Ramen Doodles

By Andrew J. Talon

Disclaimer: I do not and probably never will own Naruto or any other copyrighted works mentioned in this story. I am not writing this for profit.

Author's Note: When I have writer's block, I often write a lot of random snippets of ideas, omakes, and continuations of other author's ideas that kind of petered out. As I'm afflicted with a bit of writer's block regarding Key Through the Heart (again), I've decided I'm not going to leave you guys in the lurch. Therefore, enjoy some writing I've been doing over at The Fanfiction Forum.

An alternate take on the Uchiha massacre, based on the pre-Time Skip Itachi as a complex, superpowered shinobi demi-god.

Itachi could not help the derisive look on his face as he continued to move easily through his attacking kinsmen. Weak, pathetic, that's what they all were. None could stand against him. None could defeat him. They were all nothing but dust, the remnants of a once proud clan reduced to nothing.

He stalked up to his home, sword at the ready. He wanted this to be the last. His sisters would never have to suffer being bred like cattle. His brother would become the instrument of the clan's final destruction.

Yes, yes, all would end, all would end with-

"Ohhhh..."

Itachi blinked. What was that sound? He hadn't been here, he knew this... He was right outside the living room door.

"Mmmmm!"

What was that? That sounded like-?

As though on autopilot, he opened the door. His eyes widened.

"YES! YES! YESSSSSS!"

"..."

He locked eyes with his father, who was on his back with his very naked mother on top of him. Fugaku's eyes widened as well even as Mikoto rode him like a dimestore pony.

"..."

Itachi lifted his hands, eyes still wide in horror. He shoved his fingers into his ears. He turned and ran as fast as he could, but the sounds of his mother's cries continued to be heard!

"LALALALALALA! LALALALALALALA!" He sang slash screamed hysterically as he ran.

Sasuke, running home in terror at the massacre he'd come across, found Itachi running screaming. The younger brother gasped.

"Nii-san! Nii-san! What's wrong? What is it?!" Sasuke cried as his big brother ran past him. Itachi skidded to a halt. He slowly turned around, haunted eyes wide.

"You want to know... What's wrong?" He asked flatly. Sasuke gulped, but bravely nodded.

"Tsukiyomi!"

Afterwards, Sasuke's parents and the ANBU would find Sasuke in a fetal position on the ground, shivering and singing "Lalalalalala" as well.

R&R, please.