AN: Sensepi Rescopula, Kyo, h hadi j, pjones2, SonicX26SF, Blood Fluffles – Thanks for the support and love! Reading reviews like yours make writing feel worth it to me. Even if its just crack content, I still appreciate it. Make sure to check out my currently updating work.
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Name change to Chaos Hobo Jafar.
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WARNING: This is the chapter my muse ended on. I may come back one day. Enjoy if you made it this far. I left the notes I still had at the bottom. NOT DROPPED, just might take a while to get back here.
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Disclaimer: I own no source material.
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Chapter 10: Highschool of The Dead Part 5: Finale.
Some people might think there was a time and place for filing out a children's coloring book with an orange crayon.
Some people might think a dragon shouldn't be colored orange.
Jafar was someone who made sure every dragon he saw was anything but green out of spite.
He had to be sure.
{"Is this really the time?"}
Sitting atop a skyscraper in a dystopian city in an undead apocalypse and swinging his legs idly, Jafar nodded his head with a hum.
"Is there ever not a time to fill my heart with childhood wonders?"
{"….I feel like I'll be canceled if I say no, so I'll just point out the hundreds of ghouls who heard you singing 'Oops I Did It Again' by 'Britney Spears' at max volume while you purposefully destroyed hundreds of dragon type coloring books with the color orange."}
Jafar chose to ignore the giant pile of said coloring books behind him to focus on the other point. "Do you think they liked my singing voice?"
{"I think there's a ghoul five feet below your nutsack but by all means, keep coloring."}
Said ghoul chose that moment to chomp upwards and got a flaming rolled up newspaper to the face and fell off said skyscraper. "Rude. Come back when you learn some manners!"
{"I fail to see what the flesh eating undead did wrong in that scenario."}
Jafar shook his head in disappointment at his frenemy. "You should know better than that. Its always polite to have dinner before the kinky play."
{"You know, I never understand that. Wouldn't you feel bloated before getting naked and sweaty?"}
"Salads are sex's best friend."
{"Hm, never heard that one before."}
"Ha! Still making one liners in 2023, daddy's still got it."
{"Incoming."}
"Yeah, yeah, I'm finished with this dragon anyway." He lit the pages on fire with a lighter and idly teleported backwards on top of the pile just as a pair of ghouls dove at him from behind and promptly fell two hundred meters to their undead death.
Dozens of growls rang out as the rest of the ghoul group crested the top of the building and charged him just as he dropped the lit book on the rest of the gasoline covered dragon books.
"Cows say moo, sheep say ruff, dragons say fuck you."
{"That's sounds personal."}
"It was to me."
He teleported up and waved to the burning screeching bodies before teleporting sideways and falling with a chuckle.
Completely missing the ghoul who came late and dove at him, scratching his thigh with paralytic claws and falling to its death.
"Oh, that's not good."
{"The paralyzing venom or the extra inch that would have given you a new hole to pee out of."}
"Do you REALLY need to ask?"
{"It amuses me, also, you might want to focus."}
Jafar rolled his eyes and felt his body go numb for the umpteenth time and teleported sideways to avoid more kamikaze ghouls.
"I feel like there is irony in a Japanese guy getting kamikazed."
{"Aren't you half middle eastern?"}
"That just raises the irony bar."
The ground began rapidly approaching and he was hitting his maximum consecutive teleportation chains.
{"You ever wonder how fast you need to be to go from solid to a liquid on impact?"}
"Maybe not the time Alfred."
{"When is the time?"}
"I don't –" He TP'd up over a ghouls reach.
"Maybe…" And sideways from a ghouls seeking claws.
"I'm a little preoccupied!"
{"Death is always sudden for a mortal. Best to think about it when you can."}
"Excuse me but I plan to die a natural death at the ripe old age of 102, just like the city of Detroit."
A welcoming group hug of spectral stamina sucking females awaited him fifty feet below, just like his ex-girlfriend Stacy's mom, and he chose to exit stage right and land on a dining room table in an apartment of the building he was flying past and got hit with a disgusting stench. "Fucking hell, whose kitty litter did I shit in?"
He looked around and took in a few key details. The table he was on was bloody, he was quite familiar enough with the body parts on said table, and the smell was coming from three adult male wide eyed cannibalistic crackheads with tinfoil hats.
Jafar blinked.
The crackheads blinked.
Alfred laughed loudly.
"I FUCKING FOUND YOU RAT BASTARDS!"
"Shit! Its that crazy fucker!"
"The reaper is here!"
"It's that guy Jackson married to a kangaroo!"
"HE FUCKING TOLD YOU ABOUT BRINDA?!"
{"HAHAHAHA STOP! MY LIVER! HAHAHA!"}
Gunshots rang out in the room and twenty minutes later Jafar kicked open the apartments front door with a bloody boot and a new purpose in life.
His eyes ignited with an inner fire as he learned about the crackheads hiding in the sewers and their leader who fucked with him when he was drunk.
{"So what are you going to do?"}
"Find a dead man."
{"You do realize…."}
Jafar sighed. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Bad choice in words."
One way or another, he was finding the soon to be dead man known as Jackson.
00000
The city of Perth saw a new style of violent death as Jafar hunted cannibal crackheads like a bloodhound all while he was hunted by groups of screeching ghouls.
Screaming bodies were thrown off rooftops, strapped to C4 and tossed into piles of ghouls, used as bludgeoning objects to hit ghouls and other crackheads, debate the secrets of life with, and be used as unsuccessful fish bait.
All in his search for one single answer.
Where was Jackson.
Inside an ice rink, a crackhead woman crawled along the ice in fear as her gut gushed blood and the grim reaper came up behind her.
"TELL ME WHERE HE IS!"
"I don't know!"
"WELL YOU BETTER START KNOWING OR YOUR GONNA DIE! BY A ZOMBONIE!" He stepped on the gas. "In around five minutes. Fuck it, the ghouls will get her faster."
"Alright! Alright! I'll talk! Please don't kill me!"
00000
In an underground empire of shabby wooden huts, grand STD orgies, fighting rings, and mountains of drugs, Jackson, the religious leader of his people with his mighty tinfoil captain hat, played with his pet rat Whiskers as he enjoyed his life.
Life was good for him. A struggling crack addict on the streets one day, and a survivor the next day. Once all the humans became zombies, it was simple for him to head to the surface and scurry around, gathering survivors under his banner and raiding all the hotspots he knew had all the drugs.
Opportunity was his to take and he lived the good life now. Crack, women, occasionally men, his pet rat, and social power.
Nothing could touch him.
Nothing except a random hobo he found drunk and fucked with over half a year before because he thought it was amusing at the time.
"JACKSON!"
The wall of his hut exploded inward with an explosion of wooden shards and Jackson didn't even have time to blink before a hand was gripping his throat and lifting him off the ground.
As the dust settled, Jackson noticed who it was despite the dozens of bleeding cuts and the drenched appearance. "Y-you…"
Jafar smile was not friendly. "Yes. Me."
"W-what do you want."
"Well, you see. I was around the block and thought I should drop by and say hi, be polite and all that you know? So I took a little walk, fought sixteen mutant crocodiles, three hordes of ghouls, a rat empire riding zombie bunnies, and two crackheads using human skeleton swords.
A nice peaceful walk you know? All so I could see you."
Jackson fearfully looked toward his pet rat only to see it getting its ass kicked by Agent Squeakers and really wished he never messed with this madman.
Jafar leaned in close and his green eyes put the fear of death into the man. "I wanted to know if you could help me practice my bloody eagle technique. Friend to friend."
Unfortunately, regrets wouldn't help him now. A commotion came from outside his hut and Jacksons heart soared for all of three seconds before a spear on its last legs jammed through his gut. "Hold that for a moment will you?"
Jafar stepped outside and looked at the armed cannibalistic crackheads with a smile. "Ladies! Gentlemen! Wonderful news! You are all under new OW!" He looked to the left and saw an old woman with a smile of black rotten teeth pointing a smoking pistol at him and felt the blood run down his leg. "Did you just fucking shoot me in the ass? Alfred. Did I just get shot in the ass?"
{"She shot you in the ass, left cheek."}
The crowd was silent for a moment before Jafar pulled out a shotgun in the blink of an eye and blew the woman's head off her shoulders.
He turned to face the crowd with an annoyed glare. "As I was saying! Find yourselves a new leader. Also, I left 1,600 kilos of cocaine in the empty space in the left sewer path. First come, first serve."
He didn't even bother watching his back as he re-entered Jacksons hut to the sound of two hundred pairs of feet rushing to the exit.
{"Wasn't that the spot where that glowing neon spiderweb was?"}
"Yes, yes it was."
{"You're an evil bastard. I love it."}
"Fuck cannibals man. My ass hurts."
Jafar spat and grabbed Jackson. He had a date with the man and a cross. And a potion for his ass.
The cannibal crackhead population in the city of Perth vanished overnight. Jafar didn't know if other pockets of people were around but considering how many non-zombified bodies those cannibals had in their sewer hideout, he doubted he was going to find anything.
He turned his focus back to the undead after that week of bloodthirsty hunting.
Things ultimately changed after the first evolution came about.
For one, the time for jokes decreased and Jafar was forced to fight for his life much more frequently.
For two, and this connects to the first, the undead actively hunted Jafar by scent alone. The only respites he could get was using his clean spell to temporarily wipe away the demonic scent on him and opening up distance with teleports until he collapsed in bloody exhaustion to rest before they inevitably caught the trace of demonic taint coming from Alfred's ring.
Alfred was entirely unapologetic about things, and Jafar was far too stubborn and having far too much fun to complain.
For more than a minute anyway.
"Can you stop smelling so much?"
{"Can you stop breathing so much?"}
"I actually need to breath to live. I think."
{"Well it's the same shit for me. You can't just remove a demonic essence from a demon or they wouldn't be a demon."}
"I mean, I guess it's nice they come to me instead of having to hunt them down but my ass can't help but clench at all those hungry eyes."
{"You could always debut for undead porn as a magical girl."}
"I'm starting to think you have a magical girl fetish."
{"Bah, damn things keep invading hell, they are like mosquitoes that break into your home and sprinkle sparkles and rainbows on your carpet while preaching about their moral high ground and shit. And fighting back after they break into your home makes you look like the bad guy. Gah, I hate them."}
Jafar twitched at the rainbow comment. "I feel like I need to kill something to get that concept out of my head."
{"Good, that makes two of us. Think fast."}
Jafar caught it at the same time and teleported behind the wall that exploded inward and slashed the head off the invading ghoul before turning to the red eyes climbing over the adjacent building staring at him and sighed.
His body, mind, and combat experience sharpened like a blade to a grindstone with each passing day.
He took heavy injuries at the start and was forced to tip into his potion supplies from the Pokemon world to keep going.
If things got too dire, he was able to pull off a final safety measure and retreat into his inventory, but that came with the risk of having to leave the swirling door open so he didn't trap himself inside and die from temporal effects. Or as the little girl who made the space so eloquently drew, before his entrails exploded from his body.
He was crazy, but not that crazy. Spatial and temporal anomalies, rainbows, the bad kind of yanderes, Cannibal crackheads, and Kentucky Fried Chicken all sent his mind into DEFCON 4 and he wanted nothing to do with them.
A month after the end of his first year, his spear finally broke down on him, forcing him to rely on his ammunition supply. Banshee's were ignored and ghouls tasted incendiary rounds.
His instincts to fight up front were smashed and he turned to guerilla warfare, constantly running and fighting till even his own growing stamina flagged.
Thankfully, before he could really get into trouble without a weapon, Alfred had his moment to shine.
00000
Alfred's ring pulsed like a heartbeat.
{"Jafar."}
"I'm a little busy man!"
The pulse increased.
{"Mortal."}
Jafar butterfly kicked between two diving ghouls and unloaded his machine gun in controlled bursts to set each body aflame. "Not the time Alfred!"
The pulse became a rapid beat.
{"It's time."}
A teleport five feet to the right saved him from a banshee's seeking arms, idly noticing the vibrating ring. "What time!?"
{"It's coming."}
"The babies coming?!"
{"No you moron! You crossed the million threshold with your own hands. I'm being forced to uphold the agreement we made."}
Jafar's eyes widened as he grabbed the back of a ghouls head and smashed it into the ground. "YOUR HAVING A MAGICAL GIRL TRANSFORMATION?!"
Alfred's sighed in exhaustion as his ring glowed a dark royal purple. {"All of my hate Jafar. All of it."}
With the only witness being the hundreds of ghouls and dozens of banshees surrounding him, Alfreds ring exploded outwards with violet light as a weapon took form.
The undead around him hissed as the demonic aura pushed them back instinctively.
Seven feet long with an ash metal two foot long razor sharp blade on one end and a foot long smaller blade on the opposite. Warm onyx metal for the shaft, with violet pulsing lines of light trailing up and down to the dark royal purple guards before each blade. The same violet trailed over the edge of the blades on both ends, giving off a demonic and spiritually disturbing feeling.
It dropped into Jafar's open palm and pulsed strongly before the light dimmed to a low glow. He unconsciously gripped the shaft and felt its chilling warmth flow through him like comforting ice in his veins.
His first word leaving his mouth before he could even comprehend it. "Purple."
The familiar presence of Alfred's spirit inside the weapon practically exploded with a mixture of rage and shame. {"SO WHAT IF IM PURPLE! I TOOK ENOUGH SHIT FROM THE OTHER DEMONS FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE AND I'M NOT ABOUT TO START TAKING IT FROM YOU!"}
In response to Alfred's outburst, Jafar just gently stroked the shaft and shed a tear. "It's….perfect."
{"I SWEAR TO SATAN JAFAR, DON'T TES-…come again?"}
Jafar swung the blade and felt the air part before its gleaming edge. "Your perfect."
{"….I'm feeling uncomfortable. You're not going to laugh?"}
"Purples my favorite color bro. You look badass."
The surprise compliment had Alfred unconsciously puffing out his chest inside the weapon. "Yeah, I AM badass, aren't I?"}
"A little fat though."
{"Yeah, I AM a little fa…I'M NOT FAT! I'M BIG BONED YOU FUCK!"}
Jafar chuckled and swung the blade around some more with a twirl. "Weights good for a weapon. Sharp too."
His chuckles soon turned to laughter, and his laughter slightly maniacal. "This is the greatest gift I could have asked for Alfred!"
Jafar's joy was infectious and Alfred couldn't help himself form laughing along as well. Being trapped in the ring and watching Jafar fight was one thing, but being the weapon itself was another. His edge was thirsty for blood and carnage.
{"You really don't care about my color?"}
"Are you kidding?! Imagine the faces people will make when they realize they died to a purple weapon!"
That thought surprisingly struck Alfred at his core and he found that he could get behind the idea. {"Yeah! Fuck people! Lets stab me in to them and feast on their souls!"}
"That's the spirit! Hahaha come on you undead fucks! Die for the second time by my purple blade!"
The hesitation born into the undead from the demonic aura faded with the taunt and they charged in mass from all directions.
Jafar laughter rang out far and wide and he twirled like an ogre ballerina on shrooms and tore a bloody path through the bodies in his way.
Ghouls were sliced into with the slightest touch.
Banshees shrieked and bled spectral blood as the blade passed.
None could touch him as he sliced his way through, teleporting out of pockets and continuing the slaughter for hours on end.
When the final ghoul fell, he panted and dropped to a knee in ankle deep blood as his laughter rang unabated. "I LOVE THIS THING!"
The lines of glowing violet light increased and a spectral form rose from it with a demonic smile. A mixture of a humanoid and a racoon with dark eerie purple short fur at around three feet tall as it floated above the weapon.
{"Your gonna make me blush."}
Jafar blinked at the first sight of his partner. "I'll buy you dinner later. Weren't you bigger before? I could have sworn your arm was the size of my dick on Tommy Tuesdays at the playboy mansion the first time around."
Alfred rolled his eyes in exasperation. {"Yeah, when I had my full body I spent centuries building up. And I'll skip dinner, I'm quite full at the moment."}
Jafar raised a brow at that. "Full?"
Alfred leaned back on air as his spectral form floated a few inches off the weapon. {"Look at yourself, notice anything different?"}
He looked down at his usual tattered clothes after a long fight and noticed the change. "I'm not bleeding."
{"Your not."}
"Is that your ability? You're a blood sucker or something? I always knew you had it in you to suck."
{"Stub your balls on a light post bitch. And don't compare me to those leeches. I absorb soul energy from things you kill and convert it into physical healing."}
Jafar's eyes shined. "Really? I could keep fighting forever like that!"
{"I don't return stamina you fool. And there is only so much energy I can absorb until you get stronger. In the current setting, however, it does mean you can fight until your stamina drops without a worry."}
"How do you measure strength? And I thought demons couldn't take souls form undead?"
{"I'll answer the second part first. You are usually correct, but remember how I told you these undead have a demons taint? Well, I'm absorbing the part of their souls corrupted by demonic energy."}
Jafar's mind took him to thoughts of Voldemort and his horcruxes. "Are you absorbing the soul itself? Wouldn't that make me a different person or something? I think I like being Jafar, I don't wanna be someone else."
Alfred scoffed and waved a limb. {"Don't insult me mortal. Only amateurs fall to that shit. Experts don't absorb the core of the soul. We take from the energy around it like a battery and toss away the core to be absorbed by the worlds will and enter reincarnation. Although, considering I'm channeling it to you now, I wouldn't be surprised if imprints of ego's stick around in your head for a time."} He finished with a contemplative look toward Jafar's head.
"Is that why I can hear growls added to the whispers in my head?"
There was a long pause before Alfred rubbed his paws together. {"….Hehehehe, life is going to suck for the demon who did this. He's not dead so the ego imprints in your fucked up mind will return to him eventually."}
"Oh, that sounds fun, maybe he'll want to be friends with the madness curse. So my other question?"
{"Ah, right. Remember the tiers?"}
"Yup, 0 = basic human, 11 = multiversal fuck you god."
{"Exactly. Well, the scale is based off the combined ability of an individual to cause damage, alter, or create on scales of distance. But that doesn't make them all around at that tier. Body, Mind, Soul, Skills, Energy, there are plenty of factors to look at, and just because of tier 3 mage can destroy a city in one strike doesn't make their body tier 3. A knife through the eye and they are down.
As for my ability, it relies on the strength of the body and soul. The stronger the two, the more soul energy I can store and use on you. The risk factor is negated by your mind, but if you kill something much stronger than you in soul, beware that absorbing its energy could result in it fighting back."}
Jafar shrugged and stood tall. "Meh, we can cross killing wuxia elders when it becomes a thing. For now, all I care about is that I can hit hard and ignore getting hit."
Alfred chuckled and sent the guy he had actually come to respect a smirk. {"Go crazy man. The more you kill, the more I'll piece you back together."}
Jafar smirked back and held out his fist for a bump that was semi-reluctantly returned. "Now, let's go bring the fear of purple to the world."
"Damn straight!"
And so, the world learned to fear purple.
The end.
00000
Takashi mulled over the strategic map in the control center with his girlfriend Rei and his one time love interest Saeko by his side. "We need to readjust the defenses after losing the last two bases on the chain. Our incendiary round supply wont survive with us spread out like this."
Saeko studied the map closely and pointed at a few spots. "If we abandon this base here and built a juncture defense in these areas, we can bottleneck their advances and use the terrain against them."
Takashi ran through the scenario she implied and grimaced. "We already lost two to those insurgents, it will be tough to convince the conference to give up another one."
Saeko scoffed at the mention of the rebels. "Those fools chose to die on their own."
Takashi winced but internally agreed with her while Rei looked affronted. "Saeko! Those were still living humans."
Saeko narrowed her eyes at the girl. "And they brought thousands of others to their death because they were too arrogant to work alongside what they considered monsters at the behest of a deranged man's words."
Rei wilted under her glare and looked away. Bob's abilities and Jafar's words didn't connect with everyone, and there were always those who wished for power and authority who would reject possible dangers for their own ambitions. The insurgents stole a great deal of military supplies and retreated to the farthest bases right before the first evolution and were overrun in a day without a sole survivor.
Takashi waved a hand to deflect Saeko's attention. The fact that she fought alongside those 'monsters' made her a target for derision among those groups as well. "No one is saying they were fools. Besides, you can't say Bob's religion isn't becoming a bit to fanatical anyway. And Jafar-sans words were hard to believe without proof."
Saeko softened at that and nodded. "Bob is a sweetheart; he doesn't even realize the devotion people are showing him. As for Jafar, well, he is a bit wild, but he didn't lie."
Takashi nodded strongly at that. "He didn't. And that gives some validation for his words on finding the source, however that may be. We need to eliminate the undead anyway, and their numbers are not unlimited. I'm all for speeding up termination but we can't risk the lives of the civilians we have left for that. Their safety is paramount, I'm sure we're not the only group in the world fighting, so 25% should come soon."
Rei rolled her eyes. "Soon is relative. Even with them cannibalizing, there are still millions of undead and fighting them in close combat now is a death sentence. For most anyway." She finished with a side glance as Saeko that the girl noticed.
It wasn't obvious to her friends at first besides Takashi, but Saeko's euphoria and lust from fighting became more clear as time went on. The fact that she was just getting even stronger fighting ghouls with a sword was offsetting and relieving to many. Rei was one of those who felt unsettled by it. The frankly beautiful girls past interest in her boyfriend making it more so and she was all for pushing the girl toward the new crazy guy she was interested in. "For everyone besides you and the insane hobo, we only live based on how much ammunition we have. We can't just waste it fighting for some miracle. This is a biological plague; the idea of lich's and portals is lunacy."
Saeko's eyes narrowed further and she would later be surprised to notice a trace of killing intent escaped her. She had been speaking with Jafar weekly for months now and her interest had been growing like a rising inferno which she never bothered to hide. "I would appreciate it if you didn't insult someone fighting to end the apocalypse your suffering in. And maybe if you actually stuck to using that sharpened broomstick of yours when this all started, you wouldn't have to rely on a limited resource."
Rei's fiery temper struck up at that. "Not everyone gets their rocks off fighting for their life! For the majority of us, we don't want to die unlike how you seem to dive headfirst into the fire!"
"Your will is weak. Your fear controls you."
"Your lust controls you, you homicidal slut!"
Saeko's killing intent rose as she thumbed her blade and it was only Takashi speaking up that stopped her from possibly harming her ally. "Wo! Calm down, both of you! Rei, your out of line, she did nothing to deserve that, apologize. Saeko, she is right that everyone is afraid and not willing to fight like you, you need to understand your unique among the survivors. Most of us can't even see the ghouls move when they are in close range."
The two stilled under his growing command. Saeko sheathed her blade and turned away while Rei actually felt a little bad as she said that more out of her own fear and envy than anger toward a long time companion. Saeko, however, knew the seeds had long since been planted and had begun sprouting.
She was afraid of others learning of her blood and combat lust and hid it well for months before that first call with Jafar. Seeing someone else just like her who didn't care what others thought was inspiring for her. And getting to know him proved she could go wild and enjoy herself without becoming an animal.
But the more she stepped out of her shell, the more those seeds of doubt sprouted in those around her. They wanted the Saeko who existed in her shell.
The time to make a choice whether to shatter her former persona or suppress her inner self was coming ever closer, and her spirit didn't want to go back.
Saeko left the room in silence and stepped outside into the cool air. Breathing deep, she looked up with a conflicted gaze and let her mind wander. 'I wonder what Jafar is doing now. Must be something important if he didn't answer my call last night.'
A breeze was her only answer as her purple hair blew in the wind and covered the 4th wall camera lens.
00000
A ghoul screeched in agony as it was crushed beneath a giant purple behemoth. Fifty five tons of pure extreme machine dropped down and ground the undead to dust with all terrain tracks making a point to prove even undead could become a terrain.
The eleven meter long purple spray painted abomination roared its double diesel turbocharger with over fifteen hundred horsepower over the land, both summoning and crushing any undead in sight.
And within the mighty eye cancer inducing beast, Jafar, his trust demon spirit racoon who denied being a racoon, and his powerful Trapinch named Paul wearing a military cap shouted their hearts out to Led Zeppelin's 'The Immigrant' blasting over the speakers.
"""Ah-ah, ah!"""
"""Ah-ah, ah!"""
Jafar pulled the barbie doll mic his way. "We come from the land of the ice and snow~. From the midnight sun where the hot springs flow~."
Alfred swiped it his way. "The hammer of the gods~, will drive our ships to new lands~."
The two bashed heads and sang as one. "To fight the horde, sing and cry. Valhalla, I am comiiiinnnng."
The tank crushed another two ghouls as their voices resounded from the speakers. "ON WE SWEEP WITH A THRESHING ROAR, OUR ONLY GOAL WILL BE THE WESTERN SHORE!"
Paul tugged on the cord and pulled the mic his way as his jaw opened and a primal screech came from his soul. "AH-AH, AH! AH-AH, AH!"
Jafar and Alfred's eyes widened in shock for a bare second before they both cheered with arms over their heads.
The tank they permanently borrowed and spent thirty six hours high on energy drinks to spray paint extreme purple charged toward the western end of Australia and crushed everything in its way.
Alfred spotted a group of running ghouls on the horizon and shook Jafar's head. "Oh! oh! Group at nine o'clock. I wanna fire this time!"
Jafar cackled and tapped Paul's shell. "You heard the trash panda buddy! Load it up!"
"TRA!"
Paul nudged the ammunition into the firing hole and shut the hatch with expertise for someone two and half feet tall.
Jafar lined up the shot and shot the two a thumbs up while Alfred rubbed his paws together in excitement and smashed the big red button. "FIRE IN THE HOLE!"
As an explosion rang in the distance and the three cheered, Saeko's expectations unknowingly died a gruesome death.
00000
Approximately one year later.
Saeko, Takashi, Rei, Kohta, Saya, Rika, and a host of others including the Royal Bob Federation Army watched in deadpan silence as Jafar anticlimactically stabbed a spear through a seven foot tall lich screaming for mercy.
"Wait, wait, wait, wait! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! This got way out of hand!"
"You never should have come here."
"I didn't want to! That damn demon brain dead demon dragged me here!"
"No lollygagging."
"What? I said I didn't want to be here! That demon caught my Phylactery and forced me to focus on this pathetic dimension! Look at him! He's the enemy here! I'm just the victim!" The lich screamed while waving a bony limb in the general direction of a giant red imp laying on its side foaming at the mouth.
Said demon had been there like that before Jafar arrived and tore through a legion of tier 1 and 2 undead to reach the core of where all the zombie apocalypse began. A place only found because someone with a trigger finger detonated a chain of nukes in the US and destroyed any chance of north America being radiation free for a few decades.
Alfred's voice rang in his mind. 'You see, I told you any demonic soul essence that you absorbed from the undead would return to the demon is came from. Fucker went brain dead from experiencing your mind.'
Jafar ignored him to focus on the lich. "Let me guess, someone stole his sweetroll?"
The blinked empty sockets of fire at Jafar's steady gaze. "A-are you….are you quoting Skyrim right now?!"
'Dude…'
Jafar pushed his blade in deeper. "Skyrim belongs to the Nords!"
Alfred left the spear to appear floating by Jafar's head and slapped the back of it. "Jafar! Focus!"
Jafar blinked and shook the cobwebs out. "Sorry, been a long day."
The lich helpfully waved to a seat. "Your welcome to sit down, I'm kinda impaled here." Jafar nodded at that and under hundreds of pairs of incredulous eyes, he plopped a seat and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.
How did he get here? Well, it was a funny story.
00000
~24 hours earlier~
"Yes~! Yes~! Fuck~!" Saeko cried out in ecstasy while being fucked in the ass by the railing of a penthouse while Rika ate her out with a passion.
How said older woman got involved in threesome was a long story involving heavy machinery, two dozen lesser vampires, a ritual to Pandema the wolf queen, and a crackhead named Tomson who wanted to rise as the third Dark Cracklord after Jackson the first was made an example of and Johnathon the second mysteriously died from a human catapult mishap.
Jafar's eyes gleamed and proceeded to…..
The screen stopped short as Alfred hit the pause button. "Wait, wait, wait, this is not that kind of story. Fast forward."
Jafar pouted at him. "Its my character building arc."
"No, it's horny arc. Bad. Bad Jafar. Get Bonked."
"Heh, I was doing some good bonking back ther-.."
"FAST FORWARD!"
00000
~23 hours later~
A mysteriously heavily drained Jafar wheezed like an old man with a broken hip as he feebly cut down Skeletons and Lesser Vampires to gather energy to revitalize himself alongside an absolutely glowing Saeko slicing through the crowd like a storm of heated metal while her fellow purple haired sniper shot down Lesser Vampires through eye sockets from two thousand yards away with silver tipped high caliber rounds.
All around them, the gathered human forces were hitting the location hard as the undead congregated to the area under the liches orders for a climactic battle for the ages.
Bob and his crew were off to the side fighting an absolutely massive abomination of an undead that Jafar and Alfred were pretending didn't exist because they obviously had nothing to do with its creation.
Through a trying and heavy casualty inducing final moment of epic-ness, Bob defeated the behemoth while Jafar cut a bloody path straight forward through the horde, gaining more energy as he went along with every enemy he cut down.
But when he finally charged into the inner sanctum of the liches super-secret evil lair of doom, it was to the sight of a lich chained to a giant metal spike drawing shapes in the dirt while a demon imp lay dead and foaming at the mouth to the side.
Everyone paused as the lich opened its jaw to speak only for Jafar to appear by its side and stab it without any hesitation and proceed to forget where he was and speak in Skyrim quotes due to extreme vitality exhaustion from two very determined purple haired women with high libidos.
"And that brings us back to here, where I'm not sure if I'm drunk, your naked, or both." Jafar finished his tale with a beer while the Lich patted his shoulder and drank his own. "Man, that's rough. And here I was only chained to a spike after getting tricked by a tier 2 demon imp and forced to leave my man cave to come here and start an apocalypse for like a thousand undead. Fucking pathetic turn out, no self-respecting lich does this anymore, it's a terrible investment."
Alfred surprisingly nodded his head in confirmation at that. "Yeah, that's why you fuckers invade higher tiered worlds."
The lich shrugged. "Everyone's got their own growth path buddy, don't kink shame."
Jafar was too out of it and just laid down on the ground with a wave of his hand. "Yeah, what he said Alfred, not cool bro."
Alfred growled and flipped them both off. "Don't take his side you dick, you've been killing undead every day for over two years."
Jafar shrugged and blinked at what he couldn't decide on being a rock or a gargoyle with eyeliner. "I tell it like it is. Right Paul?"
"Tra." Paul sat by his side in war paint with a happy sway to his head and got a head pat for his answer. "See?"
Alfred felt a vein pop out on his head. "No, Jafar, I do not see. You know what?" He took a deep breath. "I'm just done with this shit, I got what I wanted from that dead fucker over there. I'm going back inside, call me when your sober, or sane."
"What is sanity? Can I eat it?"
Alfred scoffed and vanished back into his ring while Saeko and Takashi carefully approached. Saeko went to his side to give him a lap pillow and Takashi coughed to get his attention. "Um, Jafar?"
Jafar both shivered in pleasure and fright at Saeko's hold on his head and the smell wafting off her legs as he turned to his fellow teen. "Y-yeah?"
Takashi side eyed the lich. "The, uh, well, the mission?"
Jafar blinked and turned his head to the lich with his spear still impaled in him. "Ah, right." He sliced his spear sideways out he liches body much to betrayed look on his face.
"Dude! We shared a beer!"
Jafar shrugged. "I shared a joint with that guy."
The lich froze and sighed. "That's fair I guess. Wait, you didn't hit my soul container."
"I didn't?" He raised his spear again but the lich started freaking out for a different reason. "Wait! You hit my fucking dimensional anchor!"
Jafar raised a brow. "And?"
The lich pointed up. "And, that."
Everyone looked up to see a distorting swirl of space appearing above them as sparks shot off from it. Jafar's instincts from his first day screamed in his soul. "Oh, that's not good."
"No, not it is not. I swear, if I live through this I'm never leaving my cave again."
Takashi looked between the growing circle and the unmoving Jafar and Lich. "Um, can someone speak sane for a second? Whats going on?"
Jafar waved a hand lazily. "You might want to take a few steps back dude."
The lich scoffed. "More like a thousand feet."
Saeko raised a brow. "Jafar, why can't I move right now?"
The lich helpfully answered. "We are caught in the changing space bubble; I doubt you two will survive but best of luck."
Takashi's eyes widened and he stepped forward only to smash into an invisible wall. "What is this!?"
Jafar ignored the teen to look up at the pale faced Saeko. "Good thing we had that talk earlier, huh?"
Saeko focused down on him and felt her slowly rising panic settle at his calm tone. "You could say that. I wasn't expecting it to be so soon, though."
Jafar chuckled. "It never goes as one expects. Shame about Rika."
Saeko licked her lips at the mention of her. "She wanted to stay. Her words summed it up easily. 'Not interested in your insanity. You need a good sniper or lay, give me a call. Beside that, fuck off.' I believe were her exact words."
"Heh, I like her."
"Of course you do."
A bang on the spatial wall got Jafar's attention as he looked to see Bob smash into it. Before the little guy could hurt himself, Jafar spoke up. "Bob!"
The Shedinja in a worn out minion onesie focused on him with teary eyes. Jafar smiled at his trustworthy partner. "Take care of the rest over here would you? I'll be back soon to pick you up, so finish the mission you started yourself."
Bob froze before a limb rose in a salute as tears fell from his hollow eyes. He wanted to build a safe nest for all the young living ones he collected under his banner. The removal of the lich wouldn't remove the undead that remained. It would simply stop them from evolving. Despite two evolutions and all their work, there were still
….
END.
AN:
This was where my sanity returned to me. Sorry everybody.
The future plan:
/: Bob is temp left behind to make babies and save the planet.
/: Jafar and Saeko go to Kung Fu Panda movie one.
/: Jafar discovers he is highly allergic to furry humanoid people. 100% mental allergy.
/: Jafar gets taught by Oogway. Saeko taught by Sifu.
/: Jafar refuses to lose Oogway because he is tired of his allergies, so when Oogway dies, Jin latches on to him and goes for the ride to the spirit world. Saeko is left behind in Kung Fu Panda She will train under every martial art master and wait for Jin to give him a piece of her mind for leaving her behind, even temp.
/: Jafar and Oogway play a game of 'who can slap each other harder', and Oogway slaps him into the spirit world of Avatar.
/: Jafar lands in the desert where the library is in Avatar. Drinks cactus juice, meets the cast, gets an airbending martial arts scroll from the library. NO BENDING. Just martial arts. Paul evolves into Flygon and Jafar gains a flying mount in the desert Jafar ends up being an honorary nephew to Iroh.
/: Jafar goes to the world of One piece and lands in Impel down level 1 Jafar does not know where he is but he is 100% sure the way OUT is by going down by logical thought process Proceeds to cause chaos down to level 6, where he proceeds to dig his way to level 7, which doesn't exist, and gets spat out into the ocean while happening to sink level 6 of impel down in sea water Pops up on the waters surface and meets a passing Garp Garp befriends the obviously lost at sea lunatic and gives him a small boat to sail away in, only to later learn who Jafar was when he gets to Impel Down Jafar starts selling sashimi from his boat Eventually bumps into Whitebeards flagship Boards said ship and demands repayment for scratching his sashimi shops paintjob Whitebeard adopts him.
/: Jafar goes to Toriko Shows off his Sashimi skills Insults one of the top 50 chefs in the world who is a Yakuza type Sashimi master Yakuza type kidnaps Jafar to teach him the true way of Sashimi Jafar calls him Boss like a good Yakuza underling Jafar runs away.
/: Jafar goes to Campione Lands in Chinese campiones bath and accidentally rips off her bath towel. He escapes He accidentally kills a Zouwu divine beast by feeding it sashimi it chokes on Becomes a campione Gains the ability to go backwards to worlds he has already been to Chinese campione finds him as he accidentally stole her divine prey She decides to make him her bride since he is now worthy and has seen her naked Jafar jumps worlds
/: Jafar lands in the world of Fate right before the 4th war and somehow becomes a summoner Summons Nobunaga Proposes on first sight Glorious and chaotic crack Fate war before Lu Hao shows up having tracked him down across dimensions Jafar runs.
/: Jafar lands in the world of The Gate and meets Rory Mercury. Waifu #4 and the final one.
/: Jafar goes to the Disney movie Treasure Planet and gets a flying space pirate ship.
/: Jafar goes back to previous worlds, gets Saeko, gets Bob, visits Harry Potter world and has an ass off with Voldemort who shouts "MY NEMESIS!" upon seeing his ass.
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And yeah, that's the basic plan. From there its just world hopping chaos fun with his harem of 4 women.
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Curiosity44 Away~….. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I need sleep.
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Response to Reviews:
/: BloodFluffles – Always so kind my friend.
/: Kyo – Your reviews are always a pleasure to read. Reading your thoughts as you read along was great to hear. It's so easy to click the next button so very few review while they read sadly. Its fun to hear what people think. Thanks for the reviews as always!
/: Sonic – Thanks for the vote!
/: pjones2 – Thanks for the vote!
/: Sensepi Rescopula – No, we love this. Together. It's a team effort. Lol.
/: Hadi J – the world needs less madness, but fanfiction needs more of it. All the madness. Thanks for the love as always.