Chapter 28: Kingdom Fall

"She asked you to do what?" Kylo roared as he merged onto the highway connecting Corellia and Tatooine.

When he had picked Rey up from the shop, he had been in a foul mood. Hux's admission hadn't been one he was prepared to hear. As soon as the words were out of his manager's mouth, he felt failure strike him. There was nothing left for him to do but wait — wait for Snoke's crushing blow — wait for Rey to find out the truth and leave — wait to suffer even more disappointment from his parents.

Then Rey jumped into the car and told him the news. His mother asked her to be part of the charity auction. In a rather outdated and frankly sexist attempt to earn funds, Leia was auctioning off a date with ten eligible ladies from Corellia. Rey was to be number ten, the lady to close out the evening.

Kylo gritted his teeth, as his grip on the Vanquish's steering column tightened to the point where his hands were stark white. "Absolutely not!"

"Excuse me?" She arched a brow at him, her tone icy.

He cleared his throat, reminding himself he wasn't mad at her, just himself and his mother. "Rey," Kylo started again, "I don't like the idea of her using you and your body to generate a profit."

"Ben," Rey placed her hand on his thigh, immediately calming when he made his concern clear. "She asked me to help. She isn't using me. Besides, it's all for a good cause. The Resistance does great work all over. If I can be a part of that, I want to help."

"I know," he sighed, "and it's one of the things I love about you, but my mother-."

"Said she asked you to step in but you never called her back," Rey shot him a look which dared him to challenge her on this point. "So in a way this is your fault. Not hers."

Kylo bit the inside of his cheek, as he continued to drive them back so she could teach her afternoon classes. His mother had left a message asking him to help out, which he had indeed ignored, not wanting to play her game. Of course, he hadn't thought to mention it to Rey before she went inside the store, so in a way, his girlfriend was correct. He had no one to blame but himself.

"Fine," he grumbled.

Rey gave his thigh a squeeze. "You'll just have to outbid all the other gentlemen if you want a dance," she teased.

Well, that went without saying. He would absolutely not allow another man to place a hand on Rey. If Kylo had to sell his penthouse, he would, no one else at the gala was going to win a date with his girlfriend.

At least that was one thing he could control.

Rey squeezed his thigh again and he brought his hand off the clutch to hold hers.

How much longer would he have moments like this? How many more drives back and forth? How many more sparring sessions? How many more mornings waking up to see her face? He swallowed against the growing lump in his throat at the thought of her icy tone being the only one she used to speak to him and her vicious glare being the only eyes she ever gave to him. He wouldn't be able to live like that.

"Are you alright?" Rey asked, instantly picking up on his mood. "Getting cold feet about moving in together?"

"Not a chance," he ground out, attempting to grin, but he knew it was all in vain.

"Ben?"

"We still need to talk to Luke," he reminded her, changing the subject. "Lando gave you a few weeks, but we need to start transitioning."

"You're right," she nodded and he was grateful her focus shifted away from him and onto her new position at Cloud City.

"I'll talk to him when we get back."

"How did your friends take the news?" Kyko queried, purposefully keeping her mind on the topic.

"Jess and Rose are happy for me, even though I'll be moving away and we won't get around to having another girls night out for a while," Rey informed him. "Of course they were also delighted at the prospect of visiting us in Corellia and partying with Finn and Poe again."

As she continued talking about her friends' reactions to her news, Kylo's mind wandered to how to mitigate his own news.

Rey had been understanding so far. Each time he shared more of his past with her, she had surprised him by listening and ultimately forgiving him for his prior decisions. It had been particularly difficult whenever she asked about Han, since his father was her hero, but Kylo found her supportive of his choices, even if she had permitted Han to stay at the apartment.

In a way, it worked out. Perhaps this would work out too… if he just told her the truth.

"Rey," he started, interrupting her story about how Jess had shrieked into her ear when she had told the other girl about her offer.

"Yeah?"

"I have something I need to tell you," Kylo admitted.

She turned in her seat, facing him the best she could with her seatbelt buckled. "Yes?"

"Before we… when we were first at Ahch-To… the day I met you-."

"When you were an asshole?" Rey questioned, teasingly.

Kylo remembered how he had called Phasma and ordered her to find details on Rey. He recalled his exact words and how he had thought to himself, She'll wish she never left Jakku. I'll destroy her.

Now those same thoughts made him sick to his stomach. His uncle had been correct. It had not gone the way he thought. His malicious intent had morphed into an odd fascination which transformed into adoration and love. If he could go back in time and tell his former self how critical Rey would become in his life, he was sure he wouldn't have made the same mistake, but he couldn't go back.

"I… I'm sorry, Rey," he apologized, hating how he was forced to do this now, after she finally received what she deserved — a good paying job doing something she loved.

Then he realized how selfish he was being. Kylo was making this all about him again. He was taking away her victory in order to soothe his own suffering. He was too wrapped up in himself. First he had asked her about how her transition was going and next he was asking her to stop talking so he could rid himself of his guilt. He needed to keep his own pain out of what was to come next and focus on what really mattered — Rey.

"What are you sorry for, Ben?" Rey asked.

"I said things and did things that day," he confessed, "and I never should have. You didn't deserve it. I'm sorry I couldn't see it then."

"Ben," Rey gave his hand a squeeze. "Neither of us made a good first impression that day," she reassured him. "That's in the past now. We've moved past it."

"No," he shook his head. "Rey, you don't understand, I went-."

He was interrupted by the ringing of Rey's cell. Her eyes caught his apologetically. "It's Jyn," Rey told him. "She told me she'd call today after she and Cassian had time to discuss what they were going to do about Rogue One. Do you mind?"

"Go ahead," Kylo replied, not sure whether to be relieved or exasperated by the diversion.

Rey took the call, giving him a happy smile which only served to remind him of how she'd likely never smile at him again once she knew the truth.

While she spoke to Jyn, Kylo's thoughts went to his own manager. Hux had never been someone Kylo considered compassionate, but he hoped after the years they had worked together under Snoke there was some level of respect between them. Apparently not. Hux and Phasma were both concerned with their own careers far more than his.

His 'friends' were nothing like the people Rey surrounded herself with. While he could see Rose and Jess eagerly coming to Rey's aid, he knew without a doubt the first person to show up if she ever truly needed anyone would be Finn. Finn, who was completely right about him. Finn, who was Rey's true best friend. Kylo sighed, feeling even more deflated.

By the time he pulled into Ahch-To, Rey was wrapping up her conversation with Jyn and there were a half dozen students already assembled in the waiting room.

"I've got to change," Rey informed him, as she tucked her phone in her pocket. "See you afterwards?"

"Of course," he managed a small smile.

Rey leaned over, kissing his cheek chastely before she was out of the car and bounding up to her apartment.

Kylo inhaled deeply, trying to keep himself together so he could get through the planning discussion they needed to have with Luke and the larger conversation he needed to have with Rey after work.

When he managed to get himself out of the Vanquish, Rey had already re-appeared, dressed in her athletic gear. She sent him a dazzling smile as she passed, entering the studio and popping on her headset with practiced ease. He spared a moment to take in the sight of her, so carefree and happy. If things went south tonight, he wanted to remember her like this, full of light and full of love.

"Ben?" Kylo turned to find his uncle watching him with a confused expression. His gaze flickered from Kylo's troubled face to Rey then back to his nephew.

"Rey and I need to discuss some things with you," was his curt response.

"Alright," Luke nodded, motioning to his office. "Everything go ok with your mother?"

"It was fine," Kylo huffed, brushing past his uncle to wait inside until Rey's classes were done.

If Luke was bothered by his briskness, he didn't comment on it. "I assume she was pleased to meet Rey?"

"She roped her into participating in the charity," Kylo grumbled. "Typical politician."

Luke chuckled, sitting down at his desk. Kylo sat down across from him, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Your mother is always running," Luke reminded him. "Of course, with a girl like Rey, I'm sure she is both excited to show her off as her future daughter-in-law and use her as a way to bring in funds for the event."

Kylo didn't react to his uncle's mention of Rey officially joining their family, mainly because he was certain it wouldn't happen. Once Rey found out about the file, she wouldn't want any part in anything even remotely connected to the Skywalker family.

"Did something else happen?" Luke questioned. "Not that I'm uncomfortable with your typical sullen behavior but it has been a while since I had to put up with it."

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Kylo shut his eyes. Damn his uncle for being so perceptive.

"That bad, huh?"

"You could say that," Kylo muttered.

"Whatever it is, you two will figure it out," his uncle replied.

"Excuse me?" Kylo's eyes opened and he stared Luke in disbelief. "Weren't you the one who didn't want me corrupting your new protege?"

"Yes," Luke nodded, "but unlike you, I admit to my mistakes and I made a mistake with you and Rey. You two balance one another out. You have a healthier relationship than your parents ever did."

"That's not hard to do," Kylo scoffed.

"I suppose not," Luke chuckled. "Care to help me organize this," he waved a hand over his cluttered desk.

"Sure."

Kylo worked alongside his uncle in companionable silence until Rey finished both her afternoon classes. They were just entering the remaining invoices from last month when she walked into the office.

"Hey," Rey greeted them both as she took the seat next to Kylo.

"How was class?" Luke asked her.

"Great," Rey replied, smiling in her normal sunshine way. "They are all coming along so well in their training."

"I'm glad to hear it," his uncle responded. Then he shifted his attention to Kylo and back to Rey. "Ben mentioned you had some news?"

"Oh, yeah," Rey dropped her eyes for a moment, clearly uncertain how to proceed with the discussion.

Kylo wanted to reach over, take her hand, tell her she would be ok, but he was frozen in his spot. All he could see was her broken expression from the dreams.

At night, he struggled to sleep and when he did, he had the same dream over and over. In the dream, Kylo found himself in his office tearing through every drawer and cabinet in search of the file, somehow knowing he wouldn't be able to find it. Then, just as he'd complete his search, Rey would walk in, the folder in her hand.

She wouldn't say anything to him. She simply tossed the folder onto the top of his desk in front of him and walked out. He tried to follow her — tried to stop her — but he could never move fast enough.

Each time, he woke in a cold sweat, just as she slammed the door shut on him — on them. The imagery wasn't lost on him. He needed to fix things before it was too late.

But his fear was that it already was too late.

Rey thought Kylo would help her discuss the transition plan with his uncle, but he had a faraway look in his eyes, as if he wasn't truly with them. Clearing her throat, she told Luke about her offer from Lando Calrissian.

"Figures that scoundrel would steal my best instructor," Luke grumbled in a rather un-zen way. Then, as if remembering himself, he smiled at her. "I'm very happy for you, Rey. What a wonderful opportunity."

"Thank you," she blushed, hoping he didn't think she was ungrateful for all he had done for her. "I asked for a few weeks so I can help you transition all the classes over. Ben is going to pick up where I leave off."

"I can see you two have already planned this out," Master Skywalker nodded thoughtfully. "I appreciate you both taking the academy into consideration. I'm sure the students will miss you," he told Rey.

"I'll miss them," she replied honestly.

It was perhaps one of the most challenging parts of accepting her dream job. Knowing she was leaving her students behind felt as though she was abandoning them, which made her feel extremely guilty.

"If you could stay on until Labor Day, I think that would be best," Luke advised. He agreed the timeline would be best if it aligned with the close of their summer sessions. She'd close out her final classes before the children returned to school. "It has a nice poetry to it, don't you think?" he had asked Rey. "You came to us in the summer and now you're leaving with the season."

"Thank you," Rey said. "I never thought our tour would turn into a job offer. I don't mean to leave you in the lurch."

"Nonsense," Luke waved his hand at her. "I didn't expect to have you here forever, Rey. You're meant for great things. You came here looking for something." His eyes left hers to focus on Ben, then came back to rest upon her face. "I believe you found it."

"Me too," she smiled, reaching over to take Ben's hand. Her boyfriend smiled at her. She tried not to worry about the fact it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Well then," Luke stood up, pushing his chair back. "All that's left is one last thing then."

Rey cocked an eyebrow, unsure what he meant.

"Congratulatory hug."

She jumped to her feet, forgetting all about Ben's demeanor, as Luke embraced her. She knew one way or another she'd be back at Ahch-To someday. There was something magical about this place. It had opened her up to the world of martial arts, encouraged her to live on her own and brought her Ben. She'd miss being here.

"Your shift starts soon," Ben reminded her. "We should get going."

"Alright," Rey relented, giving Luke one final hug.

As nervous as she had been to discuss her offer with Luke, she was equally nervous about facing the Rogue One crew now that it was official she would be leaving. Jyn and Cassian were supportive of her choice, acknowledging the fact a bartender wasn't the career Rey had her heart set on.

Like with her students, she felt as though she was letting her friends down. Everyone at Rogue One meant something to her. Baze and Chirrut always offered sage advice. Bodhi continued to suggest the best music. Jyn and Cassian were the epitome of a perfect marriage. And Kaytoo...well, Kaytoo was Kaytoo. Seeing them all was a part of Rey's daily routine. They were family just as much as Finn and Poe and Rose and Jess. She'd miss them, even Kaytoo with all his snark and sass.

While Ben drove them to New Jedha, Rey contemplated how often she could visit her squad. Maybe she could guest bartend some nights, if they needed an extra hand. It would give her a chance to catch up while spending time in the bar, which had become sacred in her eyes.

She tried to not worry about the fact Ben still appeared to be worried over something. Earlier when he had asked her to move in, it had seemed to pacify him, but now...well, now he was back to brooding. Rey wasn't sure if it was from all the sudden changes or something else.

He had mentioned needing to tell her something.

Ben pulled into a vacant spot across the street from the club, tucking the Vanquish away from the other vehicles in the lot.

"Are you sure you are ok?" Rey asked, as she took his hand, walking with him towards the bar.

At first he didn't respond, thinking over her question. Rey waited patiently, knowing how hard it was for him to open up at times.

"Can we talk, when we get back tonight?" he returned her question with a question. "There's just some… things J need to tell you."

Rey stopped walking, taking in the serious tone of his voice and how deeply the lines etched in his face suddenly seemed to be. "Ben, If something is bothering you, we can talk about it now. Whatever it is, it's not worth holding onto, if it's making you miserable."

His eyes flickered to the club entrance. "I don't want to talk about it here. Can we wait until tonight?"

She gave his hand a squeeze. "Of course."

Rey made for the door, surprised when he didn't come with. He stood froze in his spot. She turned to him. "Ben?"

"I love you."

"I know," she smiled, rising to her tiptoes to kiss him. "I love you too."

He hugged her. There was a desperation to the embrace, a layer of uncertainty which scared her, but she brushed it off, telling herself it was just nerves.

Those nerves died when she walked into the club. Inside she found her entire Rogue One squad, Kaytoo included, gathered together to give her a champagne toast.

"To our Rey," Cassian grinned, lifting his glass, "may she remain a beacon of life in all all her future endeavors."

"You'll be missed, little sister," Baze added.

"To Rey!" Jyn cheered.

The group clinked glasses and downed the pastel pink liquid, the bubbles tickling all the way down Rey's throat. The squad cheered again, all taking turns hugging Rey and telling her how proud they were of her going off on her own to become a star engineer. Even Kaytoo embraced her, breaking his own rules about touching as he got caught up in the champagne haze.

When Rey set her flute down, she noticed Ben was gone. His glass remained untouched at the edge of the bar.

Kylo felt like a shell of his former self. He went though forms with his students, reiterating how the angles of attack needed to be precise and stopping several times to have them start from the beginning until they were able to go through all twelve motions without fault. To them, it was business as usual, but to him, Kylo had never felt less like himself.

When he was a teenager, dealing with raging hormones and his parents failing marriage, he felt lost. When his uncle told him he was becoming destructive and dangerous, he felt lost. When Snoke laid into him, convinced Kylo wasn't giving enough in the ring, he felt lost.

But the possibility of Rey no longer being part of his life; that left him feeling desolate and alone.

Once his classes were over, he took his frustration out on the bag, throwing punch after punch uncaring if the skin on his knuckles ripped open or if his hands bruised. The bag toppled over more than once from the strength of his hits. Kylo set it back up and continued to deliver strikes, wearing both the bag and himself out.

By the time his alarm went off to remind him to pick Rey, he was practically gasping for air. It had been his choice to leave Rogue One early, unable to take any more of Rey's concern for him, but every moment they had been apart drove him mad. He broke every speed limit on his way to the club. It was by sheer dumb luck he wasn't caught and pulled over.

Rey was waiting for him, sitting on top of the bar with her legs swinging back and forth as she chatted with Cassian and Jyn. Her eyes lit up when she saw him, jumping down instantly and waving goodbye to her managers.

"Hey," she threw her arms around him, kissing him in greeting. She didn't mind the fact he was covered in sweat and he loved her all the more for it.

He kissed her back, hungry for her lips, her tongue, every part of her. When they parted, Kylo didn't bother to say anything, pulling her to him, inhaling the scent of her deeply and committing it to memory.

"Ready to go?" Rey asked eventually.

"Yeah, let's go home," he replied, taking her hand.

He held her hand the entire drive back to Tatooine, needing to feel her to keep himself from falling apart. The academy was locked up and dark, by the time he parked the Vanquish. Luke had gone home before Kylo finished his final class of the night. It was just them, a fact Kylo was thankful for as they ascended the stairs to Rey's apartment.

She made for the bedroom, but he directed her to the couch in the living room instead. "Rey, we need to talk," he reminded her gently.

"Is this about the what you started to tell me in the car?" she asked. "What's been upsetting you all day?"

Kylo nodded and kneeled before her on the living room floor. "Rey," he held onto her hands, as he started, watching as the smile slowly left her face. The longer he stared at her the more apparent it became that what he had to say was not what she anticipated.

"Before we started training together, before you hit me," Kylo paused, giving her a smirk as he remembered how surprised he had been by her impressive aim. Rey didn't smile back, her intuition serving her well. He cleared his throat and continued. "Before all of it, I didn't want you here," he admitted.

"Yeah," she rolled her eyes. "I know. You made it abundantly clear."

"I did," he agreed, his hold on her hands tightening. "I didn't know you. Luke tried to warn me, but I was so angry about the suspension, about having to come back here...about all of it. And I did something."

Rey searched his face, as if she could determine what it was he had done merely by scanning his features.

"Ben?"

There was no going back now. She'd most likely hate him, tell him to get out and avoid him like the plague after this. But he had to tell her the truth. He owed it to Rey. He owed her everything.

"I asked Phasma to run a background check on you," Kylo confessed. Rey's eyes widened and she yanked her hands out of his grasp. "I thought you were trying to take the studio from me," he hastily explained. "It was the last thing I had of my grandfather, the only thing I had left of the only family who had never abandoned me. Luke knew how important it was to me and I thought he hired you to spite me. I thought it was another one of his mind games. When I found out you had no training, I wanted to know what your motivations were for being here. It was impulsive and stupid and I'm sorry, Rey. I'm so fucking sorry."

He watched as her chest heaved, her eyes wide and unbelieving until the magnitude of what he did sunk in. Kylo could pinpoint the exact second Rey realized what it meant.

"So you knew? About Plutt? About my parents? You knew he entire time we were together and you— you lied to me!"

Kylo nodded, somberly.

Her hand flew through the air, landing a resounding crack against his cheek. The impact of her palm burned but it was nothing compared to the pain aching in his chest at the sight of her losing faith in him.

After years of having everyone put in him a box — his mother wanted a perfect son, his uncle wanted a perfect apprentice, Snoke wanted a perfect fighter — Rey had been the first one to see him for who he was. Even if he was broken and terrible at communicating, she had found a way to slip through the cracks and breath new life into him with her glorious light.

And now it was over.

"H-how could you?" her voice cracked, as her head fell into her hands.

Kylo couldn't bare to hear her cries. Knowing he was the reason for them was excruciating. Hurting Rey had been his original plan but now he had achieved it and he wanted nothing in the world more than to take it all back. It was the single worst decision of his life.

"I-," there were no excuses he could give her to justify what he had done.

"So this," she gestured between them, "this was all so you could make sure the academy passed on to you?"

"No," he instantly rebuked.

"Is that why you got me the meeting with Lando? So you could get me out of the way?"

His heart plummeted. No, no, no. This was spiraling out of control. Not only was he losing her trust, he was losing her. Rey was collapsing in on herself, her insecurities talking control of her as she became overwhelmed by his truth.

"Sweetheart," Kylo grabbed her hands, holding on despite her attempts to pull away. "That's not why I took you to see him. I called in a favor because I knew it was your dream."

"Because you read my file!" she snapped.

Ok, I deserve that, he thought, biting back a response so he didn't appear to be arguing with her. Fighting with her wasn't going to solve this. He didn't want to end up like his parents. He thought of the techniques Dr. Connix had taught him in his sessions and how important it was to remain calm. Kylo quelled his frustration, loosening his grip on her to allow her to jerk away of she chose to.

She did.

He grimaced. "Rey, listen to me," he begged. "I need you to hear the rest of it and then if you want me to leave, I will."

Her eyes were burning with fury when she glanced up at him. "Then go, because I'm about ten seconds away from kicking you out of here."

"Alright, alright," he held up his hands in surrender. "Can I at least get you a glass of water first? I don't want you to get a headache."

Rey nodded, eyes dropping to the floor.

Kylo rose with a sigh and went to retrieve a glass from her kitchen and a box of tissues. The further away he stepped from her the deeper the ache in his body burrowed.

Rey felt as if she was trapped in a nightmare, one which was strangling the life out of her but no matter what she did, she couldn't wake up.

Ben — Kylo — had known!

He had known everything about her before they had ever started… whatever it was they were doing. No that wasn't right. He knew what he was doing. He was using her, manipulating her the same way Plutt had in order to get what he wanted. Rey was the one who didn't know what she was doing. She dove head first into the relationship, despite the warnings from Luke, despite the warnings from Finn, and now… well, now she was going to reap what she sowed.

Stupid, girl, she thought sullenly. When are you going to learn? You're nothing.

"You're not nothing," Ben muttered, kneeling before her. He held out a cool glass of water in one hand and a box of tissues in another.

She must have spoken the words out loud. Shaking her head, Rey grabbed for the water, drinking down the entire glass before handing it back to him. Next, she reached for the tissues, not caring how terrible she looked. It wasn't as if it mattered anymore.

Ben wasn't hers. He had never been hers.

"Rey?"

"Talk," she demanded, holding onto her anger.

If she started to cry again and mourn her relationship, she'd only want him. Her sorrow would overwhelm her. Her need to feel him console her would outweigh her practical thoughts. Rey knew if she reached for him there would be no turning back and that was something she couldn't allow. Even now, despite knowing what he had done, she wanted him to hold her, to wrap her up in his strong arms and tell her it would be ok.

The survivor in her kept her from making a fool of herself.

"You have five minutes, Kylo, " she hissed. "Speak or get out."

He flinched at the use of his new name.

There, that was good.

"Would you like more water?"

The concern in his voice sounded so genuine. It was as if he truly did care for her, regardless of his wayward intentions in the beginning. If only that were true.

"Four minutes and forty-five seconds," she reminded him, hugging a throw pillow to keep herself from focusing on how beaten he appeared.

"Okay," he sighed. "I never did anything with the file," Ben continued. "I read it but I never took action. I couldn't. There was a picture in the file of you, before you went to Plutt's and I… ," she heard him struggle to come up with the words. "All I could see was this little girl and it made me think of how scared I had been growing up. I saw myself in you. I started to think you'd understand me, understand where I was coming from. It was why I suggested training. I thought I could convince you to join me at the First Order."

She snorted. They both knew that would never have happened. "So what changed?" she demanded.

"Once I started to get to know you, I stopped reading the file. Then you blacked out and it scared me. I saw the kind of affect Plutt had on you. I didn't want to be him. Plutt is just like Snoke, manipulative and condescending. I didn't want to be a monster. So I stopped projecting what I wanted on you. Instead, I focused solely on you. I wanted to know the real you, not the you who was a bunch of facts on paper and a number in the system."

Rey felt the blade in her heart twist. How could he say such things to her? Couldn't he see how hard it was for her to hear? Did he want her to be in pain. She bit the inside of her mouth, holding off more tears. Rey reminded herself to remain angry. She had to hold onto her rage, had to let it consume her so she'd be protected.

"The more time I spent with you, the more drawn to you I became. At first I was convinced it was because you were a skilled fighter — the first who had been an actual challenge for me in a long time — but then my fascination turned to... something more and I fell in love with you."

A sob escaped her lips and Rey clutched to the pillow like it was her lifeline. She couldn't hear this. Not now. Not ever.

"Rey," he reached for her and she shrank back. He withdrew immediately, looking stricken. "I do love you. That has always been true. This," he mimicked her prior gesture, "this has always been real."

"Then why lie? Why not tell me?" Rey pleaded between sobs. She couldn't stop the flood of tears once it began.

"Sweetheart," Ben moved to hold her and she instinctively pulled away. He settled back on his heels, running a hand through his hair, uncertain how to proceed.

"I didn't want to lose you," he admitted selfishly. "I couldn't lose you. You were the first thing in my life I ever truly wanted."

"Because I'm just another prize?" she hiccuped as the crying worsened.

"Rey, I'm not a good man," he told her. "I warned you from the beginning. But the thing is, when I'm with you, I want to be a good man. I want to be better. You make me want to be better. You made me believe I could be more than just a fighter in the ring. You made me think I could have a real life, a happy one. You did that. I didn't deserve you when you gave me a second chance and I still don't deserve you. I probably never will, but please, know that I didn't lie about us or how I feel about you. I could never lie about something like that. Not to you."

She couldn't even seen him. Her eyes felt like a faucet opened to the max. Tears rolled down her face, dampening the top of the pillow. Her heart felt as if it had exploded in her chest, the initial blast due to his lie and the shrapnel digging into parts of her as he confessed his feelings to be true. It was too much. It was all too much.

"Rey, sweetheart, I am so sorry," Ben wrapped himself around her. She didn't have the strength to push him away this time. "God, am I sorry," his voice cracked and Rey felt hot tears spilling onto her shoulder.

He was crying too.

"Please. Please. Please ," he chanted, as he clutched her the way she was clutching the pillow. "I can't be without you. All this time, all those years before you I was looking for something. I needed a place to belong but nowhere fit. Nowhere until you. You're what I've been looking for. I can't lose you, Rey."

Maz's cryptic words from weeks ago played in Rey's head.

There are times when we embark down a path with the best of intentions, but no matter how hard we try, we get lost. We lose our way and our purpose.

At the time Maz has spoken the words, Rey wasn't sure of the meaning. Now, however, now she understood.

Despite how raw and exposed she felt, Rey allowed herself to sink into Ben's embrace, her arms leaving the pillow to hug him back. The moment she did, she heard him gasp, his hold tightening until he was nearly crushing her. Her shoulder and neck became soaked, his breathing ragged against her ear. He mumbled words she couldn't make out, clinging to her with every ounce of his being.

And Rey felt his pain washing over hers.

If we didn't break apart, there would be no cracks to let the light in, Maz had said.

As if they were dueling tornados, they both spiraled around one another, full of hurt, rage, sadness. The vision of them attacking each other, trying to overpower the opposite gave her an idea.

"Let's go downstairs."

Kylo wasn't sure he had heard Rey correctly. One minute they were holding onto one another desperately, both crying, both breaking open under the weight of his confessions and the next she was leading him down to the darkened studio.

He cast her a wary glance. "What are we doing?" His voice was still hoarse.

"If you meant what you said upstairs," Rey began, falling into a starting stance, "then prove it."

This was not what he expected. "Y-you want me to fight you?"

Rey nodded. "We started this on the mat, what better place to work things out?"

Work things out? Did that mean-

"And don't hold back," she ordered.

Little minx.

"Alright, sweetheart," he smirked. "You asked for it."

Kylo charged at her, impressed when she didn't flinch or step back from his advance. When he swung his right arm around for a hook, Rey dropped, kicking out her leg. She caught him around the ankle and he stumbled forward, nearly face planting.

"The bigger they are, the harder the fall," she teased, coming to stand over him.

He kicked out her legs, grinning when she yelled and fell back into her ass. "I recall telling you just this morning to mind your surroundings," Kylo retorted.

"Touché," she huffed, quickly getting to her feet.

Moving to strike again, Kylo rounded on her. Rey narrowly dodged his attack, ducking out of the way and rolling forward to put enough distance between them so she could launch a counter-attack.

Good.

They lost themselves to the frenzied attack. Rey yelled and snarled like the wildcat he new she was and in turn he roared back. Any lingering doubt he had about the future of their relationship dissolved the longer they sparred. He could see light coming back to Rey's eyes, the angry fury morphing into a stubborn determination to win at all costs.

Rey got the first strike, but Kylo pinned her first. He caught her against the mirror, trapping her wrists against the glass as he towered over her. "I think you like this," he panted, watching her eyes widen. "I think it turns you on."

"Maybe," she replied coyly, before wrapping a leg around him and twisting them so they both fell to the ground. She managed to get out of his hold and pinned him to the floor. "But I know it turns you on."

There was no hiding his erection, so he tried to kiss her. Rey pulled away smacking her hands against his chest, still angry with him despite her teasing prior.

They went on this way, testing the waters, circling each other with heated gazes and tempting smiles. Sweat rolled down his back and drenched his shirt. He could see droplets running down Rey's temple, but neither would yield. Their breathing had become labored from the exertion, yet they continued, pushing themselves regardless of the late hour.

"So when you asked me to move in with you, was that real or a cover up?" Rey asked, as she let loose a front snap kick, aimed for his groin.

"Easy there," he chided, barely blocking her hit. "And yes, it was real. I was planning on asking you before Lando offered you the job."

Rey straightened up, momentarily distracted. "Really?"

Kylo tackled her to the ground, trapping her arms at her sides. Rey grunted, as she landed on the mat with him on top of her. "Really," he smirked, before holding stealing a kiss.

"Ben!"

"What?"

"Not fair," she insisted.

"Uh uh uh, sweetheart," he made a taking sound at her. "You said we were going to fight this out. All's fair and all that."

A mischievous glint appeared in her eyes. "Oh?" Kylo felt her roll her hips, rocking herself up against him.

There wasn't a single doubt in his mind of what her intentions were. "You're playing a dangerous game, Rey."

"All's fair and all that," she parroted back at him.

"Indeed," he growled, before rolling them over so she was straddling his hips. He kept his hands on her hips, making sure she pressed down exactly where he needed her to.

"Mmmmm," Rey ground down on him, her hands on his abdomen, keeping herself balanced on top of him.

Kylo was fully hard, hearing her moan as she worked herself against him. What was it that people said about make-up sex? It was the best? He needed to test that theory.

"Sweetheart," his voice came out huskier than he meant. "Let's go back upstairs."

He'd be lying if he said he hadn't thought about taking her in the studio. There was something devious and deliciously wrong about doing it there, which was why it was so appealing. Of course, he hadn't expected he'd be getting the chance to do it anytime soon, especially not tonight.

"Why?" she whined.

"We can't do this here," he answered.

"We can," Rey nibbled on his lower lip, one hand snaking into her jeans pocket. She pulled out a condom.

"Fuck, I love you," Kylo grabbed her face, kissing her.

"Show me," she demanded.

Kylo shifted her in his arms, scooping her up and carrying her over to the counter where Rey normally put her notes out for class. He sat her down, then helped her shuck off her jeans, followed back her panties. "Lean back," he told her, pressing a hand on her flat stomach. Rey did as he instructed, balancing her weight on her hands, as she arched back, keeping the heels of her feet planted on the edge of the countertop.

He ran his hands up her thighs, pushing them apart, so he could lean down in between. Kylo gave a tentative lick along her folds, earning him a moan, as one of Rey's hands nestled into his hair. He took it as a sign to continue, lapping at the slickness he found there. She tasted sweet like honey and his tongue eagerly searched for more, delving into her folds. Her body shook at the sensation.

Pressing a finger into her, Kylo thrust gently into her heat. The pad of his thumb applied pressure along her hood, moving in slow circles, as he worked his finger in and out of her. Rey keened above him, both hands carding through his tresses as she cried out his name.

"Need you, " she panted. "Please."

Remembering how he had caught her earlier, Kylo picked Rey up, bringing her over to the front wall. "Hands on the mirror, sweetheart," he guided her, while unbuckling his pants. Kylo stepped out of his jeans and hastily unrolled the condom over his member.

Rey stood facing the mirror, her palms flat against the cool glass. When he had looked down at his cock, she had removed the remainder of her clothes, leaving her bare as the day she was born. Smirking, he ripped his t-shirt off over his head, matching her state of undress. It was only fair.

"Ready?" he asked, one hand on her hip and one hand on his shaft.

"Yes," she breathed.

Kylo snapped his hips forward, entering her with a sharp thrust. Rey screamed his name, her center clenching around him. He growled, ducking his head down to her earlobe. "You're so tight, sweetheart. You feel so good."

"I love you," she sighed and his heart nearly burst.

She loved him. Despite everything he had done, all the sins he had yet to atone for, she loved him. Whatever higher power that was out there watching over him, he thanked a thousand times over and promised he'd spend the rest of his days showering her with love and devotion, if only to hear her say those three little words again and again.

"I love you, Rey," he breathed against her neck. He planted a chaste kiss there, before pulling out and slamming back in.

He set a punishing pace, his hips canting to a rapid rhythm. He interlocked one hand with Rey's watching her expression in the mirror, as she arched back to meet his thrusts. Her pupils were blow, lips parted and her hair was coming out of her buns. She looked disheveled and wild. She was utterly perfect.

"Look at me, sweetheart," Kylo told her, as he felt himself reaching his peak. The hand which had been on her hip slid down to her clit, rubbing the nub until she spasmed uncontrollably around him. "Look at me, Rey. I want to see you."

Her eyes snapped to him and the second he caught her gaze they both crested, falling over the precipice and into pure satisfaction. Kylo slapped his hands out onto the mirror, keeping his body upright so as not to collapse on her. Rey was breathing heavily, far more heavily than when they had been sparing and there was a decadent flush covering her skin.

"And you didn't think fighting would work for us," she winked at him in the mirror.

"I stand corrected," he chuckled. "So does this mean you forgive me?"

Rey made a face at him. "I'm not sure. We might have to try that again."

"Whatever you need, sweetheart."