AN: Chapter title from "I've Been Waiting For You" from "Mama Mia: Here We Go Again." Accidentally catching that video on Youtube not only had me in tears but convinced me that maybe I did need to see the sequel.
"How is she?" Gourry asked as Lina came in from staying with Dianna while Kenneth was at work, and Gourry noted that she looked worried and exhausted.
"She's out of her mind!" Lina whined as she collapsed on the couch beside him, "She and Kenneth were vowing that they would try again! Can you believe it? How can she not see that if Shabranigdu did this to her once he'll do it again?"
"I don't know. You went on the have Minny and Attie after nearly dying when you gave birth to Di." He pointed out.
"That's different," Lina snapped, "I don't have a shard of Shabranigdu in my soul. I didn't damn near take the whole world with me during my brush with death!"
The knowledge that they had come close to the point they had always feared asserted itself once more, and Gourry exhaled as he rubbed his temples, "I can't argue there. The stakes have gotten so much higher. Before I was just so scared she would attack someone and be sent to prison, or that she might even kill someone during one of her rages. And what gets me is that as terrible as those fears are, her destroying the world makes them seem so small in comparison."
"Exactly!" Lina pounced, "It's not just her desires here, it's what's best for the world! Ugh. I did pull her aside and ask her how she intended to carry a child to term. She said she was going to meditate and learn to control her body, as if there's some vault of ancient wisdom out there that she can unlocked and learn the ways to stop him from doing this! She also says that if she loses the next one she won't lose control again because she will remember he did it to her. She's just so stubborn! I don't even know what to do anymore!"
Beside her Gourry pulled away as he braced himself. She looked up at him and asked, "What?"
"Well, this is the time you usually tell me it's all my fault for bringing Kenneth home."
Lina's eyes widened as she stared at him for a few moments, and Gourry continued to keep his defenses armed as the silence grew intolerably loud. But then to his surprise tears started streaming down her cheeks, and she quickly rushed to wipe them away with her hands. "You're crying?" he asked, stunned.
"Well, you once told me I could. After I'd killed a friend." She shot back as she reached into her pocket for a handkerchief and blew her nose, "I've had to live with that for twenty years. Killing Luke. Every day it haunts me. And I've been so terrified that I'll have to learn what it's like to live with having to kill our daughter, because I'm not sure that I can do that! I've been so scared of it I can't even think right at times it seems! And last week it nearly happened, if things had been different, if Shabranigdu hadn't wounded her so badly in the process that we got lucky, I could be sitting here with her blood on my hands!"
He put a hand on her knee as he felt things shift between them as she looked into his eyes as she grabbed his hands, "The thing is, it hit me, I got through having to kill Luke because you were by my side. And wherever things are going with Dianna, I mean, I want to believe that there will be happiness for her, but the path she's going down I don't know how that will happen. And since there's not a lot I'm going to be able to do to stop her from trying to have a baby, then I'm going to need you by my side again. Because if we're together we can get through whatever life throws at us."
"Come here," he said as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her onto his lap as she buried her face into his chest and he rested his head over hers, "I should have thought more about what you carry."
"If it hadn't been Kenneth, it would have been someone else. I can slay Shabranigdu but I can't stop her from growing up. It would have happened eventually."
They held each other for a moment as the love they felt for each other resurged anew, and he said, "Twenty years later, and I still love you, Lina Inverse."
"Back at you, Gourry Gabriev." She said, and then they moved so they could kiss each other just as the front door opened.
Min's eyes widened as she saw them, and they barely paused in their efforts. She shook her head as she said, "I'll just walk straight to my room and pretend I saw nothing."
When Min got to the room she still shared with Attie (who had never bothered to move to Dianna's old room after she'd moved out), she was a bit surprised to see her in bed even though it was late in the afternoon. "You okay?" Min asked.
"Just haven't been sleeping well lately." Attie said.
"I've noticed! I could have sworn you were having a bad dream last night. Everything okay?"
"Just growing pains." Attie replied.
Min looked her sharply, "No one's been bothering you, have they?"
"No!" Attie protested as Min sat on her bed and took her shoes off, "Nothing like that. It's nothing, really. Anyway, took them long enough to make up this time."
"I knew it would happen eventually." Min commented. "Though I guess they worried me a bit this time. Still, with the bond they have, having destroyed the enemies that they have, I can't ever see them being mad at each other for too long. I just hope I can be as happy with Drake as they are with each other one day."
"I'm starting to think it's too much work." Attie replied as she swung her legs out of the bed so she was sitting up in it.
Min looked at her in surprise. "But I thought you wanted to get married one day!"
Attie shrugged, "The more I think about it the more of a hassle it seems, you know?"
Min looked at her again, "Are you sure nothing happened?"
"Positive." Attie replied as she got out of bed, but Min could not shake the feeling that she was hiding something. "Anyway, I'm going to a slumber party tonight. Best get ready!"
It was a little over a year after Dianna had married Kenneth that she suffered her third miscarriage. While she never lost control like she had the first time, recovering emotionally from them got harder and harder. Especially as Kenneth got frustrated by her lack of desire to see a healer about why she was unable to carry to term.
Her work, which used to be a source of joy, became a dreaded task. On the one hand she needed the job to help her manage her sadistic tendencies. Yet being around pregnant, laboring women who were soon in awe of their perfect infants took its own toll. Still, Dianna endured it. She tended to get the high risk cases and the thought of women dying in childbirth was intolerable to her. Her reputation as the midwife who had never lost a mother was growing, and she couldn't back away when women were dependent on her to see them through the trial safely.
The emotional energy she used at work left her little reserves for anything else. So when her family started talking about their plans to go to Zefiel City's Annual Grape Stomp, she was not in the least bit interested. But Kenneth insisted that it would be good for her to get out and socialize, so she dragged herself out of bed, and they went with her parents and sisters. But as soon as they got there the fact that everyone seemed happy and giddy with the euphoria for life that accompanied the grape stomp was so at odds with how dead Dianna felt inside that she wished she hadn't bothered.
She heard Drake call out for Min, and saw her sister light up as she waved him over, and Dianna deliberately avoided looking at Kenneth. She remembered when they would light up when they would see each other. Now it was getting to the point where she was relieved when he would leave!
Dianna gasped as the wind was knocked out of her, and she looked down to see a young girl, no older than five, had run into her. Red flashed before her eyes as she pulled her fist back to punch her as she yelled, "Watch where you're going you little brat!"
Before she could, Gourry grabbed her arm and pulled Dianna from the girl as he looked at her evenly, and Dianna felt as though she had been doused in ice water as she felt the eyes of everyone in the immediate vicinity start to stare at her. And then a sinking feeling in her stomach grew. She'd not lashed out in anger like that since becoming a midwife! She'd thought she'd overcome the rage! But she'd gone back to work a week ago. It shouldn't have been an issue! And if it hadn't been for her father she would have punched a little kid!
It quickly got worse as the child's mother looked at her in alarm as she spat before she ran off with her girl, "No wonder you can't have a child!"
Dianna bit her lip as out of the corner of her eye she saw Drake walk away and Min chase after him. She couldn't bring herself to look at Kenneth as Gourry said, "Let's get you home."
Dianna dreaded the moment when her father would leave her alone with Kenneth. But once her husband had gotten home he'd made it clear that he wanted to talk with her alone. Dianna stared out the window and watched as her father walked down the road to her childhood home, and Kenneth wasted little time in asking, "What the hell happened back there?"
"I warned you about the rages." Dianna said, her voice drained of life.
"You nearly punched a child! For no good reason!"
Dianna closed her eyes, "I know. I thought I had it under control. I don't know what went wrong."
"Can you even cope with the demands of raising a child?" he asked.
That he had lost confidence in her there punctured through the veil of numbness she felt, and tore a sharp pain in her heart, "Well if I had one I wouldn't be depressed that I don't have one! It would make things a damn bit easier!"
"But why do we keep losing them? And why won't you talk to one of the midwives about it? Look into it?"
She felt her throat swell, and she glanced back at the window, desperately wanting to escape the conversation as he continued, "Is it because you know the reason that they're happening?"
Dianna felt tears slide down her cheeks. When she first pursued him she never could have imagined that keeping the secret would have been this hard! Still, she was sure if she told him the truth he would leave then and there and set the mob on her. As Luna had grilled into her from a young age, she could tell no one.
Her silence seemed to be all of the confirmation he needed as he yelled as he drew closer to her, "You know more than you're telling me!"
"I've told you," Dianna flared back, "there are things that you can never know about me!"
"But is this related to what is happening? Is this what's killing our children?" Kenneth demanded to know, "Because then I have a right to know! The situation changed, Di!"
Dianna folded her arms and looked out the window. Kenneth sighed. "I spoke to Drake. He says among lawyer's there's a saying that two people can keep a secret if one of them is dead and that after years of knowing your family he's come to the conclusion that if it's so bad no one will talk about it then he doesn't want to know. But I need to know. I need to know why! Surely it can't be as bad as the things I'm imagining!"
There was a part of Dianna that longed to tell him. Perhaps he wouldn't reject her. Perhaps he still loved her enough that he would tell her that they would face this together. But the fear that he would turn on her was greater. How could she expect him to do the former when the thing corrupting her soul was so evil? She turned so her back was towards him as she said, "Then stop imagining."
"Dianna, please!"
"I'm not saying anything more about this!" she yelled as she stormed off to their bedroom.
She didn't see how red in the face he got as he raced to the front door, "Don't wait up for me."
Dianna had been worried when she'd received a note from an errand boy that her parents wanted to see her. She was even more surprised when she walked into their home and found them seated around the table with Min. "Come and sit down." Gourry said.
Dianna did, and noted how Min's right hand was placed over her left one. Dianna felt her heart sink a little, but she managed to smile a little as she said, "May I presume that you're hiding the biggest ring in existence?"
Min uncovered her hand, "Yes. Drake got the promotion. We're getting married next year."
Dianna did her best to push her latest fight with Kenneth from her mind as she reached forward to hug her, "Congratulations!"
Everyone in the room relaxed, and Gourry said, "We need to talk about some difficult things. Min and Drake are wanting to start a family soon."
"I get it." Dianna said quickly. "And on that note. Kenneth is getting suspicious and demanding answers, and you know I can't tell him. So we were talking the other night about how we should take a break for a bit. Let me recover some, get back in my right frame of mind and mend things with Kenneth. I'm thinking, I shouldn't even try to have another baby until Min has one, that way instead of feeling jealous, I will look forward to the arrival of her children."
She watched as her parents looked at each other nervously, and she had the sense that they had hoped she would completely abandon the idea of having a child. But Dianna couldn't give it up. The need was so deep and powerful that she couldn't ignore it, not forever! But for the moment, she also couldn't tolerate losing another one. She would need to research more, find better ways of controlling her body and getting power back from Shabranigdu so it wouldn't happen again.
Still, she was relieved when, rather than argue with her, Lina said, "Well, that sounds like a plan."
"Good work there, Attie." Eric, one of Attie's fellow trainees in the program to become a detective, said after they had finished training.
"Thanks," Attie said as she smiled a little as the compliment warmed her as she gathered her stuff and prepared to go home.
But then Eric came up to her, "I was wondering if you would like to go to that dance together."
"Together?" Attie repeated as she blushed. She was used to boys hitting on her older sisters while ignoring her. Now that one was paying her some attention she wasn't sure what to do, especially since the attention was definitely welcome! She had harbored a secret crush on Eric for some weeks now.
But before the euphoria could take hold and she could say yes, she thought of her vision, and a sense of dread filled her. What if she went to the dance with Eric and they fell in love and had a child cursed with Shabranigdu? While she had desperately wanted to dismiss and forget the vision that she'd had, it had been persistent in invading her dreams, and every night since that day she had dreamt of having a child cursed like Dianna. It was a different situation every time. In some dreams she wouldn't survive giving birth to her. In others she would survive but would have to kill Corentina to save the world. And then when Dianna suffered something horrible she would dream about watching her daughter go through something similar. And while Attie wanted to believe that it hadn't affected her at all, the truth was that she was petrified. Before she'd had the vision she was sure that her future included becoming established as a detective and finding someone to settle down with. But that future was starting to seem impossible.
Silence awkwardly filled the room as Attie warred with her desire to say yes and the fear of what would happen if she did. Eventually Eric looked abashed as he backed away from her and said, "Sorry."
"Don't be." Attie managed to squeak, and then she ran from the room, and as she raced home, she wondered how she could possibly ever go back to training now and face him. Still, the closer she drew to home the more convinced she became that she'd done the right thing. It may have hurt him in the short term, but she was sure that raising a child like Dianna would tear any other family apart and that in the long term she was saving him a lot of heartbreak.
Much as she'd wanted it to be otherwise, she couldn't discount that she'd had a prophecy. She couldn't risk it! The future that she'd thought was waiting for her was gone. The problem was she wasn't sure what to put into its place.
Lina was relieved when she saw Attie laying on the couch as she got home, though she noted that she'd looked as though she'd been crying. "Attie, is everything alright? They said you resigned."
"Yeah. I did." Attie said. Lina waited for her to explain, but she was silent as she scooted over to make room on the couch for her mother.
"But you'd been doing so well." Lina said, mystified. "No one can make any sense of it!"
"It just wasn't liking it." Attie said.
Lina looked at her, "No one was mistreating you, were they?"
"Oh no, nothing like that!" Attie reassured her. "Everyone was very kind."
Lina looked at her piercingly, "You're not going to give me the full details, are you?"
"What more is there to say? It just wasn't liking it."
Lina felt exasperated. Until a week ago Attie had been happy and progressing with her training. And then suddenly she hadn't. "Well, then. What are you going to do now?" Lina asked.
"I'm sure I'll figure it out."
Lina was silent for a moment as she looked at Attie with a pensive expression on her face. She'd thought back to how Attie had talked about traveling until Lina had spoken to her and pitched being a detective as more attractive. Lina thought about how she would have suffocated if she'd stayed in Zefiel City, under her sister's shadow, and had never had a chance to establish her own identity. What if, with two older sisters who were becoming rather accomplished in their own careers, Attie was feeling similarly smothered? While something didn't seem right about that idea, Lina was at a loss for how else to explain what was happening.
Lina's heart grew heavy. While she knew she shouldn't have favorites, Dianna and Min had both grown closer to Gourry than to her, while Attie was her baby who had always clung to her. That she was also the one who had been bitten by the travel bug was hard. But if it was what had happened, Lina knew that she couldn't keep her. It would end up destroying her. Somehow she managed to keep her voice even as she said, "You know, your grandfather is going on a supply run after Min's wedding. He's also getting old and really shouldn't be doing them anymore. Perhaps you should go with him and let him show you the ropes, and you can take over that aspect of the business?"
"Really?" Attie said as she brightened. "But why doesn't he show Dad?"
"Because your dad gets to travel again only if I get to travel again!" Lina snapped, "And I've been so busy with the guild, and really, Dianna needs me. It's not going to happen."
"But I thought you couldn't stand to be away from me."
"Well, I won't like it." Lina said. "But if it's what you need to do to find yourself, then I'm not going to suffocate you by keeping you with me. When I left to see the world it taught me so much. Perhaps it will help you as well."
Attie hugged her, "Thank you."
They were silent for a moment, and then Attie said, "Could you teach me the spell that reveals him?"
"What?" Lina asked, thoroughly caught off guard.
"The spell the reveals if someone has Shabranigdu in their soul."
"That's no spell to mess with. If a Mazoku found out about it…"
"I know, I'll be so careful! I just keep thinking of Dianna, and all that she has suffered. At least she knows why though. That gave our family an advantage."
Lina exhaled a breath, "I can't argue that. I'd been convinced I was a horrible mother or something until we found out."
"And that's just it. Other people and other families out there wouldn't know. And if I could identify them, then I could help them."
Lina shook her head, "I'll have to think about that."
"It's also to our advantage to know where the other ones are!" Attie said, "What was it the Claire Bible told you? That this was a critical point in the reincarnation cycle? That more people who carry him in their souls are at risk of merging with him."
"And what are you going to do if you find them?" Lina asked, "Look, you're strong, but you can't manage Chaos Magic. You can't do the spells I have. I'm not saying this to hurt you…"
"I know." Attie snapped, "But I could stop them before they got to that point."
Once again, Lina had the sense that Attie wasn't telling her everything. But something about finding the others seemed very important to her. Eventually Lina said, "Let me think about it. Talk to Sis."
"It's just, I'll never be able to rest until I find them. Even though we know why Dianna has been suffering horribly. I can't bear to think of how much worse it would be for the people who don't know why! If I could bring them that solace, then I would have peace."
Lina shook her head, "What brought this on?"
"Just don't say you're going to talk to Aunt Luna as a way of getting out of saying no and having her do it. It means a lot to me to do this!"
Lina grabbed her hand, "I can see that. And I will keep it in mind. Anyway, I guess we should stop by your grandparents, let Grandpa know that he has a new partner."
Attie smiled as she got up, and she started to feel excited about the future again. She could travel, find the other hosts, and once she knew where they were, she would be free to settle down and have her own children, secure in the knowledge that if all of the hosts were living then she couldn't have a child cursed with him. It was all so perfect! Once more Attie grabbed her mother and gave her a big hug, "Thank you!"
Lina stood beside Gourry and waved as Attie walked off with her grandfather, and she did her best not to cry. Eventually Attie had prevailed in convincing Luna that learning the reveal spell was for the best, and Lina had taught it to her, and soon Attie had been beaming with such newfound purpose that the glow she had rivaled Min's blushing bride one. Still, Attie stayed around for Min's grandiose wedding and saw her and Drake established in their own home, and wasted little time in flying the nest herself. As Lina found herself sniffing, Gourry said, "She'll be back in a few weeks."
"And then she'll be gone again, off on the next adventure. I know her. She has my wanderlust." Lina said. "I guess its karma. I was gone for years, I really shouldn't complain."
Still, as they walked back into their home, Lina couldn't get over how empty and quiet it was, and she was suddenly felt rudderless. For the past twenty years there had always been a child around to tend to in some form or fashion. And while she had her work, it didn't keep her busy enough to make up for the time that rearing her daughters had used. For the first time in ages, Lina wasn't sure what to do with herself!
"I guess you're going to have to help me remember." Gourry said.
"Help you remember what?" Lina asked.
"What we did, back before we had the girls."
Lina chuckled, "I was just thinking about the same thing. Well, if memory serves, I think we ate a lot of big dinners in little restaurants, just the two of us. And we watched sporting events, and saved the world a few times."
He wrapped his arms around her and said, "Well, I don't know about you, but I'm hungry."
"You paying?" she asked.
"Sure." He said as they linked arms and walked back out the door.
"You know, I do believe that we're going to have a lot of fun getting to know each other again." She said as she leaned her head against his shoulder.
He patted her arm as he said, "You'll have no arguments from me there."
AN: Ugh, at one point I was convinced I would finish this before New Years, but now that's up in the air because I got sick. Fortunately the Epilogue isn't long, perhaps I'll make it. In other news, I finally got over my writer's block for A Normal Girl and will work on that again once I finish up here. I've got the next chapter of Slayers, Neverending typed out, but it's not working yet. Hopefully the next time I look at it, it will click as to what is wrong and I can get that going again.
The Epilogue will be set during events in Fate, which so far chronologically is the last in this series. So it will contain spoilers for later works in this series if you haven't read them yet. Someone suggested I include a timeline of works in this series, so I will do that here. The confusing thing is that I wrote them out of chronological order, lol, so I'll include the date they were written. Anyway, without further ado.
Of Cursed Lands and Cursed Lands: Takes place shortly after Lina defeats Luke Shabranigdu (L.S.): Gourry's past catches up to him when his brothers track him down and try to force him to return to the Elmekian Empire. 6/7/2015
Lina's Girls: Takes place 17-20 years after L.S. 11/11/2018
What Might Have Been: Takes place roughly 20 years after L.S.: Decades after Hellmaster was defeated, Zel and Amelia reunite in a chance encounter and wonder what might have been. 8/21/2014
Jealousy, 27 years after L.S.: The always precarious balance of life is upset when Lina and Gourry's daughter finds a fertility statue. This is a background story for "Beneath the Portrait." Going back and forth on an M or T rating, going with M to be safe. 2/18/2016
Beneath the Portrait, 33 years after L.S.: A cured Zelgadis goes to Zefiel City and reunites with Lina and Gourry. But they are hiding a secret that could lead to the destruction of their friendship. 8/1/2015
The Storm, 41 years after L.S.: Lina feels compelled to join the fight against Shabranigdu again when her children befriend a girl who she believes is the reincarnation of the daughter she lost. 1/22/2017
Fate, 41-55 years after L.S.: When his daughter is born with a shard of Shabranigdu in her soul, Zelgadis struggles with his hatred for Rezo and learning to love her. 2/7/2018
Anyway, there's one more after Fate, I have a rough draft of it, I am determined for it to be the last in this series. When re-reading I just had to answer questions of what Drake's beef was with Dianna as well as how she managed to be a successful midwife despite her reputation. Hope you enjoyed this detour! The last work in this series will be titled, The End.
Really.