7.1 – (Me)
[Kill la Kill]
Peering down from where he was draped from his hanger, Senketsu observed his wearer and friend as she tinkered with her Seki Tekkō. "Ryūko, what are you doing?"
"Huh? Oh, hey Senketsu. I didn't know you were still up. I'm getting really tired of not knowing when you're going to be Awake, so I'm trying something I learned from one of the Equestrian Loopers."
Senketsu shifted slightly to get a better look, but in the darkness of their room at the Mankanshoku Clinic he couldn't make out any details. "...So what is it?"
Ryūko smirked and pulled her glove on, before showing it to him. "This is an Intelligent Device. Or at least it will be when its done. The cool thing about it is that its Soul-Bound, so no matter what its always with me. What I wanna do is set it up so that you and me Loop together."
Senketsu began to tear up, but forced his emotions back. "How?"
"Well since you're made of Life Fibers I'm gonna have this absorb you at the end of the Loop."
"WAIT WHAT?" Senketsu recoiled in horror as he stared at his friend, who apparently wanted to feed him to her glove.
"Hey! Senketsu! Calm down, it'll be fine! Once the Seki Tekkō absorbs you you'll become a part of it and it should let you stick with me no matter what. It'll work, I know it. I spent the last few Loops studying with Dad. I'm also going to add a Henshin mode that I picked up in the Kamin Rider Loops."
"Are-are you sure its safe?"
Ryūko nodded confidently. "No problem. And if it doesn't you can beat me up the next time you're Awake, deal?"
Senketsu considered this. On the one hand, he really didn't want to find out what it felt like to have his Life Fibers absorbed. But on the other, he had seen how withdrawn Ryūko tended to get after a string of Loops with no one else Awake. It would be nice to be able to help his first friend.
"...Alright. But if this doesn't work, you agree to leave it alone until you get someone to help you with it."
"You got it."
Huddled under his blankets, Matarō opened one of his eyes. "Hey sis, she's talking to her uniform again!" he protested in a whisper.
Without opening her own eyes Mako smiled as she responded. "Its fine."
7.2 - (KrisOverstreet)
Haruhi Suzumiya/[Star Wars]
That Loop there were more pings than I could account for. Yuki, Asahina, and Koizumi all sent text messages. Haruhi, being even more energetic than any of them, actually called one minute after the usual 4:38 AM start of the Loop and spent over an hour blathering about the prospect of visiting Loopers. For the first time the SOS Brigade was going to play host to people from a whole other universe. I said maybe fifty words total in that whole conversation, all variants on Please let me sleep. Of course Haruhi disregarded them all.
Sure enough, there was a new faculty member on the stage during the first assembly of the school year. I was too far back to recognize him, but the light brown hair and thick beard marked him as a Westerner, probably an American of some sort.
Then we reported to our homeroom classes, where one of the minor annoyances of my life, Taniguchi failed to appear. In his desk at the front of the row sat another Westerner, bright blond hair trimmed to a buzzcut except for a tiny braided lock dangling from his right temple.
"From Cibola High School, Yuma, Arizona, in the United States, Anakin Skywalker," he said when it came his turn to stand.
I couldn't suppress a grunt. My Loop memories said nothing about Star Wars this time around, but in baseline I'd seen all the movies, even the bad ones, at least once. If you were a child on Earth at that time, you knew about Star Wars.
Behind me I heard Haruhi gasp. I didn't need to turn and look; I already knew what the wide-eyed excited smile on Haruhi's face looked like. I'd learned to dread it. And now, so would someone else.
"My interests are swordfighting and repairing things. I'm looking forward to a quiet three years to learn and expand my horizons in your beautiful country. Thank you."
A moment later it came my turn to speak, and as usual I gave my proper name. "My friends, despite my wishes, insist on calling me Kyon. My main interest is in keeping my sanity in the coming three years, despite the efforts of the girl behind me. If you are an alien, time traveler, or esper, give up hope now, because she will find you."
"Kyon! Don't say idiotic things like that!"
I don't fight the inevitable, but there's nothing that says I can't give others fair warning.
"Hmph!" As I sat down, Haruhi stood up. "From East Middle School, Haruhi Suzumiya. I have no interest in ordinary humans. For extraordinary humans I plan to form a club to seek out the mysteries of the universe and have fun with them! I'm especially seeking out quiet intelligent types, people who feel emotions deeply, and mysterious transfer students! Especially people who are all three!"
Skywalker turned in his seat to look back at Haruhi. To his credit, he was the last student in the class besides me who wasn't staring in complete shock at Haruhi. On the other hand, his face was definitely the most disbelieving.
I clapped my hands twice and sent up a silent prayer. Rest in peace, Anakin Skywalker. Your life ended the moment you were seen by Haruhi Suzumiya...
For once the first lunch bell of the Loop did not coincide with Haruhi's freakishly strong grip on my arm and a pell-mell rush down the hallway towards the old school building and the club rooms. Instead she left me to trail along behind as she tried to haul Skywalker out the classroom door and along the usual path.
"Hey! Leggo! What are you doing?"
Did I look that surprised and disoriented the first time Haruhi Suzumiya, frustrated with not finding an extraordinary club in the school, took the notion to make her own? Was I that helpless? Did the other students, even that creepy Asakura, give me the same pitying looks?
Only a handful of other students were in the hallway of the main building, and all of them had vanished by the time we got to the walkway to the old building. Skywalker didn't stop protesting the entire way.
"Why are you doing this? HOW are you doing this? I'm thirty centimeters taller than you at least!"
Up the stairs they went, with me following along behind.
"Look, if you don't cut it out I'm going to start getting upset! Bad things happen when I get up set! There are whole planets that can tell you how that ends up!"
Haruhi never answered, never said a word, just kept leading on until we came to the door of the literature club. Haruhi grabbed the knob, opened the door, and practically hurled Skywalker inside, dashing in behind him and leaving me to close the door behind me. It was that simple. But then, for Haruhi the impossible was always simple. It was the simple things that she found impossible.
Nagato, the ever-present sole member of the literature club, looked up from her book. I could just see the title: The Hero of a Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell. Somehow she had known. Sitting in another corner, Asahina, the adorable, helpless second-year student, squirmed in another folding chair. "Ah, my older self- ahh!" Her eyes widened as she realized Haruhi wasn't the first person through the door. "Kyon-kun, who is this?"
Just as Skywalker was recovering his balance, Haruhi stood next to him and gestured in much the same way a game show hostess might point at some wonderful prize. "Starting from this day, Darth Vader is a member of the SOS Brigade!" she proclaimed.
"Whaaaaat?" Anakin Skywalker's eyes bulged. "What the hell are you talking about? Aren't you even going to ask?"
Save your breath. Nobody joins the SOS Brigade. We all get drafted.
"Ah, who's Darth Vader?" Asahina didn't seem to understand. Apparently the Star Wars movies hadn't survived until whatever future year she came from. I need to find some way to get her to a movie theater without Suzumiya thinking it's a date or anything like that. Or maybe I can talk her into making it a brigade activity.
"I prefer the name Anakin Skywalker," the Looping exchange student said firmly. "And if I join any club it's going to be the kendo club, just so I can spend every afternoon yanking Ben Kenobi's chain."
"Obi-Wan's here too?" Haruhi gasped.
"Science teacher," Nagato murmured, returning her attention to her book. "Homeroom 1-9."
"So Koizumi will have him for homeroom when he transfers! Excellent!" Haruhi began pacing up and down the club room. "Finally, a loop where we'll have a friendly faculty member to sponsor the SOS Brigade! This time we'll make the administration recognize us as a legitimate club! No more looking down on-" She stopped as she noticed Skywalker's hand on the doorknob. "Where are you going? I didn't say you could leave!"
"I told you, I'm not doing this," Skywalker insisted. "You're really beginning to annoy me. So unless you give me a good reason to-"
One moment Haruhi's hand was empty. The next it had a thing about as long as a Setsubun lucky sushi roll in her hand. Her thumb moved, and it hissed. A bright red bar of light extended from it.
Despite the added light source, the end of the room where Anakin stood suddenly seemed a little darker. "Where did you get that?" he growled.
That's enough of that. Someone has to stop this from getting any worse. The club room might get damaged, and then where will Asahina brew her tea?
"But it's just starting to get fun!" Haruhi protested huffily.
Remember the movie, Haruhi. There are limits, and you're about to hit them.
"Why do I keep you around, anyway?"
To lift your heavy bags, to clean up after your messes, and to apologize for you when you're being a monster, I didn't say. From the look in her eyes, though, she heard it all the same.
"Whatever!" she snapped. "Kyon, take our new member and explain the SOS Brigade to him. The rest of us need to make plans!"
Good grief. Well, whatever. You owe us each a lunch for this.
"Since when does the brigade chief pay penalties?"
Since the brigade chief is hosting guests. Or had you forgotten courtesy?
"Oh." Finally, at long last, something got through her enthusiasm. "Well." Getting through her pride was another matter. Anyone expecting an apology from her would have better luck waiting for Mt. Fuji to walk into the Inland Sea. "If I do make you lunches, it'll be because I felt like it, that's all! Now go straighten our new member out!"
"What is with her?" Skywalker asked as I closed the clubroom door behind us. "Is she insane or something?"
Oh, where to begin with a question like that? First, it's obvious we know about your home world.
"No kidding. I've met other Looper fans of mine. They tend not to be so demanding." Skywalker hesitated a moment before adding, "Well, the non-creepy ones, anyway. And where did she get that lightsaber? She didn't pull it from a subspace pocket. I could feel the Force change suddenly when it appeared. It was like the world changed to include that lightsaber."
Well, that'll save some explanations.
"What? How?"
Or maybe not. It'd help if you'd ever visited Japan before in your Loops.
"I did. I had a wonderfully relaxing Loop here some time ago as a tourist. Saw all the sights, spent a lot of time in temples. It was very refreshing."
Oh? Did you ever go into the manga shops, then?
"Only once or twice. I wanted to see what your manga artists did with my world's stories."
That, and nothing else?
"Well... and to try out some new giant robot mangas I hadn't heard of before. Does the SOS Brigade have a giant robot?"
I had the horrible thought of the SOS Brigade piloting GoLion or something and shuddered. Haruhi in command of a giant robot team is something which should never happen. Of course, this being Haruhi and these being the Loops, it's probably inevitable.
Anyway, forget mangas for now, or light novels, or anime or radio plays or anything like that. Let's just stick to here and now. The world didn't change to create that lightsaber. Haruhi changed the world to do it.
"What?"
I explained, there in the empty hallway with as few words as possible, the original baseline run of our world: Haruhi Suzumiya as an unconscious god-or-something, Nagato, Asahina and the yet-to-appear Koizumi as representatives of various supernatural factions- yes, an alien, a time traveler, and an esper- sent to observe Suzumiya- and myself, an innocent student swept up in the insanity. I didn't mention other agents from those factions- especially not Asakura. Let him find out about her for himself.
"So Haruhi's a reality warper, but she doesn't know it? Then how did she create that lightsaber?"
Baseline Haruhi doesn't know, and the rest of the Brigade works hard to keep her from finding out. But the Loops made that impossible the first time Haruhi visited a world where ours was published fiction- like your prior trip to Japan. So now she knows, and she has partial control over it.
"That's... disturbing." Skywalker leaned against the hallway wall and kicked one heel against his other toe. "How powerful are we talking about, exactly? Closer to Discord or Q?"
Our Admin says her subconscious managed to activate our Loop from the inside.
"That's impossible."
It is now, or so I'm told.
"How could your Loop survive?"
As far as I can tell, because she really wants it to survive. The only reason she doesn't Ascend right now is, she doesn't think it would be any fun.
"Yeaaah, no. I'm not buying any of this." Skywalker pushed himself away from the wall. "And I'm not playing along with it, either. If you think it's your job to keep a spoiled baby god entertained, fine, but leave me out of it. My home Loop is irritating enough, and I intend to enjoy this vacation, all right?"
Believe me, I wish you could.
I watched him walk way, thinking that the only thing Skywalker's resistance would do is wear his nerves out even faster. Once Haruhi really makes up her mind, one way or another, what she wants happens…
-x-x-x-x-
It took about a month for Koizumi to arrange to transfer to North High this time. That was a bit slower than usual for him when Awake; usually the Agency could arrange it in a matter of days. Koizumi offered a detailed explanation, but I didn't want to hear it, and thankfully neither did Haruhi. That's one thing we agree on; neither of us wants any more to do with bureaucracy than we have to, even second-hand. Anyway, that delay was probably half the reason her campaign to forcibly recruit Anakin Skywalker into the SOS Brigade didn't begin immediately.
The other half of her delay came because of her first-day introduction. Despite her reputation from middle school, and despite her complete lack of interest in what other people thought of her, Haruhi still drew people like a magnet. By the end of the second day of classes everyone had heard through her former schoolmates that she was a genuine genius, both academic and athletic, the One and Only. Even as eccentric as she was, people still wanted to be around her at that point, either to recruit her into their own "strange and interesting" clubs, or simply to be part of the group of "intelligent and sensitive" people Haruhi had said, on that first day, she wanted to seek out.
It took, coincidentally, about a month for North High, as a whole, to give up on Haruhi and to file her as hopelessly insane. Even then there were exceptions. Ryoko Asakura, of all people, defended Haruhi as an exceptional human being who would, one day, accomplish great things. (When other students tried to petition Haruhi to take her into the SOS Brigade she withdrew herself, saying, "I'm not the person Suzumiya is looking for." Touching, how well Asakura obeys orders from the Data Overmind.) Taniguchi, by whining to anybody and everybody about Haruhi's revolving-door dating scene in middle school, actually made people feel a bit sorry for her. (Take your medicine, Mr. Five Minute Man.) And the computer club didn't have to be blackmailed this time- they actually volunteered a computer to the literary club and, to a man, pledged their loyalty to the SOS Brigade. (I managed to talk Haruhi into accepting, not that anyone appreciated the effort.)
Come to think of it, I think Koizumi mentioned the unusual number of closed-space incidents as being a reason for his delay. Considering how annoyed Haruhi was by all the interruptions, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. Work hard, Koizumi, because every self-important social climber in North High who bugs Haruhi is another Celestial for you and your esper friends to defeat.
Eventually Haruhi had managed to arrange the SOS Brigade to her satisfaction- Nagato's one-member literature club, the computer society, and a few people like Tsuruya and Kunikida who Haruhi just couldn't justify blocking from membership. She made it clear the SOS Brigade had an inner circle- the five of us from baseline, of course- and that even I, "Brigade Leader's Flunky #1," was owed obedience and loyalty from all members not part of the inner circle. When Koizumi arrived, and when Haruhi dropped him into his pre-reserved title of first lieutenant, the outer circle didn't even blink. Haruhi was Haruhi, and you either liked it or you didn't.
As I said, that took about a month. Golden Week was behind us by the time Haruhi dragged a large footlocker into the club room and declared, "Today we're taking back our own from the kendo club!"
The pronouncement brought half a minute of guffaws from Tsuruya. While most of the outer circle didn't have a clue what she was talking about, Tsuruya... well, she's a genius. She hadn't been there to see Skywalker get dragged out of classroom 1-5 at lunchtime on the first day, but she'd heard, and she'd remembered. She's almost as much a genius as Haruhi, though she acts silly enough that sometimes you forget. "So Haru-nyan's going after Anakins, is she?" she grinned. "Do we get to watch? Sounds like it'll be lots of fun, nyoro!"
(Tsuruya only talks that childishly when she's really amused... which means she does it quite a lot, come to think of it. Tsuruya in any Loop is a carefree, happy girl.)
Haruhi didn't answer Tsuruya at first. She pulled out one bundle of clothing after another from the footlocker and tossed them at us- me first, then Nagato, then Asahina, then Koizumi. The last bundle she kept for herself- a rainbow-splattered SOS Brigade keiko-gi with matching hakama. My bundle turned out to be the same, as did Nagato's. Asahina, on the other hand, got what was basically a geisha outfit, and Koizumi the elaborate robes of a feudal lord or Imperial courtier.
"Girls dress in here, boys in the computer room!" Haruhi decreed. "Tsuruya, we'll need your help in getting Asahina's kimono on." When the outer-circle members just stood and stared, she added, "We're challenging the kendo club to a duel! We have to dress the part, right? So if you're not helping dress, get out!"
Most of the outer-circle members scattered, but half of them- including the computer society president- returned wearing oendan jackets. As if is was a sports day event! So, is the SOS Brigade the white team, and the kendo club the red? (The computer society president had added a hachimaki head-wrap. It reminded me that I needed to remind Haruhi that she hadn't "created" the SOS Brigade logo yet this Loop. The president, the walking talking billboard for Stockholm syndrome this Loop, would doubtless have had a happi made with the logo instead of his family crest...)
Koizumi knew his way around his formal wear, so he and I were waiting in the hall when the three girls emerged. Nagato had supplemented her keiko-gi with a belt of hanafuda. Did Yuki feel like a warrior priestess? I didn't ask, but as the SOS Brigade marched for the gym where the kendo club was practicing, we of the inner circle clustered together, allowing me to whisper, "I don't know the first thing about swordfighting!"
"I still can't believe you were too lazy to learn in that Warring States Loop!" Haruhi whispered back severely.
I'd been a minor court lackey that Loop, not entitled to carry the sword and even less interested in trying. But for Haruhi that was no excuse.
"Lucky for you Yuki's Awake," she whispered. "She's going to do the baseball bat trick with a practice-sword. That should be enough for you to at least make a good showing."
"Adaptive homing mode," Nagato agreed.
I never even thought of trying to stop the parade. The best way to deal with Haruhi, even an Awake one who knows about her own power, is to avoid direct confrontation as much as possible. Try to stand like a brick wall, and you'll find out what it's like to meet a wrecking ball swung from a Sherman tank.
I confess it was entertaining to see the sparring matches come to an end as the SOS Brigade filed into the kendo club's dojo. Even through the armor and masks anybody could see the confusion and surprise of the members... well, all but two. The faculty sponsor, Mr. Kenobi, and our designated target, Anakin Skywalker, had been watching the door when we stepped through it. It's hard to surprise people who come from a galaxy far, far away.
Haruhi didn't spare a glance for the dumbfounded kendo club members. While the inner circle followed her and the outer circle spread around the edge of the room, she shouted, "The SOS Brigade hereby challenges the Kendo Club for the membership of Anakin Skywalker!"
"What? Don't I get a say in this?" Skywalker asked. His voice was light, but those eyes, even flickering at me for half a second, drilled straight through.
"Of course not!" Haruhi retorted. "Your rightful place is with the SOS Brigade, and I'm not going to let the kendo club waste any more of your time!"
Those piercing eyes narrowed. Afterwards, comparing notes with Kenobi, I learned that Skywalker had a lot of hot-button issues, and right at the top of the list was treating people as property. Haruhi didn't know it, but she'd just made sure that he'd never join the SOS Brigade voluntarily.
"Miss Suzumiya," Kenobi said quietly, "the kendo club does not barter its members like used comic books. Your presence disturbs the peace of this dojo. Please take your followers and depart."
Well said. I concurred one hundred percent, especially since it would save me some lumps from one or another of the kendo club, "adaptive homing mode" or not.
"So the kendo club turns its back on a duel of honor?" Haruhi retorted.
Kenobi would probably have done just that, given his preferences. So would Skywalker, no matter how much he personally wanted to wipe Haruhi's self-confident grin from her face. But the rest of the club looked... uncertain. Uncomfortable.
And then one still in full armor stepped forward, raising her face mask to say, "What are your terms?"
It was Asakura. Of course the knife-obsessed alien would be part of the kendo club.
"Best two of three matches," Haruhi replied. "Each match, best two out of three strikes. Itsuki Koizumi and any two kendo club members to judge."
Asakura smiled that vicious little smile that never failed to terrify me. "For my part, those terms are acceptable," she said. "I claim the honor of the first match."
Nagato took a shinai from the rack. "I shall be your opponent," she said.
"It seems foreordained," Asakura said, her smile becoming a bit less vicious and more... wistful? Asakura knew about the Loops through the Data Overmind, which shared all Nagato's memories from prior Loops. She also knew how she ended up- deactivated, put "on standby mode" by the Data Overmind, essentially ceasing to exist until needed for special tasks... always by Nagato's action.
Kenobi shook his head. "So be it," he said. "Armor for Ms. Nagato, please."
I still wonder if any of the normal humans could feel the tension in the room. Koizumi told me he could sense it, in much the same way he could sense Haruhi's moods. To me it seemed like two vast powers, bitter rivals since time began, had clothed themselves in toddler's clothes and decided to play war in a sandbox. It certainly didn't look like much. For half a minute neither girl moved. Then, each time, Asakura would shout a kiai, lunge forward with incredible speed, and...
... the first time, scored an unopposed point on Nagato's left chest. Yuki never even moved.
The second time, Nagato blocked the blow to her head with an upswing so swift it knocked Asakura's shinai out of her hand, leaving her defenseless to Nagato's tap against the side of her head.
The third time Asakura lunged for a stabbing blow, and Nagato spun round in a move I've seen more in swashbuckling movies than in kendo. Asakura's blade slid past Nagato's, leaving the class 1-5 president open for the quick slap to the ribs Nagato administered in passing.
Just like that- one, two, three- it was over.
"Great job, Yuki!" Haruhi shouted, slapping the alien on her back, ignoring the padded armor. "Take a break, you've earned it!" She shoved me forward and said, "Get your armor on, Kyon! You're next!"
"Is he?" Asakura's mask was still on, but I could see that smile. "I would be greatly honored to test his skills."
"No thank you." Skywalker was pulling on his armor. "I claim the right to fight for my own destiny."
Asakura bowed meekly and stepped back from the crease.
As a spectator watching Nagato and Asakura face off, the tension had been incredible, even to an ordinary person like myself. Being in the center of it, being a direct part of it, added another zero to the energy level. From where I stood the taller, more athletic Skywalker towered over me like a suffocating shadow. Meanwhile, the shinai in my hand felt like... well, like a bamboo sword. During the baseball tournament the magic bat never felt any different whether Nagato had "homing mode" turned on or off, not until you discovered that it was swinging you, rather than you it.
But when I compared notes with Kenobi afterwards, he told me that the sword looked like someone had used the Force to make a bow knot that was also a Moebius strip and a Klein bottle at the same time. For him and Skywalker, the thing was hard to even look at- just as unsettling to them as Skywalker was to me. Maybe that should make me feel better, but all I can think is: Jedi Knight or Sith Lord, either way, Nagato scares them half to death.
There was no thirty-second pause before action in this fight. The instant the referees dropped their flags Anakin was on the charge, shouting again and again, swinging his shinai back and forth and overhead, simply overwhelming my defenses. Adaptive homing mode only lasted five seconds before the two kendo club referees raised their flags to award first point. I didn't even notice the blow until I saw Skywalker's shinai pressed against my right side, tucked under my own sword.
After that it was a bit more even, but please don't ask me to explain what happened. My arms, and even once or twice my whole body, moved by themselves, faster than I could even think. Anakin shouted, and I may have shouted too, once or twice, definitely not screams. I remember two distinct times when one or the other of the kendo club's referees raised a flag to award me a point, but the other referee didn't agree. Neither did Koizumi, the traitor.
And then, after more time than I care to think about, Kenobi shouted, "TIME! Winner: Skywalker!"
"What?" Haruhi charged forward. "You can't just end the match like that!"
"This match has already gone longer than tournament rules permit," Kenobi replied calmly. "Skywalker has one undisputed point. Your team member has none. Therefore Skywalker wins."
Fine by me. The shinai clattered out of my numb, shaking hands onto the floor, which got me dirty looks from the entire kendo club. Good grief, it's not my club, and it's not my traditions of respect for even practice weapons. If you banned me from your dojo, I'd be as happy as you people.
"Terribly sorry," Koizumi whispered in my ear as he helped me take off the armor. "But the blades were going so fast I simply couldn't see the blows to count them. And I think you'll agree that, since we are the visiting team here, we must be absolutely honest and above-board? With, that is, the exception of the baseball bat?"
I wanted to say something back, but he was using my own frequent line of argument against me, so all I could do was growl at him as I sat on a bench.
"So," Skywalker said, facing Haruhi, "who will face me for the deciding match?"
"Well," Haruhi said, that arrogant smirk back on her face, "it falls to the master to make up for the apprentice's failings! I shall be your opponent!"
Since when have you taught me anything?
Haruhi picked up my shinai from the floor, and instantly both Kenobi and Skywalker took a step back. I could imagine what was going on in their minds that moment, and what little they told me afterwards confirmed it. The instant her hand touched the practice sword, Nagato's power left it, and it was an ordinary shinai again. But at that same moment Haruhi's power flared, strong enough that Koizumi's eternal pleasant smile slipped for several seconds. In that moment the two visiting Loopers were looking at what must have seemed like the Dark Side incarnate; unlimited cosmic power focused by indomitable will to a single purpose, namely sending to the floor anyone fool enough to face that will in the crease.
As Skywalker put it later: "When the Force is against a Jedi, the Jedi must either bow to its will or fall. And in this case, the Force was in the hands of a teenage girl and telling me, in so many words, 'Prepare to get your butt whipped.'"
What he actually said at the time, with a broader smile than he ought to have used, was: "Oh, well, if it's a case of master after apprentice, then you should fight my teacher instead. Isn't that right... Master Kenobi?"
Kenobi had looked pretty grim from the moment we'd entered, but now he looked absolutely stern. Every member of the kendo club had their eyes glued on him. "We will discuss this when we get home, Anakin," he growled, surrendering to the inevitable.
"I'm sure we will, Master," Skywalker said, still grinning. "Could the match wait long enough for someone to make popcorn?"
The following Saturday found us at that cafe across from the train station in the shopping district. I was feeling smug; Skywalker had arrived two minutes after me, and so for once I wouldn't be the one paying for everyone's drinks and meals.
"This is definitely not an excuse for you to have fun and goof off!" Haruhi said sternly over her coffee. "The boys will take the park, we girls will take the shopping district. If anyone sees something strange and unusual, report to the others at once so we can investigate!"
We've done this a thousand times, Haruhi. We're not going to find anything stranger than the six people sitting in this booth.
"This could be a variant Loop, and we haven't discovered the change yet!" Haruhi insisted. "Or there could be a stealth Looper like the ones that unicorn friend of yours told you about! And it's part of the SOS Brigade Executive Committee's duties to seek out the strange and unusual and to play with them!"
Yeah, yeah, good grief.
Haruhi's cel phone rang. She held it up, looked at it, and then looked across the table to Nagato, who held her own phone up with one hand while pointing at Skywalker with the other.
"You know what I meant, Yuki," she grumbled. "Strange and unusual... besides the six of us. We can explore our own weirdness at school during club time!"
"Why am I here again?" Skywalker sighed.
Because if you try to get away, she'll find some other way to bring you back. It's how this world works.
"I don't think I'm going to like this world," Skywalker murmured.
"That's all!" Haruhi, ignoring our quiet exchange, stood up from the booth. "Kyon, this is Skywalker's first patrol, and besides we should show courtesy to our guests, right? So you're paying in his place!"
"Er, that's all right," Skywalker said, "I don't mind-"
No, no, let me. Some fates you just can't escape, and an empty wallet in my pocket is definitely one of those.
-x-x-x-x-
"Why are we driving to Kobe?" Anakin Skywalker leaned up from the taxi's back seat to question Koizumi, who had been forced to sit beside Arakawa this time. The cab simply wasn't large enough for three people in the back when one of them was a tall, broad-shouldered blonde Jedi Master turned exchange student from the United States.
"The thing we wish to show you is there," Koizumi replied. "I thought it might help motivate you to be a little less confrontational with Haruhi."
Yeah, that. Besides, confronting Haruhi is my job. Second bananas need not apply.
"You know perfectly well I'm only going along with your little club under protest," Skywalker complained. "Is this about my refusing to train Mikuru in lightsaber dueling? Believe me, if there's a human less attuned to the Force than Mikuru Asahina, I've yet to meet him."
"That does have something to do with it," Koizumi said agreeably, "but I think today's little adventure was prompted by your declaration of refusal to take the SOS Brigade to Tranquility Base. You really shouldn't have mentioned those shuttlecraft in your subspace pocket."
"I am not a piece of playground equipment for a spoiled demigoddess!" Skywalker insisted. "Why doesn't she just take you to the moon herself, if she's all this powerful?"
"Haruhi's control over her abilities is... rudimentary," Koizumi said with careful consideration. "Little things like creating that lightsaber take a lot of practice. Mostly her power does things according to her subconscious wishes."
"So what?" Skywalker asked. "She wakes up one morning and there's a spaceship in her driveway?"
Koizumi winced. "Never so straightforward," he said, "and often not so... constructive. Have you any idea what lurks repressed in the dark corners of a person's mind?"
Skywalker slumped back in the car seat. For a moment the shadows across his face seemed to form the image of a very familiar mask. "I've got a mild notion, yes."
"Ah, of course. Pardon my presumption."
I felt a bit of sympathy for Skywalker. I've been on the receiving end of Koizumi's smarmy play-acting for longer than I care to think about closely. I had to admit, though, that my point of view was closer to the esper's than to the Jedi's. I knew what we were going to look at, and the gentle reminder of Skywalker's darker nature was probably a good step towards preparing him for it.
So long as he didn't push Skywalker into going full Vader on us. I like my limbs where they are, thank you, and my larynx doesn't need any downward size adjustment.
As we left the expressway for the city streets of downtown Kobe, Skywalker shifted in his seat. "I sense something," he said. "That... that's really strange."
"Oh, do you?" Koizumi looked back from his seat, and this time his fake-cheerful smile was mostly absent. "It may interest you to know that I sense the same thing. And you're right, it is most strange indeed." Looking more serious and thoughtful than usual, he said, "It may be worth an experiment, if you'd be so kind as to cooperate. I promise you this is not for my entertainment. This may seriously affect you."
I could tell Skywalker was barely even listening. "The feeling's getting stronger," he said. He pointed a finger. "It's coming from that direction. What is it?"
"It is easier to show you than to explain it," Koizumi said.
"Better to say," I said, "it's easier to understand the explanation once you've seen it. Which doesn't mean you'll understand it at all. It still surprises me sometimes."
The cab stopped, letting us off at the curb half a block down from an all too familiar intersection near the center of Kobe's downtown district. "This way," Koizumi said, leading us to the crosswalk, where we waited for the signal.
"Now, here's the experiment," Koizumi said. "When the walk signal lights up, start across the crosswalk, close your eyes, and head towards the center of the disturbance. Concentrate on moving towards the disturbance. I'll be right behind you, bringing Kyon along. He can't get where we're going without an invitation, you might say."
I might say, keep your lame efforts at humor to yourself. Otherwise I might slap you in the gut and say, "Gimme a break!"
Anakin, his face a mixture of worry and curiosity, silently nodded. The moment the crosswalk sign changed, his foot hit the pavement. His eyes closed, and he kept walking forward, allowing the normal people in the crosswalk to part around him like waves around a boat.
"It's time," Koizumi said, grasping my hand and pulling me after Skywalker. "Close your eyes."
I didn't get to see Skywalker make the transition, but when Koizumi told me to open my eyes he was there in front of us. We were the only three humans in sight, when a moment before the crosswalks had been crowded with hundreds of people. The afternoon sky had been replaced by a solid, featureless steel gray.
"What is this?" Skywalker asked.
"Welcome to closed space," Koizumi said. "You didn't believe Kyon when he tried to tell you about Haruhi's power. So we brought you here to see direct proof. Now follow me, please, and quickly. I'll try to explain on the way up."
I'm used to long climbs, thanks to that monster hill between the train station and North High, but nothing will get me to enjoy the climb up all those flights of stairs to the roof of that office building. For Koizumi and Skywalker, of course, it wasn't any effort at all, and those two were able to keep up a conversation even as I trailed behind.
"Are you trying to tell me," Skywalker said as we climbed out the roof access door, "that Suzumiya is powerful enough to create an entire universe every time she gets pissed off?"
"Not exactly," Koizumi said. "Closed space might be considered, from one interpretation, as a universe in embryo. If allowed to expand it would eventually destroy and replace the existing universe. But generally speaking closed space only arises when Haruhi is feeling frustrated with the world. Simple anger or boredom don't trigger the effect."
"You're quibbling over details. Does Haruhi intend to remake the universe right now?"
"Almost certainly not. This is the method her subconscious mind uses to let off some steam. My colleagues and I, the espers of this world, were granted our powers by Suzumiya specifically to keep closed space in check."
"I don't get it, though," Skywalker said. "So all of a sudden the sky's gray and all the people are gone. Big deal. What's destructive about this?"
"That," Koizumi said, pointing to a spot half a kilometer off, where what looked like a patch of night sky was taking humanoid form.
"That is a Celestial," Koizumi said. "Or at any rate that's what my organization calls them. Watch."
I'd seen this show before. I'd seen Celestials that moped. I'd seen Celestials save lives. I'd even seen Celestials dancing to immense taiko drums crafted from half-destroyed buildings. Most of the time, however, Celestials smashed things, and this was no different. One glowing star-speckled limb slammed into a twelve-story building, tearing off a large chunk from one corner.
"It's rather like taking one's frustrations out on a punching bag," Koizumi said. "Except the scale is, I admit, rather larger than usual."
"You've got to be kidding," Skywalker groaned. "You were telling me the truth. Your universe could be destroyed at any moment because of a teenage girl's... hissy fit!" He threw his hands into the air, shouting, "And this girl is a Looper? And she knows about her powers? Why doesn't she stop doing this? Why does she keep putting your existence in danger?"
"I can explain that," a new voice chirped from behind us.
Out of the stairway access door stepped a short girl, slightly younger than us, wearing a North High school uniform that was about a size too big. Close-cut brown hair held a large smiley-button decoration on the left side of her head. "It's me," she said, one bright eye winking.
"Who are you?" Skywalker asked.
"I told you. Watahashi."
Don't make bad puns, Watahashi. "This is Yasumi Watahashi," I explained. "You can think of her as the incarnation of Haruhi's subconscious. She's everything she doesn't let herself know about."
Anakin made a face of utter disbelief. "Whaaaaat?"
"That's not exactly true," Watahashi said, "but it'll do for now. I'm here to answer your question, Skywalker-san."
"Then I shall leave you to it," Koizumi said. "My colleagues, as ever-"
"No, Koizumi-san," Watahashi said. "Suzumiya has given Skywalker-san the powers of your group. You should help him practice after I'm done."
Skywalker looked about as baffled as I'd ever seen him, before or since. "Could you please just explain what you're all talking about?"
Watahashi grinned. "I'll tell you a little bit of a story," she said. "Imagine a very powerful being, technically able to sense and change anything and everything about the world in which it lived. And that being chose to keep these abilities hidden from itself, because it's more fun that way. And yet, that being still had to be able to take action to prevent certain things from endangering its world, and particularly those it felt affection for, so its powers had to be able to operate without its limited conscious knowledge. Do you follow me so far?"
"I... guess so," Skywalker said doubtfully.
"Now, imagine this being subconsciously looking at itself, at its universe, and noticing something slightly wrong. Time isn't flowing quite right. There seems to be a hiccup here," Watahashi held one hand flat on its side, "and here." Her other hand paralleled the first, measuring out an arbitrary distance between them. "This being has the ability to alter time within its own world, and it knows the signs of a time loop, right? But this one seems to come in out of nowhere and go off to nowhere. And the being doesn't remember anything beyond the current Loop, not at any level of its consciousness." She pointed to me and said, "Kyon knows what I'm talking about here."
Endless summer. It's not just an expression for the SOS Brigade. In baseline it was damn near 600 years, though while Looping we keep it down to a sane five or six months. And it doesn't affect our memory anymore, thankfully.
"So, imagine this being, which has a dim idea of the Loops but no direct knowledge," Watahashi continued. "But that's not the only hint. There are occasional... traces, kind of... it's not the right word, echoes might be closer. The being can't prove that people from other universes have been visiting in each Loop, but it can extrapolate from the echoes. And thus it learns that there are other universes, other people to meet and explore and play with and other fun things.
"But the being's world isn't Looping by itself. It's only activated when someone from outside comes in to visit. So, from the viewpoint of someone outside the being's world, it takes a very, very, very long time for it to figure things out. And then it forgets it all at the end of a Loop, right? But the next time it figures it out faster, because the evidence is just a little bit stronger. And the next time, faster, and the next time, even faster. Eventually it goes from, 'Hm, that looks like a time loop with loose ends, that's funny,' all the way to, 'There's something big and fun outside this world, and I'm not allowed to play,' in less than a day."
I looked up to see half a dozen glowing red balls- other members of Koizumi's Agency- and the Celestial watching and listening to Watahashi's story. I wasn't expecting an audience for this.
"So imagine the being, knowing about this, and looking for a way out. And then, one day, something breaks. I mean, really, really breaks, really badly."
"The Crash," Anakin said. "An entire universe wiped out of existence, even from memory. A lot of other universes badly damaged. And every loop crashed, glitched or frozen until the Admins picked up the pieces."
Watahashi nodded. "And in the confusion, the being finds a tiny crack in the universe, and pokes a bit of itself through to see what's on the other side."
"WHAT?" Anakin rushed forward and grabbed Watahashi by the upper arms, lifting her up to face level. "Are you telling me you ASCENDED? What were you THINKING?"
"Eeeeh, that it'd be fun?" Watahashi said. "The being poked a little bit of itself through. It wasn't that difficult. And it found a system, worked out how to tweak it- again, not that difficult- and set it up so that the tweak would happen the very instant it pulled itself back into its home world."
"But you can't DO that!" Anakin gasped, setting Watahashi back down so he could gesticulate freely. "I've heard what happened to Madoka's world! There is nothing left of it but Homura and that damn bunny cat! If you Ascend to the Admins' level of reality, your home world basically gets destroyed!"
"I'm... not entirely certain about that," Watahashi said. "If Kyon here did that, then yep, that'd be Bad End Game Over for this world. Everything rests on his shoulders. That's a known, definite, absolute fact."
Every word slammed into my shoulders like the weight of the Earth, and I'm certainly no Atlas.
"But if someone who's not the Anchor ascends, then... nobody knows," Watahashi continued. "It hasn't happened, and nobody wants to risk a universe's existence to experiment. But the best case is, if a non-Anchor manages to Ascend, it sheds the shell of its former universe, and maybe- maybe- the eggshell can be reassembled." To illustrate, Watahashi cupped her hands into a ball, opened them with fingers spread wide, and then closed them again into a loose sphere. "But the restored egg would have a hollow spot. That world would go on forever- past, present, future- with the Ascended person never having existed. Maybe they would be replaced, maybe not. Maybe the world would be strong enough to survive..."
Watahashi's hands flattened with a clap, made all the louder by the absolute silence of closed space.
"... maybe not." Watahashi dropped her hands, smiling. "That's too many maybes for the Admins. Or for Suzumiya."
"But... you... Ascended," Skywalker said, hands still gesticulating helplessly.
"In my defense, Suzumiya never completely left this world, and I didn't know the danger before I did it," Watahashi said. "But at the time this world wasn't actively Looping. That made it weaker in some ways, stronger in others, especially when everything broke. I understand things are fixed now, and what I did can't be repeated. Also can't be undone!" she added with a giggle. Then, sobering up, she added, "But that also means that things are different now. If Suzumiya Ascends again, it will be all the way, no partial, no sneaking through a crack, no over-and-back-again. And that's a problem."
Watahashi stepped closer to the edge of the building, gesturing at closed space. "Look at what Suzumiya can do already. Even an unAwake Suzumiya can do this," she said. "She can revive extinct species. She can make flowers bloom and fruit ripen out of season. She can move stars and alter the laws of physics themselves. She can break time as easily as a child cutting and knotting back a piece of string. Now imagine what she could do if she learned how to do it all... deliberately."
Anakin Skywalker, the most feared being in his home universe (if not the most hated), went ghostly white in the face.
"Now add to that any little tricks or epiphanies picked up in the Loops," Watahashi continued. "And then think... how long before she grows too big for the eggshell to hold her?"
Skywalker recovered the power of speech enough to ask, "So that's why she allows this to continue? Because her subconscious mind thinks it's safer for her universe to deny her the knowledge and control she needs to stop herself from destroying the universe herself?"
"That's one answer," Watahashi said. "There's another answer that's equally true."
"What?"
Watahashi grinned and held up a finger next to her nose. "It's more fun to learn to do things the hard way!" With that she jumped backwards off the edge of the building and into open space. Everyone except the motionless Celestial rushed to the edge to look down... except me. I knew exactly what they'd all see, and that's exactly what they did see.
Nothing.
Anakin leaned over the edge and kept staring down long after everyone else had pulled or floated away. "What? How?"
She's an incarnation of her subconscious. You're currently IN her subconscious. Figure it out. Of course she can appear and disappear at will.
Suddenly Watahashi popped into existence again directly behind Skywalker. "Oh, by the way!"
"WHA-HAAA!" Anakin very nearly jumped off the building himself, which likely would have had a much different result from Watahashi's jump. He managed to flop on his back with his shoulders hanging over the edge of the roof.
"I almost forgot to warn you," Watahashi said. "Suzumiya kind of dreams her way through visits to other worlds. She remembers afterwards, but not at the time. So if she visits your world, treat her as if she's not Awake at all, okay? Just a caution!" Waving goodbye, the strange underclassman took a more conventional exit by the roof access door.
"D-does she mean..." Skywalker gasped, looking from the door to me, "does she mean to say that that girl could show up in my universe any Loop, and maybe destroy it... without even knowing she was doing it?"
Memo to self: no matter how much Haruhi enjoys it, talk her out of the Sleeping Beauty incident this Loop, for the sake of our guest's sanity. "To be fair," I pointed out, "there's the same risk if any of the original seven show up."
Koizumi put a hand on Skywalker's shoulder. "And besides, Suzumiya's given you a counter to use against her." He used his free hand to summon up a glowing red ball. "You'd figure this out by instinct anyway- that's how our powers work- but you might as well take advantage of this opportunity to practice."
The Celestial, destined for a very brief existence as practice dummy for training Darth Vader in new esper abilities, stood there, motionless and expressionless. I don't think I'd be so stoic in its place, do you?
On the taxi ride back, Koizumi said, "By the way, it would be for the best if you never mention Watahashi's little story to Haruhi."
"Why not?" Skywalker asked. "Does she not know about her?"
"Oh, she knows, all right," I said. "There's a point in baseline where they meet- don't ask me to explain, it's complicated, and a lot of the time we short-circuit those events anyway. But Watahashi never tells Haruhi anything, so the whole business makes her really cranky."
"And we've just seen what happens when Haruhi gets cranky," Koizumi agreed. "Though cranky isn't the word I'd choose."
Skywalker groaned and put his head in his hands. "How do you people put up with this, Loop after Loop, and stay sane?"
Koizumi considered the point. "It could be argued that we haven't," he admitted. "The SOS Brigade as a whole could be a collection of four cases of extreme Stockholm Syndrome."
"Don't listen to him," I interjected. "We stay sane because, for all the crazy things Haruhi puts us through, there's a lot of fun as well. You wait and see." I sat back and relaxed, glad to finally be in the role of the wise mentor to... well, to anyone at all. "The first couple of months are always the worst... well, except for November, but that's not a problem when Haruhi's Awake. And we have our own little Loop within this one, that we completely control."
Memo to self #2: explain to Haruhi that this Loop's endless summer itinerary needs to be set by Skywalker. Two weeks of summer in any location in Japan he cares to go? Or possibly anywhere, full stop? Can Koizumi pull enough strings to get us all international plane tickets each time the summer resets? Need to get the inner circle together and hash this out.
"Oh, hells," Skywalker moaned. "I just realized something." He brought a hand up to rub his forehead. "Never mind Suzumiya... think how cranky Obi-Wan will be when I tell him about all this!"
Being the wise mentor here, I acted wisely by leaving that problem entirely to Anakin Skywalker to solve. Not my business at all.
The rest of that Loop, I'm sorry to say, was a bit of a flop from my point of view. Oh, we all had fun, and even Anakin enjoyed some features. For example, this year we had enough people for a proper nine-man baseball team without using Asahina or my little sister. Thanks to a change in seeding we didn't meet the Pirates in the first round, so we actually advanced to the second round without cheating. Also, Skywalker figured out both the murder mysteries almost instantly, which led Koizumi to accuse me of dealing in spoilers. We avoided the Disappearance and the anti-SOS Brigade, though I did make sure to introduce Skywalker to Sasaki as sort of a Haruhi antidote.
But our visiting intergalactic Looper never became comfortable with Haruhi Suzumiya. Never. He played along with her whims (though the moon trip was out, because he had shuttlecraft but no spacesuits for anyone besides himself), but whenever she wasn't looking I could catch him regarding her with fear and suspicion.
One day well into second year, not long before we would expect a possible ending if the Loop ran short, I asked Anakin what he was staring at.
"In a way, myself," he said, "magnified a thousand times. You don't sense the Force at all, so you don't feel it."
Thank the Admins for little favors.
"If the sense were sight, it'd be like staring into two arc lamps at once," he continued, "except that one glows black. There's so much selfishness, and also so much love, in that one little figure. In my world she could be the greatest Jedi or Sith of all time... even before we talk about eggshell issues." That was how he referred to Suzumiya's powers- "eggshell issues."
"If you ever visit my world when I'm Awake," Skywalker finished, "don't even bother talking to me, because I'm going to run and run and never look back. Let my son deal with it- he's better at that sort of thing anyway."
And now you know why Haruhi is the only Looper Darth Vader actually fears that he doesn't put a bounty on in his home Loop. Not because he feels any sympathy for the SOS Brigade leader, but because he fears what she might do if any bounty hunter were unfortunate enough to try to claim it…
7.3 - (Firehawk242)
[Winx Club/Girls und Panzer]
"So we're supposed to drive tanks and blow each other up," Techna summed up.
"Yes," Miho said.
"And this is considered feminine."
"Yes."
"Are there limits to what you can use?" Techna asked.
"Yes," Miho said. "They vary by loop, but you can find them in the rulebook. Why?"
"I like to tinker," Techna said with a grin.
"I imagine they will change the rules to forbid this in the future," Miho said.
"Probably," Techna said. "Now hold us steady, I need to finish them off."
BOOM
The main turret of the tank they shared fired, a magnetically accelerated forty kilogram steel-jacketed slug tearing across the landscape at twelve hundred meters per second, taking out the final enemy tank.
"And that's game," Techna said.
"Yes," Miho said. "Tea?"
7.1 – Being Anchor is a lonely gig. Company would be nice.
7.2 – Haruhi is terrifying when you really think about it. Darth Vader knows that all too well.
7.3 – Magical techno fairies take all the sport out of shooting tank-rifles at each other.