This is a difficult chapter to read so if you have any triggers, I advise you to skip it.

Enjoy (if you can) and review!

NJPNJPNJP

Puck cleared his throat. "Hey?"

Mike, Finn, Sam and Artie looked over. "Do you need something?"

"Yeah, I want to talk to Sam for a minute."

"What's going on?" Sam asked.

"Alone."

"Why?!" Finn demanded.

"Just go away, girl."

On one hand, Finn was glad he was teasing him; on the other, he didn't want to leave Puck's side.

"Come on, Finn." Mike stood up. "Let's find something to drink."

"That's what I'm talking about! Let's put some vodka in his IV bags!" Artie rubbed his hands together.

Finn didn't find that funny and glared at the blue eyed bassist.

"Not only does that cause infection but I meant a soft drink." Mike said.

"Boo…" Artie unlocked his brakes.

Mike pushed him out, making sure to be behind Finn so the tall twenty year old would leave. He shut the door behind them.

"Mike's the best." Puck's lips twitched.

"Yeah." Sam eyed him warily.

"Come sit over here so I don't have to crane my neck."

Sam sat in the chair by the bed. "What's up?"

"Are you happy?"

"What?" Sam was totally confused by the question.

"It's not hard. Are you happy?"

"I don't know. I mean- I don't know." Sam blushed.

"I thought so. A regular job sucks. You want excitement and music."

"I mean I miss music but doesn't everybody?"

"Not everybody because a lot of us are still in the game. Why aren't you?"

"I had my time in the spotlight. I had my face on the side of a bus-"

"That was a stupid ass dream. You're a performer. It's in your blood. I want you to make me a promise."

"You want me to try to make it in the music business?" Sam guessed.

"Hell no. That'll take forever. I want you to take over my spot in the band. They need a guitarist and you're a good one. You already don't live with your parents so picking up to leave this fart of a town will be easy."

"Whoa, whoa, what?!"

"You can always visit and you'll have steady money in your pocket. It's a pretty sweet gig."

"I can't pick up and move to Italy!"

"Why not?" Puck gave him BS face.

"I don't know Italian!" Sam threw out.

"My Italian is terrible. I bet Mama will have an easier time teaching you than me."

"I don't know the first thing about Italy!"

"And I did?! The Fabanges will show you. Plus Wheels, Satan and Britt are there."

Sam gaped. "But I can't slip into your life."

"You're not slipping into my life. You're just taking my job. You'll have to make your own life."

Sam nodded. "Okay then. I'll move to Italy. For you."

"You'll love it."

Sam smirked. "Too bad Natalia has a boyfriend."

Puck chuckled.

MMC

Finn stood up. "Alright, I have to go. I have class."

"Me too. I have to help the guys train." Sam rose.

"I don't have anything to do but bug San and Britt." Artie grinned. "They've no sense of humor since getting pregnant."

"Well letting Gomez terrorize them probably isn't a good idea." Mike stood up.

"I know it's my job to get after him when he does but all I wanna do is laugh."

"I know how that goes. Mal is a menace. He switched the boys around. We had to get the birth certificates out to see which one was which."

"But they have different colored eyes." Finn pointed out.

"It was night and completely hard to tell. Both looked black."

"I'm so glad Kurt's older than me."

"I wish Lila was older than me!" Artie laughed.

"You wouldn't change your relationship." Puck smirked.

Artie wrinkled his nose. "Maybe."

"I can't imagine having an older sibling, let alone a sister." Sam shook his head.

"It's the best." Mike admitted. "I followed behind Marc, even when he didn't want me to. He's basically my blueprint on how to be a person. As for Laura, I mess with her and yeah, it's fun but I'd kill for her. She wouldn't even need to fully ask."

"Does she know that?" Artie asked.

"Probably not."

Puck chuckled. "Lucky bastard."

"Yup!" Mike beamed.

"We'll see you tomorrow." Finn shook his head with a rueful smile at Mike.

"Alright." Puck lifted a feeble hand. "Hey, Mike? Hold up."

"Really?!" Finn was distraught.

"Get out!"

Finn stomped out, grumbling.

Artie and Sam followed, Artie laughing.

Mike stood by the bed as Sam closed the door. "What's up?"

"Just a couple things. I had Evans promise me he was gonna move to Milan. You'll help him out, right?"

"You want Sam to move to Italy? Why?"

"He's spinnin his wheels here. Besides the band needs another guitarist now."

"You think that'll make them miss you less?"

Puck narrowed his eyes. "I don't need that know-everything Mike. I need the actual-good-guy Mike."

"They're one in the same but alright." Mike shrugged.

Puck flipped him off. "Anyway, help him out. His girly self is gon need you guys."

"Sam is one of my best friends. I wouldn't leave him hanging."

"That's what's up. Speaking of girly ass bros, take care of Finn. Have him visit a lot. Visit him."

"I don't know. He's going to be clingy. Are you sure you don't want to live longer?"

Puck cracked a grin. "I'll give it a few more days."

"That's all I ask."

"Next on the list is my stuff. Did Q and my moms go through everything like I wanted and give you guys all stuff?"

"Yeah, Quinn gave us stuff back home then shipped the rest of it here so the glee club and your family could go through the rest."

"Good." It was quiet for a while. "Is the plan in place?"

"What plan?" Mike knew what plan.

"Come on, bro. I'm serious."

"Yeah, everything's set." Mike sighed. "You know I think this is crazy. At the very least too soon."

"I want Q taken care of and nobody can do that as well as you and Mama. Getting married is the right thing. I think all of this happened so you three could be together anyway. The way it was meant to be."

"Not like this."

"She needed to be with someone like me to appreciate someone like you."

"Someone like you is a damn fine person."

Puck forced a chuckle. "I knew you thought I was gorgeous!"

"Yeah." Mike said sadly.

"Come on, man. Don't fade on me now."

Mike swallowed and perked back up. "I'm fine. Don't flatter yourself."

Puck took a deep breath. "When is it? The wedding?"

"Next week."

"Good. Don't invite Finn. He'll stop it and I don't want them together."

"He's still with Tina." Mike brought up.

"Humph!"

Mike smiled. "We won't invite Finn."

"Or Sam."

"What?! Why?" Mike laughed.

"He globs onto the first single girl he sees all the time. Not my Q!"

"Hey, I'm the one who's going to have to look out for him and Mercy."

"You'll do fine. After that Aaron tool, your wife is safe."

"She better be or I'm digging you up just to piss on your corpse."

Puck laughed but it turned into a coughing fit. He waited for it to subside before smiling. "You're an asshole. I'm going to miss you, brother."

"I'm going to miss you, too. Brother."

"Tell Finn that I'm not trying to have special moments with everyone but him. I just can't say goodbye without looking like a punk."

"I think if anyone gets a pass, it's you."

MMC

Puck wasn't asleep. He was just resting his eyes. He was a lot more tired now and just watching TV made him exhausted. But he didn't always go to sleep.

He knew someone had come into his room but figured it was a nurse when they didn't say anything. His visitors usually at least asked if he were awake.

But this person didn't ask anything nor come near the bed, which made him think it wasn't a nurse. They were still in the room after what he estimated to be five minutes. He peeled his eyes open to slits and was surprised to see Marcy. She'd had the kids brought up but she didn't bring them herself. He still hadn't seen her.

She had her head bent over a notebook and was scribbling away in different colored pens like she did when she was studying. It made sense because the semester wasn't over yet. Well it was for him but of course she still had to work.

He watched her for a moment as she frowned over her scratchings. She didn't know he was awake. He cleared his throat.

She immediately looked towards the door. Upon finding no one there, she frowned anew and looked towards the bed. He was staring at her and her eyes widened behind her glasses.

"I haven't seen you in weeks. No "hi"?" He croaked.

"Hi." She watched him like Mercedes would a snake.

"Come here." He patted the bed.

She was sitting on the couch with open books around her. She still watched him, something dark twisting her features.

"Come on, Mini Mama."

She took off her glasses slowly and set aside her work. She stood and crossed to the bed.

"Sit down." He patted the bed again.

"Puck,-"

"Now we go way back. When do you call me "Puck"?"

She looked at him, haunted.

"Sit."

She blew out a breath and sat on his bed gingerly.

"Relax. You're not going to catch death from me."

She looked at him with wide eyes.

"It was a joke. You're supposed to laugh."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. Lighten up."

"No." She shook her head carefully. "I'm sorry I couldn't save you. You're dying and it's my fault."

"Your fault? How? You weren't even around me when I first got sick."

"I'm a scientist. I'm supposed to be a damn good scientist. I invented a cure to a disease I had no clue about in three weeks at age fourteen. I have nothing for you."

"Mini Mama,-"

"You're my friend and I've killed you."

"Mini Mama,-"

"I have something worked out but every test subject has died. I can't get it. I don't know why but I can't get it. All these deaths are my fault-"

"Mini Mama!" He coughed hard at raising his voice.

She hurried to get him a drink of water.

He drank deeply before pushing the glass away. "You haven't killed anyone."

"Yes, I have."

He recognized the darkness in her face now. It was guilt. "You don't know everything. You're the smartest person I know and you still don't know everything. You're still a kid. This is not your fault. Is that why you haven't been to see me?"

"I've been here. But only when you're asleep."

"Well cut that shit out. I don't have much time left and I want to see you. I want to see all my friends. I don't blame you for this. Who knows? If I'd taken that cure you got now, I coulda died weeks ago. Don't beat yourself up."

"That's going to be easier said than done."

"That's what I want for my birthday from you. For you to forgive yourself. You're not the only person working on this and you don't blame them, do you? You gotta give yourself a break. I've never seen someone take things so hard before. What's that about?"

"I don't fail gracefully." It hurt to admit that.

"Try. It's okay to fail."

Her shoulders slumped.

"You'll get back up and fight this. I'm sure that whenever there is a cure for this, you'll be the one to come up with it."

"Thanks, 'Zilla." She put her hand on his chest.

"Ah! There it is. My Mini Mama."

"I'm going to miss you so much."

"I'm going to miss you, too."

"But you know you're going somewhere better." She smiled. "Things are only going to get better for you. I know that for a fact."

"Really now?"

"Oh yeah. All the crap that's so wrong with life, isn't even a thing where you're headed. You're on the road to perfection."

He closed his eyes, soothed by her words and utter confidence. "Tell me more."

"Oh yeah. You're going to paradise. When you wake up, the world will be different. You'll be healthy and whole. Might even get your Mohawk back."

He grinned.

"You're gonna keep your guns. Still have that rakish grin. You're going to be fit as a fiddle. No mental issues, no pain, no past rooted in hurt. It'll all be wiped clean."

"I could use that." He murmured.

"I know. She didn't go into details but I know you've been hurt. I know you have issues with your dad. None of that will even be a thing where you're going."

"She? Mama…" He knew.

"Yeah. She thinks we have a lot in common."

"I only told her. She told my moms on me and I had to talk to a counselor but I still haven't talked about it. Maybe I should?"

"If you want. I'll listen to whatever you need to get off your chest."

He cleared his throat. "From the time I was thirteen to seventeen, I was sexually abused by older women in town." He opened his eyes to see her reaction.

She cocked her head. "Those rumors are true?"

He nodded.

She didn't speak for a long while. "I understand."

"You do?"

"I was twelve when I was first raped. Which you were. Raped. Not saying it doesn't make it any easier. Just gives them a chance to brush it off."

"Brush it off." He muttered.

"Yeah. Cuz they make it seem like it's no big deal. That it wasn't their faults. That we were asking for it because of how we look. Anything to make it seem as if it was normal for adults, grown ass people to look at and touch children. It's not fair."

He put his hand over hers as tears slipped past her lashes. "It's not fair."

"It's humiliating. It's embarrassing. It hurts. It's shameful. And it's not fair."

He shook his head. "It took me a long time to figure out it wasn't my fault. I thought I was supposed to want them to touch me because I was a dude. I thought I couldn't say no."

"You can say no. You deserve to say no." She cut in. "You're a human being and it doesn't matter what gender you are, no one is entitled to your body or time."

He squeezed her hand. "I didn't know that. I wish I had someone like you there back then."

"I would have stuck up for you."

"It had to suck for you though."

"It sucked for you!"

"I know but for a girl, someone has to go inside. That has to hurt."

"It did." She dropped her chin. "It was brutal. They forced me to do unspeakable things by hurting me physically. I had bruises that didn't go away from weeks. But on top of the bruises I had anyway, it wasn't like anyone cared."

"Bruises anyway? I thought you were only beaten at that convent? Have you always been beaten?" He frowned.

"Not the first time. I went to Detroit and those people were nice but frazzled. They had a bunch of kids and couldn't really keep up with anyone. I was only seven but I kept getting in trouble so they sent me back. Going to Seattle however… They beat me. I fought back and the punishment was worse. I told my mom that I didn't like it there and that they were mean to me but she said that I wasn't supposed to like it there.

I was being punished and that the people probably weren't mean like I said but instead strict and of course I didn't like it. That I deserved it because of what I was."

"Your mom- Mom Jones- your mom said that to you?" He gaped.

"She hated illness."

Puck was horrified. "So you were at least okay from seven to twelve though? Right?"

"I got my boobs at eight. I had a little shape. I would notice that men would look but by the time I was ten, men would touch. It wouldn't be rape but they'd run their hands over me. It made me feel awful.

Then this man, this big tall grizzly man kissed me on the mouth and told me exactly how he was going to take me. Those were his words. That he was going to take me.

I made sure I lit the principal's desk on fire so I could get kicked out. I knew that I couldn't keep fighting them off. Someone was going to rape me and I couldn't stop it. I didn't want that for my first time so I asked Mal would he want to have sex with me.

I had come home in time for his birthday and I asked a few days after. Not even two days later, right before I left to do a movie, I crept into his bedroom and we had sex. That was when I fell in love with him.

He didn't even ask me why. He just said yes. Then he took care to make sure I had a good time. I will never forget that. No matter what we go through or where we end up, I will always love him for that." She swiped at her tears.

"Wow." Puck was in awe. If someone had done that for him, he'd be in love with them to this day. "He's a good dude."

"He's a great dude. I'd never take back what we did. Even if I did end up pregnant."

"How'd you lose your baby?"

"I didn't even know I was pregnant. I didn't know sex led to pregnancy. My moms didn't tell us that part. Loaded on diseases but left out pregnancy… I was doing my own stunts and after the last scene, which was me being dunked in water over and over, I felt this indescribable pain. I thought it was my period at first because I hadn't had it since we had sex and I was always regular.

I stayed in my hotel room the whole night instead of going to the wrap party because I thought I was going to die. My cramps are pretty bad but I can usually move about and do things. Not this time. I literally couldn't do anything but cry all night.

I didn't go to sleep until the next morning. I came home a day late because I was still hurting. Everything hurt. I didn't know what had happened. I was so scared I was sick but I didn't tell anyone. I thought it was just something that was my fault. Like everything else in my life.

I came home for Christmas then after New Years I went to a new school. There was a science teacher. He gave me the creeps anyway but I didn't have his class so I didn't care.

I'd pass him in the halls and he'd look at me like he hated me. I didn't know why. I'd never spoken a word to him.

One night, I woke up to someone crawling into my bed. It was him. He put his hand over my mouth and ripped my nightgown.

I- I screamed but it was muffled by his hand. He slapped me and began choking me. I looked to my roommate for help but she just stared at me. I didn't know it at the time but he'd had a reputation with the girls for raping them and she was scared to help because she didn't want to be next.

I don't blame her for that.

He forced himself on me and continued to hit me because I tried to fight him off. When he was done, he told me to wear a shorter nightgown for next time.

I was so freaked out, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. I kept thinking he was going to come back. And he eventually did. He came back a lot in the beginning.

I found another teacher to be with because I was so fucked up in the head that I taunted him. He beat me mercilessly and made me perform sexual acts on him.

I poisoned the headmistress so I could be kicked out. I came home and I- nothing was the same. I didn't want anyone near me. I was so mean to my family. They sent me somewhere else quickly and I decided that no man was going to touch me and I wasn't getting something out of it.

I began sleeping with rich people for money. For favors. For anything worth a lot. I found other people who were just like me and we figured out how to give the most pleasure without giving all of ourselves. We did other things sure enough. Homework, cleaning and taxwork to say the least but it mainly was whoring ourselves out.

I stopped when I got sent to the convent. I didn't have access to the outside world because the Mother Superior kept us inside the convent like we were allergic to the sun."

"Aren't you allergic to the sun?"

"Besides the point, 'Zilla…" She rolled her eyes with a hard sniffle. "We couldn't go anywhere or do anything if she weren't right there with us. When I found out I was pregnant again, it wasn't even a formal finding out.

I just overheard a girl asking for supplies for her monthlies and I realized I hadn't had mine in a while. I never keep track because it's always from the 15th to the 17th and lasts for seven to eleven days, heavy flow, heavy cramps, heavy PMS. The only time that deviates from the script is on my birthday because for some eerie reason, I never had it on my birthday."

"That's weird."

"It is but that just means I have birthday sex."

"Awesome."

"I would have gotten my red wings honestly a long time ago but I found out (through a John) that it actually hurts to have sex on my period."

"I got my red wings."

"Knew you were a freak."

He smiled. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I don't need to have sex all the damn time anyway."

"I meant about how you found out. That blew."

"It did."

"What exactly happened when the twins were born? You said some stuff but…"

"Well I went to my diary and tried to pinpoint my last period. I usually write it down cuz it fucks up my whole day and I write that shit down. But I couldn't find it. I tried to think of other symptoms and I just knew.

I was so happy. I was going to finally have my child. After all the miscarriages, I would have my baby. But I was so scared. This old woman was demonic. She would kill my baby and I couldn't go through that again.

So I tried to do everything she said. No matter what it was. She still beat me. I couldn't keep going on like that. Beating me was one thing but not my baby. Not my baby.

So I snuck into her office one night to use the phone and dialed any number that came to mind and I got Mal. He said what he said and she pulled me from under her desk and went H.A.M. on me.

I begged and pleaded with her. I screamed and cried. I told her I was pregnant. Either she didn't hear me or she didn't care because she kept beating me. Until she got tired. I just tried to protect my stomach, wondering why I had to be the way I was and deserve this.

The nurse was human and she heard the screams. She burst in and the Mother Superior told her to take me to my room but she didn't. She took me to the nearby hospital.

They were checking over me and the nurse translated and said that they said I was pregnant and I was in labor. I had to deliver right then.

She held my hand through that. I will always cherish her for that. She held my hand through labor and took pictures of me holding the twins after they were born. She held me after I gave them up then stayed with me when my body began shutting down.

She stayed the whole time then took me back to the convent so I could heal in the infirmary. She made sure I ate and treated my wounds. She never said anything about my other bruises. I think she might have thought it was all from Mother Superior but they weren't.

I'm usually a quick healer. It's hard to leave a mark on me. But some people have. I have old bruises."

"Can I see?" His voice creaked.

She looked towards the closed door before unbuttoning her woven dress. She slid it down her back and arms and turned. "Most of my tattoos are to cover them. But I couldn't cover all of them without getting something like Mikey's dragon."

He reached out a touched a tattoo that was covering raised flesh. "I'm so sorry, dude."

"It's not your fault."

"You know it's not yours, right?"

She just covered herself and rebuttoned her dress.

"How have you survived?"

"I honestly don't know. Sometimes I think I died a long time ago and my life with Mal is heaven."

He reached for her hand and held it. "Have you told anyone else this about you?"

"No. You're the first."

He felt honored and disturbed. "You gotta tell someone."

"I'm fine."

"Mini Mama! You're holding onto this crap. It's going to kill you."

"I'd be with you."

"I don't want you to follow me. I want you to live. A good life. I'm going to make you promise to tell someone. Or I will."

"How dare you?!"

"It's my dying wish. Will you do this for me, Mini Mama? Will you?"

NJPNJPNJP

I have a saying that I will repeat to the end of time; it doesn't matter who you are, no one's entitled to your body or time. I believe that wholeheartedly and I hope everyone takes heed. You're always allowed to say no.