Anime Opening
Doki Doki Doki, Fuck My Life
While walking down the mountain path after being promptly booted from High Hthrogar, they came across a young traveler making his way up to the top, reading the inscriptions along the way. Gary oak stopped him, "I warn you, the dragon up there? Massive Dick!" he said without thinking how he phrased that or how it came off. The traveler looked up with an odd expression and tilted his head " Jowlenin Wetash...Sass awrful. Awasa poa, Nicloske Ga with Cummuns" he spoke in his native tongue, Simlish. Thats right ladies and gents, a fucking sim in Skyrim! Have mods gone too far? Perhaps, but back to the mission at hand!
Our squad of…heroes(?) found themselves teleported back to the top of the mountain by a bunch of rogue edgy teen dragons while Paarthurnax was asleep. He woke up when he sensed the bitch boy brigade. "GET OFF MY LAWN" shouted grouchy grandpa Paarthurnax. "Well fuckh." said Gary McFucking McOak. Xehanort was displeased. "KEYBLADE." he said. "Yeah now we have to go back down the fucking mountain again." McGary said. Little did he know that, standing right behind them, was Steven the Sim. "ba grooba nabi droo it to em" Steven said menacingly.
Steven was added to the party!
Paarthurnax punted the party down the mountain again, but this time right into the Greybeard's backyard. "GET OFF MY LAWN" they all shouted in unison, like some sort of eldritch thu'um grandpa. "HEY GRAMPS(S), WE'RE HERE FOR THE FUCKIN, UHHHHHHHHH, SWORD!" shouted Gary McFucking Oak, in all his 'glory'. "Sword?" stated the one member of the Greybeards who could speak normally (Arngeir?) "You'll have to prove yourself for that."
"OF FUCKING COURSE I DO, GRAMPS, now what must I do?" Gary Fucking Oak spoke solemnly. "Hmm." pondered Arngeir. "How about a rice ball eating contest?" "What the fuck is a rice ball?" Gary shouted.
Arngeir led our lovely protagonists to wherever the fuck the kitchen is in the darn Greybeard temple or whatever, and showed them a mountain of rice balls that they had somehow had the foresight to prepare. "Where are the rice balls?" Gary asked. "These are the rice balls." Arngeir spoke. "THOSE ARE JELLY DONUTS." Gary fucking yelled. "Ooh be gah." Steven agreed for some reason. "WHAT THE FUCK NO THEY AREN'T JELLY DONUTS THEY'RE RICE BALLS." Arngeir shouted, clearly annoyed. Arengier, as few may know is a massive fucking weeaboo. He has at least 5 waifus and 2 are traps (but let's just assume he knows that already).
"h̸͎̪̝̲͉̮̼̘̓̓̍͌̿̋͒̂͗͘ị̷̗͍̜͔̪̣̤̗̩̊̇̄̉͛̂̾̓́̀n̷̛̖̰͙̻̳̰̹̭͒̾̈́̎̌̑̈́͂̐ͅͅg̵͖̮̮͇̺̯͇̫̯͒͗̏̔́͊̚̚͘͘ͅl̷͓̺͙̙͓̠̘͎̝̮̄̓̇̾̔̇͊͋̈̂ê̷̡̞͉̥͎͉̙̯̮̋̇͆͑̿̓̕̕͠ͅ ̴̟͕̱͉͎̙͕̗̘̘̐̒͊̅̔̃̇͊͊͝m̶̢̞̦͖͓̜͚̠̠͎̽̌̈́̔̈́́̓̈́̽͝y̶̧̮̮͍͒̿̉̈̄̊̀́́̊͜ ̸̨̛̰͈̤͍̥̜̩̦̳́͛̄͒͛͊̎̈́͘b̵̮̥̻̞͕̯̱͇̬̜̃́́͋̔̓͋͊̚͝i̶̧̢̡̠̹̲͖͉̫̫̇̓̀̃̉̍̈́̈͘͠n̷̨̢̛̦̙̩̭͍̹͖̈̆͑̄͗̎̚͜͝͝g̵̨̱̲̤̫̣̺̪̾̋̈́̔̽̐͊͆̏͌͜ͅl̵̢̧̟̻̭̯̺͙̼̍͒̄̐͌̑̄̓̅̿ͅȩ̸̰͙̭̰͖̪̟̖͐͑̒̒̇̇͗̄̕͜͝ ̴̡̞̫̠̞͓̞̯͓͗̆̒͑͗̈́͌͊̾͆͜K̵͔̺̰͚̞̣̝̦̙̂̌̒̓̊̔͊̄͝͝ͅi̵̢͕̳̖̺͑̊̂́̋̈́̈́͠͠͝n̸̨̢̙̲̟̪̏͋̎͂̇̇͑͆̒̚g̸̜͚̍͆͐͂̉̀̉͆̚͝ ̶̢͈̻͙͉͍͚͙̟̮́̓̐̍̅͋͋̊͘͝D̴̢̡̛̺̺̦̝͉̅͌̊̿̌͗̕͘̚e̷̻̟̭͇̯̒̇͗͛͂͐̌͘͝͠d̸̫̜͙͓̘̾́́̆̌̎͛̚͝͠ę̴̛͖͖̦̗̤͉̿̏́̓̈́́͂́̚d̵̺͇̥̥͚͉͍͑̆̄̒̌̓̄̀͝͝e̷̡̝̦̜̫̅̍̑̾̄͗̑͘͘͜͜͝" said Steven, whispering into Borri's ear who proceeded to shout him into a wall. Without a warning, a mighty "WArRiiooOO" was sounded from the horn of Hurgen Jurgen WompfhCaller. Vore the rice balls/jelly donuts. I am disgusted. Vore? In my good christian suburbs? Well who am I to kinkshame? Immediately all of the Greybeards dropped dead at the mere mention of vore. All of them, even Dumblydore. They shall kinkshame us from beyond the grave. They do so because kinkshaming is their kink.
Suddenly a loud screech came from up the mountain "ARE YoU ReaDY KIDSSS? OOOOOOOOOOOOOH" It was the guy in the intro of spongebob. Yknow.. The guy in the painting? The pirate guy? WELL HE BROKE HIS SEALS AND ESCAPED! The world feared Alduin but this? This was their true fear. A giant pirate made of immortal paint. God help those poor souls after what they did next.
Gary Fucking Oak transformed into a magical girl a-FUCKING-gain, and tried to blast the Spingleboob guy with his magical beam. It did absolutely nothing. "KEYBLADE BITCH BABY" Xehanort screamed. "TO SWORD HABBA" shouted Steven the simulated dreamy man. "THE FUCKING SWORD, OF COURSE." yelled Gary hecking Oak. The gang ran around the temple or whatever like chickens with their heads cut off, attempting to find the Sword. Arngeir's force ghost showed up just then.
"Well fuck, you're a jedi?" Gary Oak said. As the only member of the party who could speak normally, he empathized with Arngeir, the only member of the Greybeards who could speak normally. "Of fucking course I am, now why are you trying to find the Sword? You haven't proven yourself." "Jelly donuts." Gary stated with the confidence of a man who had faced God and walked backwards into Heck. Arngeir shuddered. "It's in one of the pots by the entrance." the jedi force ghost of the only Greybeard who could talk normally said. "Thank" Gary quickly spoke, and ran off to Xehanort and Steven. "THE POTS" Gary yelled loudly. While running towards the pots, Gary tripped, smashing them all in the process. A rabid chicken fell out of the pot. "HAAH" shouted Gary. The chicken, foaming at the mouth, ran screaming. The rapid chicken proceeded to pick up The Sword of Jammin' Vibes and run off.
"OH FUCK" shouted Gary fucking Oak, swiftly running after the chicken. "KEYBLADE" shouted Xehanort, sticking out Luke Skywalker's keyblade that he stole earlier to trip the chicken, but the chicken hopped over effortlessly. "KEYBLADE" said Xehanort in defeat. Steven threw himself in front of the chicken to try to stop it, but ended up getting stabbed by the sword instead. "Steven! NO" Gary screamed as his friend was killed. The chicken ran off a cliff, leaving the sword stuck in Steven's body. "Ba groobi… nabi… droo it to em." Steven said, and then he died. "Steven… I shall avenge you." Gary pulled the sword out of Steven, being careful not to touch the dead body. "Let's go."
Gary and Xehanort made their way to the outside of the Greybeard temple. "SPONGLE PIRATE" Gary Oak shouted loudly. "YOU HAVE TAKEN SOMETHING DEAR FROM ME." "OHHHH" The pirate sang in it's savage death cry. "HAAAAAH" Gary yelled as he transformed into a magical girl once again, except this time it was a bit more like a Super Saiyan transformation. Gary lifted the Sword, and it began to glow. "THIS IS FOR STEVEN" Gary said, as a magical girl patented laser shot of the Sword, amplified by it's magical powers. The laser blasted the pirate, reducing him to dust. Gary transformed back to normal and collapsed, panting. "It... is done." He regained his breath and stood up. "Now we must defeat Grandpa Piss."