Chapter 15: Losing You

In the days following Plutt's appearance, Ben remained with Rey. Day in and day out, he escorted her back and forth between Tatooine and New Jedha without a single complaint. At the urging of her managers, Rey continued to spend her nights at their apartment, which was the only time she was parted from Ben's supervision. However, it didn't keep him from texting her to confirm she was safe and taking care of herself.

He was diligent in his newfound role of protector, often pulling Jyn aside to make sure Rey had been eating enough and she was sleeping through the night. Regardless of the times Rey told him these things, he always looked to her boss to confirm her story. At first, it had bothered Rey. She didn't understand why he couldn't trust her, especially after Monday night's kiss, but after a week had gone by with no signs of him letting up his new routine, she realized he was still scared.

It wasn't outwardly apparent, at first. It was little glances here or there, brief check-ins. She noticed how he would scan her up and down when he thought she wasn't paying attention. There was nothing predatory about his gaze or unseemly. It was methodical, almost clinical, the same way she surveyed a new junkar when it had been brought into the shop. Only Finn and Poe had ever watched over her with such dedication before. To have someone like Ben — someone she had kissed, someone she was attracted to — watch her in such a way, did things to her.

Rey began to be more aware the concern in his eyes, the fear he attempted to keep hidden from her. It was obvious he was worried she'd have another episode. Her irritation at his antics diminished and she continued being more open with him. Despite what occurred between them at the club, Ben hadn't attempted to kiss her again. He did find various reasons to touch her, usually during their training sessions, but there were moments when they weren't barefoot and sweaty when he'd take her hand or run his fingers down her arm. Each time, it sent a pleasant shock through her system.

Their new system now consisted of him picking her up at Cassian and Jyn's apartment, taking her to Maz's, then to Ahch-To. After her classes or work she needed to complete in the office for Luke, they would train together. Unlike the first day, Ben remained with her, silently observing her teaching methods, or keeping her company in the office while she worked. He never interrupted her, but he was always there, a comforting presence. When it was time to train, the comfort would remain, but it was second to the protective nature of his instruction.

After moving on from joint locks — which Rey had picked up rather quickly — Ben had begun to show her basic weapons defense. They had started with knives and moved onto gun defense. He explained the statistics, which Rey appreciated but tried not to let discourage her. The chances of surviving such an altercation were low. Still, she was not the type to stand by idly, when she could take action against an assailant. In her eyes, even a failed attempt was better than waiting to get shot.

Around lunch time in their new routine, they would break. Rey would fix them lunch, an act which took a great deal of convincing on her part. The only way Ben would allow her to do it was if she let him buy the ingredients. She tried to pay him once. It resulted in a screaming match and ultimately in them returning to the dojo to spar, until they had reached a compromise. Ben would buy the food and Rey would cook it and let him rest there instead of wasting the gas on a trip back to Coreilla before he returned to take her back to New Jedha. It wasn't really a compromise in Rey's mind, however, Ben's company was worth it.

He had been slowly opening up to her during the course of the week, though he showered at his uncle's place. He refused to use her bathroom, insisting on giving her privacy to clean-up before she cooked. It seemed silly to her, considering they were both adults, until she had recalled how they had both been pawing at one another in the walk-in. Perhaps Ben had a point about staying apart for showers.

Once showers were done, they would eat together in her kitchen. One day the weather was so nice, she suggested they take their meals out onto her balcony. It had been her favorite day of the week. Rey loving the warmth of the hot summer sun against her skin, while it dried her damp hair. The sensation had cocooned around her, helping her fall back into a sense of safety. Of course, having Ben wrap his arms around her, letting her lean back against his chest as they sat there taking in the fresh air, helped more.

She had started to doze off that day, slumping against him as she drifted into subconscious. Ben had scooped her up, taking her upstairs to where her sleeping back was situated. For the first time all week, he hadn't made a comment about her sleeping arrangement. His lack of fight was probably more due to her half-awake state than anything else, but it had also prompted her, to grab his hand when he moved to leave her.

"Where are you going?"

"The couch."

"You won't fit. Stay here with me."

"I won't fit in the sleeping bag."

She had unzipped the entire thing, laying it down, before grabbing an extra large blanket from her shelves. Gesturing to him to lie down, she had been pleased when he didn't argue. Instead, he had shucked off his shoes and done as she had suggested. When she laid down next down next to him, he had immediately curled around her, keeping her smaller form tucked within his own.

It had been the best sleep Rey had had all week.

It wouldn't repeat.

The next day, Ben refused to let her sleep on the ground again. They had gotten into another verbal sparring match, prompting him to cancel their training session for Sunday to take her mattress shopping. Once again, Rey convinced him to compromise.

She had had finally earned enough in tips to buy a decent mattress and had been planning on going with Jess and Rose. Since Ben insisted on going, she told him she'd go in lieu of training, if he took the three of them, which was how Rey found herself waiting for Ben and his Vanquish to roll up on Sunday morning.

Cassian had offered her coffee again, but after how it had churned her stomach the last time, she decided against it. Instead, she opted to hold out for her usual green tea. Ben arrived right at 11am.

He greeted her manager with his usual polite but brief exchange, before gracing Jyn with a small smile, when Cassian's other half appeared sleepily in the hallway.

"You both look so energetic and fresh. Oh, to be young again," she lamented, while yawning.

"If you're old, then I'm ancient," Cassian teased, before ruffling her hair, as he passed her with two mugs of coffee. He glanced at her over his shoulder before he disappeared back into their bedroom.

"Have fun, kids," Jyn smiled at them. Then with a wink, her smile turned into a devious grin. "I know I will."

"Aaand that's our cue to leave," Rey announced, embarrassed by how quickly her manager and friend had gone from sleepy, doe-eyed innocent to pure sex-kitten. She grabbed Ben's hand and practically ran out of the apartment.

"That was...interesting." Ben remarked, as they made their way down to his car.

Rey giggled, noticing his blush. Apparently, she wasn't the only one who had been embarrassed.

Mortification aside, it was hard not to be jealous of how deeply in love Jyn and Cassian were. There were TV dramas where the couples pledged themselves to each other. Usually the characters had cheesy lines like, "I'd die for her." It was all built up fluff and pointless, considering in the next episode, they were on to the next love interest, but in regards to her managers, Rey was positive Cassian would actually die for Jyn and vice versa.

The two were inseparable in a way so few people were. Their reality was much more appealing than the over-dramatized TV shows Rose had queued up on her Netflix account. Rey found herself hoping one day she would have such a love.

It had never been a concept she spent a lot of time on. Between earning enough to get by, trying to leave Plutt, and then trying not to become a burden to her friends, Rey's sole focus has been survival for as long as she could remember.

She had never had time to focus on romance or finding 'the one.' Even thinking about such things made her slightly uncomfortable. Letting her guard down was one thing, opening herself up to new friends was another, but giving someone else full access to her heart, body, and mind? — that was a concept she couldn't quite grasp. Besides, who would want a lowly, scavenging orphan like her?

Her own parents hadn't thought she was worthy of love, why would anyone else? Why would anyone want to build a future with her? Why should they? She couldn't even escape her past long enough to make a new future. Plutt has proven that much.

Still, the idea of having a person — one person — who she could share with, talk about anything, fight about anything, just be herself with felt like the perfect fantasy. It was scary and thrilling all at the same time. If her managers were any indication of what it could be if all the stars aligned, she could consider the dream worth having.

Just because she hadn't thought a lot about love, didn't mean she didn't want what Jyn and Cassian had. They had had hard lives too. They had equally tortured pasts. They deserved happiness and if they had found it together, then what could be more romantic?

Together, plus one house guest, she thought guiltily.

"I feel like I'm overstaying my welcome." She confessed, as they drove to Maz's.

"You're only there at night."

"Yeah, but Jyn and Cassian deserve their privacy."

"If it bothers you that much, you could always come stay with me." Ben commented, as if he was suggesting something as simple as trying a new take-out restaurant or a different starting position for their forms.

Before she could respond to his offer — if that's what it was — he turned off the car and she realized they were at the cafe.

Ben turned towards her as he undid his seat belt and the scent of his aftershave wafted across the car to her. She was reminded of how he had held her after she blacked out, how he had picked her up when they kissed, and how he had cuddled her when they had slept together in her apartment.

Suddenly the idea of finding someone to share her life with wasn't so difficult to envision.

It wasn't difficult to imagine spending nights together teaching at the academy, taking a long weekend trip to Naboo for his birthday, eating dinner at a fancy restaurant in Coreilla with her friends — the ideas popped up, one right after the other. In each one he was with her, next to her, holding her hand, kissing her, running his hands through her hair.

A silky soft sensation smoothed over her, like a slow wave rising with the tide, covering her with a blissful feeling as she sank deeper and deeper into her imagination.

Then one of her ideas took a turn. She watched them, in her mind's eye, kissing in the dark, hands wandering all over. Rey could feel the heat bloom through her, as they stripped one another of their layers of clothing, before running hands over bared skin, before his mouth was on her, trailing kisses down her neck, past her collarbone, between her breasts, along her stomach down to her-

"Rey?" His voice called her snapped her out of her reverie.

"Yeah?"

"Are you coming in or do you want me to bring the tea out to you?"

"No!" She scrambled to get out of the car, quickly coming back to herself. "No, I'm coming."

Rey's vision swam, as she pushed her fantasy aside to focus on the day's plan. She needed a mattress. It better be large enough for two and sturdy, her blasphemous mind supplied. She nearly groaned. She couldn't look at Ben for fear he'd know what she had been thinking, if he hadn't already pieces it together.

She clumsily stumbled over the lip of the curb, in her attempt to reach the entrance before him.

"Careful." He grabbed her elbow, steadying her with a light chuckle. "What's the rush? We have all day."

Her cheeks were scarlet at his words, automatically thinking of the double-meaning there, even if it was only her that recognized it. She was thankful her back was to him so he couldn't see her face.

"Rey! Over here!" Jess waved from a table over to the side.

Her greeting was the perfect distraction. Rey walked over, pausing only to wave at Rose, who was already coming over with a carrier of drinks for them.

"Going to introduce me?" Jess asked, when Rey sat down at the table, Ben sinking into the seat alongside her.

Rey smiled, the blush gone from her cheeks. "Jess, this is Ben. Ben. Jess."

"The Alliance worker." He greeted. Rey couldn't believe he tempered her telling him that. "Nice to meet you."

"I've heard all about you," Jess rolled her eyes. For a moment, Rey worried her friend would let spill the conversations they had during their thrift shop adventure. "Maz has been telling stories about you as a kid and complains you don't visit enough, unless this one," here, she gestured to Rey, "drags you in."

"Morning!" Rose cheerily interrupted, as she began handing out orders for each of them. Rey thanked her, before taking a long sip of the soothing, warm liquid inside. Rose always managed to add the perfect amount of honey.

"How long are you in Tatooine for?" Jess asked Ben.

"Today? As long as it takes to get this one," he mimicked Jess's earlier gesture towards Rey, "a suitable mattress. She can't sleep on the floor forever."

"You're sleeping on the floor!" Jess shrieked.

Rose glared at her, before reaching to put a hand on her roommate's arm, but Jess waved her off. "I could have loaned you our futon."

"It's fine," Rey assured her. "It will all be fixed after today."

"Mattress shopping isn't as fun as clothing shopping."

"Jess." Rose rolled her eyes, then to Ben she said, "It's nice of you to come with us."

Rose had taken a liking to Ben, despite his lasting first impression on her. Rey assumed the exorbitant tips helped in that regard. Then again, Rose was a people person and she believed in second (and sometimes third) chances for people. She strove to see the best in everyone. Rey admired the quality her friend possessed.

Jess, on the other hand, was interested in a suspicious sort of way. It was to be expected. After all, Rey had remained skeptical of Ben's offer to teach her. She had heard the warnings and his own outburst about her not being a part of Ahch-To. The time they had spent together since had changed her mind. She hoped it would do the same for Jess.

If the scrutinizing states and continuing list of questions bothered him, Ben Solo barely reacted. He sat at their table in Kanata Kaffeine with a comfortable air about him, as if he came here as frequently as they did, which Rey realized, due to their new routine was actually sort of true.

Ben hadn't spoken to her about what happened when he talked to Maz. She hadn't wanted to pry. If he wanted to tell her, he would. She wouldn't force him to share information he didn't want to. She had to trust he'd let her into his world in his own time. In any case, whatever had gone on between the two had eased the tension he had worn during the prior visit. She even saw Ben wave at Maz with a genuine smile as she passed by.

The cafe was bustling with patrons who had either just woken up, like Rey, or were looking to score a quick treat as they went about their errands for the day. The predictable rush of people back and forth was calming in a homey, small-town kind of way. She filtered out Jess's queries while she observed. New sounds came and went with the ebb and flow of foot traffic, lulling Rey into a sense of calm she had been struggling to maintain since Plutt's reappearance.

Until Jess's next question broke her out of the lull.

"Why did you get suspended from the league?"

"Jess." Rey shot her friend a 'don't-go-there' state.

"What?" Jess shrugged, not one to hold back. "You two are hanging out all the time. I only want to make sure you're safe."

"I would never let anything happen to Rey." Ben responded, without missing a beat. "I want that scum apprehended, as much as anyone else."

"Still no word from the police, huh?" Rose asked, warily, watching Rey from where she sat with both hands wrapped around her steaming mug.

"No," Rey replied. "Sergeant Mon Mothma promised to alert me as soon as they found him or if anything of importance came up."

"I'm so sorry," Rose removed one of her hands from her cup to place it on Rey's arm. It was still warm from the mug. Rey gave her friend a tight smile.

She had told her friends what was happening, providing them with the same details she had given Luke. She hadn't gone into detail with them the way she had with Ben. She wasn't ready. The fact she and Ben had started off in a verbal and literal sparring match was ironic, considering how much closer she felt with him as opposed to the women sitting with her.

Part of her assumed it was because her first real friends had been males. Poe and Finn had been the older brothers she never knew she wanted. Ben had a protective streak which could rival both of theirs combined. Another part of her wondered if it was because she was attracted to him, in a way she hadn't been attracted to anyone before. It made her slightly reckless and more willing to be open with him.

"You didn't answer my question." Jess reminded, pointedly.

"It's a long story," Ben uttered.

"That's ominous."

"Jess," Rose shook her head again. "He doesn't have to tell us, if he doesn't want to."

"At least give us the highlights," Jess pleaded.

"The short version? Nines Acord made a comment. I advised him not to do it again. He didn't listen."

Rey knew who David "Nines" Acord was, because of the research she had done on Ben's career. When she had watched various fights and a couple of behind-the-scenes training YouTube videos, she had noticed the red-haired, blue eyed man. He wasn't built like Ben, but he had a nasty look about him. He was disciplined and driven by orders, usually barked in the background by the trainer he was working with.

She wondered what the man could have said to upset Ben to the point of rendering him unconscious. His temper had tampered off considerably since she had met him. Rey reminded herself the man she had seen in the videos was not the same man she was seated next to. Kylo Ren flared up at the tiniest infractions. Ben Solo kept his inner demons locked away. Neither was necessarily healthy.

Pent up feelings and emotions had a way of getting out all at once, like a volcano erupting. If Kylo Ren's outbursts were a metric to measure against, Ben Solo's eventual outburst would be in the same category as Mount St. Helens 1980 eruption. Rey wasn't sure she wanted to be around him when that day came. And it would...sooner or later.

"Nines sounds like a douche," Jess remarked. "Hope you made him regret his decision."

"I'm sure I did."

"Do you regret it?"

"I did, until recently."

"Why's that?"

"Short version. I wouldn't be here right now."

"If you're done playing twenty questions with him, can we go?" Rey asked Jess, before her friend could find a new issue to press. There was a defensive note to her voice, she normally didn't use.

Ben's hand found its way to her thigh, where it had wrapped around hers, hidden from her friends. It was a silent show of affection and it made her entire body scream with delight. As if he could tell, he gave her hand a little squeeze. A fleeting glance at him, revealed he was smiling too, though he was attempted to cover it up by downing the remainder of his black coffee.

Don't be afraid. I feel it too.

His words from the other night echoed in her head, as if answering her unspoken questions. Rey wanted to reach over and kiss him for his subtle admission. Recalling what had followed her words that evening, she felt like doing something not so subtle. She wanted to force him to put the coffee down, so she could feel his lips against hers again. Once he had kissed her, it had sparked something inside, awakening a need she had never felt before.

Desire was an unfamiliar need for Rey. One second she was confident, ready to take action and pull Ben towards her. The next, she felt awkward and silly for even considering such an act. The fear stemmed from being on new ground with Ben and her uncertainty over what came next.

She remained sitting there, finishing her tea, while her friends moved onto the topic of their day's adventure.

Once they had a game plan, they bid Maz goodbye and headed out to Jess's truck. While Rey's deal with Ben had been for him to take them all, the Vanquish hadn't been designed to hold more than two people. Since Rose didn't have a car and Rey only had the Triumph, it left Jess as their only option.

"Thanks for driving, Jess," Rey told her friend, as she pressed the passenger seat forward so she could sneak in the back. She was saving the front for Ben and his extremely long legs. The man was too tall for his own good. Plopping down, she held the other seat forward for Rose to climb in, when Ben moved past the petite girl to join her.

"What are you? Rey's bodyguard?" Jess asked, as she watched him squeeze his abnormally large form into the back of the cab.

It took some maneuvering, but he was able to climb in, occupying all of the available space next to Rey. She nearly laughed along with her friends, catching herself when she noticed the blush on his face. The red tint rose all the way through him up to the tops of his ears.

"Something like that."

There was no mistaking the sincerity in his voice. He seemed content to cram himself in, as long as it meant he would be seated next to her. It was comical, given his stature, but it was also touching. Rey slipped her hand over his, lacing her fingers through his and giving him a light squeeze. He brought her hand up to his lips, planting the briefest of kiss across her knuckles. It was enough to make her blush in return and she was thankful her friends were too busy getting buckled in to notice the exchange.

Neither her nor Ben had spoken about her first day back at the academy, when Master Luke had interrupted Ben's talk with her. They had never finished that conversation, the one where he had said, "No, Rey. It's not. I want you." He had meant to say more, but at that precise moment, his uncle had interrupted, leaving the remainder of his statement unsaid. It had left Rey teetering between the options of what his words truly meant, until he had kissed her in the walk-in.

Yet, it didn't answer the questions which had plagued her all week. What now? Where did they go from here? What did Ben consider them? Did Ben consider them anything?

There was something between them. She had known for a while they were connected beyond instructor and student or mere coworkers. Coworkers asked how you were doing when you came across a problem in your life. Coworkers didn't uproot their own agendas to play "Driving Miss Daisy" for you, so you wouldn't be left alone. Coworkers didn't take care of you all day when you were sick and tip delivery in hundred dollar bills. Coworkers certainly didn't kiss you while you were on the job in the back of a dark club. (At least, she didn't think so.)

The unspoken bond had become more apparent as they grew more and more comfortable with their new routine this past week. It also had become more noticeable to outsiders, if today's comments from her manager and her friends were any indication. But the longer her questions went unanswered, the more she doubted what had transpired.

The drive to the furniture store provided Rey with a few precious moments to enjoy Ben's proximity. Even if he didn't think of her in the context of something more than the strange limbo they were currently in, she could take advantage of having him near for the time being.

He kept his fingers interlaced with hers the entire trip, content to hold her hand and stare out the window in a rare occasion where he wasn't the one driving her around. Rey used the opportunity to watch him.

Ben appeared relaxed and youthful, much like how he looked when he was asleep. His eyes, dark chocolate brown and so deep, were focused on the scenery, while his lips were slacken. He didn't wear his normal tight expression, as if he was passing judgement on the entire world. The angular contour of his face begged her own eyes to trace over it. She was too busy admiring his physical traits to notice when the truck stopped.

It wasn't until Ben released her hand, she registered they had arrived.

The store wasn't as fascinating as Echo Base. Jessika was correct. Shopping for a mattress wasn't going to be as thrilling as shopping for clothes, but for Rey this was a rite of passage. Her first purchase as a homeowner and subsequently her first step as a truly independent adult. To her, this was the finish line, the gold medal — the rush of a victory all her own.

Jess and Rose gave her space to peruse, while Ben hovered close by. If she hadn't known his profession, she would have guessed he had served as a bodyguard previously, as Jess had suggested.

Rey reminded herself not to look at the price tags. She didn't want to make any premature decisions. She had the day to test out the proper feel before she chose which one she wanted. The knowledge of having the choice, as basic as it was, gave her a boost. To most people it meant very little but to Rey, this was an opportunity she had never been offered before. It felt like a gold medal to her.

The mattress section was in the back, behind scores of set-up rooms ranging from kitchens to living rooms, to bedrooms and even laundry rooms. When she took in the dozens of white, plastic-lining options, she beamed.

She expected Ben to tease her or at make a comment about how it was about time she got a mattress. He didn't. He remained at her side, quietly watching her as she gently sat, then laid down on the mattresses, one by one.

Rey had done research on her phone throughout the week to determine what made an acceptable mattress and what features were most important to her. The first few did not inspire her to take them home. Slightly discouraged, she moved down to the next row.

By the time she made it to the third and final row, she was worried she and set the bar too high. Ben had stepped away to give her space, telling her he'd be back when she reached a decision. Rey figured he was bored of watching her struggle to make her choice.

The struggle ended the instant she sunk into a memory and response foam queen. It confirmed to her body, enveloping her in its soft material. Rey let out a sigh of pleasure, allowing herself a brief moment to close her eyes and enjoy the feeling.

"I take it we have a winner?" Rose quipped, as she and Jess appeared on Rey's left side.

"Absolutely," she grinned, rolling off the bed to take a look at the tag. If she was to hazard a guess, she assumed it was more than she wanted to spend, but it would be worth every penny.

"Aren't you going to let Ben lay on it?" Jess asked.

Rey raised an eyebrow at her. "Why?"

Her friend rolled her eyes, then glanced over her shoulder to make sure the subject of their conversation was otherwise occupied. Rey noticed he had wandered off to look at an obnoxiously large TV stand.

"That man is clearly into you, Rey," Jess stated matter-of-factually. "And you are into him, so what's the deal?

"Nothing." Rey replied, hastily.

Jess latched onto her quick answer, yanking Rose over to join in the discussion. "Nothing, huh? Sure doesn't look like nothing."

"So a guy can't be my friend and come along with my girl friends to help me out?"

"That's not it and you know it," Jess argued. "You don't look at him like a friend and he certainly doesn't look at you like a friend."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Rey," Rose stepped in. "The way Ben takes care of you… he's very attentive and that's a good thing. There's nothing wrong with how well he's treated you, especially given the circumstances, but I agree with Jess. His feelings for you go beyond friendship."

Having her friends share their opinions on the matter only furthered her frustration with not bowing where she stood with Ben. If he cared as much as they suspected, why hadn't he said anything? Why hadn't he kissed her again? He had had plenty of chances. The entire week had gone by, providing him with endless opportunities, but he hadn't taken a single one.

"We kissed." She finally admitted, aloud.

Rose made an 'awww' sound, while Jess's pupils were blown. "That's it though. Nothing else has happened. It's almost been a week." Her last statement came out a bit pathetic, which had her cringing.

She shot a glance in Ben's direction once more to ensure he hadn't a word. He was busy looking at the price tag of the same TV unit, completely ignorant of their conversation.

"Why not?"

Rey shrugged. "I thought he would have tried again or said something, but he hasn't. Not once all week."

"Wait, wait," Jess held her hands up. "This happened a week ago and you are only telling us now?"

"Shhhh!" Rey hushed her friend, worried her increasing volume would draw unnecessary attention to them.

"And why didn't you do anything?" Jess continued, disregarding Rey's caution.

"What was I supposed to do? He probably regrets it."

"I doubt that," Rose interjected, eyeing Ben from across the room.

"You are supposed to make another move," Jess replied, simultaneously. "Not wait a week over analyzing the situation."

"I'm not-."

"You are," both her friends chorused.

Rey glared at them. She opened her mouth to disagree once more when a sales associate interrupted.

"Can I help you ladies with anything?"

Ben somehow ended up next to her a split second later, causing the male associate to take a step back.

"Would your boyfriend care to test it out?" The associate turned to Rey.

"Yeah, Rey," Jess snickered at the store worker's repeat of her earlier question. "Would he?"

The double meaning to her friend's tease had her blushing. She couldn't bring herself to look at Ben in that moment.

"Whatever she wants," Ben responded, evenly.

The salesman ran through his spiel about the mattress and the manufacturer. Jess and Rose took it as their cue to pretend to be interested in some kitchen cabinet units, while Ben remained aside of her. Rey expected him to put his arm around her or hold her again. He did neither.

When the associate stepped away to grab the required paperwork for Rey to fill out, she didn't know what to say to Ben. Jess and Rose had made it sound as if it was a done deal. She wanted to believe that. She wanted to know more about Ben and continue spending time with him, regardless of the Plutt situation. Oddly enough, Plutt had been the catalyst for sending them into each other's arms. Rey didn't know what to make of that, only that she didn't want it to end when her former guardian was taken into custody.

"I'm glad you found one you like." Ben offered.

"Guess this will get you off my back about having a decent place to sleep now, huh?" Rey nudged him, playfully. As she said the words, she thought of how comforting it had felt to have her back against his chest when they had fallen asleep under the blankets in her apartment. She wondered if having a real bed would change anything about their routine?

"You will thank me later," he replied. "When your muscles aren't sore and your body isn't constantly tired from not getting adequate rest."

"Ok, old man."

"Don't start." He pushed her back, grinning down at her.

"What are you going to do about it?" She poked him with her pointer finger, trying not to get distracted by how firm the muscles in his arm were. She thought of how those arms had picked her up when they were at Rogue One. Her cheeks erupted in a fresh flush.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" He taunted, nudging her again, this time with more force.

Rey felt the familiar fire flicker to life within her as she watched him watching her. All it would take to kiss him now would be to rise up and fist his shirt to pull him down a bit to her level. It would surely raise a few eyebrows, but at the moment she didn't care. All she could think about was being back in his arms with his mouth pressed firmly against her own.

"Ma'am, if you're ready, we can do the paperwork over here."

She all but screamed in aggravation at the reappearance of the sales associate. Burying her longing, she stepped away from Ben, to talk to the associate about delivery and the warranty. Rey followed the man across the showroom to the counter. He mentioned he was pleased she had come to a decision so soon and began going over the forms needed to fill out. Rey nodded, scanning each of the documents as he presented them. Deliveries happened daily and they could set up the mattress in her apartment tomorrow. All of the rest of the contract was cut and dry, until she reached the end.

When she moved to the last sheet, she noticed the pricing at the bottom where the balance was listed as $0.00.

"Excuse me?"

"Yes?"

"I think this printed out wrong. It says there is a zero dollar balance for the mattress."

"That's correct." The associate smiled at her, collecting all the sheets and stapling them together. "Your boyfriend already paid the amount in full."

Rey's earlier desire burned away at the response. She hadn't seen Ben approach the sales counter or any associates. When had he managed to do that? And more importantly, why?

Ben had taught her to be aware at all times. It was a priority for self-defense. The more aware she was of her surroundings, the more aware she became of him. First, it was how he watched her and the tiny intricacies of his body language, such as how his lips trembled before he said something he was embarrassed about or unsure of. Then she started to become aware of other traits, like how he smelled when he got close or how warm he felt when she touched him. The more aware she let herself become, the more grateful she was he left her alone with Cassian and Jyn at night. Her dreams were exceedingly tempting, causing her to wake up drenched in sweat and with an unattainable need.

In that moment, however, she was not thinking of her carnal needs, but of how she was needed to kick Ben Solo's ass for going behind her back. Her lustful passion transformed into another passion: anger. She had been saving since she started at Rogue One and purchasing the mattress for herself was a milestone she had been looking forward to. She didn't want him constantly buying her things, even if he had good intentions. She needed her independence. It was the driving factor around how she had survived — her motivation for breaking away.

And Ben had snatched it away from her.

Not wanting to cause a scene, she signed the paperwork, passing it back to the waiting associate with a tight-lipped smile, before heading back out to Jess's truck with her friends. When the girls asked her if she wanted to have another 'Orange is the New Black' binge-fest at their house over Chinese, Rey declined, feigning a headache. The girls accepted her excuse, though they both seemed to grasp it as the white-lie it was. No doubt, they assumed she wanted some time alone with Ben. It was true, but not in the way they imagined it to be.

He must have sensed it too. Not once did he make a move towards taking her hand or stealing a kiss, as he had done on the drive to the store. He sat stiffly next to her, his knee bobbing up and down as his foot tapped impatiently during the ride back.

Rey waited until Jess and Rose had driven away from Ahch-To to confront Ben. As they made their way inside and upstairs to her apartment, she heard him sigh. He looked like a child being sent to the principal's office, but she couldn't find it in herself to feel bad about it. He had crossed a line and what made it worse was the fact he knew it.

Once inside her apartment, she let the door slam, before facing him, arms crossed over her chest.

"You're mad?" He asked, clearly confused by her reaction.

"Yes, I'm mad!"

"Why?"

"Do you have any idea how important this was to me?"

"The mattress?"

"No… yes! You-." She cut herself off, shaking her head, anger radiating off of her. It wasn't the mattress — not really. It was the fact he thought he could choose for her, like how he had nearly taken her to his place the day she had blacked out, because he deemed her furnishings insufficient. His judgement, at such a powerless point in her life, had stung. Somehow, she had managed to convince him it was essential she remain in her home. She would do the same now.

Before she went about persuading him, Rey sought to remind herself they hadn't known one another for long. Regardless of how deep into their connection she had fallen, they had only been in one another's orbit for a matter of weeks. She needed to maintain perspective while exploring the topic with him.

"Ben," she started, calmer than before but still tense. "I have never be able to afford anything new before. Everything I own is either a hand-out, passed down, scavenged from the dumpster, bought at a yard sale or thrift store...I've never had money to actually purchase something for myself, something truly mine."

He stared at her. She couldn't tell what he was thinking or if he was even comprehending what she was trying to convey to him.

"This was the first time in my life I've had the funds to do that. Buying this mattress, well it may seem trivial to you, but to me this is it. This is what I've been working so hard for. I wanted to be able to splurge on myself, but something new that could be mine — just mine. It doesn't really have anything to do with the mattress, per say. It's about me having the ability to buy it on my own without anyone's assistance."

Still he said nothing and if that didn't grate her, she didn't know what did. The annoyance she had felt, at being unable to decipher how he felt towards her, was cast aside in the light of this development. After all she had shared with him, she had expected him to understand. She had opened up old wounds, starting sharing secrets with him about her more vulnerable times. Instead of him carrying the knowledge and recognizing how and why she operated the way she did, he once again tried to buy her.

"And you come in with your whole 'throw money at' it routine, which is the only way you know how to solve problems, apparently."

Ben's face paled, as if it was finally clicking in his head. "Rey, I-."

"No," she held up a hand to stop him. "No, you knew how important this was to me. I told you I didn't want you buying everything."

"I have the money. I can buy it."

"Just because you can, doesn't mean you should."

"Rey, it's only a mattress."

She couldn't contain her rage anymore. It was boiling over.

"No! It was more than a mattress to me. It was my gift to myself for putting myself through college, for surviving at Plutt's, for striking out on my own with no one to help me...and you took that from me!"

"I was only trying to help. I want to take care of you so you don't have to worry about things like money," he confessed.

"I can take care of myself. I've been doing it my whole life."

"That was before me."

Later, Rey would regret saying it. In fact, the moment she shrieked at him, she wished she could take it back. Neither of them were prepared for her words when she lashed out in retaliation.

"You don't get to make my choices for me. You aren't my boyfriend!"

The apartment stilled. She didn't even breathe afterwards. The statement hung in the air around them, echoing in their minds in a torturous repeat. If Rey had doubted his feelings prior to this moment, Ben's affection for her was confirmed in his eyes as he took in her expression. She had never seen him look so wounded. It was far worse than when she had socked him in the face during their first sparring session. There was a faint hint of tears, held back and his form contracted, almost as if he was caving in on himself. Rey felt sick at the sight.

Finally, the silence was too much for him to bear and Ben sighed.

"You're right. I'm not," he muttered.

Without saying anything else, he exited her apartment. Rey was howling on the inside, her mind shouting at her to move or speak. She was paralyzed. After waiting all week for an answer, she had found one — at great cost. Her stomach churned in horror at what she had done. Each thundering step Ben took down the stairs, sounded like a nail in the coffin of their relationship.

Minutes felt like hours, until she heard the Vanquish turn over and gravel kick up as he pulled out of the academy's apartment. Rey watched him depart, still frozen in her spot, her throat raw from tears not shed and her chest aching with how empty her home suddenly felt without Ben's presence.

When she could no longer see him, her body unlocked and she sunk to the floor crying.

A/N: Don't kill me! We all knew it was not going to be smooth sailing for these two. They both have trust issues, among other things.

Thank you AbyssalSpark for continuing to support me and this story. I may have made her cry with the ending of this chapter - for which I am still sorry!