AN:
Okay, so this chapter isn't actually part of the official story. Like I said before, I wanted to include some AU stuff (like that thing with Shisui and Britannia Angel). Hope you enjoy this :)
...
AU - An American in Konoha (or, the one where America is reborn into the Naruto world, and England is in deep, deep denial).
It starts with his brother's first words.
England is sitting with little Sasuke, who, in his opinion, is the best thing ever. His brother's birth is undoubtedly the highlight of his new existence. England watches Sasuke, and Sasuke watches him with those adorable big eyes of him.
"Okay then," England says, leaning forward eagerly. "Say big brother."
Sasuke gives him a toothy grin, and says, "I hee."
England sighs dejectedly. Those strange noises seem to be the only sounds his brother can manage, and as hard as he'd tried to find a way to make them sound like 'big brother' ("h was only six letters after 'b', so perhaps his brother really meant bee, as in 'bee-rother'…), he'd soon realised that these ridiculous lines of thought were above him, and had returned to his mission.
Sasuke's first words would be big brother.
And then, eventually, those babyish sounds transform into something else. And it certainly isn't "big brother."
"I hee."
"I th hee."
"I tha hee."
And then, finally, words that strike deep into England's soul, and would have sent him spiraling into a deep depression/nightmare filled existence (probably accompanied by plenty of drunken nights) had he not immediately gone into denial, and pretended that he'd never heard them.
"I tha hee-oh."
England's mind immediately fills with images of a blond idiot screaming "I'm the hero!", and with a frozen smile, and glassy eyes, he suggests that he and Sasuke go and get dango.
(He completely forgets that his baby brother can't exactly eat dango yet).
...
Sasuke grows up, and England continues to block those horrific first words from his mind. It goes fairly well at first (despite the dead-eyed look he shoots anyone who so much as mentions the word "hero").
But now that Sasuke is older, he begins to regularly make comments that seem disturbingly familiar. The first time this happens, a four year old Sasuke gazes almost wistfully out the window, and says, "man, I wonder if Tony could come here."
England freezes for a moment, and then decides that 'Tony' is probably just a friend of his brother's, and definitely not a little grey alien. Nope. Definitely not.
Disturbingly familiar comment number 2 goes something like this: "I miss McDonalds so much."
England decides that he must have mentioned McDonalds in one of his nightmares. His father has complained that he talks aloud in his sleep, and that it was unbecoming for the future heir of the Uchiha clan (Fugaku always sounded very unhappy when he mentioned the words "heir" in conjunction with his eldest son).
Then one day Sasuke comes running towards him, dressed in a very familiar brown jacket, and England feels his insides turn to ice.
"Do you like it?" Sasuke turns around, grinning widely. "I never thought I'd find one like my old one, but I did! I had to change it a bit, and add a few things, but — "
England faints.
When he wakes up, Sasuke (not America, not America!) is screaming, "I swear, I didn't mean to kill you!" and shaking England violently. He isn't wearing the jacket anymore, so England decides it was all just a bad dream.
(Of course, the jacket is currently being used as a make-shift pillow, but England doesn't realise that until much later. And even then, denial is bliss).
...
Eventually England can't ignore it any longer.
First, there's the throwaway comment when England mentions Flying Mint Bunny — "Flying Mint Bunny? Iggy used to have an imaginary friend like that!"
(Damn that blasted nickname!).
And then…
"Itachi, that looks like English food! Why are you making English food? We're Japanese, aren't we?"
England, who has just laid a plate of scones out in front of his brother (his mother, for some reason, had always told him to wait until his brother was "old enough to appreciate his scones." England finds that a bit odd, but Mikoto adores his scones, so he supposes that she knows what she's talking about), feels his eye twitch.
"We're from Konoha," he says stiffly, trying to block out the part of his mind that is screaming "he should NOT know what Japan is!"
Sasuke blinks. "What's Konoha?"
England's eye twitches again. "The place we are living in."
"…What really? I thought we were in Japan. They have that really cool ramen stuff there — Japan got some for me once when I was visiting — "
"NO YOU ABSOLUTE IDIOT - NO!"
Sasuke closes his mouth, and stares at him in shock. England takes a few calming breaths, and tries to remind himself that this is his precious little brother, and not the…other one.
"Eat your scones," he says, with forced calm, and leaves the room.
...
One hour, and one panic attack later, he comes to terms with the fact that this is probably America.
(The sight of him standing on tip-toes in the kitchen, putting together something that bore strong resemblance to a hamburger, was also a real eye-opener).
'Fine then,' England decides. So, Sasuke is America. He can live with that. After all, there was a time when America was innocent, sweet, and adored his big brother. England just needs a way to…trap him in that state. Forever.
He can do that.
He smiles, nods, and walks back into the kitchen.
...
That doesn't mean he isn't going to take precautionary measures.
The next time he sees his parents, he smiles his best 'I'm-an-innocent-child-and-not-the-former-personification-of-a-centuries-old-nation' smile, and says, "can I have another little brother?"
Fugaku glares, while Mikoto giggles, and says something about how adorable her son is.
England smiles, pleased with himself, and walks away.
...
Fugaku decides that his second son is loud, annoying, and his insistence about being 'the hero' makes him want to set something on fire.
But. Well. At least this one doesn't talk to invisible flying green bunnies, or try to poison his clan-members, or break into his alcohol stash. His second son is annoying, but his first son is mentally unstable. So, Fugaku supposes it could have been a lot worse.