued, Andy averted his eyes up towards her, nearly forgetting why he was there. "What are you writing?"

"A few things," she admitted casually. "This one is about British imperialism and its effects on Africa, and my country."

"Do you ever stop?"

He heard himself ask, the words slipping out of his mouth in reverence.

"Probably not enough," she deflected, sitting next to him on the couch. "So, what do you want?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, your wife has been around and you've been distant," she explained simply. "And now you're in my trailer looking like a lost puppy. What do you want?"

Andy took a deep breath. "I want to talk to you. I want to be friends again."

"We are talking now, and we never stopped being friends," once again her answer was direct, and straight to the point.

"I thought we weren't friends. I tried texting you, but all you kept saying was 'O.K.,' so I thought you were upset with me," a stressed looking Andy pulled out his new iPhone and showed it to her. "I even used my upgrade to get a new phone."

"I'm not upset with you," she responded.

"Well, what did you mean by 'O.K.'?"

She laughed, loud and deep in her stomach. The sound was like velvet to Andy's ears, but it also confused him. "I just needed space. You and your wife - I don't want to cause any problems there…"

"Things are a bit awkward between my wife and I," he saw Danai cringe, effectively wanting to remove herself from this narrative, but he stopped her, placing his hand on her arm. "Hear me out, alright?"

She gulped, reluctantly nodding her head. "Fine, go ahead."

"My wife doesn't like certain things," Andy began. "She doesn't like my career, she doesn't like our friendship, she doesn't feel comfortable with it. But I like our friendship and I don't want to stop being friends with you…"

"I don't want to get in between you and your wife -"

"You won't be. We're friends, right?"

"We are," she admitted.

"Then we can continue that. I don't like it when we don't talk," he admitted sadly, averting his eyes up to her, effectively giving her the big blue puppy eyes that she could never say no to and those pouty pink lips.

"Fine," she sighed.

"You love me," he grinned.

It was the first time he'd said it to her, and a strange expression crossed her face. She looked confused and tormented, before she quickly forced a bright smile on her face. He tried to put on that smile that women called 'panty dropping,' that smirk that seemed to always get him what he wanted, and in that moment it did with her.

"You wish," she told him, with a roll of her eyes.

He did.