Author's note

This is a little longer chapter hope you enjoy and thanks for all the nice comments I appreciate them and I hope to have more to post by the weekend. As before I'm just borrowing these characters and mixing some that I have created.

chapter 26

I did what I always did when things got tough.

I ran.

I heard what Houston had said and the kiss that took my breath away and I couldn't think. That was happening a lot lately and I had to get my act together and stop this before it got out of hand. We were kissing with our whole family in the next room. What if someone saw us what would they say?

I had to listen to my brain and run. I pulled myself off his lap and took off wanting to go straight to the elevator but as soon as I got to the hot tub the elevator doors opened and in walked Charlie Reynolds and someone with a bin full of tapes I gasped and went to look for another route to get out of there before Houston came looking for me. I heard Carol call my name and I looked at the stairs and found my escape.

I didn't anticipate Beast following but he did, I made it to the bedroom and he ran in before I closed the door and headed to the bathroom. I was a coward but I just couldn't deal with what just happened.

Everything was churning in my head. I was trying to understand what had just happened. Ashley suddenly appeared, my heart breaking when I saw them kissing on the terrace and him telling me that it didn' t mean anything that he was only trying to get the footage we needed.

Did I believe him? My heart said yes and my brain said who are you kidding?

I held back my tears. I didn't want to ruin my makeup but I didn't want to face what was going on upstairs. I sat on the bathroom floor and Beast came up to me and I hugged him.

"Why do I always do this Beast what am I afraid of?"

Afraid of wanting something that is one sided? Afraid that we cross that line and it's not what he truly wants and us never undoing what we did and wishing things were as before. Afraid that I will make a fool of myself and he breaks my heart. I loved him but I knew it wasn't enough.

I hold back a sob and tears start to roll down my face. Damn I'd have to redo my makeup.

The door opens and I don't have the strength to deal with Houston right now. I'd just cave and drag him to that bed and just get it over with that's what my heart wants and needs. I just wanted to be loved and even if it didn't give me what I wanted at least I'd have this.

I hold my breath when there's a knock on the bathroom door.

"It's just me sis are you okay? Why did you run out of there like the devil himself was after you?" Carol poked her head in.

I looked up, "Because he was and his name is Houston. Oh Carol what am I doing? This is not how this should have turned out. We should have stayed best friends and that's it. I don't know when things started to change and I don't know how to fix this."

She sat next to me on the floor and put her arm around my shoulder.

I told her what had happened when I had gone outside how I saw Ashley on Houston's lap. How she had asked him if there was something between me and Houston and knew I had heard and saw me walking out towards them.

"It was all a set up Carol and she just confirmed it when she kissed him and he didn't stop her."

I hiccupped. I told Carol I asked him to answer her that I would love to hear the answer. I had put him in a bad spot but I didn't care. Deep down I needed the truth. It would tell me if all that had happened between us was just an act. He never did answer her or me, just skirted around the subject that's all my brain needed. My heart, taking another blow. Would I ever learn his heart would never be mine. I had said that with a sob.

"No sis she was a shark she was going in for the kill but it didn't work. You've got to give the guy a chance why else would he drag you back outside and sit you on his lap and kiss you after Ashley stormed off. "

"You saw that?"

"I think we all did, then you came in and he stayed outside and I came down to find you."

I cursed and she looked at me, shook her head and took my hand.

"Sis, I am about to lay out some hard truths so please don't hate me or hurt me. I know you can do both very well."

I looked at her and was about to be handed reality 101 advice and would have to suck it up.

"Since I've known you Matt Houston has been a constant in your life. He is the man that can make you smile with a look and make you cry with his actions. He is the best and worst thing that's ever happened to you. You are his confidant and you know him better than he knows himself. You two have been through so much together that it's a miracle you two are still talking to each other. But I give you the credit, not him. You always put everyone else above you, above your needs and wants. You think you are not good enough and are always proving to yourself that you fit in. You not only fit in but we all are striving to be just as good as you. We've seen you at your best and we've been there to pick up the pieces when you ask us that damn question why aren't you worthy of his love. You need to stop this. You are worthy, you are enough. If he thinks your not then he will never deserve you. You have always been there you will never leave and that you need him he will always think this."

I leaned into her and let my tears flow. I was always trying to prove that I was enough. She was right. I have always been there for Houston, through our time together as children through our school years and now our adult lives, I had been his right hand. Through engagements, deaths, kidnapping, brushes with death and life and death situations I had endured and been there for all of it. He was there when I needed him, but did I just brush aside his aloofness to the same excuse of him being Houston? I needed to see what I wanted. After my last brush with death maybe I wanted him and I'd have to open up and let it happen for better or worse.

Carol I'm just afraid to let anyone too close afraid that I will lose them and that can't happen with Houston, I have too much to lose. Why am I so afraid? Why do I think I am not worthy of his love? I have seen the change in him, the way he holds me, the way he looks at me. I could swear what he's telling me is the truth, but what I just witnessed outside on that terrace brought me back to the here and now. How easy it was for him to fall back to his old ways. I don't think I'm strong enough to let my guard down. The risk is too high. I'm afraid to love him."

She looked at me, got up and picked me up and made me face myself in the mirror.

"You are enough, never doubt that. You are loved by many, you are the reason I am a better person and thank my lucky stars that we are sisters. Never say you are not strong. You are the strongest, most resilient person I've ever met. He is lucky you love him as much as you do and if I thought he hadn't changed I'd make sure Casanova Cowboy would never get the chance to prove how much he loves you. He does, you know. I've witnessed the way he looks at you when he thinks no one is looking. When you were holding Jake in the hospital the love in his eyes for you was breathtaking. He wants you to be the mother to his children, I've seen it with my own two eyes. I just wish my words were enough CJ but the decision is yours."

I wanted to believe her. I would talk to him and see where we stood. I'd give him an out. I'd tell him that Jake was my priority and that I needed to be sure he was safe and Star as well.

"Casanova Cowboy I haven't heard you refer to Houston that way since college, he was terrible wasn't he. Had women falling all over him and him loving the attention. It didn't bother me then. I was just his buddy and he was mine. But we started to grow and have different experiences in life that I think it was necessary to have. I don't think our friendship would have survived otherwise. Thanks Carol I have a lot to think about but you're right, the decision is mine. I just hope I make the right one. Now I need your help. I need to redo my makeup and I'm going to go upstairs and sit down and get this interview over with."

She looked at me but I wasn't giving her anymore. I needed to figure this out and I was done talking. After we were done I told her I'd be up in a minute. I just wanted to clear my head and if she could guarantee Houston not coming down here I'd be forever in her debt.

I thought of Jake and looked down at Beast he hadn't left my side.

"You are part of this aren't you Beast, part of fate colliding together for the purpose to unite Jake with his momma and to bring Star to us. I'm praying we find her. And hope that she did want him and this was all a mistake. Because the alternative is that she didn't want him or worse she is no longer alive. Either way he is in my heart and will be till my last day here on earth. This I promise to you Beast you're also in my heart and I will defend you to the end. Come on, let's get going before someone else comes down looking for us."

Me and Beast walked up and Houston was talking to Carol, turned to look at me and smiled. I turned away. That smile was always my undoing.

I had to decide what I wanted to do. If I wanted to go down that road. There was no doubt that I loved him not on my part but that voice in my head was always a constant. Nagging me saying not to trust my heart and keep things the way they were.

My sisters always called it the voice beyond a reasonable doubt. To me there was no grey, only black and white and what I witnessed outside with Houston and Ashley kissing was pretty black. Me asking him to explain was also my voice. It needed his explanation as data to come up with a reason I should still be even entertaining the thought of us getting together.

But that had to wait. I needed to get this interview over with.

Houston made a smart remark regarding coming down to wake me up and I just laughed. He wanted it light and I appreciated that. I asked if Charlie was here and did we get the footage.

He came over and put his arm around me, always shielding me making me feel safe. He answered yes to both questions when one of the news crew came in looking like she had been in a fight and handed Houston an envelope. He promised to fill me in later and I had too much on my mind to really care what was in it.

He took me out to the terrace and I saw Charlie talking to Uncle Roy and Maureen.

I stopped and tried to bring up our last conversation out here and he told me we'd talk about it later and said how beautiful I was. I rolled my eyes and told him what Carol had said about wrinkles and he continued reassuring me that I was beautiful inside and out and that he was here for me and if I needed some support he would be front and centered during the interview.

I started to tear up but knew this wasn't the time. I leaned into him and thanked him. He whispered anytime and if it was too much just to say his name.

"I'll stop it and get them the hell out of our office."

"Houston I'll be fine you're here and my family I don't think they want to mess with us after the whole Steve and Ashley fiasco."

I looked at him and he winced. "You believe me don't you CJ it meant nothing she kissed me she came on to me I was only…"

I put my finger to his lip, "later okay. I don't need any distractions and I am not giving her anymore thought she's not worth it."

He squeezed my hand and I went to get set up for the interview.

I was equipped with a small microphone and was put on the sweater I had on. Charlie came over and kissed me on the cheek. I looked to Houston and could see him wanting to come over to see how well I knew Charlie. I smiled at him and he stopped.

"CJ, thank you for this opportunity. I don't know how I'll ever be able to thank you, I'm honored. I know you don't do interviews and I must have given you a good impression the last time we met at that conference. Trust me okay I will make this as painless as possible. I will follow the questions your team has given me. Here read them over and if you're okay with them we will start. I will not stray from them."

I looked at the paper that Charlie had given me and started to go over the questions. I also looked at the ones that had been crossed out. The ones that Ashley wanted to ask me. Every single one was a dig at my character and my so-called relationship with Houston.

"Sis, don't worry about the ones that are crossed out, he will not ask you those. I've threatened him as has Uncle Roy. He was more descriptive on what he will do to him if he strays. All I had to say was that I'd unleash Beast and Houston."

I handed Charlie back the paper

"CJ again, I am sorry that you had to be put through this situation with Ashley and Steve. I was kept in the dark till Jaime called me. I am happy you decided to do this. So before we start do you have anything to ask me?"

I shook my head no he took my hand and had me sit in front of him Houston positioned himself right behind Charlie. Jaime said whenever we were ready. Charlie looked at me and I nodded. He wanted to introduce me with Beast during the interview and our team gave him the okay. I called him over and he sat by my side. He started to growl and I whispered he was okay. Charlie tried to smile but Beast could feel his fear.

"You better be nice. The Beast loves me and doesn't like me upset."

Charlie tried to pet him and he let out a low growl. Charlie gave up and started the interview.

The questions were straightforward. He asked about how me and Beast found the baby, the steps I took to save the child's life and how I felt when I saw he was not breathing.

"Terrified, I was alone with Beast and I had this tiny life in my hands and not breathing. I didn't know what to do so I called 911 and I thank God Connie the Dispatcher was there to guide me on what to do."

He then finished the last question. I was done and breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I smiled and so did Houston. I waited for Charlie to wrap up but he looked at me and dropped a bombshell. He asked me one more question. He asked if the baby's mother was watching what I would say to her.

Maureen was out of her seat as was Uncle Roy. I raised my hand to stop them.

I looked at Houston who was about to yank Charlie out of his chair but stopped, " I'd tell her that her baby was safe. That people make mistakes that she should come forward and claim her child. Whatever reasons she decided to do what she did I would help her figure it out. If she had no one to turn to she does now and if she wants to call me she could reach me at Houston Investigations (213) 555-3121. You are not alone. Things can't be that bad and I want you to be reunited with your baby. Please call, I'll be waiting no judgment."

I was still staring at Houston when Jaime yelled cut. He walked over and pulled me out of the chair while Maureen and Uncle Roy read the riot act to Charlie.

"Are you okay that was not part of the questions? I'm sorry I think we should just tell them to take this interview and shove it…"

I'm fine Houston, it was not expected but it was a good question. Maybe she'll call and I'll help her to get Jake back. That's the end game here to get him back to his momma."

"We will. You are not alone in this either."

He put his arm around me and I could feel the anger. His stance was defensive and he was about to move towards the crew. Instead Charlie came to my side and started to apologize.

"CJ I'm sorry about that last question but I thought it was needed. If she is out there she needs to know he is safe."

I grabbed on to Houston as I gasped. I must have heard him wrong. There's no way he could know. l looked at Houston and back to Charlie.

"What do you mean he? How do you know the baby is a he? I never once revealed the gender. What else do you know Charlie? I think we deserve some answers before I unleash Beast here or worse Houston."