Ben never returns to the party. She's left there to pretend-laugh about the stupid mistletoe kiss with Poe's parents. And she's left with a Poe who is pretending to pout over the fact that she kissed his cousin.

In reality, he pulls her aside and down the hall shortly after Ben disappears. Poe's jealous, of course. Or at least, that's what his mother must think. Rey meets her eyes as she follows Poe out of the room and feels bad at how worried she looks.

But of course, that's not it at all. "Are you ok?" Poe asks as soon as they're out of earshot.

"I'm fine. It's Ben I'm worried about." She's still dazed. She's been kissed before. She's even initiated kisses with a couple guys. But she's never been forced to kiss the cousin of the man she's fake dating in front of his family and almost had it turn into one big make-out fest. Because oh, did she want to take it further. She knew she would if she got a chance to kiss him. Tradition, her ass. She wanted to kiss the bastard and she'd done it.

And now they were going to pay for it. She just knows it. No one could miss the dazed look on her face, the way Ben had allowed her to take it just a little too far before backing away.

Fucking unmitigated disaster indeed.

"Me too," Poe says in response. "I wasn't kidding when I said I thought he was a 29-year-old virgin. Look, you don't know Ben."

"I'm getting to."

Poe gives her a look. "He didn't date in high school. Ever. He was this gangly, geeky guy with anger issues and huge ears. We've kept in touch over the years and he's never mentioned anyone. I've followed him on a few social media networks and while I can't say he's ever complained about being single, every time the question of his having a girlfriend comes up, he responds with something that changes the conversation or laughs the whole thing off. I'm not even sure he's kissed someone before."

"Surely…"

"I'm serious."

"There you are!" comes another voice and Rey and Poe turn around, wearing similar guilty expressions. Poe's father is standing in the doorway. "Party's almost over kids and it's time to clean up. We have to get ready for the midnight service."

"Right, of course Dad. We'll be right there."

His father turns to leave and Rey reaches out and grabs his arm. "Church?"

"Oops," Poe responds with.

Church, as it turns out, is a non-affair. Everything is so scripted that all she has to do is follow along with the handout they give her. The Christmas tunes are familiar and since she doesn't go to their church, she's not expected to know all their customs.

She can certainly sing off-key with the best of them,

Ben doesn't come with them. Shara had knocked on his door shortly before they left and returned with a displeased look on her fact that told them all they needed to know. "That boy," is all she says to Poe's father and the two shake their heads.

She's glad she chose to go instead of telling them that no thanks, she'd rather just stay home. And she'd contemplated it, just to give herself a chance to maybe talk to Ben. Not that she has any idea what to say.

When the service is over, she shakes hands with others in the parish, wishing everyone a very merry Christmas. The family comes home to sit around the table and share what they're thankful for this Christmas. It's a sweet tradition, something they do every year, and many of them have lists of things they want to mention.

Rey has little, but she at least comes up with something. She's truly is thankful for having a family to spend the holiday with, even if it's under these false circumstances.

And then they're all off to bed with amused warnings of not opening presents until after breakfast and no one better wake them up earlier than seven. As if they're all children. Poe tells the story of the time he set all of the clocks ahead two hours and woke his parents up at four in the morning. It wasn't until all the presents were open and his parents didn't understand why, at nearly seven, the sun wasn't up, that he was discovered.

It's a good laugh.

They're good people.

She crawls into bed that night with a lighter heart, but still so much worry. She has to do something about Ben.

She wakes up sometime in the middle of the night. She's been tossing and turning, the kiss playing over and over in her mind and she can't get the look on Ben's face out of her mind. Half betrayal, half confusion, maybe more than a dash of arousal. His pupils had been blown wide and his lips had been parted. She's sure she must have looked the same. Which must have been so confusing for him.

You can't do this anymore.

She's been saying that.

But no one is listening. Poe begs and she concedes. Finn gives her those puppy dog looks that have always gotten him what he wants and she caves.

She's out of her bed and on her feet before she can think of what she's doing. She creeps out into the hallway, closing the door softly behind her. It's not that she hasn't gone out in the middle of the night before. There's no bathroom attached to the guest room after all, so it's not unusual to find her up in the middle of the night just for that reason alone.

But this is different.

She's terrified of being caught. Because this is a huge risk. If Ben doesn't feel the same way, if the attraction she's sure she's seen lurking in the looks he's given her isn't really there, then she's about to make a big fucking fool of herself. And worse, she's about to jeopardize the whole ruse she's created with Poe.

Ben's room is just a few doors down from hers, separated by the upstairs bathroom and a closet. She stops just outside the door, unsure of what her next move should be. She can't knock. That's likely to bring attention to what she's doing.

Does she dare just open the door and go in?

She tries the knob.

It turns in her hand. People are far more trusting in these small towns than the big cities she grew up in. There she had to protect everything that was hers and she'd never ever leave the door unlocked at night. There were foster siblings who terrified her and one particular foster father who looked at her in ways that made her uncomfortable. He'd never tried anything, but the worry was there nonetheless.

The door slides open, thankfully without so much as a tiny creak. The room beyond is dark, but in the light from the hallway, she can see Ben curled up in his bed, one long arm thrown out to the side, hanging off the side of the bed, the rest of him twisted up in the sheets. And then she shuts the door behind her, leaving her in near-complete darkness. She lets her eyes adjust as best she can. The curtains are dark, but the bright moon allows at least a little bit of light in.

Creeping forward, she comes to stand near his bed. "Ben?" she whispers.

There's no movement from the man on the bed and she studies him in the dark. There's not much she can see, just the dark hair fanning out over the pillow, his pale profile with his prominent nose and dark eyebrows.

"Ben?" she says a little louder.

He twitches and his body twists toward her. It's too dark to see his eyes, but he stiffens slightly and she knows he has seen her. "Rey?" His voice is groggy, still full of sleep. "What are you doing here?"

What indeed?

You're here now, Rey. There's no hiding it anymore.

She kneels at the side of his bed so her face is on the same level as his. "I'm not dating Poe," she says without any preamble.

That gets his attention. He sits up then and Rey falls back from the bed a little. He's not wearing a shirt and her eyes can't help but flit down to the firm muscles of his smooth chest before he grabs the sheet and wraps it around himself. "I'm sorry…could…could you repeat that?"

She does, the words a little stronger, more confident.

"You broke up?"

"We were never together."

"I see," is all he says and she's not sure he does.

"It was a ruse…"

"So I was right." His voice is flat.

"About Poe?"

"And Finn."

She pauses before she responds, but really, in for a penny, in for a pound. It was obvious anyway. "Yes."

He doesn't say anything for a moment, but she can feel his gaze on her. "Why are you telling me this?" Those words are whispered, barely audible. Rey has to lean forward to make them out.

"The kiss…" she starts with, but he cuts her off.

"Was meaningless." There's more than bitterness behind the words. There's just a bit of anger there.

"I didn't think it was." Her voice is small. She was so sure. She'd seen his reaction in the moments before she'd been forced to turn from him.

"No?" He moves then, putting his feet on the ground. The sheet is still clutched to his chest, but she can see most of one long leg. She's not even sure he's wearing anything and she really has to force herself to stay put and not stand up and straddle him like she wants to. God, Rey, when did you turn into such a wanton?

"No," she says.

"Did you know it was my first?"

That leaves her momentarily stunned. "Your first…"

"Kiss, yes. From my cousin's cheating…"

"I wasn't cheating. I'm not a cheater." She stands then and looks down at him. "I would never…"

"Rey," he says, letting her name hang in the air, cutting off anything further that she might have said. He runs his hands through his hair and she can see the tension in his shoulders, the cords of his neck. This is not going the way she thought it would.

Of course it's not. He's so completely confused and angry and lost and what did she expect? For him to grab her and pull her onto the bed and have his way with her? Forget about all the lies and deception and the singing of Poe's praises she's been doing?

"Ben…"

"Why are you here?"

"I told you."

"No. I want to know it all. Why did you come here with Poe? Why all this deception? Why are you here, in my room, in the middle of the fucking night?"

"You don't want much, do you?" She tries to keep the tone light, but a little bit of the panic she's feeling creeps into it.

"I want everything." And his voice is heavy with some sort of meaning she can't quite decipher.

"Can I sit? This is going to take awhile." He scoots over on the bed and lets her join him there. Not quite the way she envisioned getting into his bed, but for now she'll take it. She doesn't sit too close though and she's not surprised when she sits and the bed dips slightly, to feel Ben shift away from her.

With a sigh, she starts the story. Everything from Poe's fear of his parents to wanting to spend the holidays with his boyfriend who he is very much in love with and yet not disappointing his parents. "I'm basically Finn's sister. So we used that as the excuse to bring him along. Finn and Poe sneak off for some 'manly' adventure and I, the oh so feminine girlfriend, stay behind."

Ben snorts at that and she scoots a little closer, nudging him with her shoulder.

"So Aunt Shara and Uncle Kes don't know about your love of cars then."

"Not a bit," she admits. She doesn't know how they'd react to her being into something so boyish. She really doesn't know them at all if she's going to be honest, hasn't taken the time to get to know them as a good girlfriend probably should. But they don't seem to be holding that against her.

"Hmmm," he says in reaction.

They both fall silent. She's not sure what else to tell him at this point. She's spilled her guts, given him all the painful truth of Poe's situation and how she's ended up where she is. She's done everything but confess that she'd like to jump his bones.

"So the kiss…" He voice trails off.

"Yes?"

"You…" He clears his throat. "That wasn't…that is…"

"I wanted to," she admits. "I wanted to kiss you long before that, really."

"When?" He sounds almost eager, the word coming out in a rush.

She lets out a soft laugh. "Back during the whole car thing."

"You hugged me."

"I did. I wanted to do more."

"Really?"

"Yes. Really." She scoots a little closer to him, turning to meet his eyes. "I still would."

She can't quite see his eyes in the darkness but something tells her he's watching her carefully. He moves a little closer to her, leaning down a little. One of his hands comes up to lightly run along her cheek, her chin. He pushes her hair back from her face, gently tugging at the strands, fingers tangling in them. "I…Fuck," he mutters.

"Would you like to kiss me?"

"Fuck yes," he says and she can't help but laugh. He starts to pull back, just a little, and she reaches out to grasp his hands, pull him back toward her.

"I'm not laughing at you. I feel the same."

"I don't even know how to start," he admits. "God, I feel fucking stupid saying that. Did you know that? About me?"

"Know what?"

"That I've never…"

"Poe suspected."

He lets out an annoyed huff at that. "Of course he did. Poe, always the center of attention. He got more girls in high school than anyone else, and he was gay. All the girls loved him. They only got close to me to see if they could get me to introduce them to Poe." There's bitterness behind those words.

"Well, funny thing," Rey says. "I'd rather do the opposite."

"Poe not your type?"

"Besides the fact that he's gay?"

"Besides that…"

"No. He's not. I mean, he's handsome." She reaches out a hand to touch him lightly on the shoulder. "Runs in the family, apparently. But that arrogance? Fuck. No, it's not attractive at all."

"So you prefer completely clueless?"

"How about we make you less clueless?" She's not entirely sure what she's offering. Well, no, that's not true. She's offering whatever he wants. A kiss, some heavy petting, sex. She'd even snuck into Poe's room earlier that day and swiped a condom. Just in case.

She'd like to use it.

She's not sure he'll want to.

"That…uh…that sounds good."

And Rey can't help but grin. Finally.