Thursday, April 29th 1999

Remus saw the little girl sitting in the corner of the room all alone while her friends ran around and played in front of her. She was sitting with her knees tucked into her chest, arms wrapped around her legs, and chin resting on her knee. Remus sighed and walked over. "Hey, Lucy."

She didn't look at him, just kept staring off in the distance. She didn't speak or move. Remus had noticed this when he dropped her off at school. No matter how hard he tried she didn't take to any conversation he tried to start. During recess, he noticed that she just sat around while all the other children played. Anne would always sit with her, putting her arm around her and trying to get her to do something but Lucy never wanted to do anything. Minerva had said that she still hadn't started doing her homework again and the frustrated teacher had sent another note home to complain to her about it. She said that Lucy still wasn't speaking or eating or doing very much at all either.

"Can I sit down?"

She nodded a little.

He sat down with a sigh. He leaned his back against the wall and put his knees up, resting his arms on them. "It's been a while, you know, but things still feel weird. Like they're not real," he said quietly, watching the children run around. "Like this is all a dream and I will wake up to find her still here waiting for me to get my lazy butt out of bed so we can pick you up and take you to school."

"Sometimes I forget she's gone," Lucy whispered.

"It's the same way I felt when Mum died," he said.

"The same way I felt when Daddy died," she said. She looked over at Remus, tears rolling down her face. "Everyone I love dies."

He sighed and put a hand on her shoulder. "No. It's not like that, Lucy."

She didn't respond. He took a deep breath and looked around. The happy children running around didn't help make him or Lucy feel any better. They needed to go somewhere else. He stood up. "Come on," he said, holding out a hand for her. "I'm going to take you to her favourite place in Hogwarts."

She looked up at him for a moment before nodding and getting up. She took his hand and he led her out of the classroom. They walked up so many stairs and down different hallways until finally they made it up to a tall tower. It was quite cold up here in the dark, wintery fog. Remus took off his coat and put it around Lucy. She put her arms through the arms of the coat and pulled it close around her. It hung on her small frame and she pulled the sleeves up high so her hands could poke out the ends.

"This is the Astronomy Tower," Remus said as he led them to the edge. He leaned down and picked her up into his arms so she could see over the railing. She wrapped her arms around his neck and looked out onto the grounds. She could see the lights from Hogsmeade dancing in the dark fog and the forest, giving off a dark, eerie glow. She could see Hagrid doing some work in front of his Hut and the rolling waves on the Black Lake. "It's the tallest tower at Hogwarts," Remus continued. "It's usually out-of-bounds except for during classes but... I think we can make an exception. I mean, Dorcas always did. She was never really one for rules."

"I can see why she liked it up here," Lucy whispered. "The grounds look really pretty."

"You can see the whole grounds from up here," Remus said with a little smile. "And the cold air up here is good for clearing your head."

"Everything looks prettier from further away," Lucy said quietly, resting her head on his shoulder. "Daddy used to say, 'Door ke dhol suhavane lagte hain'. It means 'the drums sound better at a distance'."

"It's true," he said with a sigh. "We spent a lot of nights up here, just sitting around, talking, pretending we knew what was going on outside of these castle walls."

"You and Dorcas?"

"Me and Dorcas and James and Sirius and Peter and Lily and Marlene and Mary. All of us friends," Remus whispered, thinking about all of them sitting together, drinking, laughing, telling jokes and doing things that they definitely shouldn't be doing. Three out of the eight of them were gone now. Gone and never coming back. He felt the tears sting his eyes. He would never hear Dorcas's voice, her laugh, her stupid jokes. He would never see her, feel her, kiss her, ever again. Remus felt the tears fall down his face and quickly wiped them away. Now wasn't the time. He had to be strong. Strong like her.

"Remus?" Lucy asked, pulling him out of his thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"How do you deal with this? So many people have died but I still don't know how to deal with it," she whispered, tears falling down her cheeks. "My dad, Dorcas, Marlene, Aunty Amelia's brother. Everyone's dying or being split up and leaving me all alone."

"They're not leaving you," Remus said, reaching up and wiping the tears from her cheek. "Listen, Lucy, sometimes... sometimes people die way earlier than they're supposed to and it's not fair and it hurts and it might hurt for a long time but it happens. And when it happens we remember the ones we lost and we pick up the pieces of our heart and we keep moving forward. We can't let this stop us from living our lives. That's not what they would have wanted. They would want us to keep our heads up and live our lives in a way that would make them proud."

"I just miss them so much."

"I know," he said. "I know."

"Dorcas liked you."

"She liked you too."

"No, like like-like. Like in the way that Nina likes Daniel and Lily likes James," Lucy said. "She liked you like that. She told me."

Remus smiled a little. "I liked her like that too."

"I wish she was here so that you guys could live together."

"Me too," Remus said with a sigh. "It'll be okay, Lucy. We'll get through this. We'll find a way to be okay again."

She didn't respond. She just curled up closer to him. He hugged her close and gave her a little squeeze.

"You should start doing your homework again," he said. "Dorcas always valued education and knowledge. Sometimes I wondered how she wasn't put in Ravenclaw. She wouldn't be very happy to find out that you were neglecting your school work because of her."

Lucy nodded into his shoulder.

He sighed and pulled out his wand. He flicked it and suddenly the dark night was filled with thousands of gold glowflies. They floated around them on the tower and out into the sky. Lucy looked up and watched them go. They spun around them and one landed on Lucy's arm. She stared at it before it flew away to join its friends. Lucy rested the side of her head on the side of Remus's and watched them float through the night sky towards the forest. They disappeared amongst the trees and the Astronomy Tower was plunged into darkness again.

"She always said that fireflies where the real stars."

Tuesday, May 11th 1999

"How was your day, sweetheart?" Minerva asked as they walked away from the children's classroom. Minerva had just picked Lucy up after some meetings at the Ministry. Lucy gave a little shrug. Minerva sighed. Lucy was still not talking very much.

They made it to Minerva's office and Lucy let go of her mother's hand. She walked around the desk and sat down in front of it. Minerva took her seat and looked down at the work that she had left out. Lucy pulled out her own homework to do. Since Remus talked to her, she had started doing her homework again. He was right that Dorcas would have been upset if she knew that Lucy had stopped doing her homework because of her. Lucy stared down at the pages of math problems and got to work. She just needed to get these done and then she could go to her room.

Minerva watched her for a second. Things had gotten a little better the last few days. Lucy had gotten better but it took a lot out of Minerva to deal with her. She had so much on her plate right now with her regular Hogwarts work, her Order work, and her mother work. She barely had time to do all the things she needed to do as well as look after Lucy. Minerva loved Lucy. Of course she did. Lucy was an amazing little girl and Minerva loved spending time with her but Lucy was definitely a handful. She needed a lot more attention than most children her age right now. Minerva wanted to give Lucy everything she needed but she was having a lot of trouble with time lately.

They worked in silence for a long time before Lucy finished her homework, closed her book and leaned back in her chair. She watched her mother work for a few minutes before Minerva looked up and gave her a little smile. "All done?"

Lucy nodded.

Minerva put down her quill. "It's almost time for dinner," she said. "Would you like to eat here or go down to the Great Hall?"

"Here," Lucy whispered. She and Minerva had been taking most of their meals up in her sitting room instead of the Great Hall. Lucy just couldn't do people right now. She couldn't watch them run around, laugh, talk, be happy. She wanted them all to stop. She wanted them all to realize how horrible everything was and be sad like she was. She wanted them to feel the way she felt. How dare they act like everything was fine. How dare they pretend that there wasn't a war going on that was killing so many. How dare they live their lives as if it didn't matter. It mattered. She felt it. She felt all of it. The pain in her chest still hadn't gone away. She still felt the hole and even though she was trying, it wouldn't go away.

"Alright," Minerva said. "Why don't you go put away your things and get washed up for dinner? I'll be right in."

Lucy nodded again and stood up. When she disappeared inside the secret door, Minerva leaned back in her chair, took off her glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose. Maybe she should just take dinner at her desk. She had so much work to do still.

Minerva sat there for a long time before finally she sighed, shook her head, and stood up. She walked into the sitting room and saw Lucy sitting at the table that Amelia had put up a few weeks ago. Minerva walked over, sat down and the food appeared in front of them. Like always, Minerva poured food into Lucy's plate, set it down in front of her and Lucy pushed it around with her spoon. Minerva poured her own food and ate for a while before looking up at her daughter.

"Lucy, please eat something," Minerva said.

"I'm not hungry," she mumbled, not looking up from her plate.

"Lucy. You have to eat," Minerva said, feeling her blood pressure already increasing. "It's not healthy. You have lost so much weight and you are tired all the time. Please eat. It will help you feel better."

"No it won't," Lucy mumbled. "Nothing will."

"If you think like that then nothing will," Minerva replied with a frown. "Things get better, Lucy, if you let them. If you make an effort."

Lucy stopped pushing her food around and threw down her spoon. She glared up at her mother. How could she say that? Didn't she see how hard she was trying? "I am making an effort!" she exclaimed, tears filling her eyes. "I'm trying so hard! I just... I just..." she couldn't find the words. Tears fell down her down her cheek.

"Darling," Minerva said softly.

Lucy stood up quickly and ran to her bedroom, slamming her door behind her. Minerva took a deep breath, trying not to get angry. She felt horrible for feeling this way towards her daughter. She hated herself for getting angry with Lucy when all she needed was someone to listen but she didn't know how to stop herself. She stood up and walked towards her office. Minerva needed to take some time before she tried talking to Lucy again.

She sat down at her desk and looked down at the work on top of it. Suddenly she couldn't do it. She couldn't pick her quill back up. She felt tears fill her eyes for reasons she could not say and quickly rubbed them away. Standing up again suddenly, she pushed the papers off her desk and watched them fly onto the office floor. More tears fill her eyes and fell down her cheek.

Everything was just too much. Minerva walked back into her private quarters and to her bedroom. She walked up to her bay window and sat down, opening the window up and feeling the cool night air hit her face. She didn't know what to do. She just wanted it to get easier. She wanted Lucy to get better and she wanted the war to end. She wanted to go back to Rochester, kiss Jay and tell him about her day while the children played in the living room. How did it get like this? How did it get this bad? How was it supposed to get better?

Lucy was sitting at her own bay window, window open and cold air filling the room. She breathed it in and her head started to decloud a little bit. It felt less heavy. Her chest still hurt and her fingers were freezing but the cold air was refreshing. She was gripping the window sill so tightly that her knuckles were turning white. She looked down and saw how high up they were in the tower. Then she looked up at the big white moon and the shiny, bright stars up in the sky. Lucy took a deep breath of the frigid air.

"Hey, Daddy," she whispered into the night. "I don't think that you can hear me but I like to pretend that you can."

Minerva heard the small voice. She leaned out her window and saw Lucy's window a little ways away from her. She hadn't realized that their windows were so close together. She didn't say anything, just listened.

"Things are pretty bad right now," Lucy whispered, tears in her eyes. "There's a war going on. I've read about war in my books and it feels like this war is the same as those ones. Mum came back, just like you said she would. I'm glad she did and I'm sorry I never believed you when you tried to tell me that she would. She's like me. She can do magic too and I got to meet a lot of people who could do magic. You were right, I wasn't a freak."

Minerva smiled a little. This was probably the most she had heard Lucy's voice in a really long time.

"We had to leave Rochester because it wasn't safe anymore. We haven't gone back in a really long time. I miss it so much. I miss my room and being able to have Anne over and seeing Daniel and Nina and Uncle Raj every day. I miss you so much."

Minerva sighed. There was silence for a long time in which Lucy breathed shakily, trying to regain control of herself. When she finally did she spoke again.

"Hogwarts is nice though. Uncle Raj says that it's like I'm a real princess living in a castle. He's just saying that to make me feel better though," she mumbled. "It's alright most of the time. I met some nice people. My friends Bill and Charlie are brothers and they have four other brothers and another brother or sister on the way. Mrs. Weasley says she's hoping for a baby girl this time but that's seven kids! So many kids."

Minerva laughed quietly to herself. She agreed wholeheartedly. She loved all of the Weasley children but seven kids are a lot.

"I have another friend named Tonks. Well, her name is Nymphadora but she doesn't like that name so she wants us to call her Tonks. Her mum calls her Dora which I think is pretty funny but she doesn't like that very much either. She can change what she looks like without using a wand. Kind of like how Mum can change into a cat but she can change into anything she wants. It's call being a Metamorphmagus not an Animagus like Mum. You have to be born a Metamorphmagus but you can become an Animagus. I think I want to become an Animagus like Mum when I'm older.

"I met other people too. I met some of Mum's old students and some of her friends. Aunty Amelia came back too and we got to go see Nani and the others over Christmas. Last Christmas wasn't very fun though. I met James and Lily. They're really nice. I met Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin. They're all really nice too. Remus drops me off and picks me up from school. I also met a girl named Marlene but she's not... alive anymore. And a girl named Dorcas who's also... who's also not alive anymore. She died, Daddy, they killed her. The bad guys. She was so strong and everyone talked about how powerful she was but they still... they still killed her. I miss her so much.

"Remus said that when stuff like this happens you have to pick up the pieces of your heart and keep moving forward but it feels like I've lost some of my pieces. It's like I'm trying to put myself back together but I'm missing too many pieces for it to fit properly. How do you live without a whole heart? It hurts so much. I have a headache all the time and I can't sleep no matter how hard I try. I'm never hungry and everytime I eat something I feel like I'm going to throw up. My chest hurts and it's hard to breath sometimes. I want to tell Mum but she's busy all the time and really stressed out. She has a lot on her mind with the war and everything and I don't want her to worry but I don't know what to do. I know she's getting frustrated with me and she always gets sad when she looks at me. I'm trying so hard but it's not getting better... I'm trying so hard. I know that she doesn't think I am but I am. It's just so hard and I don't know what to do. I wish you were here. You always knew what to do. You always knew how to make me feel better."

Minerva sighed and stood up. She closed her window and walked out of her bedroom. She hated that Lucy didn't want to tell her what was wrong because she didn't want her to get worried. Minerva had a lot on her plate, it was true, but Lucy would always be her top priority. She wanted Lucy to feel safe telling her everything. Minerva made it to Lucy's room and knocked on the door. "Lucy, darling, can I come in?"

"Yes."

Minerva opened the door and walked inside. Lucy was still sitting at the bay window, looking out into the night. The room was freezing cold and Minerva could see the goosebumps on Lucy's arms. Minerva closed the door behind her and walked towards her daughter. She sat down beside her and looked out onto the Hogwarts grounds.

"I know how you feel, my darling," she whispered. "And what you feel is okay. It's okay to feel hurt, to feel sad. All your feelings are valid and I am so sorry for implying that you're not making an effort. I know you're trying really hard."

Lucy looked up at her with tears in her eyes. "I am," she whispered. "So hard."

"Oh, darling, I know," Minerva said, wrapping her arms around her and pulling her close. "I know it hurts and I know it's hard and if you need anything or just need someone to talk to you can always talk to me. I know that I've been really busy lately and that I have to go out all the time for my Order assignment but I don't want you to worry about that. You are always my number one priority. I care more about you than anything else. If you need something don't worry about how much work I might have to do. If you need me, I'll be here. I promise."

Lucy buried her face into her mother's chest and held her tightly. She told her everything. How she felt, how she was trying, what she needed. She told her mother about the constant headaches and the no sleeping and how she needed someone to stay with her. Minerva told her that she could stay with her at night if it helped her sleep better. She told Lucy that she didn't have to figure it out all alone. That she didn't have to do this all by herself. Minerva would help her. Remus, Daniel, Nina, Raj, Amelia, and Dumbledore would help her. They would all help her.

Lucy felt a little bit better after that. She felt like a huge weight was taken off her shoulder. She stayed close to her mother and felt a little bit safer.

Saturday, May 15th 1999

Click.

A baby Harry made a face as the flash of Lucy's camera hit his face. The photo developed out of the front of the camera and Lucy looked at it with a smile. She turned it over and held it out so James and Lily could see.

"Augh, I don't like this one," James said, making a face. "I look weird."

"I think you look nice," Lily said with a small smile. "At least this one, Harry actually looks happy."

"Lucy, maybe you should take another."

"She's already taken five!"

"I think this one is the best," Lucy said with a little laugh as she looked down at the photograph. Her voice was quieter than it used to be.

Lucy sat down on the floor of her mother's office and opened up her photo album so she could put the moving photo inside. She had been slowly filling the photo album with more and more photos since Dorcas died. She wanted as many photographs of everyone as possible, just in case. She had photos of her with the Weasleys and the Tonkses. Photos with Remus, Sirius, James, Lily, Minerva, Aunt Amelia, Uncle Raj, Uncle Albus, Daniel, Nina, and anybody else she could force to sit down and smile for one. She had also cut out the photograph of Dorcas from the paper so that she could have another one of her and gotten a photo of Marlene from Sirius. She wanted to remember everyone as they were and wanted physical things to remember them by. She didn't want them to live on in her heart like her mother had said. She wanted something physical that she could hold on to.

"Can I see your book?" Lily asked.

Lucy nodded and held it out for her to take. Lily took it and patted the floor for her to come sit down beside her. Lucy got up and moved. Lily opened the album and saw the first picture. It was a photograph of Lucy, Remus and Dorcas. Lily smiled and asked Lucy to tell her all about the photos she had taken. Lucy smiled and pointed to picture after picture, telling her the story behind them. James looked over Lily's shoulder so he could see too.

...

"Alastor and Elphias have all been cleared," Minerva said as she flopped into the chair in front of Dumbledore's desk.

"Wow, two people cleared and I didn't even know that you were investigating again," he said with raised eyebrows.

"I was going to tell you but I figured it would be more relevant when I had something to report," she replied inconsequentially. "It's going faster now since Amelia is now helping."

"Ah, I see."

"I hope that's alright."

"Of course," he said with a smile. "I am very glad that the two of you are back on good terms once again."

"Me too," she said with a smile.

"So, how's Lucy doing?" Dumbledore asked.

"She's finally getting better," Minerva replied, sounding very tired all of a sudden. "Remus spoke with her a little last week and since then she's started doing her homework again. Dance has also helped her a lot. She has that to just forget about everything else for a while."

"That's good," Dumbledore said.

"Yes," Minerva said with a sigh, leaning back in her chair. "She's finally eating more. Not much but more. She's still got a lot of weight to gain back but she's smiling a little more, laughing even, talking more. Though... it's not really the same. Her voice is a lot quieter than usual and she still doesn't talk that much. Not like the crazy ranting she used too. Yesterday I talked to her about Wonder Woman and she didn't get excited and crazy like she used to. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I miss that."

Dumbledore smiled a little. "I'm sure she'll get back to that soon enough."

"This is just like what happened after Jay died. She was finally better and then this happened and... and..."

"It'll be okay, Minerva."

"Daniel and Nina will be back next week," Minerva said. "I'm sure once they get here they'll be able to help her more as well."

He nodded. "Well, how are you doing?"

"Me? I'm fine," Minerva muttered.

"You've been so busy lately," Dumbledore replied. "With Hogwarts business, Order business, and helping Lucy, you've had no time to deal with your own emotions."

"I've been fine," Minerva said, crossing her arms. "You don't have to worry about me."

"Min-"

"I'm fine, Albus, really."

"Alright," he said.

"Anyways," Minerva said. "With those three cleared, who's next?"

Dumbledore gave a little shrug. "Sturgis, Dung or Dedalus, I suppose. It's up to you."

"Oh my god, Fletcher. I completely forgot about him. He would do anything to save his own skin. Why didn't we investigate him first?" Minerva muttered. "I'll be doing him next then."

Dumbledore nodded. He sighed and leaned down to pull out his chessboard from one of the desk drawers. "Chess, Minerva?"

She sighed and closed her eyes but nodded. She wasn't really in the mood for chess but she knew the moment that she left this room she would have to go back to all the work that she had been putting off. She knew she would have to get it done eventually and the more she put it off the harder it would become but she just needed some time to regroup and think of something other than the war for a little while.

Dumbledore set the board in between them and the pieces set themselves in their correct order. She let him make the first move and the two of them played for a little while. The game worked to distract Minerva for a while until finally she won and had to go back to her office where all those stacks of papers waited for her.

Author's Note:

It's been a while but I'm back! I hope you enjoy this chapter and please leave a review letting me know what you think!

Also, if you want more from me, I wrote a short one-shot about Minerva and Amelia meeting during their first year of Hogwarts. I thought it would be a fun little story. They talked about it a little in the last chapter. If you want to read it, it's called In Which Minerva Meets A Friend. Please check it out and leave a review, thank you!