Ramen Doodles

By Andrew J. Talon

Disclaimer: I do not and probably never will own Naruto or any other copyrighted works mentioned in this story. I am not writing this for profit.

Author's Note: When I have writer's block, I often write a lot of random snippets of ideas, omakes, and continuations of other author's ideas that kind of petered out. As I'm afflicted with a bit of writer's block regarding Key Through the Heart (again), I've decided I'm not going to leave you guys in the lurch. Therefore, enjoy some writing I've been doing over at The Fanfiction Forum.

YIPPEE! I graduated! Sure, it's just an Associate of Arts, but it's only the first step. Now, for the next week I'll be out on an archaeology field trip, so to tide you guys over, I'll post some additional Ramen Doodles. Here's an idea I had a long time ago. A truly... evil idea...

Right after Naruto leaves for his three year training journey, Hinata finds an old, weather beaten plushy of said orange loving ninja. It's rather unextraordinary, just six knit whiskers and two black bead eyes on a felt face, with a mop of blond hair on top with a tiny Konoha forehead protector on, wearing a little orange jumpsuit. To anyone else, this sad little plushy would be trash, or burning material.

To Hinata, of course, it's a treasure. Her own little Naruto to hug, to cuddle, to talk to. She takes to carrying it everywhere, hidden under her coat. Yet instead of being a hindrance, from the moment she starts carrying it around she's doing perfectly.

Her abilities and repertoire of ninjutsu grows, she gets up the courage to write letters to Naruto, which he responds to eagerly. She performs spectacularly on missions and her father begins to acknowledge her.

However, when asked by Kurenai why she's been doing so much better, Hinata blurts out the truth: "Plushy Naruto helps me."

Kurenai, naturally, doesn't believe Hinata, considering the plushy to just be a good luck charm or something. A bit incensed, Hinata offers to loan Kurenai the plushy to prove it. Kurenai takes it, hoping that this will inspire Hinata to realize she can do these things without a security blanket.

Kurenai, however, finds that her luck has turned around as well. Asuma starts paying more attention to her, her genjutsus seem to improve in strength, and things begin to go better than ever. Always when Plushy Naruto is around or on her person. She too begins to believe, and shares the secret with Kiba and Shino.

Again, they are skeptical. Again, Hinata and Kurenai offer it to them to prove it. Again, they take Plushy Naruto for a test run... And find that their luck has changed as well. Shino gets it on with Kiba's big sister, Kiba has a plethora of girls wanting to bear his children, and both seem to become stronger.

Unfortunately, as Plushy Naruto is experienced and passed on, those who have encountered him begin to hunger for more, suffering withdrawal symptoms. Hinata's start somewhat subtly, but as her beloved plushy is passed around Konoha, and others experience the joy Plushy Naruto brings, she begins to ache for Plushy Naruto.

As the Plushy is passed around, it's owners become less and less willing to part with it. Sakura has made incredible strides with her training with Tsunade so long as she holds onto the plushy. Tsunade herself has her bad luck turned around in casinos as long as Plushy Naruto is on her shoulder.

And with every person, they begin to see Plushy Naruto as something they need and can't live without.

Tensions mount. A few minor arguments escalate, especially between Kakashi and Iruka over the plushy.

"NO! He's mine! He's making me appreciate life for once! You can't have him!"

"He's mine! Give him back!"

They almost come to blows before Hinata arrives and manages to calm them down... But her lust for the Plushy is growing and growing, until finally, it all comes to a head.

Hinata approaches Sakura, sitting in an open air cafe, Plushy Naruto sitting innocently on the table next to her. Hinata takes a deep breath, trying to focus. But her plushy is so near... She can hear him calling to her...

"S-Sakura-san... I-I would like Pl-Plushy Naruto b-back," Hinata stutters pleadingly. Sakura just smiles, an mocking one, as she sips her tea calmly.

Hinata tries again: "S-Sakura-san... M-May I have him back? Please?"

Sakura takes a hold of the plushy, still smiling oddly. She holds him out to Hinata, who reaches out, her tension lessening just a bit with her beloved Plushy Naruto just centimeters away...

Until Sakura snatches him back. Hinata, dumbfounded, stares in disbelief as Sakura begins to snicker.

"He doesn't want to go back to you," Sakura states, a slightly manic look in her eyes. "He's always loved me. He just stayed with you because he felt sorry for you."

Hinata's fists clench as her Byakugan activates all on it's own. Sakura, oblivious, continues.

"He loves me best. You were just a sad substitute," Sakura smirked. She held the plushy up to her face and nuzzled it, gasping a bit and then giggling.

"Oh my... He said you're so dull and boring no one would want you, least of all him. He says go home. He doesn't like you. He doesn't love you-!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU LYING BITCH! HE LOVES ME! ME! DIE!" Hinata screams, and much to everyone's surprise she furiously attacks Sakura. The cafe is soon destroyed in the resulting battle, but both girls freeze when they see that Plushy Naruto is missing.

"NO! Where is he? What happened?"

"You bitch! You stole him!"

"HA! You stupid bitches!" Both girls look up to see Kiba on the roof with Akamaru. He grins and holds up Plushy Naruto. Sakura and Hinata gasp.

"KIBA!"

"HOW COULD YOU?!"

"Naruto's my best friend!" Kiba sniffled, hugging the plushy close. "He's gotten me laid so many times! He's made me so awesome! Akamaru too!" He bawled, pointing his finger at the two pissed kunoichi. "He doesn't need you bitches! You'd just treat him like dirt! He's MINE!"

"DIE!"

"TRAITOR!"

More and more Konoha ninja join in the fight. Kakashi, Tsunade, Anko, Kurenai, Lee, Gai, Tenten-They all want their plushy, they all need their plushy.

And said plushy is just knocked about, always out of harm's way at just the right moment, and with the shadows over it's face you could swear it was smiling.

Then Naruto comes back, fresh from his three year training trip. He gapes at everyone he knows fighting and trying to kill eachother. He notices the plushy version of himself at his feet. He picks it up.

"What the...?"

The fighting abruptly stops. Every eye is on the two Narutos. The original gulps.

"... Two Narutos..."

"I CALL THE BIG ONE!"

And as they charge, Naruto can really only say one thing:

"... Aw crap..."

Of course, during the Time Skip, at least one person is immune to the Plushy's powers... But you can see what happens to him:

"I'm telling you, the plushy is not... Not right!" Lee insisted. "Such unnatural youthfulness! I... I can't believe it is good!"

"Oh Lee... You and your imagination," Sakura giggled, cuddling the plushy to her chest. "How could this be evil?" The pink haired girl asked, holding it out to Lee.

The Green Beast blanched at the thing's black, bead eyes staring at him, emotionless. He felt an unnatural youthfulness, contentment rising within him.

"N-NO!" Lee shouted, impulsively slapping the plushy away.

In an instant, Sakura's face changed. The other ninja around him all changed, from looking pretty content in the presence of the plushy to downright murderous.

"You... Lee... You..." Sakura seethed, her fists beginning to glow with repressed chakra fury. Lee gulped as Kakashi unveiled his Sharingan, the tomoe within his red eye spinning ominously. Tenten and Neji glared at him, angrily. Hinata was positively terrifying, her normally gentle face now stony with cold rage.

"Lee... How could you?!" Sakura snarled, stooping and picking the plushy up from the floor. She cradled it against her chest, rubbing it's back as though soothing a child.

"It's all right, Plushy Naruto... You're safe," Sakura cooed. Shizune, Tenten, and Hinata all drew to the girl, patting and murmuring soothing words to the plushy in her arms.

Lee just gaped as the mood in the room changed again. While everyone was still shooting him somewhat hostile looks, they were without fire and seemed more disapproving than anything else.

Finally, these looks vanished as well, and everything was back to being peaceful, content.

Kakashi resumed his conversation with Gai-sensei. Shizune, Hinata, Tenten and Sakura began happily passing around the plushy, innocently pestering eachother for her turn. Shikamaru went back to being relaxed, as did Neji.

Lee shook violently, even more so when he beloved Gai-sensei looked back up at him, cheery smile in place.

"Now now, Lee... No need for such ruckus... I'm sure you won't do that again, right?"

"NO!" Lee screamed. "NO! THIS ISN'T RIGHT! THE NARUTO PLUSHY IS EVIL! EVIL!" He shrieked.

He again attempted to grab it, but every ninja in the room (including Gai-sensei!) stopped him, almost as one.

"Poor Lee," Shizune murmured, pressing a green glowing hand to the back of his neck. "You really are too stressed, aren't you?"

Lee continued screaming his warning, even though he was paralyzed from the neck down, all the way to the hospital:

"THE PLUSHY IS EVIL! EVIL! EVILLLLL!"

Or is it? Could it be that the power of the human tendency to link coincidences has merely resulted in madness from a truly normal plushy? Could it be the true evil is not in our stuffed toys, but in ourselves?

It's up to you... *Twilight Zone music plays*