3 Times Shisui tried to get rid of Itachi's scones (and one time he realised there was really no point in trying).

If asked about the one thing he feared most in the world, Shisui would think for a moment, and then reply, in a firm voice: "The scones."

If the asker had never met Itachi Uchiha, they'd simply feel confused, and think, 'what the hell is a scone?'

(They are the lucky ones).

The ones who did know Itachi Uchiha would pale in horror, and quickly change the topic. Because no one wants to think about Itachi Uchiha's scones (other than Naruto of course, but he was always a strange one).

In Shisui's opinion, most of these people are also the 'lucky ones', because they aren't Itachi's best friend. While he adores his cousin with every fiber of his being…the boy has no idea how deadly his cooking really is.

Shisui fears the scones because he's learnt, over time, that there is simply no getting rid of them.

1. Throwing up

The first time he tries one of Itachi's scones is a few weeks after he first meets his little cousin. Shisui still hasn't gotten used to how absolutely adorable the younger boy is, so when he visits Itachi's house, and the boy offers him one of the seemingly innocent things, he squeals something about how Itachi is the cutest thing ever, and shoves the entire scone into his mouth.

He is too focused on his cousin to notice the horrified look that crosses Fugaku's face, or the look of pity on Mikoto's.

He chews.

Swallows.

And then promptly throws up on his shoes.

There is a moment of silence, in which Shisui gags, and Itachi stares at him in wide-eyed shock and dismay.

Shisui takes one look at his cousin's hurt expression, and makes the worst decision ever.

"Sorry," he chokes. "I think it was what I had for breakfast. I've been feeling sick ever since then."

For a moment, it's almost worth it for the look of relief and happiness on Itachi's face.

And then his cousin hurries to the kitchen, and comes out with a whole tray of the awful things (Mikoto and Fugaku step back in alarm, and Mikoto's eyes flicker around for appropriate scone-hiding places).

"It's okay," Itachi says, holding the tray out. Shisui tries to hide his horror. "There are plenty more where that came from!"

2. Under the table

The next time, Shisui is prepared. Mikoto has already warned him that he's not actually supposed to eat the things, so while Itachi isn't looking, Shisui quickly drops his scone under the table.

"I'm finished," he says, when Itachi turns around.

Itachi looks surprised. "What, already?"

Shisui nods, and smiles. "Yes," he says. "It was so good, I ate the whole thing in one go."

Itachi smiles, and Shisui feels relief. Obviously, he has done the right thing.

Then his cousin's eyes drift downwards, and his brow furrows, and Shisui feels dread shoot through him.

He glances down, and inwardly curses. He hasn't concealed the scone well enough, and it is clearly visible on the floor.

He glances at Itachi, and schools his expression into the most innocent look he can muster. Itachi shakes his head, looking disappointed.

"Oh Shisui," he sighs. "I understand. You didn't have to lie to me."

Shisui swallows. "You do?" He feels hope. Maybe things aren't as bad as everyone makes them out to be. Maybe Itachi will truly let this go, and that will be the end of this scone-filled nightmare.

Itachi smiles. "Yes. You accidentally dropped your scone, and you were afraid to tell me. Don't worry though — there's plenty more where that came from."

Itachi holds out a tray of scones.

Shisui inwardly wails.

3. Out the window

Mikoto tells him he needs to stand by a window, and throw the thing out the moment Itachi's back is turned.

He's seen Mikoto doing it with such swift movements that he's pretty sure she's had a lot of practice. He's not sure whether to be awed or concerned.

Sasuke is ridiculously good at it too, but that's only to be expected — Mikoto's pretty much been training him since he was old enough to know what a scone was.

Shisui decides to follow Mikoto's actions, because she's obviously at expert. He throws the scone.

It hits the window, and topples to the floor, because of course — the thing just had to be closed.

Itachi turns around.

And one time he realised there truly was no escape.

Shisui eventually realises that there is truly no escape.

It happens like this: Shisui realises that it's time he tells Itachi the truth. He can't do this anymore. Obviously getting rid of the scones isn't an option, because, for some reason, it's impossible. He considers himself a pretty damn good shinobi, and yet he can't seem to get rid of those scones. It makes no sense.

Well. He just needs to tell Itachi the truth. He loves his cousin, but this has gone on long enough.

"Itachi," he says, "I don't like your scones."

Shisui feels proud of himself.

Itachi turns around, staring at him in shock.

Shisui loses his nerve.

"Haha," he laughs. "Just kidding! I got dared to say that by…Sasuke."

Itachi blinks, looking confused. Then, he simply nods his head, and goes back to what he was doing.

Shisui realises then that there is truly no escape. Because he is too damn nice to actually tell Itachi the truth, and, because of that, he would have to suffer in silence.

(Which, considering England's opinion on his cooking, was probably a good thing in the long run).

Shisui resigns himself to a life of scone-filled misery. Oh well. Itachi was just a kid — maybe this was just a phase. Maybe he'd get over it when he got older, and they could all say goodbye to those horrible things.

(It was a nice thought anyway).