Authors Note: Hi everyone hope you will all have a wonderful Thanksgiving, I had to rewrite this chapter and the next one had trouble but I think its fixed. Also will be out of town for the holiday and where I'm going internet is sketchy at best so this might be the only chapter I will be posting for at least a week, this will give me time to write hopefully. Like before all errors are mine and I am only borrowing characters from one of my fav TV shows when I was growing up. Enjoy.
Chapter 36
He lied.
Houston told me everything was going to be alright that we would fight for Star and Jake and to trust him. He had promised me that we would keep them safe and if we had to take matters into our own hands we would. No questions asked.
He promised me that he would fight by my side but it was all lies.
I put my faith in him and now for that choice I was barred from seeing Jake. The media circus outside of the hospital that stupid interview I never wanted to do in the first place and his past was now coming back to wreak havoc on our lives and who is the loser in all of this? Me.
I lost Jake. He was innocent in all of this. He was placed in this situation no baby should ever be put in and had trusted me to make sure he was protected and safe.
The first time I held him I knew I was put in his path to be his guardian, it was a feeling I've had since I was dragged by Beast to that trash can that rainy night. Now, I had no hand in his care or his fate. I had been robbed of that.
Not being able to rock him to sleep, feed him his bottle, sing to him and watch how he follows my voice till he falls asleep. Never to have skin to skin contact with my little man. But that wasn't the worst of it, the worse was not being able to say goodbye.
That hurt the most not being able to tell him it was temporary that I would fight to be back by his side but I was not given a choice. It was taken from me.
Would I ever see him again? Would they allow me to be a part of his life again?
The question going over in my mind was how long would it be till I lost Star?
I couldn't lose her too. That wouldn't happen. I'd take her away from all of this. She could not go back on the streets. I would not allow it. She'd opened up to me, she put her trust in me and I would not fail her as I did Jake.
How was I going to convince them I was the best thing for him? Didn't they know Jake wouldn't understand why I just stopped coming? He didn't stop crying the last time we had left him and he didn't look strong enough to go through that again. He had no one in this world but me, the one that he responded to, well me and Houston and now I am questioning if I should have brought him into helping out. Was the right decision.
Jake showed them that he needed us by making it clear that he would not cooperate unless one of us was there to care for him. What they didn't realize was that I needed him just as much as he needed me. He was keeping me sane. He was the only thing keeping me centered.
He had gotten me through those times that I would feel myself losing control by having a flashback to what had happened to me. It had started that Thursday when I was at Houston's house alone but I had Beast to hold onto. But the feeling of being watched and the nightmares that were always on the edge of my sleeping and now creeping into my waking hours had taken a toll on me.
Having to care for him had diverted my attention to focusing on Jake not myself and it was helping me cope. I would have to call Dr. Ryan to see if she could see me ASAP. I needed to get refocused now that Jake was taken from me. I was lost.
I put my fisted hand to my mouth. I wanted to cry out. I couldn't deal with any of this anymore. I had trusted that everything would be alright and now everything was shot to hell. I felt the hairs start to prickle at the back of my neck and stopped and looked around wondering why I had the feeling someone was watching.
Maybe I was starting to lose my grasp of reality?
I felt I had lost a part of me and I had to learn to accept this. For now. It was like a punch in the stomach. Not saying goodbye to my little man, after everything he had been through today. I hope he'll forgive me for failing him.
He wouldn't understand. Would he think that we didn't love him anymore? That he was now alone with no one to care for him would his health decline? Would he just give up thinking we had abandoned him?
Too many questions and not enough answers. The one most pressing to me is what did Houston know?
I had never questioned his motives before but now I wonder if I should have involved him in this. Was he just worried that I was over my head and in Houston style needed to separate what he thought was something harmful to my wellbeing and meddle where he had no right to?
Was he just telling me what I wanted to hear to get me to comply? Did he think I was too fragile to deal with what was to come out of this meeting? Did he know beforehand that they would take Jake from me?
No he wouldn't do that to me, would he?
I remember how Houston had placed my hand over his heart when he told me he would help me do things outside the law to keep him and he was with me till the end of the line. But it was all that just to keep me calm and not do anything crazy. Did he plan this? Was he warned before and just told me what I wanted to hear? But he didn't fight them, he took off his badge and took mine and gave it to them without even raising his voice or even his usual fly off the handle and worrying about the consequences afterwards self.
I thought back to the meeting and it was me that was fighting for Jake not him. He had been there to hold me but not fight with me against those that wanted to take Jake from us. What happened to my knight in shining armor?
I was so confused. Nothing was making sense.
I needed to get out of here away from the hospital, away from Houston, away from everyone.
The only thing I wanted I couldn't have. I wanted Jake.
Why couldn't I go to my angel and hold him and wish this to be done and over with. I started to move to the elevator I needed to leave.
I made it to the elevator and pressed the button. I prayed it would hurry to get me out of this place off this floor to...
Where was I going?
I couldn't see Jake and I had come by ambulance to the hospital with Him. I wouldn't go back with him. I'd needed time and I couldn't deal with his excuses. I would go to the ER and ask to use the phone I knew most of the staff and then I'd call Carol to see if she could pick me up. I just couldn't go back to his house.
I needed to regroup to get centered and stop myself from losing control. I closed my eyes, I heard yelling and footsteps behind me. I pushed the button quickly wanting it to open so I could get away from Houston. Who else would be coming at me like a bat out of Hell?
People started to yell and then someone grabbed me from behind and I snapped.
The person gripped my upper arm and pulled me back, swung me around and pushed me against the elevator doors. My head made contact and my self-defense training kicked in.
Ever since I had been taken I had practice twice a week with Two Mean. He had taught me how to defend myself and to make sure I'd be ready if anyone ever tried to take me again. He said I was ready when I had taken him down with no problem and him needing to be helped up by Houston.
But feeling that hand grab me from behind had taken me back to the underground garage and me fighting for my life. I had gone into combat mode. I felt myself making contact but my eyes weren't focused. I felt an arm go around my neck and another arm grab my upper arm. I cried out as their grip tightened around my neck and upper arm and the sound of tearing. Next thing someone fell to the floor almost taking me down with them but I kept my balance and used my legs to kick off the hand that had grabbed my ankle. I jerked out of their grip and the elevator doors opened.
I ran in thanking God no one was inside. I went to the corner of the elevator and slid to the floor. The doors started to close and a hand stopped them from closing. I got up and prepared myself for the next attack.
"CJ!"
It was Maureen who turned around when a hand grabbed her and tried to pull her back. She yelped and tried to get away. I took the hand off of her and twisted it back till I heard the person scream and let her go.
The doors closed and I stepped back.
"CJ are you okay?"
I felt dizzy and touched the back of my head. It stung. I looked down and saw the damage to my arm was starting to bruise and blood where they had grabbed on tightly and drew blood. Andrews's shirt was torn from the sleeve and most of the collar was ripped also. What had happened?
Maureen approached me carefully
Why was she acting like this? "Maureen what happened?"
"Are you with me? I've been calling you and I swear you were not listening, you knocked out both guards. Well the obnoxious one first he deserved what he got but the second one was only trying to help so sis I think we might be in some trouble."
She pressed all the elevator buttons and she shrugged at me.
"Can't make this easy for them, we need to hide out and figure out what we are going to do, and get you out of here in one piece. I think we are in a pickle this time and I'd wish you'd use that brain of yours."
I looked at her confused? "What? What do you mean?"
The elevator opened and she looked out.
"Come on, let's go, we will find some way to get out of here."
We found a storage closet and went in. She sat me on a box and grabbed my hands.
I'm going to call Carol to come pick us up. I'll be back and we will start to move down to the lower levels. Hopefully we can find some friends to help us out."
I grabbed her hand, "Maureen what did I do?"
"Let me go and call and then I'll fill you in. Oh and remind me to never get you angry."
She went and closed the door leaving me with the missing parts of what just happened.
I looked at my hands. They were red around the knuckles and I sat down next to the linen. Did I hurt someone? I looked at my torn shirt and felt a trickle coming from my mouth. I touched and winced I had blood on my fingers, I wondered how I had gotten that injury.
I was piecing together what she had told me. Why would the guards grab me? How bad had I hurt them? Would I be spending the night in jail?
That's what she meant about being in trouble and I wasn't helping. I was being part of the problem.
My reaction was playing right into the hands of those that wanted me to have no contact with Jake and I had just handed him over without a fight.
I tried to figure it out, I remember hearing footsteps behind me and screaming but not making out what they were saying and someone grabbing me and…
The garage.
I thought I was in the garage and my kidnappers were there to take me and I must have lost it.
The snippets of the kidnapping were becoming clearer. I was remembering more and putting the pieces together, this must have triggered something that my mind had blocked out. I was remembering my abduction like it was yesterday. I shuddered. I knew this day would come but how I wished it was not now too much to deal with. I had to put that out of my mind but I couldn't. I could feel the hands grabbing me and me fighting and running to the elevator and then an arm grabbing me and I cloth put to my face and then nothing.
I bit my lip so I wouldn't cry. I wasn't there. I was in a hospital and had caused injury to two people.I started to panic. How could I have lost control? I should have called Dr. Ryan when we were at the office and asked for a quick session to get my jumbled mind on track and now I might have put the final nail in the coffin and lost Jake forever.
I'd deal with my consequences. I should just give myself up. I shouldn't try to run.
If I did I'd be just like Houston when he was framed for killing Veronica. But by him doing this people got hurt and the big loser here would be Jake.
"What have I done?" I whispered out loud.
My mind yelled back. Lost Jake.
The door opened.
Tears were falling down my face. Maureen looked at me.
"Sis what's wrong, are you hurt, do I need to call someone are you going to go Rambo on me? Come on sis say something."
"I really messed this up haven't I? I attacked two people. I don't remember doing that. All I recall was hearing footsteps and someone grabbing me from behind and I thought I was back in the garage when I was abducted and fighting for my life and the next thing I know I'm in the elevator and you are putting your hand to stop the door from closing and someone grabbing you. Too Means training must have kicked in."
I was shaking by the time I stopped talking. Maureen grabbed me and held me.
"That makes a little sense now. You were not listening. It was like you were there but not there. It was weird seeing you go through the motions and one of the guards did deserve it. He grabbed you hard and I saw your neck snap back, you screamed and then you went rogue. I've never seen you in action and wow I was impressed and so was everyone else."
Oh great there were witnesses. They would throw the book at me and I'd be locked away.
She let me go, "Okay, I paged Carol. She was already here. She got a call from Emma and came right back when the hospital went into lockdown and she went to the doctor's lounge. Waiting for one of us to page her. She's already trying to get staff that she knows to help out. Roxy and Emma can't help. They have been taken up to the conference room. They think they will help you escape. They are looking for you. Oh, and did I mention Houston's in custody."