Ramen Doodles
By Andrew J. Talon
Disclaimer: I do not and probably never will own Naruto or any other copyrighted works mentioned in this story. I am not writing this for profit.
Author's Note: When I have writer's block, I often write a lot of random snippets of ideas, omakes, and continuations of other author's ideas that kind of petered out. As I'm afflicted with a bit of writer's block regarding Key Through the Heart (again), I've decided I'm not going to leave you guys in the lurch. Therefore, enjoy some writing I've been doing over at The Fanfiction Forum.
More New Intros and Time Loop shenanigans!
Kakashi had seen a number of unusual things in his ninja career. That went without saying, considering who he was. The infamous Copy Ninja, student of the Yellow Flash, survivor of the Secret Wars.
But this was pushing things.
Uzumaki Naruto. He'd seen him before-Blonde, wearing orange, loud and annoying. The Kyuubi container. Hyper, dimwitted...
This Naruto, however, had none of the fidgeting anxiety he had expected. He sat confidently, in a black uniform with hard black boots and unusual patches on the shoulders and breast. One was round with a blue planet against a black background with a strange, upside-down V-shaped symbol with a little circle over the top, on his left shoulder. Underneath it was a patch with a Konoha leaf symbol. On the right shoulder was a similar circular patch with a number 1 in the center, a chevron underneath it. His forehead protector was wrapped around his neck.
But more than this was Naruto's whole demeanor. He was grinning like he had a secret-A secret that meant pain and mayhem for anyone foolish enough to cross him. There was a sureness to his gaze, like he could take on the world and win.
Kakashi shifted his gaze to Haruno Sakura. Again, it looked like he'd gotten the wrong records. This girl wore a light, desert-colored tunic, long leggings, and long sleeves he just knew were hiding weapons if he wasn't a ninja. More than that though was the unusual serenity in her gaze, almost otherworldly. She seemed like she could win a staring context with a mountain. Utterly focused and unflappable. Definitely not the spazzy fangirl he'd expected.
Finally, he looked over at Uchiha Sasuke. He repressed a sigh of relief-The Uchiha survivor was dressed in dark clothing, his family crest on his back and forehead protector across his brow. He was not, however, entirely dark and angsty. He kept giving Naruto and Sakura uneasy glances.
The grin on Naruto's face and slight quirk of Sakura's eyebrows indicated that these looks were not unnoticed.
"Okay... Pinky, you go first," Kakashi coughed. Sakura smiled.
"Hello, I'm Haruno Sakura. I like mathematics, physics, syrup-coated anko dumplings and umeboshi, and jazz music. I dislike traitors, mindless fangirls, spicy foods except for Thai, and the Goa'uld. My hobbies include baking, statistical analysis, playing the flute, and studying new technologies. My goal is to make the galaxy a better place for everyone..." Here she blushed, "... And be as great a scientist as Dr. Rodney McKay."
Kakashi nodded, as Naruto rolled his eyes. "Okay... Good... Next-"
Sakura's head bowed, and raised her head again. Her eyes flashed gold for a second.
"I am also Sakura, though for simplicity's sake I am known as Inner Sakura or Kiyohime," 'Sakura' said, in a slightly deeper and strangely modulated voice. "I am an additional personality inside Sakura. I too would like to introduce myself."
Kakashi blinked (or technically winked), and slowly nodded. Naruto snickered as Sasuke visibly shuddered.
"... Sure?"
"I too like mathematics, physics, umeboshi, jasmine tea and music, though I prefer JPop," Kiyohime began. She grimaced.
"Do not make fun of the entire genre, Sakura, not all of it is mindless techno."
"Don't mind that, they're always arguing," Naruto assured Kakashi. The Copy Nin betrayed none of this thoughts, he just continued staring.
"I dislike coffee, the Goa'uld, traitors, and travel by land vehicle," Kiyohime continued. "My hobbies are Sakura's hobbies, though I love swimming more than she does."
Sakura bowed her head again, and glowered.
"I like swimming just fine!"
Another shift.
"Not as much as I do."
Another shift.
"What do you mean by that?"
"Uh, Sakura, Kakashi-sensei looks freaked out enough," Naruto grinned. Kakashi glowered as Sakura huffed, and Inner Sakura retook control.
"My ultimate goal is to defeat the Goa'uld and have many children with Naruto," Inner Sakura finished with a wicked smirk. Naruto coughed. Kakashi blinked again. Dreading it, he looked over at Naruto and nodded.
"Okay... You next..."
"Hi, I'm Uzumaki Naruto," the blonde said in a cheerful tone. "I like blowing stuff up, Earth, Hinata-chan, Hina-chan, Tenten-chan, Ino-chan, Shion-chan, Sakura-chan, Shizune-chan, Mikoto-chan, Haku-chan and Tsunade-chan, flying, ramen, guns and exploring, though that's only a partial list. I dislike Goa'uld, Wraith, Ori, traitors, emos, lazy assholes such as the Nox and Tollan, the NID, Oma Dessala... Actually, nevermind. I'll send you a complete list of both later if you want."
"No thanks," Kakashi said quickly. Already he was getting a headache. Goa'uld? Tollan? Ori? What the hell was all of this? Some elaborate role playing game the two were playing?
"Anyway, my hobbies include blowing things up, shooting things, playing pranks, saving the universe, " at this Sakura rolled her eyes, "having lots of sex with beautiful women, flying, chess and gardening. Though I like fishing too... Mainly because you can do nearly everything else I just mentioned while doing it."
Kakashi slowly nodded. Right, he was going to be Chidori-ing the records guy for sure.
"And finally, my goal? Save the universe, get married, have lots of kids, become the leader of SG-1 and then the Hokage! But not for a good long while," Naruto concluded with a grin. Kakashi slowly looked over at Sasuke, hoping for some normalcy.
"Okay... You, go..."
"I'm Uchiha Sasuke... And I would really like a transfer," Sasuke mumbled, shaking and looking over at the other two with a tic in his eye. Naruto grinned and the Uchiha shuddered.
"Still reeling from seeing me and your mom, huh emo-boy?"
"DIE!" Sasuke bellowed, moving to decapitate Naruto with a kunai.
A shrill electronic noise rang out, a burst of blue energy shooting into Sasuke. Stunned, the Uchiha survivor fell back, twitching. Naruto grinned and spun a strange, cobra-shaped device around his fingers. Sakura looked affronted.
"Naruto!"
"Oh c'mon, you would have done it too..."
Inner Sakura took control and smirked wickedly.
"Damn right."
"This is going to be a fun loop," Naruto cackled. "What number are we on again?"
"Twenty-seven," Sakura said with a disapproving expression. Kakashi coughed as they both turned and looked at him.
"Well... See you tommorrow dismissed bye!"
He vanished in a poof of smoke. Sakura and Naruto grinned at each other.
"Let's just hope Dr. Jackson doesn't rush the translating," Naruto stated, standing up to cause more mayhem. Sakura stood up with him and cracked her neck.
"Indeed."
Appearing in "Stargate: Konoha", eventually.
"Geez... This is starting to give me a headache," Ino moaned, walking along with Naruto and Hinata. The whiskered blonde nodded with a sigh.
"Yeah... I've lost count of how many times we've been through."
"Five hundred, forty-three times," Hinata said with a small smile. Naruto snorted and smirked at this.
"Always keeping track, huh?"
"Well, this and sex keeps me from going insane and killing everyone within a fifty-mile radius," Hinata said cheerfully. Naruto coughed, as did Ino. The blondes looked at eachother and silently agreed to make sure Hinata never went without nookie.
"So, I was thinking, this loop, we try to find the source and put everything we have into it, after taking care of the usual checklist," Ino changed the subject. Naruto nodded and frowned thoughtfully.
"Seriously? You think we can break it?"
"In theory," Hinata replied. "I've been studying what the library has on quantum physics and temporal mechanics... Admittedly, it's not much-"
"But maybe enough to get us out of here?" Naruto asked with a grin. Ino and Hinata exchanged looks.
"Well..."
"Um..."
"Let me guess... Slim chance of succeeding, and even if it does work we're facing a good chance of dying in unspeakably horrible ways?" Naruto asked. Ino coughed again. Hinata blushed and sighed.
"Yep."
"..." Naruto shrugged. "What the hell, let's do it!"
All three ignored Iruka's furious, but distant bellow of "WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU, NARUTO?!"
The SGC messhall was located on Level 22, fully stocked nearly around the clock for the busy, top secret base. It had become one of Naruto's favorite places at his "home away from home", for several reasons.
The primary being, of course, food. While he still loved ramen, the sheer variety of foods on Earth had made his diet a lot bigger, which showed in his much improved physique.
"So, for the mission to P7U-991, I was thinking we could have Hinata go in first since they have a Chinese cultural ancestry, and the Hyuuga show a lot of similarities to them," Sakura spoke on the other side of the table, peering over her glasses as Naruto cheerfully devoured the large meal in front of him.
"Mmhm," Naruto agreed. Sakura glanced over at Sasuke, who was similarly focused on his own food, though not eating it with the same gusto or lack of manners as Naruto was.
"Sasuke, this might also be a good chance to try out the new modifications made to the Plasma Guns. You've told me several times that they've overheated more than you like...?"
"Hn," Sasuke stated, drinking deeply of his glass of soda. Sakura sighed and rolled her eyes.
"And Ino and I will be having rough lesbian sex in the Gateroom in twenty minutes."
"Right," Naruto nodded. Sasuke grunted.
"We'll be selling tickets and you two don't get any," Sakura added dully.
"Yup."
"Mmhm."
"Damnit what is with you two?" Sakura demanded, slamming her clipboard down on the table. "You're acting so weird!"
"We're just waiting," Sasuke stated. Naruto nodded, and began juggling some hard-boiled eggs. Sakura blinked.
"Waiting? Waiting for what?"
"Well, we took this loop off... Why you aren't remembering things I haven't a clue," Naruto spoke. He looked over at Sasuke who sighed.
"Teal'c and the Colonel are still not done," he said. Naruto shrugged again.
"Eh... They'll figure it out... We'll figure it out."
"Eventually."
"Yes, eventually."
"What?" Sakura demanded.
Red lights and alarms sounded.
"Unscheduled offworld activation! We have an unscheduled-!"
Everything around them seemed to suddenly change with a bright flash of light. Blinking a few times, Naruto looked around.
"So, state your name, your likes, your dislikes, hobbies, goals, that sort of thing," Kakashi said as he sat perched on the side of the roof nearby. Naruto and Sasuke sighed and turned to the now-confused looking Sakura.
"That," they said together.
"Okay... There seems to have been a minor misunderstanding here," Naruto said. He stood up. "Naruto, maximize!"
The other members of Team 7 stared in disbelief as Naruto seemed to... Explode, parts rearranging themselves into the form of a blue, orange and silver robot with whisker marks and glowing red eyes.
"I'm Naruto, a Maximal who accidentally crashed onto this planet and assumed the form of a human child to protect myself from the excess Energon in the atmosphere, and to blend in," the robot explained. "The Kyuubi was another Transformer, a giant one, possibly twisted by Unicron into doing his bidding, I don't know for sure. All I know is that his Spark is inside me and it'll stay that way."
"Naruto? Is that what you're going by now?" Sasuke snorted. He too "maximized", becoming a vaguely bat-like robot with sharp teeth. "Excellent! Now, we can contact Cybertron, and maybe get to some better forms..."
"Nightscream?!" Naruto asked in disbelief.
"Yeah! And you must be Cheetor, right? Or some other yellow, Kid Appeal robot..."
Sakura, meanwhile, had curled up into a ball and was rocking back and forth, mumbling about her "happy place", while Kakashi just sighed.
"Beloved said they'd get their memories back soon, but I did not believe her until now," he murmured, a hint of the knight-like Maximal he was behind his only visible eye.
Though Sasuke being that annoying emo bat bot back on Cybertron sure explained a lot...
Enjoy this entry.