Chapter 49

I watched as she went over to her sisters to tell them we would be walking back. I had told Will and Too Mean, Will smiled and said, "Don't spook her, she's fragile cuz. You think she's this strong capable woman when in reality she's not, she just doesn't want to disappoint you. If you realize this then it's all downhill from there. Treat her right or I swear I will not be responsible for my actions. I might even help Popeye take her from you. She deserves the best and if you can't give her that. Let her go. I know it's probably the last thing you want to hear from me but I care for her. She's been there for me and now I'm returning the favor."

I was taken aback. What did Will think I was going to do? CJ wasn't one of my 'distractions' she was more than this. I was not going to treat this lightly.

"What do you mean Will? I am taking this seriously. This is not a casual thing. I am in this for the long haul. I am realizing that I made a lot of mistakes with her. There are things that have been left unsaid between us and I take the full blame for that. I wasn't sure how to follow through or I just wasn't ready to follow up on my feelings for her. She has been the constant in my life and your right I took her for granted, if she gives me this chance I will not screw it up. I can't. I realized after her abduction that I couldn't live my life without her. I was there through her recovery and was just waiting for the right time to have this talk with her of how my feelings have changed and hope she feels the same way. I love her Will more than I thought possible. She is what makes me whole."

"Houston I love you like a brother but if you hurt her I will need to hurt you. She's my little sister and I don't take my responsibility as her big brother casually. She means a lot to all of us. She's the glue that keeps this family together. You screw this up I'm with Will we will have to hurt you. I know Roy has told you the same and if your dad and Vince were here they'd be in agreement."

I was getting tired of apologizing for my past actions I knew I had not treated her the way she should have been treated. But, I couldn't be mad at them, they were right. I had fumbled this from the start. I wanted this now but what if she was being nice and didn't want to reject me in front of everyone. I swallowed hard. No that couldn't happen or could it?

Someone patted me on the back and brought me back to reality. I looked up and it was my new rival.

"Hey it's been a day and thanks again for helping our girl. I can't believe she's 13 she acts so much older and I know it's because she had to grow up so quickly. I'm going to lock up here and we should be over in an hour. I'm just waiting for some of my pals to come by. They all went looking for Star and will be happy to know she's safe. Like I said we've all taken her under our wing. I'm also going to have Tiny and Luca go around this area and ask for any tapes of the surrounding businesses maybe we can get some information off of them to tell us who put Jake in that trashcan or if a pregnant woman could have come from this side of the pier we got to be thorough. Will find her or what really happen to her, I'm hoping for a happy ending I don't think we can take any more bad news."

He looked over to where Star was standing with Momma and Uncle Roy. "She was 11 when she lost her father and 12 when she lost the rest of her family. She's been on the streets for almost a year. She only came into our lives 6 months ago. What nightmare has she lived through? What isn't she telling us? I was angry before but now, now I am beyond angry and I will be taking it out on that SOB."

The fury that was resonating from him left no doubt that he would carry out his mission and end the men that had hurt Star.

He took a deep breath and calmed down like a light switch. He controlled his feelings and spoke.

"Oh Momma said she'd bring dessert. I'm not sure what she's gonna whip up, but she asked if she could use your kitchen."

I looked at him. He was a good guy and the green monster inside of me was trying to color my perception of him but it was waning.

"Sure whatever time you want to come by, you are all welcomed and we need to discuss how we will be finding and disposing of the two jackasses that tried to harm our girl. I have his full name and will be going back to my office to put in his information. Too Mean already has people out looking for him and I know someone that owes me a favor at the police station. I will have a picture by the end of the night."

Popeye smiled, I've waited 6 months and I think I can wait another day. That asshole is a dead man walking and little does he know that this is his last day on earth. Just need the info on where he's at and he will disappear. I'm sure no one will miss him and Boyd's days are numbered too. If this is not up your alley Houston I get it but I don't want to be watching my back waiting to see if someone wants revenge, there will be no loose ends."

Luca had come upon us while Popeye was talking and nodded. "People always disappear. It's a big city and like my friend here said no one will miss scum like this. They might thank us for getting rid of the garbage."

These guys were serious but I was in the same boat not too long ago. The men that had taken CJ had paid a high price. I had almost killed them with my bare hands. They were still in the hospital infirmary not getting out anytime soon. I had someone give me daily updates. I wanted to know when they were being sent to jail and when they would go to trial. I had to protect the one thing I realized I couldn't live without.

"I have no qualms. Just don't let Star know what's going on. If anything happens to any of us and he has a hand in it she will run. She wants to protect us. You should have heard her at CJ's house. I had to be dragged out of that house before I did something stupid."

Star came up on us and I pulled her into a hug. "What's going on? Why are you over here huddled together? You are not going after him, please I'm serious he's dangerous and the people he hangs out with have little regard for life. Popeye, Luca I know that look and forget about Boyd he's probably long gone you beat him up pretty good this morning. So just let it go. Please."

"Darling I don't know what you're getting all worked up about. Popeye was asking what time he should come over and Luca and Tiny will be going to the other businesses around here and ask for their video footage. Jake is our priority too now and we will get to those other two once that is done. Don't worry so much."

She looked at us and snorted, "So you expect me to believe that you are all getting along and that Popeye hasn't numbered my stepfathers days or that Luca hasn't picked a spot to dump Boyd's body once he's had an 'accident' I wasn't born yesterday and don't treat me like this won't affect me. It will. Stop this right now or… Or I'll run. If I never came into your lives you wouldn't all be in danger now. Please don't go after that piece of garbage. I'm not worth it."

She clung to me. I mouthed to Popeye, told you so. He threw up his hands and turned around. Tiny and Too Mean patted her on the back and walked away. Will had gotten Beast and he looked ready to pounce me. Seeing Star upset was not helping his need to protect her.

I tried to remain calm I couldn't let my feelings interfere.

Will spoke up, "So you're saying you'd walk away from us and your best friend? Come on Star you know we wouldn't do anything without telling you and think of Momma and your Aunts. They will scorch the earth to find you, you couldn't hide even if you wanted to. So no. Get that ideal out of your mind now. We will deal with this and if things get hairy we know what we are stepping into. Like Houston said, we are all family and that includes you. Buttercup, you are worth it."

She turned to look at Will and Beast. She let me go and got down and hugged Beast. He started to lick her on the face and I threw up my hands. "Hey hound from Hell stop with the slobbering and missy, you will need to bathe when you get back to my house I will not have you traipsing around with that slobber all over you and it falling all over the house."

Popeye had calmed down and laughed. "He does look like the hound from hell. When she walked in here with him he was intimidating and you should have seen how he almost pulled my arm out of its socket trying to get to her. So are we okay Star?"

She shrugged and stood up. "I just don't want any of you to get hurt. Shoot me for caring. I don't want to lose any of my new family."

"You won't, that's a promise right Houston?"

I nodded and CJ came back.

"Did I miss something? Did you two make her cry again? I swear I will have both of your heads?"

She was mad and had placed both of her hands on her hips to emphasize her point.

Popeye smiled, "Feisty, just like I like my women. Beautiful is there a chance I can steal you away. I will make you very happy, trust me. It will be yes dear for anything you ask."

This guy was not giving up, and it was starting to wear on me.

"Just a dang minute we were getting along and you had to pull this now? Nope come on CJ we are leaving we will see all of you back at my house. Popeye take your time. Or don't come at all up to you but if you start flirting with my girl again I might have to take you outside."

Star smiled at CJ, "They are just bantering. I think that's what Uncle Roy called it. I'm okay Boss Lady and Houston. Popeye is coming. He will behave. I'll have a talk with him. He doesn't know the history between you two. I'll fill him in."

She pulled Star aside Popeye laughed and I just watched them. Momma came over with a blanket. I gave her a puzzled look.

"CJ says you are going to walk back and have a serious talk. Thought it would be a good idea if you too got tired to go sit on the beach and watch the sun go down. The water always relaxes me and I do this often. Oh and your uncle filled me in on what's been going on between you two. She seems like a special girl be patient and make sure this is what you want, your uncle cares for both of you and says I quote 'he finally pulled his head out of his ass but it won't stop him from screwing this up' Don't screw this up Houston or my Devin might just take her away from you."

I swear everyone has an opinion on this. Sometimes I wished it was just the two of us embarking in this relationship, I loved our family but their meddling was starting to make me doubt myself. Maybe she had told them something different than what she had been showing me. Maybe I was too late. Why would Momma make that comment about Popeye?

"I appreciate the blanket but you don't know me Momma and what is going on between me and CJ is between us. I've let a lot slide with Devin but I will only take so much. He's on thin ice but we have a dual purpose right now to keep Star safe but I will be talking to him about his interest in her. You did get one thing right, she's special and I am finally realizing how special she is. Nothing personal but I wish my Uncle hadn't talked to you about us. We've known each other for most of our lives, I admit that I wasn't the best friend and I have hurt her in the past but I finally realize that she is what has been missing in my life. But I am getting tired of my family butting into this I will talk to them I know I will never be good enough for her but I am going to try my damndest to show her what she means to me."

She smiled, "I know you will and I'm sorry for butting in but it's the mom in me. You seem like a good guy like I said if your father is the Bill Houston I knew than I know the apple doesn't fall far from the tree."

I shrugged and looked for my girl. She was talking to Devin and he had his arm around her. I could feel my blood start to boil and my insecurities started to kick in.

No, she just told me that I had nothing to worry about but still she might be letting me down easy not wanting me to cause a scene. I thanked her and said she had free range in my kitchen. That CJ had ensured I had every gadget known to man in my cupboards and if she needed anything Chris or Carol could show her where it was. She squeezed my hand and CJ came back.

Here was the one I've always wanted and now I was having doubts that her feelings weren't the same as mine. I knew I had a lot to say but could I do it without blowing my chance to show her how I truly felt? I never had this trouble with women before why now? The voice in my head sighed because this is no ordinary woman this is CJ your best friend your partner your true love that's been standing beside you all this time and if you don't come up with the right words you will lose her.

I swallowed and felt ill. Would I lose her? Had I blown my chance dammit why did all this have to come to mind now? This wasn't right I needed to get my thoughts I needed…

"Hey are you okay, you look a little pale. Did momma say something wrong?"

I bark, "Dammit CJ don't go sneaking up on people!"

She stepped back, I'm sorry didn't mean to startle you. I'm going to go talk to Devin he was asking about Jake but I thought you wanted to leave but apparently I was wrong."

Of course he did nope not going to happen. I became angry at myself. I had to get it together.

I snapped, "No! You can't I'm ready to go, are you ready to leave?"

She looked surprised, "Houston? Are you sure you're okay? We don't have to have this talk, we will just go back to the house…"

I grabbed her by the hand and started for the door. "Nope this has been a long time coming, no interruptions and no comments from the peanut gallery just the two of us."

This was going to end with me getting what I want or my heart broken with no one to blame but me, maybe my past had finally caught up to me. Maybe I wasn't the man of her dreams, but I would not give up she was worth it even though everyone thought I wasn't the man for her.

But I'd prove them all wrong.

This was finally happening but I didn't think it would be like this.

Houston grabbing me by the hand and was pulling me towards the exit to leave. Him muttering something about peanut gallery and no interruptions. I had startled him earlier and he had snapped at me. I was going to tell him to slow down.

The others look up and I can see Too Mean shaking his head and Will muttering didn't he hear a word I said. Devin looked at me and was about to step in when I nodded no. I could only imagine what would happen now if he were to step in.

We got outside and I yanked back.

Houston stopped and snapped at me, "Why did you do that for we needed to get out of there so we can talk."

He looked angry. What did I do to set him off or who set him off?

It wasn't any of our new family but he had been talking to Will and Too Mean before did they say something or wait momma had handed him a blanket did she say something? It was hard to have a family interfere and I knew that our family was giving him a hard time on my part. I told them that they shouldn't butt in, but I knew they all had said their peace. Maureen and Carol where never shy on letting him know how they felt.

"Are you upset with me? Houston why are you acting like this, 10 minutes ago you were a different man and now what did I do."

He let go of my hand and closed his eyes he looked down and you could tell he was counting to keep himself from losing control.

It hit me, he didn't want this. He was trying to find a way to tell me that he made a mistake all the romantic talk the kissing the promises of a future were… Were what?

"CJ I'm sorry I'm acting like an idiot. It's not your fault, it's all on me. Come on lets go."

He motioned towards the boardwalk it was starting to thin out. It was the end of day and those walking looked like they were heading home. We walked towards the house he held the blanket under one arm and held my hand with the other and still nothing.

Did he want me to start? He looked nervous which was not something I'd ever seen on Houston. He was the big man on campus never having a problem talking or letting people know what he wanted. The center of attention and knew how to charm and talk to the ladies. I looked at him again, he looked terrified.

"Houston breathe."

He gasped and coughed. I waited for his usual banter but got nothing.

"Sorry lot on my mind," he growled out.

He kept walking and still nothing. Well this was not going the way I thought it would.

Wait a minute was I crazy? He was the one wanting to have this talk why is he acting like he'd rather be having a root canal than be here with me?

I stopped and yanked my hand from his grip. "We don't have to talk if you don't want. It can wait."

"Wait? Why would I want to wait and why do you keep yanking you hand from mine?" He barked out.

I was getting tired of cranky Houston. "You need to stop barking at me, we don't have to talk right now. Let's just go home."

Both of our voices were rising and had drew the attention of the beachgoers around us. I didn't want to be the center of attention but it seemed that he didn't care if he caused a scene.

"No! This has been a long time coming CJ I'm just trying to gather my thoughts I know since when have I had trouble doing this, well since now. I don't know how to start. I've been running this through my mind for the last couple of months. Yes months I've felt a shift in our relationship for months now. I don't know if you have but in my mind I've been courting you slowly these last couple of months. I haven't dated anyone haven't you notice? You pushed me into going out with Natalie this week and I really didn't want to go but I did as you asked. I swear sitting trying to talk to her and have a good time wasn't happening, it really made me think of all the other women I dated and how shallow they were. When I heard they had taken you to the hospital I made up my mind to tell you what I felt and what I wanted. I know it wasn't going to be easy and I know I've broken down some of the walls you use to protect yourself. It's been a challenge. We've been through a lot and I just was waiting for the right time to bring it up to you, CJ I've been fighting these feelings for too long and now that it's time to put our cards on the table and I'm blanking out."

I pushed him into going out with Natalie what the heck was that about. I knew he had stop dating because he felt responsible for me but no one twisted his arm and he ended up going out with her anyway oh and I was a challenge? Did he really just say that?

Was he trying to find a way to let me down easy? My voice of reason that sounded a lot like Maureen reminded me of what else he had said. That he had been courting me these last few months? He had taken extra steps in making sure I was safe and hadn't left my side through all these weeks and had been at the hospital every day and night leaving when he had too but would always be there to hold me when I needed him the most. Wow he had been broken down my walls to the point that I had come to depend on him which I was trying to stop but deep down I didn't want him to.

"I'm sorry CJ."

He looked like a lost soul I looked up at him and touched his cheek, "The great Matt Houston is speechless? Wow, why don't I give you a minute to gather your thoughts."

I giggled and he looked up at me not with his usual smile but a frown and threw up his hands.

"This isn't funny CJ. I usually have everything I want to say in my head but we've been burning both sides of the candle and well I'm not at my best right now. Not that it's an excuse and then to have everyone hanging on the words I'm about to say and being threaten by everyone if I screw this up. Images of me being hung by my privates and let out in the sun to suffer are also floating in my brain. Yeah not something I want to happen. It's like we are under a microscope and everyone has a say in what we do. I wish it was just you and me deciding what we want not anyone else. I get why they are weary. Houston, he can't do this on his own he's not ready for commitment always the bachelor never the groom. I've heard all the stories, yeah I liked to date women so shoot me. But I'm done with that. I want to see where this goes but each time I tell someone this they give me their two cents and I'm sick of it. Oh and that damn nickname came back. Cowboy Casanova I know it was Maureen that made that up it's like you and the rest of them are against me. Maybe this was a bad ideal. I deserved it I get it but damn how about giving me a chance!"

He started to walk again. I shouldn't have laughed, he was struggling and no one was being nice about this. He was right it should just be me and him making this decision but we had too many opinions.

I caught up to him and grabbed his hand.

"Houston, I'm sorry they have been giving you a hard time. They're all over protective. It's just their way you are not in the wrong here. I'll tell them to butt out when we get back. All of them including my sisters, yes they are vocal I understand but you have to see it from their point of view. They've been through the good and the bad with me when it came to you. Not sure what the men in the family have been saying but I'm sure it wasn't nice like I said I'll talk to them. Okay?

"Yeah well none of them have been nice about this. Can't they see I'm trying?"

He spit out not looking at me. I cocked my head at him and whispered his name.

"I see that you are, if you want to wait to talk I'm good with that too or do you want me to speak first?"

I would give him that choice I would tell him what was in my heart and hope that it was enough.

He looked haggard and drug his hand through his hair and started to mutter at first I caught a word here and there but it got louder and not very flattering.

"When did talking to my best friend get so complicated? It's like I don't even know how to talk to her without expecting fallout for my actions. Why didn't I have the same issues with any other women I dated, why is this so damn hard and why should I even try when everyone thinks I'm going to fail? Love shouldn't be this much work. I've never had this problem especially with Elizabeth she was so much easier to get along with and talk to and was always in agreement with me? We didn't have these issues and might have been one of the reasons I was going to marry her, it was just simpler. Like she understood me and my needs."

I felt like I had just been slapped. I gasp, I was going to be sick, he just spoke what was on his mind and let me know what he really felt.

I pulled my hand away from him. "You know what forget our talk you said enough that I don't want to be considered a complication in your life. You should have just married Elizabeth we wouldn't be here you'd be happily married to the woman of your dreams and I'd be… Happy for you. So thanks for the conversation Houston I'll see you later. I'm going home. My home not your house. This was a mistake I knew it. My mind was yelling at me to be careful but I listen to my heart instead."

He looked at me and it hit him that he had just said all of this out loud. The color drain from his face and his mouth opened and closed not sure what he could say to make this right.

I started to walk away, I needed space I would not cry in front of him I was done with this.

"Wait no CJ I wasn't thinking please tell me I didn't just say all that out loud? Please stop I didn't mean that I was…"

He grabbed my upper arm and I pulled away walking away quickly.

But stopped and turned around I was angry and I wanted an answer.

"What did you mean? Why is it so easy for you to fall in love with any other woman but me? Am I so unlovable to you? I've stood by you for so many years. I've been your friend never asking for more than I thought you were willing to give me and I was okay with it. We got older and my feelings started to change but not yours I told you I loved you 3 times and I bet you don't even remember those times. I can never forget. But no more. I really thought you wanted this Houston but if you are not willing to put the work in why should I? I want us to forget crossing that line. You felt an obligation because you felt responsible for my abduction I release you from any fault or responsibility, but I'm done. I won't go down this rabbit hole again. Let's just go back to being friends that's what you want right? You just can't find the words to let me down easy. It's okay Houston I get it. I'm not the woman of your dreams and I have to face that I never will be I'm just convenient and always there to bail you out of trouble or to pick you up when you need a boost. I get it always second best but not good enough for the great Matt Houston. So please don't pretend you want something more you don't owe me anything I just need some time. I'm going. Don't follow me I just can't be around you right now."

I started to walk away wishing he would stop me I would give him that opening but still nothing. I turned around and asked, "Give me the blanket Houston I'm going to stay back and drive home. I'll see you tomorrow at the office I'll be there for the meeting concerning Jake that's my priority now."

He let go of the blanket and he opened his mouth, "CJ no please that's not true I do remember I want…"
I shook my head, "No, I choose me I don't care what you want. I'm tired of feeling like I'm forcing you to care for me all that sleeping beauty shtick was a game to you but it meant something to me, you always make me feel foolish but not anymore."

I looked around everyone had heard our argument. I stood up tall and would walk away with my dignity.

"I'm done giving the boardwalk a show. Bye Houston."

I walked away quickly I wanted to run but wouldn't do that. I decided to stay clear my head and then go home. I didn't want to go back to the bar I couldn't face any of them. I headed towards the beach I'd sit down listen to the waves and hope he got my message and leave. I looked up and he was gone. I knew it he wasn't ready for this and I was not going to be with someone that didn't want me. But then I felt a twinge like someone was watching I turned around and looked for him was he watching me? I didn't see him he must have ran after I gave him the out he wanted. I still felt someone was watching but after the fight we just had in front of strangers it was just me being paranoid. I shook it off but the hairs in the back of my neck are still up. A sense of unease grips me I look around but nothing stands out. I started toward the lifeguard tower, the sunset should be nice today and I would watch it and think what my next move would be. I laid the blanket out and sat down. "Damn Houston why do you do this to me?" I whispered as the first tear fell.