Chapter 11: Barefoot and Bruised

Kylo Ren paced the empty studio floor. It was 9:15am on Sunday morning and there wasn't a single text message, voicemail, or missed call from Rey to indicate why she hadn't shown. Unlike last week, he hadn't found her working in the office thirty-minutes prior to their agreed upon start time. Instead, he had been forced to unlock the doors, while balancing two hot beverages, and set-up by himself.

Her motorcycle was parked out front, a clear sign she was in fact here, but he had yet to hear a single sound other than the ones he had made himself. Kylo had passed the time by finishing his coffee, stretching, and trying to form a game plan. After last week, he had decided he needed to be more structured. He couldn't allow her to break out onto her own just yet. He needed to maintain a level of control over the situation, no matter how out of control he felt on the inside when it came to Rey.

He was beginning to worry. It was unlike her to be late. While he had seen very little of her all week, he had attributed it to her being embarrassed about her texting him late at night. He certainly didn't want to think she would be embarrassed about anything else — anything like the almost kiss. The 'almost kiss' as he was referring to it, had plagued his mind all week, increasing his irritability and causing him to ignore Hux.

With his assistant on vacation, he didn't know how to get his manager to take a hint and give him his space. It was one of those delicate matters Phasma usually dealt with. In her absence, Hux had grown ever more impatient, hounding Kylo about the fundraiser and starting to leave him snail mail along with a barrage of constant voice mails, which had him avoiding his cell phone all together.

So it was against Kylo's better judgement, he dug his cell out of his bag in order to dial Rey's number. He ignored the list of missed calls from his manager and the accompanying voice mails. He'd either delete them tonight or continue to ignore them, whichever option irritated the red head more.

The line rang several times, before Kylo heard a groggy voice answer.

"'Ello?"

"Rey?"

"Ben!"

"Um…yeah. Are we still training this morning?"

"What? Of course, what time-." There was a shuffling noise and then a muttered curse, before she was hurriedly replying. "Sorry. So sorry. I'll be right down. God, I'm sorry."

Before he could respond, she had hung up.

Kylo had noticed she had been absent from the studio, unless she was teaching classes this week. She had been holed up in her apartment when she wasn't working. He had had to tell himself repeatedly it had nothing to do with last Sunday. As much as he hadn't wanted to be wrong about that theory, he was concerned. Even his uncle had noticed how suddenly withdrawn Rey had become. If it was because he had crossed a line with her, upset her when she was seeing someone else, he would have thought she'd cancel on him or worse, decide against training with him permanently. When she hadn't reached out regarding today's session he assumed they were still on. Looking back on it now, he realized perhaps he should have reconfirmed.

"I am so sorry," Rey gasped, as she scrambled into the studio.

Her face still had creases in it from her bed and there were dark circles under her normally vibrant eyes. Kylo tried not to think too much on it. He hoped it had nothing to do with the 'almost kiss,' but his confidence was beginning to shrink.

"Are you sick?" he asked, handing her the tea he had purchased at Deathstarbucks on his way in for her.

"Thank you." She wrapped her hands around the take-out cup, before taking a long sip. "No, I had a late night."

Kylo pretended her words didn't sting. He set his phone on the counter, finishing up his coffee and tossing it in the waste can. He had presumed she was working last night, not out with friends.

Boyfriend, his brain reminded him.

He inwardly cringed. Of course she would be out with her boyfriend last night. It was a Saturday night, a typical date night for most couples, or at least that was what the other fighters at the First Order gym said when they came in on Sundays to train. They usually swapped stories about who got the best 'attention' from their girlfriend and compared notes. Kylo had always found the talks vulgar and demeaning to the women, but his opinion mattered little to the others, so he kept it to himself.

"Did you do anything fun last night?"

Rey's question brought him back to focusing on her.

No.

His night had consisted of sitting in his living room alone, drinking a new bottle of whiskey while he watched the city lights from the comfort of his sofa. He had been thinking of her, conflicted over his pull to her and his desire to have her next to him within the First Order. Initially he had thought the sensations were one in the same, but after last week, he was beginning to see a division. The part of him drawn to her was hungry for her touch, longing for the grace of her lips on his and the feel of her skin against his skin. The latter was focused on career objectives and ways to continue to impress Snoke. The two sensations couldn't be further apart.

"Caught the sights in the city and had a few drinks."

"Sounds nice." She grinned, conversationally, before setting down her cup on the window sill. "And here I thought you had stayed in all night, like the Old Man you are."

Kylo heard the joke in her tone and turned to face her for his rebuttal. When he saw her he knew something was wrong. Her signature smile had slipped from her face and her normally glowing skin had gone pale, as if some dark force had sucked the light right out of her.

"Ben?"

She had barely gotten his name out, such a quiet plea, before she was falling. Instinct took over, as he lunged forward, quick enough to catch her petite form before she went head first into the mat.

"Rey?"

Kylo lifted one hand to her cheek, gently turning her face up to inspect her features. Her brow was thick with sweat. He could feel the heat radiating off her. She was burning up.

Carefully, he laid her down on the floor, kneeling at her middle, so he could prop her feet up with one hand, and press her cool water bottle against her forehead with his other. Her lips had almost lost all color, appearing sickeningly white. Kylo's next impulse was to call for 911, but his phone was on the counter, out of reach, and he refused to leave her side until she regained consciousness.

The seconds felt like hours, as he watched her inhale shaky, little jerks of breath, her eyes fluttering every so often, but not opening. It was the longest minute of his life.

When Rey finally came back to consciousness, he let out a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding. He lowered her feet back to the mat and removed the water bottle from her skin. It took her a moment to fully open her eyes and even longer for her to focus on him, hovering over her.

"Hi."

Her voice sounded raw, but stronger than when she had called out to him. And if he had thought her stubborn before, he was about to see how truly headstrong she was. No sooner had she woken, then she was attempting to sit up. Before he was able to stop her, the rush of blood had her groaning and lying back down again.

"Don't move," he warned her, placing a hand on her shoulder to keep her down this time. She raised a hand to pry him off, but gave up almost instantly when he pressed down again. She flung her arm over her face, blocking out the ceiling lights.

"I'm fine," she insisted, but he knew, at best, it as a vain attempt. Her voice was still wavering, not solid enough to reassure him she was as well as she claimed.

"No, you're not," he told her. "You were out for a whole minute. That isn't fine. That is a blackout."

She murmured something he couldn't make out, before he saw her breathing take on a different pattern and her eyes fluttered shut, under her arm, once more. His chest tightened, as he realized she had gone under again. He didn't bother calling her name this time, though he was screaming inside for her to be alright, for her to wake up and grace him with another sunshine smile and dumb nickname. Old Man. Grouch. Jerk. Asshole. He'd take anything, so long as it meant she was ok.

This time she was only out for several seconds. Nevertheless, Kylo found he had been holding his own breath again. He couldn't function not knowing what was happening with her. Normal thoughts were difficult to process with the knowledge she was unwell. As a fighter, he was used to striking his way through problems. Perseverance and endurance allowed him to overcome most obstacles, but this was another matter. He couldn't battle his way out of this. He had to wait.

And Kylo had never been a patient man.

"Ben?"

"I'm here," he assured her, reaching over to move her arm from her face. "I'm right here, Rey."

"I-I don't know what happened," she admitted, a light flush coloring her cheeks. He sighed with relief. At least her color was returning, slowly, but it was starting to come back.

"You blacked out, sweetheart."

The instant the endearment left his lips, Kylo immediately wanted to yank it back. It wasn't so much that he hated sappy names people called one another, as it was the fact that this particular pet name was what his father had always called his mother. A fact which was not lost on Kylo.

If Rey had picked up on his use of the word, she didn't react. She was lying still, eyes closed, but her breathing was deep and controlled. He recognized the pattern as a breathing exercise his uncle taught, normally during meditative practice. She must have felt better, if she was using her training to guide her. It took the edge off his anxiety.

"Sorry," she started, the hand closest to his reaching out. He latched on, not allowing her to exert more energy than necessary. "I ruined our session."

"No," he replied, sternly. "Don't say that. You haven't ruined anything."

"You look mad," she observed.

Kylo schooled his expression, chiding himself for not exercising more control over his features. Of course she would think he was annoyed. He rarely gave anyone a reason to think he felt anything but anger.

"I'm not mad," he said, softly, hoping to put her mind at ease. "You scared me."

She let out a light laugh. It made him soar. She was coming back to herself, back to the girl he had grown to care for, the girl who was always there under his skin, in his thoughts — both a test and a temptation.

"You," she continued to giggle, "afraid of little ol' me?"

"Rey-," he began to tell her. It was right on the tip of his tongue, but he stopped himself. How could he tell her how he felt? He wasn't even sure what it was he was feeling. It was entirely new to him, a foreign impulse to put her before all else. After a lifetime of sheltering himself, of looking out for number one, he was at a loss as to how to care about another person, especially someone as genuine as this girl — his girl.

"I think you've had enough training for today." Kylo copped out.

He could only imagine how quickly she'd run away if he admitted what he was feeling. If he told her she was constantly on his mind, that he was always worried about her working late nights and long days at the studio, would she be mad? If he told her he wanted to take her away, treat her to the finest food and drink and stash her away in the most luxurious comforts available, would she slam a door in his face and tell him to get lost? She hadn't been overly attracted to the idea of grandeur before. He doubted her opinion had changed in such a short period of time. So he tucked his thoughts away and hid them deep beneath his primary concern about her immediate health.

"I just want to sleep," she lamented, her hazel eyes taking him in.

Kylo realized he was still holding her hand and leaning over her. If she hadn't fainted, the position could be considered romantic, tender even. He brushed the idea far from his mind. It was too soft, too light for someone like him.

She made to start getting up again and once again he stopped her. "Ben-."

"I told you not to move." He reminded her, removing his hand from hers so he could shift around. He laced his arm under her knees, before sliding his other under her back. She weighed next to nothing, despite her agility and power. Carrying her was easy and even more gratifying by the fact she was pressed so close to him. He was delighted when she wrapped one arm around his neck, while the other came to rest on his chest.

"I can walk, you know," she pointed out.

He pretended not to hear her, as he left the dojo floor and brought them through his uncle's office, where the door had, luckily, been left open. Careful not to hit his head on the low ceiling, he marched up the steps to her apartment. He was not as lucky with her door, which was shut and, in all probability, locked.

"Do you want me to call someone for you? Your boyfriend?" he asked, hoping his own self-serving purpose for the question wasn't apparent.

Rey made a soft titter of a sound in his arms. "Well, if you find him, give him my address, will you? I think he's lost."

"What?"

Kylo couldn't stop the flood of thoughts erupting in his brain. Had they broken up? Was that why she had been hidden away all week? Was that why he hadn't seen the dark-skinned man since she had moved in? If not, maybe they had had a fight. Was she considering breaking up with him?

"I don't have a boyfriend. Actually, I've never had a boyfriend," she admitted, actively avoiding his eyes.

He was thankful she wasn't looking at him. Kylo was positive the look of utter joy at her words was written across his face. He was suddenly filled with a possessive feeling about how she would be his first and he would be her first. They would experience everything together, new and unbiased. She was as untouched as him, but he could remedy that particular situation. He was even more thankful he had never taken Hux up on any of his offers to hook him up with one of his one night stands. It would taint his ability to give himself to Rey the way he imagined giving himself to her.

"Ben."

Her voice brought him crashing back to reality and for a split second he feared his intentions were known to her. Her gaze was fixed on her door, which was indeed closed and indeed locked. Rey reached up, aided by her height in his arms, to grab a hide-a-key from the top of the door frame. Miraculously, he was able to maneuver himself without putting her down, to unlock the door.

The apartment was not filled with frivolous items, as he had expected. In a way, the amount of open space and lack of furnishings reminded him of his own place. There was a set-up which resembled what he had seen a magazine call "boho-chic" in the living room area. The couch seemed suitable to use, but Kylo was too curious to see the rest of her home.

He followed the steps up to the bedroom, which hung over the kitchen and overlooked her brightly colored assortment of pillows, throws, and one insanely red chair. He had assumed there would be a similar treatment upstairs. He was sorely mistaken.

There was no bed, not even a futon like the one he had slept on when he had first moved into the city and needed something to crash into each night after his long training sessions at the First Order. Instead, there was a sleeping bag laid out along the hardwood, with a small lamp on one side and a cell phone charging cable on the other.

Had she been sleeping on the floor this entire time?

Anger burned through him at the thought of his uncle letting her live her without the basics. What had happened to all of his furniture? What had Skywalker done with the possessions he had left behind when he moved out? Why couldn't he have provided them to Rey?

"This is fine," she said, as if she could hear his thoughts. She shifted in his hold, preparing for him to set her down. "Poe and Finn bought it for me."

"This is not acceptable," he muttered, not willing to let go of her. He tightened his grip on her. How could her friends be alright with this situation? Didn't they care about her at all? He refused to let her sleep on the floor, sleeping bag or not, it was not appropriate. She worked hard. She trained even harder. She required a decent night's sleep.

"It's more comfortable than it looks," she added, sensing his hesitation.

"I'm taking you home." He told her, devising it was the preferred alternative to this unfinished collection of meager belongings.

Apparently, she did not agree.

"I am home." Rey insisted, a note of frustration in her tone. She unwrapped her arm from him, pressing against his chest. "Put me down."

"No."

"Ben!"

"You just fainted. I'm not leaving you here with this," he inclined his head towards the makeshift bed.

"I was planning on getting a mattress soon," she told him. "But I need to save up for the one I want." The fury was still there, but it was laced with inhibition. She was worried about what he thought and embarrassed by her residence.

Kylo reminded himself of Rey's history, of how this was most likely the first dwelling she had ever had to herself and the need to build it up as she desired would mean a great deal to someone like her. He didn't want to cause her any additional stress. He hated seeing her this way, even if it gave him opportunity to remain close to her.

"I wasn't trying to be unkind," he explained, tone softer than before. "I was being serious when I said you scared me. I'm worried about you."

He watched as her face changed, the rage subsiding as she took in his confession. Her lips curled into a small smile and she returned her arms to their original hold on his form. "Compromise?"

Kylo arched an eyebrow at her. "I don't compromise."

"The couch is better," she told him, ignoring his comment.

He considered his options. While he had an overwhelming urge to put her in his car and drive her back to his apartment, he didn't want her to fight him the entire day. Rey needed rest. Despite her resurgence of happy energy, she still looked a bit drawn and he knew he needed to get some food in her before he let her sleep. Time was not on his side, so he relented and took her to her sofa.

The care with which he set her down was akin to someone handling a prized artifact or incredibly valuable piece of art because, to him, she was even more precious.

"I'm going to call my assistant to bring over some food. You need to get your sugar back up or you'll go under again."

"Your assistant?" For some reason the concept seemed to humor her.

"Yes."

He didn't offer up more. Instead, he reached down for his phone. His pocket was empty. It was then, he realized his belongings were still down in the studio.

"Stay there," he ordered, gingerly. "Don't move. I'm going to get our stuff."

"Ben, you don't have to stay here. Luke is right across the parking lot and-."

"I'm staying, so figure out what you're hungry for or I'm ordering for you."

He fetched his stuff, only remembering once he has already dialed her number that Phasma was on vacation. He muttered a curse, just as he was walking back into Rey's apartment.

"Something wrong?"

"Phasma, my assistant, is on vacation."

"I'm surprised you let her take time off," Rey teased, though not unkindly. At least she was well enough to crack jokes.

"I'll order delivery."

"Don't bother," she waved her hand at him, dismissively. "I'll make something."

Kylo could see her intentions from a mile away. As she swung her legs around to stand, he moved to block her. "What did I say?"

"Don't move," she replied, grudgingly.

"Exactly."

"Can you at least pass me my phone?" She indicated the cell, lying on the edge of her kitchen counter, presumably where she left it when he woke her up earlier. "I need to check in with Finn, before he and Poe show up on my doorstep."

Kylo immediately felt a rush of possessiveness take hold. He had to remind himself the two guys, who he assumed were the same ones who had helped Rey move in, were not her boyfriends but her friends.

He stalked over to the kitchen, taking a peek in her fridge. He blenched. There was nothing inside, not even a half-eaten sandwich or carton of milk. It was bare, as if no one even lived there.

Trying not to dwell on it, he opened the pantry. It was almost as bare as the fridge, but not quite. There was a box of cereal and a bag of granola sitting inside. Upon inspection, the cereal was all but out and the granola was hardly sufficient for a meal.

Kylo regretted allowing Phasma time off.

Retrieving Rey's phone and her noisy water bottle, he exited the kitchen. He handed both over, watching as she took a long swig of water before she set it on her coffee table to start quickly typing away on her device.

"There," she smiled, confidently up at him. "All set."

"What?"

"Food," she answered. "Rose is going to bring some over."

"Rose?"

"I don't have an assistant. I have friends."

He wasn't sure how to respond to that, so he didn't. Instead, he focused on her coffee table. At first, he had assumed it was a piece of modern art or some kind of contemporary furnishing from Restoration Hardware. Upon closer inspection, he realized it was made out of coffee ground crates. In fact, he could actually smell the coffee from the wood.

Rey noticed his interest while she continued drinking more water. She paused to inform him she had made it, along with the accompanying end tables in the living room area.

"You made these?"

She nodded, while sipping.

Kneeling down, Kylo ran his hand over the creation. The wood was sturdy and her construction was even more so. It was impressive, yet another hidden talent she had in her arsenal. He considered asking her when she had learned how to do woodwork, when her degree was in mechanical engineering, but he caught himself before he voiced his query aloud. She had never told him about her degree. He had read about it in her file.

"I could make you one, if you'd like," she offered.

Kylo thought of how his last coffee table had ended up after another one of his tantrums. He wouldn't forgive himself if he wrecked something Rey had labored over. She had crafted this piece with precision. It would be a horrible waste for her to create something as beautiful for him, only to have it end up shattered across his apartment floor.

"It wouldn't fit in my car or on your bike." He observed, using their lack of transportation as an excuse so as not to hurt her feelings.

"Good point."

"Are you going to make a bed frame?" He was still concerned over her lack of a proper bed.

"Yes," she replied. "I plan on doing it once I have the measurements based on the mattress I choose."

He was about to ask about how she planned on getting a mattress into her apartment, since her main mode of transportation was her bike, when there was a knock at the door.

"Rey? Are you in there?"

"That's Rose," Rey informed Kylo. Then narrowing her eyes, she warned him to, "Be nice."

With a huff, he left her on the couch, answering the apartment door. The petite Asian girl he had seen working at Kanata Kaffeine was on the other side, an impossibly large brown paper bag in her hand. When he opened the door, the smell of the food she had brought wafted through the air, indicating the warm meal inside.

"Oh, hi." The young woman greeted him, seeming unsure how to act.

"Hi.

"I'm Rose. Is Rey here?"

"Hey Rose," Rey called from the couch.

"How are you feeling?" the girl walked in, right past Kylo, to her friend's side. "Maz was worried when I told her about your text."

"I'm alright," Rey assured the girl. "Ben has confined me to the couch."

Kylo came alongside both of them, offering to take the bag from Rose. "I'll set it up in the kitchen and bring it over," he said, moving to let them continue their discussion.

"I can come over there," Rey responded, already beginning to sit up.

"Can you please keep her down? She needs to rest," he grumbled at her friend, the girl named Rose.

"He's right, Rey. You do look pale," the girl agreed, sitting on the edge of the couch with Rey.

"I'm fine. Really."

"No, you're not," Kylo bellowed from the kitchen.

He left the girls to talk while he began pulling out the contents of the paper bag. Maz had sent enough food to feed Rey, himself, his uncle, and probably another five or six people. It was entirely too much food for two, but remembering the state of Rey's fridge, he decided it was better to have extra.

There were wrapped sandwiches, some flatbreads, and a couple of muffins, which could be heated up later, so he transferred them to the fridge, moving on to the hot items. Maz had sent over two containers of soup. From the smell of it, one was tomato and the other was a stew. Kylo recognized it as his favorite, a meal Maz had made him when he was younger and in need of a pick-me-up.

He thought of how he had seen her last week when he and gone running with Rey. Could she see the boy he had once been or did she only see the man who had nearly killed his father? Kylo blinked away the thought, going through the cupboards until he found a pair of bowls to dump the soup into. Another quick search and he also found spoons. The soup would stain Rey's carpets and the hardwood floor if it were to spill, so he decided it was safer for them to eat in her kitchen, where the tile would make any accidents easier to clean-up. He finished setting up before he went back to get Rey.

Her friend noticed his presence and the girls stopped whatever they had been discussing.

"I'm going to let you go, so you can eat," Rose told Rey, as she straightened up. "Nice to meet you," she said to Kylo, with a friendly smile. He hadn't thought anyone could be as warm and welcoming as Rey, but her friend seemed equally light-hearted and pleasant.

He saw Rey, over her Rose's shoulder, mouth "Be nice" to him.

"Thank you for the food," he expressed his gratitude. Her smile widened. "I hope this covers it," he added, passing her a couple hundred dollar bills he had grabbed out of his bag.

Her eyes widened. "That-that's way too much!"

"Consider it a tip then," he suggested, "For the fast delivery and for putting up with my antics at the coffee house."

Rose seemed ready to hand back over the money, until he mentioned their first meeting at Kanata's Kaffeine. Her eyes softened and she thanked him again. Giving Rey a little wave, she let herself out of the apartment.

With Rose gone, Kylo scooped Rey back up in his arms, carrying her over to the kitchen counter, where two bar stools were waiting with the soup bowls.

"Are you going to keep doing this?" Rey asked, sounding annoyed.

"You haven't eaten all day and from the looks of things, you haven't had much this week. With your lack of sleep, it's a dangerous combination. I'm not taking any chances." Kylo sat her down at the counter, before taking his seat next to her.

"I really did scare you, huh?"

"Yes," he replied, truthfully. "Now eat your soup."

She made a comment under her breath he didn't catch, but she did listen to him. They were silent for a time, as Rey ate spoonful of tomato soup after spoonful. Kylo had wanted to share the stew with her, hoping she'd enjoy it as much as he did. Something told him Maz had sent the two containers for them because each of them had a favorite. Watching as Rey hungrily downed the bowl in front of her, he knew he had made the correct choice. Before he could take a swallow of his, he got up to refill her bowl.

"What happened?" He asked her, before he took his first sip of stew.

Rey put her own spoon down, the steam rolling off the top of her second portion, the only movement between them for several long seconds.

While he waited for her to respond, Kylo tried not to think about how the taste of the meal reminded him of his youth or the number of visits his parents had taken to Maz's place while he had been in her care. He could count them on one hand, but each had been a precious memory, cherished by his younger self, a day when husband and wife had been in love, a time when father and son hadn't bickered but been teammates against his caretaker and his mother.

Ease up, son.

No, not that much. I said ease.

His father's instructions from the day he had attempted to teach him how to drive echoed in his mind. His mother had been particularly unhappy about their choice of activity for that afternoon, but Han had insisted it was in everyone's best interest their son learn how to handle himself behind the wheel. His father didn't seem to care when his mother had protested he was not of legal age to drive. Maz had only chuckled and taken another sip of wine. In the end, his father had won.

Mastering the clutch on the piece of junk Falcon his father owned, however, proved to take him more tries than he was willing to admit. They had taken a break to have lunch inside with Maz and Leia, who were both fussing around the kitchen. His mother had never been a good cook, but she was happy to keep the wine glasses filled while Maz made a delicious stew. It took the chill out of the brisk fall day and enjoying it with the three adults around him without the usual squabbles had filled him with a warmth he hadn't felt in some time.

When his father had taken him back out to the Falcon, he shifted into gear the first try. From there on, it was, as Han said, smooth sailing.

Kylo could tell by the look on Rey's face, whatever she was remembering had been anything but smooth sailing. He couldn't imagine what had affected her, to bring her to such a state of exhaustion. He feared it was his own doing, pushing her too far when she already worked all week. But before he could lose himself to the guilt gnawing at him, she spoke.

"My foster father," she bit her bottom lip at the word, pausing before she let out a sigh and explained, "guardian, is probably a better word."

Scum is a better word, Kylo thought, but he kept it to himself. Rey couldn't know about the files he had on her.

"He showed up at Rogue One," she told him, her eyes never leaving her soup. "The bouncers took him out before he could...do anything, but he still found me. One of the patrons recognized me from Jakku and told him I was working there."

Kylo couldn't tell if she was mortified or intimidated by the visit. He decided it didn't matter. The man who had come for her would be dealt with. Kylo would see to it personally. Unkar Plutt was never going to hurt Rey again. He wasn't going to utter a word to her. He wasn't going to so much as look at her, if Kylo had his way.

He hated the idea of his fiery bobcat being reduced to this guarded shell, all her light and warmth hidden away beneath a blanket of self-preservation and pure determination. She was a survivor. Based on sheer will and her own persistence, she had rose above all those who had attempted to confine her, to hold her back. Kylo was not about to let her be dragged back down by the reappearance of Plutt.

"Does he know where you live?"

Kylo reconsidered his idea of taking her back to Corellia with him. Let the scumbag confront him at his apartment. Kylo welcomed the thought of being able to register justice with his own two hands. It would be the last mistake the overweight junker made.

"I don't think so," she replied, quietly. Then, as if reconsidering it, she gave a little shake. "He could have waited for me and followed me home from the bar one night this week. I've been a bit out of it," she admitted, her eyes shining with unshed tears.

Kylo felt his hands tightening into fists at the thought of the bastard following Rey home. The man, if he could even be called a man, needed to be removed from Rey's life permanently. Kylo would not be assured of her safety until Unkar Plutt was out of the picture. He worked to reign in his devious thoughts, not wishing to scare Rey or upset her further. She had been through enough.

He found it was harder to keep his emotions in check seeing her unable to control her own. While he battled his rage, she was fighting to hold back tears. His soup no longer mattered. He needed to go through his phone files and find the bastard's address. There was no more waiting, no more researching the cretin. Kylo would make sure the man wished he had never laid a hand on Rey.

"It's not safe for you to stay here," he advised her. Recalling how she had refused to leave earlier, he tried to keep his voice level so as not to alarm her when he bridged the topic again. She had been against him offering up his place before. That wasn't to say that if it came about as her idea instead of his own, she may be more susceptible to it. "Do you have somewhere else you can stay?"

"Jyn and Cassian offered up their couch," she answered. "They're the managers of the club."

That explained her late evenings, then. She worked at a bar. Part of him recognized the opportunity to see her outside of their sessions. Kylo was sure Hux would have him sent to Mitaka for a consult if he suggested they go or one night this week. It was out of character for him, but the idea of seeing Rey out, away from the academy was enticing.

"I don't want to be a burden," she commented, swishing her spoon back and forth in her soup, but still not eating.

"Anyone who offers their place to you won't be burdened," he encouraged her. "They are being sincere."

And that includes me.

"Yeah?" She raised her eyes to meet his. It was the first time her voice had its hopeful quality back.

"Yes. Why would you think you're a burden?"

"People tend to leave me. It's only a matter of time."

He had asked before he could stop himself. It was a stupid mistake. Of course she would consider it a burden. She had been abandoned in a foreign country, left in a poverty-stricken town where the system failed her, with a guardian who was pure filth. She may have been strong and confident in front of others, but left alone, her own insecurities came to the surface.

"When I was a kid," she started, speaking in a lower, haunted tone. "he told me I was nothing. He told me so often, I started to believe it. I've been fighting against it ever since, fighting against people like him. Last night, he said I belonged to him, like I was a thing, like I wasn't even a person. Just nothing…"

Her confession chilled him.

His anger flared up again. How dare the man say such things to Rey? She was... he stopped the next train of thought, recognizing his own hypocrisy. An evil twisting in his gut made him shove the soup away.

...His?

Suddenly the word felt unpleasant in his mind. It was sickening to recognize his own demented desires, which had been fueling his pursuit of her, in her childhood tormentor. He had been researching Plutt, searching for where he may have been careless so Kylo could build a case against him.

Yet, until now, he hadn't seen the similarities between himself and Unkar Plutt.

When Rey said the words out loud, Kylo had been forced to register the truth of his actions. She continued to share with him how her co-workers had protected her, brought her home, texted her afterwards to check on her. She mentioned her friends, the ones who had helped her move in were constantly checking in on her, as well. She was lucky to have good people around her.

He wasn't a good person.

He was a deviant.

Their age difference, which had never bothered him before, became more apparent as he watched her eating. She was so thin, so small looking and young. Hadn't he called her a child to his uncle? And what did that make him? The monster under the bed? Kylo felt like a monster. He had come today with every intention of convincing her to leave this place, join him in the city with the First Order, and be with him so neither of them was ever alone again.

In all his fantasies, he had never paused long enough to ask himself what she wanted.

And Rey deserved to choose what she wanted.

Kylo had seen the wary expression in her eyes when she had first woken from her spell. It was those same eyes from her foster file, the eyes of a small child, alone and afraid. Regardless of her attempts to be independent, even after her collapse, he continued to see her act as though on high-alert. She was tip-toeing around, overly cautious and he hated it.

His need to prove to her not everyone would leave, became a priority. "Your friends haven't left," he pointed out. "And, like I said before, I'm not going anywhere."

There was a glint of gold in her eyes, as she registered his last statement.

Rey was in and out the remainder of the day. Each time she woke, he'd catch her eyes as she found him. He had taken to sitting in the ridiculously red chair, which was far too low for him, but he refused to be any further from her. She never asked for a single thing, though every time she woke, she was visibly surprised to find him still occupying her apartment. He couldn't tell if it was due to him actually being in her home or something else.

While she rested, Kylo wrestled with his thoughts. He still felt the need to go after Plutt, but his desire to control Rey had been extinguished. Instead, he felt a vile combination of guilt and remorse. Her body's reaction to the stress she had been under over the course of the week was the red flag. Her words were the wake-up call.

Kylo felt as if by sharing a piece of herself willingly with him, he had earned her trust, or at least a small fraction of it. The development should have elated him. It brought him one step closer to securing the future he had been planning. Ironically, it had made him feel more unworthy than he had ever felt in his life. Rey had suffered greater hardships than he had and yet she had remained resourceful, resolute in her beliefs, and real.

He didn't deserve her or her trust.

Still, he couldn't bring himself to leave. He told himself it was because she had already been abandoned one too many times, but the truth was born of his own selfish reasoning.

His thoughts cycled through hating himself for not being able to leave her now and despising himself for how he had violated her trust before she was able to grant it to him. He attempted to lose himself in his pursuit of Plutt. The cretin was easy enough to find and would be even easier to dispose of, yet Kylo found this was another vicious cycle in his mind as he became concerned over Rey's reaction if he followed through.

He remained indecisive.

Around dinner time, she rolled over, her heavy lids opening lazily, as she searched for him. Kylo was still reading and re-reading his files from Phasma on his phone, when he felt her gaze.

"You're still here." Her voice was laden with sleep.

"I told you, I'm not going anywhere."

She hummed, slowly stretching under the blanket before she began to sit up. Kylo was on his feet instantly, moving to her side. She held up a hand, signaling she was alright to sit up on her own, but he continued to hover over her, too concerned she would experience a repeat episode.

"Ben, really, I'm fine," Rey attempted to reassure him.

He had to admit, she appeared back to her normal vibrant self. Her skin had returned to its former tanned color, her lips a full pink blush, and her eyes were sparkling. By all accounts, she seemed to have made a full recovery.

Despite her change in vitals, he didn't move away. He wanted to remain by her side for as long as possible. The need was only partially to do with the reappearance of Plutt in her life and more to do with Kylo's own agenda.

"It's late," she continued. "You probably have better things to do than waste your time sitting here babysitting me."

"It's not a waste," he replied, before he could stop himself.

Her eyes widened. He scolded himself for his swift reply. Maybe she didn't want him here. Maybe she had been trying to get him to leave. He waited for the inevitable dismissal, promising himself he'd listen to her from now on. Rey had the right to choose, even if that meant she was choosing not to be around him.

Rey chooses for Rey, he told himself.

Just as he resigned himself to believing she didn't want him in her life, she graced him with the most glorious smile he had ever seen.

"There he is."

"Who?"

"The real you." She continued to smile up at him.

"And I wasn't real before because...?"

"Oh, you were," she laughed to herself, dropping her eyes. He wished she hadn't. He wanted her to stare at him with that look forever. He never wanted her to not look at him in such a way, as if he was important to her, as if he was the only person in the room (which, technically, he was, but that was besides the point).

"But this whole time, I've only seen glimpses, a piece here or there. Today, you seemed," she paused to consider something, then with a shrug, said, "unburdened. There was no ghost of Ben Solo haunting you, no pretense from a family legacy."

The Skywalker legacy, he thought, is both a gift and a curse.

"And you let your mask fall away."

"My mask?"

"Yeah," she laughed again, as if it was obvious. "Your Kylo Ren persona. I get it. I do. I even like him. He's a warrior, but at the end of the day, he's just a mask, just a way for you to keep people at arm's length. He isn't the real you."

"I like him best of all." And there it was again — the smile — the one he had only ever seen her use today, in this apartment, as she stared up at him.

Kylo didn't know how to respond to what Rey had observed. Denying it would surely result in a step backwards, when it came to securing her trust, but it unnerved him to hear her speak about him with such clarity, as if she had known him far longer. She had become a constant in his life, from the moment he had met her at Kanata Kaffeine to now, he had felt a connection to her, a connection which grew stronger each day regardless of if he saw her or not. In a way, he felt tethered to her, bound by an invisible thread. Perhaps it was the reason for his erratic demands to have Phasma dig up files on her and perhaps it was why Rey saw him so clearly, clearer than anyone else in his life.

How could she understand? How was she able to articulate so effectively exactly how torn he felt? No one had ever seen him — truly seen him — shattered remnants of a scared boy, the fierce wall of a man he had turned into, and somewhere in between a stitched together version of both, unsure how to break out of either mold, unbalanced. His first impulse was to kneel down on the couch aside of her and capture her mouth with his own. But he quickly pushed the thought aside.

She was still recovering, exhaustion did strange things to one's mental state and he wouldn't make the mistake of putting too much stock into anything she said. He couldn't. If it turned out this was merely a play of reactions to the long day, she would regret it and he'd be left with the knowledge none of it had been true.

No matter how much he wanted it to be.

Kylo realized Rey was still staring up at him. His silence had caused her smile to falter slightly, as she tried to assess his reaction.

"I should call Jyn to come pick me up," she said, ending the lingering silence. As Rey fumbled around attempting to find her phone, he placed a hand on her arm.

"I can take you," he told her. When she looked like she would protest, he continued. "They are in New Jedha, right?" She nodded. "It's on my way back to the city."

"Thank you, Ben."

Her eyes were locked on his. He felt the familiar tug, as if he was a marionette and she was pulling at his strings. It took everything he had not to close the distance between them. He wanted her. He knew he wanted her and until today he had allowed himself to believe he wanted her for his career or solely out of loneliness, but after the last several hours spent in her presence, most of which she had been unconscious for, he knew it was more than that.

So much more.

He wanted all of her. He wanted those gratifying smiles. He wanted to see her waking up with lazy, sleep-filled eyes that searched for his own. He wanted to hold her in his arms for the singular reason he could. He wanted to be there for her when she was struggling with her invulnerability. He wanted to run his fingers through her hair and rub circles into her back when she cried. He wanted to share another meal with her, hear more about her life — the good and the bad. He wanted it all. With her. With Rey.

"I'll drive you." He heard himself say, surprising both of them and ending whatever moment they had been having. Part of him hated himself, but the other was relieved.

He strode to the door, ignoring the desire to glance over his shoulder to see if she was still watching him. He thought she was.

"Do you need help packing?" he asked. She replied with a brief 'no'. He nodded, before exiting her apartment and leaving any chance of sharing another agonizingly moment with her.

The dojo was quiet, as he rushed out to his vehicle. He needed to put as much distance between himself and the girl as he could. He didn't trust himself in this state. His emotions were beginning to get out of control. Historically, it led him to make rash decisions, such as running back up the steps to bang on her door and pull her back in his arms so he could have the kiss he yearned for. The idea of taking her by surprise, of the shocked gasp she'd make when he lifted her off the ground, of how her cheeks would color at his gesture, had him groaning, as he flung himself in the driver's seat of his Vanquish.

Why had he agreed to take her?

He wouldn't last one minute in the car alone with her.

A/N: This is the longest chapter so far! YAY! Also, this one was deeply personal for me. Rey's blackout was written based on one of my own. If you train or exercise vigorously, please make sure to take care of yourself. Make sure to keep hydrated and eat enough so you don't cause your body to go into shock. And as always, a HUGE thank you to my beta AbyssalSpark for taking the time to read through and help keep this story on track.