Chapter 17

I wanted to run to the car and drive so I would make sure we got there the fastest way possible but I knew Houston wouldn't let me.

He caught up to me and took my hand. He opened the door and I still had not said anything, afraid I'd sound irritated and wanting to shout that he was taking too long to get in the car but I held my tongue. It was all in my head and I could feel my anxiety level at 100.

I closed my eyes and started to count. Dr. Ryan, my therapist said when I felt I was losing control to close my eyes and count after I got to 10 I'd have to say in my mind why I was losing control at 20 what I was going to do to stop me from feeling this and by 30 I should be calm.

I hit 10 and said Jake at 20 get to the freaking hospital and find out what the hell happened within hours that my lil boy was going into surgery. At 30 I was beyond calm and still on the verge of tears and feeling the inability to breathe.

Tears escaped and rolled down my face. I couldn't help it. I wanted to get angry but I couldn't lose control. Houston would not let me get out of the car; he might even make me stay behind. I let out a sob and wanted to kick myself when he called out my name.

"Please don't make me stay Houston. I need to be there and I'm sorry I am really trying to hold it together but can we please go the longer we're here the longer Jake's alone. This is something he shouldn't have to face by himself. So please start the car. I promise to get it out of my system before we get to the hospital."

He didn't say anything, but pulled the Kleenex out of the bag and started the car.

I dried my tears and did the counting again this time by 30 I was calmed.

"CJ I know I was a little harsh in the house. I would have never left you behind. I know Jake is important but we need to be rational and if we let our emotions get the best of us then we will be no help to him. Trust me I want to drive 120 mph to get to that hospital but I have to consider others. We will get there and we will face whatever the doctors and nurses have to tell us together."

He grabbed my hand with his and kissed it and I pulled it up to my cheek and leaned into it.

We were going to be okay, we had each other and he would not let anything happen to Jake. He was committed as much as I was to him and now to Star.

Star.

Her prayer in the kitchen was so precious. It was heartfelt that she would ask her mother to look out for someone she hadn't even met and to thank her for Beast, her guardian angel. She was still a little girl that had been put in a situation she had no control over. She had to survive and grow up quickly which was not fair to her.

I could relate.

I had lost both of my parents at a young age. I had been sent to live with an uncle and aunt that had not wanted children but were compensated for having me live with them. I was just a paycheck to them. Not family since my father and my aunt had not been close and I had been told this whenever I did something wrong or when I would ask for a new pair of shoes or even school supplies. The same speech of why I needed these things did I think they had endless money to spend or why they got saddled with a girl.

If I were a boy I could at least do more chores and make up the slack in tending the horses and field. It was all an excuse my aunt used to cover for my uncle that hated to work or try to improve the home we lived in. Only caring to drink at the local watering hole and coming home drunk and sleeping most of the day.

I heard this for 12 years of my life. Finding out later that if I had not been sent to them they would have lost their farm due to non-payment and taxes.

My college fund was used to pay this off.

The college fund my father and mother had set aside for me that my uncle had access to and had squandered. Basically my college fund saved them from being homeless. I didn't find out about this till I graduated from high school. During my Senior year my Aunt passed away and I dreaded coming home to my drunken Uncle and his tirade that if I had been a boy instead of a girl his wife wouldn't have taken up most of the repairs around the ranch and I was no help at all. It got worse and I didn't like to relive that time in my life. I graduated got my scholarship and left him behind. I never spoke to him again wanting as much distance from him as possible.

The only good thing that had come out of me going to Texas was Houston, his family and friends. The day Houston had found me crying by the water my life had changed. He was there every day to help me with chores, to go fishing with, teach me how to do repairs around my uncle's ranch, ride a horse and overall be my best friend. He was there when I had taken my first fall off a horse and I was there when he finally confessed to me about his kidnapping.

I held him when he cried and said he still was scared that he would be taken again that the nightmare man was back and he didn't feel safe in his own home. I had started to sneak out of my house to climb through his window and make sure I was there when his nightmares tried to take him to that dark place. No one knew about this. We had made a pact that once he felt safe that I would stop coming over and not speak about it ever again.

As we got older things between us didn't change our bond only grew stronger. Others started to whisper there was more between us than what we were saying. His girlfriends never were happy when he would offer me a ride or wanted to spend time with me. How guys refused to walk next to me or talk to me till I found out that they had been told that I was not to be bothered by any of them or they would have to deal with Houston.

High school was the worst and I tried my best to not make waves and just survive.

I ended up finding a job so I wouldn't be home and to be able to buy me things that I needed and not have to depend on my Uncle or Aunt. I worked most weekends when he was playing football, baseball or basketball. I didn't get to see him play but he would make sure he would give me a play by play of his victories and how he wished I was there to see him in all his glory.

I told him that he had his own female cheering squad and why would he want me to show up, that his girlfriend at the moment wouldn't be too happy if I were to take any attention away from them. He always said the same thing if they could not handle his friendship with me then he would move on.

If he only knew how cruel some of them could be and I had thanked God that Julia was there to help me when things got out of hand. She would always defend me telling them that if they had nothing nice to say then they should just keep their mouths shut and opinions to themselves. They all knew I wasn't wealthy and my family was not the upstanding pillars of the community as some of their parents. That I was the orphan girl that the Houston family had taken pity on and the only reason I was friends with Houston was what he could give me or pay me for.

That had hurt the most when people would whisper and try to figure out what I was really doing at the Houston Ranch. I had overheard one of the mothers say why buy the cow when the milk is free and looked at me. That hurt. I was being talked about and to stop the rumors I stopped going to the Houston's Ranch for parties not wanting to be the fodder for others gossip.

Bill Houston had found out why I had stopped coming over and was furious he confronted the mother and banned her and her family from any future parties at his home. I had pleaded with him not to do this that it was okay that I had heard worse but I didn't want Houston to know. If he found out what was being said about me regarding our friendship he would only make things worse wanting to confront those that would spread lies regarding us.

That was the day I learned how much Bill Houston cared for me. He sat me down and asked what I meant 'make it worse'.

I had said too much. I told him I was sorry and to forget I'd said anything. I started to leave when he took my hand and pulled me to sit down on the steps in front of his home and asked me what was being said about me and his son at school.

I didn't say anything.

"CJ please tell me what has been said about you and Matt, if it is inappropriate I know you are taking the brunt of the comments. A girl usually does and I know you don't have any support from home so in reality you have no one to turn to. But that's not true you have me and I will be your protector just like my son. He's taken that role since you two met. When it gets to this level I need to step in. You are right Matt will not listen to reason. He'll be hell bent on finding who is behind it and will get into lots of trouble. I never said this before but you are like a daughter to me and I see how you've blossomed into a beautiful, intelligent and proper young lady. You've had lots of adversity in your life and it's only made you stronger and I see how this has rubbed off on Matt. You make him a better man and I thank God you were there when he opened up about his abduction."

I gasped and tried to walk away but he didn't let go of my hand and continued.

I had gotten home late one night after a business meeting and heard Mattlock cry out I ran from my room and was about to open the door when I heard you two talking. You must have snuck into his room. I was not happy and was about to send you home when I heard you telling him he was safe that you where there. He must have had a nightmare and you kept reassuring him that he had nothing to fear and you wouldn't leave him. I came back and saw you two he was sleeping on his bed and you were sleeping on the floor with a blanket and pillow but holding his hand. You have always been each other's support system. That's why when someone says something about your close relationship with Matt it makes me angry they don't know what both of you have been through and they don't have to. All you have to remember is that I will always have your back and I will defend you to my last breath."

We were both crying by the time he was done speaking he pulled me into his arms and I held on tightly not wanting to let go. Houston found us like this and wanted to know why we were crying. I looked at both of them and knew that they would always be my family not related by blood but by a bond that no one could break. I started not to care what others thought remembering the words of the man I considered my second father.

"CJ we're here are you okay you seem so far away."

I turned to him and looked around. We had gotten to the hospital in record time and I was brought back to the reality of what we now faced. He was still holding my hand but I knew everything was going to be alright. I had Houston by my side and that's all I would ever need.

He looked at me and waited for me to speak. I smiled, "I was thinking about Texas. Do you remember that day you found me and your father on the steps of your house and we were both crying and you thought someone had hurt me and you wanted to go teach that person a lesson."

He nodded, "Yeah daddy never cried and to see him and you crying it was something I didn't know how to deal with. The two strongest people I knew were both crying and I just wanted to hurt the person that had hurt both of you. You never did tell me what you two were discussing that day."

I still was holding his hand and squeezed it.

"We had a very deep discussion about me and you and our friendship and the perception others had about it. Houston, remember when we were kids and I would sneak into your room after you told me about your abduction and how you were afraid the nightmare man would comeback for you? How I would be there when you woke up crying and I'd hold you I was there and he couldn't hurt you. Remember me holding your hand throughout the night to assure you I was there. He knew all about it."

He looked at me with a surprised look, "CJ he knew and didn't lose his temper? Really he never said anything but I will bring it up next time I see him. You don't know how much that meant to me to be able to tell someone what it felt to be taken and the fear I felt. You helped me, you were the only one that got through to me and never left my side. I am forever in your debt for that CJ."

I smiled, "that's what your father said that he was upset and was about to read us the riot act but had overheard what we were talking about. That stopped him he came and checked on us later that night to see me holding your hand and sleeping on the floor. He knew than when we said we were best friends we meant it and we would never cross that line, you wouldn't want to fuel the rumors and I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship."

He sighed, "Right our pact but that was a long time ago and things change, we've changed and if we weren't here right now I'd like to talk about this more deeply with you. If you're willing to."

I looked stunned to have heard those words come out of his mouth. Before I got to answer his car phone rang.

He answered, "Uncle Roy what's going on? Yeah we just got here. Okay thanks will rush in."

"What did he say Houston?"

"They are about to wheel Jake into surgery and Emma called wanting to know if we were close and if we wanted to see him before he went in."

I nodded yes and opened my door. I turned and Houston was next to me. We rushed through the door and showed our badges that gave us access to the NICU. Emma was there and motioned us to come to her.

We rushed to her side and saw Jake on the gurney. I felt my knees go weak and Houston's arm around my waist to ensure I didn't fall. I came down to his level and started to whisper to him.

"Oh Jake we're back if you didn't want us to leave you only had to ask and not make all these people worry about your beautiful heart. Be brave my little man. We will be here waiting for you when you get back and fight please baby fight we have so much love to give you and your family is waiting to meet you please come back to us Jake."

I bit my lip. I couldn't say anymore or I'd lose it.

After I was done he opened his right eye and then his left. Houston came close to him.

"CJ's right Jake you need to be a little fighter we are all here pulling for you. You got to cowboy up, you hear me? We will be waiting for you and don't worry about CJ. I got her okay."

Jake was looking at us and raised his hand which I took a hold of and he wrapped his fingers around my finger. I kissed his forehead and whispered I loved him and Houston did the same. Emma pulled us away and said we could go to the waiting room and would come with any updates.

Houston guided me to the couch and sat me down next to him and I leaned into him, his arm around me and holding me close.

"He's going to be fine CJ I feel it in my gut and my gut is never wrong."

I leaned into him and nodded, "He knows where here with him he's not alone and he'll fight to come back to us. He's ours, he's part of our family now and always."

He kissed the side of my head and I squeezed his hand.

We didn't say anything just enjoying being together.

"CJ, did you hear Star in the kitchen? That nearly undid me. She's just a little girl. We need to help her too. We have to figure out a way that she doesn't sleep out on the beach or wherever she's been hanging out. I feel responsible for her now and I don't shy from my responsibilities. You know that and as of today she will not be homeless any longer so I'm going to need your help okay?"

I patted his arm.

"We are a pair aren't we Houston? I can't believe how much our lives have changed within 48 hours. It's a little overwhelming but as long as I have you here with me I know we can take this on. I will help you out with Star, I was going to suggest the same thing. Houston, Star could have been me. Her life could have been mine if I wasn't sent to Texas to live with Darryl and Sandy. I would have never met you and have the life and family I have now. I think that's why I remembered that day with your father. My life changed that day. I knew I had the support of both of you and I could do anything I set my mind to and I did thanks to the Houston men in my life. So just think of it as me paying it forward with Star. I know Carol has taken a shine to her as has Maureen they will help also."

"Uncle Roy and Will also will help out and I'm sure Too Mean wont shy away. We will help her and Jake they are our family now and that's settled."

I smiled and kissed his cheek, "And when Matt Houston says it's settled it's as good as done."