Ramen Doodles

By Andrew J. Talon

Disclaimer: I do not and probably never will own Naruto or any other copyrighted works mentioned in this story. I am not writing this for profit.

Author's Note: When I have writer's block, I often write a lot of random snippets of ideas, omakes, and continuations of other author's ideas that kind of petered out. As I'm afflicted with a bit of writer's block regarding Key Through the Heart (again), I've decided I'm not going to leave you guys in the lurch. Therefore, enjoy some writing I've been doing over at The Fanfiction Forum.

More Dolphin Man!

Written by DhampyrX2

I don't know why, but I've always been partial to the dynamic where ANko and Iruka are at least friends on some level. If they were childhood (pre-Orochimaru for Anko) friends that could add a new dymanic here. Namely Anko recognizes who Iruka is, thinks he's gone nuts, and follows him around in a attempt to "save him from his delusions."

Bonus points if she keeps blocking all the horny MILFS hitting on him from getting any, and thus becomes seen as his arch-nemesis in their eyes while Iruka is actually grateful for the escape opportunities. Not that he can tell her of course. He must maintain his "secret identity."

"Okay Iruka-kun, it was funny for about a week but I'm sick of it. This Dolphin Man stuff has to end. Give me the costume," Anko demanded.

Since she had caught a glimpse of Konoha's resident so-called 'super hero' she had been running herself ragged. It didn't take a genius to figure out it was Iruka in that stupid outfit if you knew what to look for, and Anko had known him since they were rugrats. Honestly, she was worried her old friend was having a mental breakdown at first. Now, she was just sick of getting into these hairy situations to keep those desperate married women off of him.

"Dolphin Man? Costume? I don't know what you mean Anko-chan. I haven't been to a costume party in years. In fact the last one was that time you were helping Kurenai-san to catch Asumea's eye and-" Iruka began until he was cut off by Anko's hand flying to his mouth with a viper's quickness.

The serpent mistress of Konoha actually had the grace to blush at the memory of that particular event. Kurenai STILL got upset when reminded about it. But, then again, the results did speak for themselves. Kurenai got her man and it was all thank to (in her mind anyway) Anko. "We don't need to rehash ancient history like that Iruka. You promosed not to talk about it. Remember?" Anko reminded him somewhat desperately.

Iruka smiled boyishly in a way that made women like Suzume, Shizune, and Ayame blush whenever they say it as he chuckled and replied, "But it was still funny, huh?"

Anko couldn't help but snicker as she agreed, "Yeah." After a moment her amused expression drained form her face as she looked sternly at Iruka and snapped, "But stop changing the subject. I know perfectly that you're this 'Dolphin Man' everyone is talking about Iruka. I won'r have you making an ass of yourself, or worse getting hurt, running around town like this. Now give me the outfit."

Iruka tried to keep from breaking out in a cold sweat as he responded, "Are you feeling okay Anko-chan? I'm not a dolphin man. Do I look like I'm related to Hoshigaki Kisame here?"

Anko growled dangerously, which in turm made Iruka raise his hands in mock surrender and back up a step, as she spat, "Don't you give me that, Iruka. I've spent the last week running intereference from deperate old women trying to have their way with you, including Nara Yoshino and any Hyuuga woman not busy staring at your favorite Uzumaki brat and I'm sick of it. You're giving me the dolphin and we're destroying it before it causes any more preblems for either of us."

"Anko-chan I think you might need to relax. How about we get you some dango and sake and talk about this. You're obviously very stressed,"

Anko looked ready to jump at the chance to binge on dango the way a certain blond in the village gorged himself of ramen before she caught herself and replied, "Oohhh no. You're not distracting me that easily. Now show me the dolphin so we can settle this."

"Anko-chan I really don't know what you mean," Iruka replied nervously as Anko began to advance on him.

"Where's the outfit Iruka? Are you wearing it under your uniform? It's certainly tight enough," she speculated as she advanced on him with a kunai, willing to cut his clothes off of him to get at the offending garment.

"Anko, what are you... Yipe!" Iruka exclaimed as Anko lunged at him.

What followed was a chase over half of Konoha that would feed the rumor mill for weeks as people recounted how Anko chased Iruka around the village, intent on publicly stripping him and demanding to "see his dolphin."

Those that weren't scnadalized by how shameless the former apprentice of Orochimaru's was behaving seemed to be in two camps.

One camp, led by the likes of Kurenai and Asuma, was glad to see the two longtime friends were willing to admit to the chemistry between them after all this time and give it a go.

The other camp consisted of mostly women that had designs on a certain kind and polite Chuunin that was clearly good with children that decided they might have to step up their efforts and bring their "A" game the next time they encountered Iruka.

There were men with designs on Anko that were similarly upset, of course, but they knew better than to try to take it out on Iruka. For one, you don't poke a sleeping tiger and the devious prankster's mind in Iruka's head qualified in the eyes of anyone that was ever stupid enough to anger him from the older generations. They also knew better than to try to intimidate or threaten any friend of Anko's if they valued having all their bits in one piece and arranged where they were supposed to be on their bodies.

By Andrew J. Talon

Anko slammed the door to her apartment behind her, stomping to her couch and flinging herself on it in fury.

"Damnit damnit damnit!" Anko snarled, flinging three kunai right into the crotch of the training dummy made to resemble Orochimaru. The Serpent Kunoichi fumed.

"Damnit... She's a freaking Sannin for God's sake and even she can't see that it's Iruka under that ridiculous mask?!" Anko twirled a kunai around her finger, growling audibly. Somehow, Iruka had made it so that no Hyuuga could look under his mask! She should have known he'd have come up with something like that - He was always a lot smarter and more talented than he let on - But any ninja worth their hiaite who had seen the body language and form of Dolphin Man and her friend should have been able to see the unmistakable similarities!

Then again, Orochimaru never could tell when I swiped his wallet, Anko mused, throwing her fourth kunai into the eye of the training dummy. Must be some kind of blindspot...

Anko shook her head. Now wasn't the time to bemoan the stupidity of her village - Now was the time to do something about it. Iruka had left a henged water clone to fill in while he'd gone all the way out to Wave Country for the Uzumaki brat! If he was caught he would have been declared a missing nin and hunted down! And what was worse, he'd gone up against a killer like Zabuza Momochi in that ridiculous getup!

He's going to get himself killed... Or worse, she thought, brown eyes narrowing at the lusting women of Konoha after her... Friend's alter ego.

"Hmmm..."

There had to be a way to, if not stop him from pursuing this hobby, then at least keeping an eye out for him and running interference...

But to do that, she would either have to put herself in danger, follow him around...

"Or make sure I can direct his actions," she mused. Anko smirked.

"Of course! I'm such a genius! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Anko celebrated her brilliance with a round of beating up the Orochimaru dummy, before rushing to her closet and perusing through her clothing selection.

"No... No... No... Ah ha! This will work... And this... Damnit, where did I put my scissors...?"

A few hours later, the Dolphin Signal shown into th nighttime sky above Konoha. And a dark, leather-clad and very female figure emerged from Anko's apartment. She giggled, and caressed a summoned snake on her arm.

"Oh, just you wait Dolphin Man... You're going to regret playing me... Because now the games have really begun," the Snake Charmer cackled as she leaped off the balcony to the roofs below.

"Holy knockovers, Dolphin Man! Look! Someone broke into that bank!" Naruto (Or as his new sidekick had dubbed himself, Fox Boy) shouted to Dolphin Man. Mentally Iruka sighed. Naruto still had no idea who he was under the mask-He had simply made his own costume and gone out to fight crime on his own. Iruka had decided to take him under "Dolphin Man's" wing to keep him out of trouble.

Of course, Iruka's repressed inner child had welcomed a partner in crime-fighting. Especially his catchphrase, "Holy (insert subject here)". Iruka couldn't help but like it. It seemed so... Appropriate.

"Great Blowhole! Come Fox Boy Wonder, we can't let them escape!" Dolphin Man shouted, leaping off the roof towards the Bank with Naruto in close pursuit.

Descending through the smashed skylight of the bank, Dolphin Man and Fox Boy struck appropriately dramatic stances.

"Halt, evildoer!"

Dolphin Man's eyes bugged out at the smirking face that popped out of the bank vault.

"Why hello, Dolphin Man... I've been expecting you," the leather masked woman hissed as she slinked out of the vault. Dolphin Man felt a nosebleed coming on, as Fox Man just stared in disbelief.

"Allow me to introduce myself," the woman grinned, kissing the head of the snake coiled around her shoulders. "I am the Snake Charmer..."

Anko?! It's Anko! What's she-? Oh. I see... She's thinking she can stop me by being a super-villainess. Well, we'll see who will be stopping who! Dolphin Man thought, though his Inner Dolphin Man was too busy drooling over the getup his childhood friend now wore.

Dolphin Man cleared his throat and looked appropriately stern.

"Give yourself up, Snake Charmer! Don't make this any harder than it has to be!"

Anko mock-gasped, covering her mouth. She slowly lowered it, unveiling a naughty smile.

"Why Dolphin Man... How hard do you want it to get?"

Fox Boy stuttered.

"Holy innuendos, Dolphin Man!"

Dolphin Man was in the meantime trying to stifle a severe nosebleed under his mask.

The Snake Charmer used Dolphin Man's distraction to make her escape, leaping through the skylight and zipping away at incredible speed.

"After her, Fox Boy Wonder!" Dolphin Man shouted, shaking his head and rushing after her out the bank's front doors. Naruto followed, and soon all three costumed figures were rushing over the rooftops of Konoha.

"Hahahahaha! You'll never catch me, Dolphin Man!" Snake Charmer called back over her shoulder. Anko grinned wildly-She had to admit, she was seeing the fun to be had in such a gaudy outfit and ridiculous shenanigans. No wonder Iruka had taken it up, considering how involving his work had become.

"We'll see about that! DOLPHIN GRAPNEL GUN!" Dolphin Shouted, yanking out his grapnel and firing it, apparently at Snake Charmer. She dodged the hook and laughed at him.

"MISSED!"

The line pulled taut, and yanked Dolphin Man forward at high speed. Anko didn't have time to react as Dolphin Man tackled her, sending them both crashing into a pile of cardboard boxes at the bottom of an alley.

"Guh... I've taken you down, Charmer!" The Bottlenosed Hero grunted, laying on top of her. His eyes glanced down and saw that one of his hands was resting on one of Anko's breasts. He blushed furiously as he instinctively squeezed.

"Gah! I-I didn't mean that!" Dolphin Man shouted, leaping off her to stand at a safe distance. Snake Charmer sat up, her face red under her mask.

"Uh, well... You did catch me," Snake Charmer managed, putting a sultry hiss into her voice as she regained her composure. She smirked and winked as Dolphin Man glowered at her.

"Anko..."

"It's Snake Charmer, Dolphin Man," she stated flatly. She winked again and stood up. "If you're playing this game, then I'm playing too... And we always did play so well together..."

Dolphin Man resisted the urge to nosebleed, and moved forward to grab Snake Charmer, but she nimbly slipped out of his arms and grinned.

"Until next time!" She blew a kiss as she threw a bag of loot at him, which he caught. She vanished into the night just as Naruto caught up.

"Gah... Sorry Dolphin Man, I got sidetracked..."

"It's all right Fox Boy... We got back what she stole!" Dolphin Man said triumphantly.

"Yes! What did she take?" Fox Boy asked. Dolphin Man opened the bag, and they both peered inside.

"..."

It was filled with free coffee cups.

"EH?!"

Please review, more to come.