February 21st
Thanks to Thorfinn's unexpected kindness, Hermione was still quite warm the day after their meeting in Hannah's hometown. She had enjoyed tucking in to the food he purchased for her that was still warm, as well. Maybe one day she would be able to repay his generosity, but she wasn't holding her breath. That would only be possible if she gave up any hope she had of living the rest of her life away from her husband.
She kept walking to Devon with no clearer idea of what she was going to do when she got there. With less than a hundred kilometers to go, she wasn't really in any rush anyway. If she continued on towards the Resistance, she might very well be marching straight into a trap. Trusting Malfoy's motives could put her in a precarious position. It didn't matter that he had tracked her down multiple times since the beginning of the year and she spent several days alone with him in a tent. She still wasn't sure if she could trust him.
As she continued on her path, her mind kept traveling back to the day before when she had an unplanned lunch with Thorfinn. When she first saw him, she felt certain that he was going to contact Antonin immediately. Perhaps, if she was honest with herself, a small part of her wished that he would have. What happened next would have most definitely been unpleasant, but at least then she could stop wandering around the country with no plan in mind. Her existence was growing quite tiresome. Even a painful death at the hands of her estranged husband was almost preferable to aimless wandering in a world she no longer wanted to be a part of.
Thoughts of the bizarre conversation she had with Thorfinn in the Muggle cafe plagued her mind. She really couldn't make sense of what he'd meant by saying that she'd always misunderstood Antonin's feelings for her. It was nonsense. Maybe instead of bringing her back to Hogsmeade with force, he was trying a gentler approach. Confuse her until she wandered home for answers.
From the very first day that she was installed in the attic bedroom in Antonin's house, they had had an odd relationship. He was her teacher, the wizard tasked with reprogramming her with a more suitable way of thinking and acting. She had to admit that he had been successful. Every time she thought about the first two days when she stayed in the same spot only inches away from a table full of food awaiting his permission to approach it, she felt ashamed by how she'd allowed her brain to be molded. Her greatest fear, after complete and utter failure, of course, had been the loss of her mind. She didn't want to imagine a possibility that she would ever be less in her mental capabilities. As much as she was able to compartmentalize her concerns when it suited her, she knew that she hadn't been operating at full capacity for quite a while. Maybe even since before she was thrown inside that broom cupboard in Hogwarts.
She respected Antonin from the very beginning. There might have been a healthy dose of fear mixed in with the respect, but she could appreciate the man for his talents. When their teacher-student relationship ran its course and she was deemed ready to be a full-fledged Death Eater on her own, they had even managed to develop a friendship. She wasn't an idiot. She'd known there were more to his feelings than he was willing to admit. Had been since the start. Regardless of his personal feelings, he kept it all professional when they were training or when they were on a mission.
He had been positively furious when he learned that she'd remained behind in France with Augustus on her first mission without him. Though officially they gave the excuse that they were still seeking out more potential rebels hiding in the French countryside, he wasn't dumb. He also couldn't stop her even if it was obvious he wanted her for himself. As her relationship with Augustus grew more serious, her friendship with her teacher grew more strained.
Almost three years after they first kissed in France, she had an awful fight with Augustus. Truthfully, it had been so long ago that she couldn't even remember what started it all. No doubt it was something ridiculous. It didn't really matter. She very publicly declared that she wanted nothing more to do with the former Unspeakable. Sometimes their rows could be quite passionate.
Antonin had been pleased to overhear the conversation. He admitted much later that he wished he'd spoken up right then about the truth of his feelings for her. Instead, he gave her space, hoping that would help him capture her heart in the long run. All it did was ensure that he had to listen to the sounds of her drunkenly bringing home another random wizard. She couldn't remember who it was. Much of that time was a blur of alcohol, blood, and sex. Maybe it was Rabastan? Or perhaps Felix? She didn't think it was Thorfinn. It didn't really matter who the wizard was.
During that entire time she was out exploring her options with the dangerous men they served under the Dark Lord with and the innocent Muggles that sometimes crossed her path when she was outside of the village, Antonin remained silent. Never once did he criticize her appalling taste in lovers. Hermione wasn't looking for love. The world was too fucked up for love and she was convinced that Augustus was her only shot.
Years passed and Antonin still remained silent about his feelings. He wasn't exactly living a monk's existence pining away for the woman he loved. She'd seen and heard his own wild and questionable visitors. They continued to share the same house and exist in the bedrooms next door to each other, ignoring the inappropriate sounds they heard coming from the other's bedroom.
Only once did Antonin ever step over the invisible line he set for himself. They had just come home from a dangerous and violent raid. Hermione saw no reason to move out of his house. A couple of Death Eaters had been lost, several enemies had been killed. Each of them had been in grave danger. He quite literally saved her life. At home, free from prying eyes, he berated her for her carelessness. Unwilling to stand there without defending her actions, she shouted back. He pressed her against a wall and kissed her. As the heated kiss escalated, he grew bold enough to touch her wherever he wished. She was certain she would've gone to bed with him, but at a critical moment, they were both summoned to the Dark Lord. He'd been embarrassed that he'd allowed his emotions to control his actions. When he didn't try again immediately, she moved on and went off with another.
Eventually, Augustus got his head out of his arse and they patched up their broken relationship. Only when the Dark Lord refused to allow Augustus to divorce his estranged wife so he could marry Hermione did Antonin show any interest in her again. He calmly asked for permission to marry her which was promptly and enthusiastically granted. Their master had been hoping that they would.
She had been married to Antonin for many years. Almost thirteen years. Never in all of that time had he ever behaved like Thorfinn claimed he was without her home. There were times she knew that her husband could hardly stand to be in the same room with her. His legendary temper and his violent streak had caused her actual physical pain in the past. Somehow she doubted that he had magically changed just because she was no longer there.
No longer wishing to even think about her husband, she began counting her steps in her head. Antonin was a subject she did not have the strength to handle in that moment. She attempted to focus on anything else.